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Monday, December 11, 2017

"Friendly" Punishment

As I mentioned in a past post, I actually did have some interesting 'adventures' around the time of my birthday at the beginning of the month. I just wasn't in the right frame of mind to write about them. My mood has improved and so I will now relate a true incident that happened between me and my dear friend (and other person with punishment authority) Nickki. 

Just before my birthday I got this playful text from Nickki:

I think someone is going to be turning a year older soon. Who could that be? ME? Who knows? We'll just have to wait and see. Lolololo

I found the note to be cute and was thinking she was going to follow it up with something on my birthday itself, but I was also in a kind of odd and distant mood when I got it, and just chose to not respond to it. I just figured I'd respond when her actual birthday greeting came. Obviously, given the spirit of the note, I should have texted back something.

When I got no follow-up on my birthday, I figured maybe my non-response was taken more dismissively than I intended and I sent a note of my own. The following is a very lightly edited transcript of what ensued. I started by trying to test the waters:

Me: Hey my love.....didn't you figure out whose birthday yet? (wink emoji)

Nickki: You turkey, you didn't respond to me for two days. Jean said she sent my boyfriend birthday wishes through messenger. I told her my boyfriend ignored me.

Obviously I had underestimated Nickki's feelings on the matter. I tried to just explain my lack of response as something innocent and then added a tease about being naughty.

Me: I was waiting for the follow-up! Sorry my honey.

Well you can always tell Rosa I was naughty. (wink emoji + kiss emoji)

Nickki's response was blunt, immediate, and a bit unexpected. 

Nickki:  I will !!!!!!!!

I'll text her today

As interesting as her reaction was, I truly thought she'd reply with a teasing, "I should" not a determined "I will" with multiple exclamation points.

Me: But you never actually did send me an actual birthday greeting. (sad emoji)

Nickki: I know!!!!! And now you're going to have to wait until I get over my pain and then I'll shower you with love and affection.

Me: I see. Well what can I say?

Nickki: Text me when Rosa is done with you. I just called her and left a text.

Me: Ok

She said she "is cutting fucking pork, not pork. 'Fucking pork' for breakfast" and she will call you when she can. (tears of laughter emoji)

Nickki: Lololol  I anticipate her call.

Me: (blue heart emoji)

Nickki: No no no, don't try to love me now.

Me: Isn't that what all guilty boys try to do? (kiss emoji)

Nckki: Yes. Lololol Suckup

Me: Well now I am not sure if I love you in spite of being 'in trouble' or more BECAUSE I am in trouble? (wink emoji)

You are sexy when you get tough.(wink emoji)

Nickki: Hahaha I think more for the latter.

You made my morning, Thank u, 'KDP'. Should I reduce your number? Nah

Me: (scream emoji)

After the call, I informed Rosa on why Nickki was trying to get ahold of her and Rosa reminded me that she had told me that I should have responded to the initial text and that it was both mean and a bit stupid not to. So Rosa was firmly on Nickki's side. When they did finally communicate through a couple of texts, Rosa showed me Nickki's recommendation for me:  "Please give him 75 lashes".  Rosa however, had some thoughts of her own......especially since she had also told me to text Nickki back and I didn't. 

So Rosa told me that I would get a punishment spanking wherein both Nickki's and her own added amount would be combined into a pretty substantial punishment. Later when I was across Rosa's lap she asked me if I had anything to say and I sheepishly admitted my fault in the situation and even confessed that I felt guilty that there was indeed of some inexplicable spite in my not sending a reply.

The spanking itself was hard, lengthy and very difficult to take. Despite the teasing undertone to Nickki's texts, the end result was a pretty genuine punishment spanking. Rosa added A LOT MORE to Nickki's '75' and I was a sad, sore, sorry puppy by the time it ended! (Just like a spanked, naughty boy should be!)

I should add that in the midst of our birthday discussion, Nickki was also preparing to dress as Santa for a Christmas Party that evening and she even texted me a picture of herself in the Santa suit. She looked adorable! In fact, I kind of had the image of her smiling self in that festive outfit in my head during my punishment. It added a sense of embarrassed contrition to my mindset.

Immediately after my roasting, Rosa texted Nickki to tell her we were "all done". Rosa said Nickki replied with a "good"

Then I texted Nickki, even though I knew she was probably at her party. I was feeling really humbled, contrite, and subby and as I wrote it.

Me: Rosa told me to send you a formal apology for hurting your feelings. I am really sorry honey. I can promise you it won't happen again. (blue heart emoji)

Enjoy your party, Ms. Santa. I would offer to sit on your lap but right now I don't want to sit on anything! (sad cry emoji)

(smile emoji + kiss emoji)

Here's my adorable little punishment-giver dressed as Santa! I wish I did not have to mask Nickki's face, because the impish smile she is sporting in this shot is PRICELESS!

Nickki responded that she was indeed at her party but told us she loved us both and now with my punishment complete, finally wished me a "Happy Birthday"!

I am now interested to see what sort of teasing might come my way the next time we all get together?

[edited to add this: After I put this up, I thought more about how this affected me and when I considered that since Nickki does occasionally visit this blog, there was one more thing I felt worth adding...... feedback.  So, Nickki, if you end up seeing this, here's something I probably would have difficulty saying in person: Thank you for having the confidence to take your own hurt feelings and my admission of guilt and using the authority Rosa and I have assured you of having to address the issue as you did. Regardless of what ratio of seriousness to playfulness there was in your thinking, I hope you realize that I am very much wired to respond to such correction in a very positive way. And while there is a fun aspect to you having this kind of power, there is also a very real benefit to your using it. I for one am very glad that behind having you as a friend, I also know that you have the ability to also keep me in line. Both Rosa and I have not only great affection, but also the utmost trust in you and your judgement. As such, I believe each one of us derived something positive out of what could have just lingered as a random act of inconsideration and everyone eventually got what they deserved.......whether it was an apology  or a punishment.

I hope you continue to feel comfortable and confident knowing you never have to accept hurt feelings or questionable behavior from me without recourse. And be assured, Rosa and I BOTH enjoy having you as a dear friend.....with very unique benefits! ]

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Spanking & Humor

Besides writing, drawing, and living kinkily, I also love a good joke. Over the years I've collected many that I use on occasion. And considering my proclivities, you'd think I would also have a bunch of "spanking jokes" included in that collection. But it isn't so. I have ONE, and ONLY one.*

The sad truth is that there aren't any funny jokes out there with spankings in them and as someone who spent years drawing humorous spanking cartoons, I think I know why. Humor has to be relatable (another correctly spelled word that Spellcheck seems to have missed).  And the fact is, only a fellow spanko is going to get a joke that truly touches on the world of spanking. When I was doing spanking cartoons, I knew they would be appearing in a BDSM magazine. My target audience would hopefully relate to what the subject was and consequently appreciate the punchline. The scenario would have a ring of truth that would trigger a chuckle or grin. It was therefore much easier to write spanking humor for people who lived it than to write a spanking joke that everyone, both kinky and vanilla, would laugh at.

There are many theories over why we laugh at jokes. I cannot remember who proposed the following theory, but I personally think it is the most believable: humor is when some truth is revealed in a way that is unexpected or contrary to the way we normally hear it. This results in a form of relatable discomfort that triggers laughter. To me this makes sense. It is why I think I laugh at some things and not others.

The other reason most spanking jokes or captions are not funny is that too often the focus is on the spanking itself. That's not how humor works. Imagine if every ethnic joke ended with just some reference to the stereotype being teased? In every good ethnic stereotype joke, the stereotype is already assumed.......and the punchline is some clever twist on what people already expect.  ["Three ethnic stereotypes go into a bar and the Irishman ends up drinking the most."  Not funny, right? you already expect the Irishman is going to have some punchline related to drinking but the drinking itself is not a punchline. You want the twist. No twist = no humor.]

The same is true for spanking. Say that you have a simple image of someone bending over and you show that to a spanko. Well, if the person truly is a spanko the first thing they are going to think is that the target is bent for a spanking. So, to have the person say, "Oh, I'm all bent over. I wonder who is going to spank me?" is about as funny as if you had them say, "Oh, I have two legs. Maybe I will go for a walk?"  To be funny you have to find something else in the image. Something true, relatable, and unexpected. In this case maybe they are the only one in the picture, so you could have them say, "I feel like I've spent my whole life bent over among vanillas waiting for a sore bottom and all I ever end up with is a sore back." OK, maybe not a rip-roaring knee-slapper, but I just wrote that as I was typing as an example. The thing is, the humor is based on some uncomfortable and painful truth about having a kink in a predominantly vanilla world, rather than just focusing on being spanked.

Humor is best when it toys with and mocks our own human natures......and if we are kinky, the humor should make fun of what it's like to be kinky.

In mainstream media, because the world is essentially vanilla but likes to think of themselves as adventurous sophisticates, things like spanking are used for comic effect but rarely portrayed as anything other than a punchline. The fact that a person has the kink is humor enough for a vanilla to snicker at. But for us, it's like being Polish and listening to yet another joke about how dumb Pollacks are.

In conclusion, if you are reading this, please realize that the fate of kinky humor rests in your hands. If we don't write the jokes, no one else will. But let's challenge ourselves to be clever about it. We are our only hope.

* The following is the ONLY funny spanking joke I've ever heard. If YOU know of another PLEASE post it in the comment section!

One day Martha sees her neighbor Alice all distraught. 

"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.

"Oh, it's my son Bobby. I was just in his room and I went over to his computer and saw things on there that have just upset me so much. He's only 12 and I don't know what to do."

The older neighbor replies reassuringly, "there there, dear, at that age my boys did the same thing. It's quite natural for them to look at naked women and such."

"But that's not it. The pictures I saw were all of women in tight black leather wearing studded collars and carrying paddles and long whips!"

"Oh my!" the neighbor replies. "I'm afraid THAT is not something I ever had to deal with with my boys. I don't really know what to tell you." And after a thoughtful pause adds, " But I DEFINITELY don't think you should spank him."

Wednesday, December 6, 2017


Question for the day:  Why do people always seem to choose to provoke me at those times I have the least patience? 

From the LSF to here, from the open road to the confines of my own home.....I feel like I'm being jabbed at unnecessarily. Amicable resolutions welcome.......right up until the offer expires. Unfortunately, unlike a gallon of milk, I can't tell you precisely when that will be......but I'm already feeling a bit sour.

Tuesday, December 5, 2017


As an atheist, if I don't believe in a god,  I certainly don't believe in Astrology......but this little blurb just seemed to fit today's post so well I decided to use it.

I'm not sure what day this horoscope was meant for but boy has it fit the last few! I recently celebrated a birthday and was trying to shake myself out of some doldrums I found myself in a week or so ago. I decided, 'new month, new birthday year, new attitude'..................and it worked for like 12 hours.

I have had some very nice experiences......even a few pretty interesting adventures I would normally write about..................except I don't have the right frame of mind to do so now. There is currently a cloud hanging over me that is overshadowing anything positive with a pervasive drizzle of cold, gray rain. 

Right in the middle of some niceness, there were also a bunch of setbacks culminating in an unfortunate argument with someone close to us. It has tainted everything. I have been trying to resolve it and have managed to fix most of it, but Rosa is still adamant in her annoyance and I can't seem to get her to come around. She is not mad at me but someone close to me and I can't seem to enjoy anything I'm doing knowing this issue is unresolved.

I had jokingly told my clan that I wanted to have a Birthday Month rather than just one day, and at first it seemed like everyone was willing to play along.......but for that one brief moment of happiness, I am now having a very miserable week.

So if I seem like I've given up on the blog, I haven't. I'm just waiting for this cloud to pass.

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Cultural appropriation

Where do you stand on this trending outrage?

Me? I'm all for it. I believe the best way for people to come together is to share elements of each others' cultures. Contrary to Mr. Trump's belief that making America great is rooted in keeping people out, I see the history of our country as proof that it is the exact opposite that has led us to our strength as a nation. 

But merely allowing people in is only the first step. A newcomer and their strange ways will always be alien......until those ways are woven into the overall fabric of who we all are collectively. Contrary to current belief this does not diminish the culture. Nor is it disrespectful. (though I suppose some acts of appropriation can be, if done with insensitivity or as intentional insults.) Still, even a clumsy imitation is still an attempt to assimilate something we appreciate.

 "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery". -----Charles Caleb Colton 

As proof of my firm belief in adopting the practices of other cultures, I offer a look at our........

"Colonial" Christmas tree.

Prior to two years ago, Rosa and I had a "Zombie Christmas Tree" in our 'Green Room'.....decked out with Zombie action figures from various movies, shows, and games as ornaments. But last year we decided to do a "Colonial Christmas Tree" to match our Federal Period living room where we wished to now have our tree.

I did some research to get the details right, only to find that Colonists didn't have Christmas Trees! The Christmas Tree, as we know it, was introduced to Anglo-culture in 1840 when Queen Victoria and Prince Albert put up a Christmas Tree and an artist did an engraving of the scene. (read more)

Something new!

Prior to 1840, only families in Germany routinely used Christmas "Trees" (O Tannenbaum). Colonists used sprays of bay leaves, pomanders, and other branches, berries, and fruits as decoration. But when people saw Queen Victoria's tree, everyone wanted one of their own. And from England the fashion spread to the U.S.. 

So, while I continue to brazenly appropriate whatever I can from other cultures ( music, food, traditions, etc.) those who are staunchly opposed to "cultural  appropriation" can make their stand now........and throw out their Christmas trees!

Sunday, November 26, 2017

C 5

I have not written a story in about a year. However, about a month ago the LSF (linked in the margin) which also houses a lot of my work, ran another of their writing challenges. This time around the theme was "Revenge". As soon as I saw it, I rolled my eyes at the probable result: story after story of some slight that prompts retaliation directed at a woman's bottom.

I know that the vast audience of the LSF consists of mostly men....but a fair amount of women too, who are M/f in their leanings, often have no actual experience or outlet for their desires, and read spanking stories as a means to kinky satisfaction. Put more bluntly: guys go there to pull up a story and jerk off.

Given these conditions, my mischievous mind immediately began to ponder how I might write a story that satisfied all of the conditions of the contest in such a way as to end up as a work of some quality and yet offer no such sexual gratification and perhaps even piss off those who came looking for it. If you look at the poor showing, (I did not even place in the top 6 out of 49) and read some of the comments it garnered, you will see I succeeded.

The story is now available to read at my main website, but for convenience I have linked it here as well. It is called "C 5" (click to read) and it is essentially a M/f piece set in Victorian times. I also wrote it just around Halloween......but that is the only hint you're 
getting LOL.

I hope you choose to give it a try......unless you too are just looking for something to jerk off to. 

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Thanksgiving #2

I have about an hour before my guests arrive for Thanksgiving #2, and I just wanted to share how the table turned out:

Rosa and I are very pleased with it! And to give proper credit, the idea for the color scheme and theme was all Rosa's...... and the execution? Well, that was me. ;-) ( that's the nature of our collaborations in general!)

Here's a close-up of a single setting.

The funny thing about this is that the whole idea stemmed from our very lucky find of a full set of original Bristol china bowls, in perfect condition, for about $1.50 each! We are still very much on a budget and you would not believe how inexpensive it was to flesh out the entire setting. The only extravagance was the addition of the new scrolled metal charger plates........and even those were on sale for about half price!

And finish off the cooking and await my gang!