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Sunday, February 25, 2018

Experts?

I have nothing against “professional” Mistresses, Dominatrices (yes Spellcheck that is the correct plural form of Dominatrix), or Disciplinarians. They provide a needed service. And I realize these ladies often end up making a lot of money. But can’t that be enough? You know….do your job, get your pay, have a good life……………...but otherwise shut the fuck up! Please.

I am so sick of articles and interviews with these professionals wherein they pontificate on power and dominance and roles. Now within the D/s, DD, BDSM communities these are not just valid topics, they form the central core. But when two people come into a situation on equal footing and negotiate an agreement wherein the power elements end up drastically skewed, the psychological elements are fascinating. The very reason I blog is to share and compare experiences and thoughts on these factors. But a professional ‘scene’ has an inherently different dynamic.

For any of us who ever collected a paycheck in exchange for goods or services, it is not an alien concept to think of the person or entity cutting that check to be in a somewhat inherently ‘dominant’ position. Even huge corporations spend millions trying to seduce customers. Providers advertise, post references, and otherwise try to convince potential customers that they are the ones to come to. Pro Dommes do the same. And it makes sense. How else would you find them? Or find a good one? BUT…….as a paid service provider, they may be holding the whip…….but they are  not in charge.

Asking a  professional domme about D/s power exchange in an interview is like asking someone who produces and sells reproductions of famous paintings about what it’s like to create a masterpiece of Fine Art. A pro is there to provide needy subs with an outlet for their desires when that person is unable to find such a partner or arrangement in the real world. They may be handier with an implement, they may be experts with techniques through their constant practice…...and in these regards their opinions would indeed be valid. But unless they are talking about their own personal relationships, what can they offer about what it’s like to live a DD lifestyle? They are substitutes for the real thing…...not the real thing.

I don’t blame a pro for wanting to know what their client wants. Even a Top in a regular relationship is smart to know what their submissive partner wants out of the situation. But if your income is dependent on giving your client pretty much exactly what they want…...it’s kind of hypocritical to discuss how one maintains real behavioral control. A pro’s control is a scripted control…..even if the client insists on an unscripted experience…...they are still paying for that unscripted experience. And if the pro wants that guy to return for another session, she has to work to provide that imaginative adventure.



From some of the interviews I’ve read, a lot of these women have a very skewed view of D/s activities precisely because of their professional status. Others seem a bit deluded. (They remind me of that one particularly obnoxious clerk at the DMV who uses their bureaucratic position to intimidate their customers. Or that snooty waiter who tries to  look superior by making their diners feel stupid.) And then there are the others.  These are the ladies who.......well let’s just say that some may be very sexy…...but obviously didn’t graduate summa cum laude from an Ivy League university. 

So if you are one of those “lifestyle journalists” who like to explore provocative topics: stop interviewing professionals. Go online. Find a real couple and interview them…...and to be really accurate, do that with another five couples and compare notes. 


And if you are a Pro Domme? By all means keep doing what you’re doing…...but please refrain from speaking for me and thousands like me…….when you really haven’t the faintest idea about what D/s or DD is like when there’s no money involved.



Friday, February 23, 2018

Power, porn, & perspective

Visual thought equation for the day:


Take one guy who has been denied an orgasm for well over a month, lock up his parts and multiply by a couple of extra weeks.....

...mix in some provocative imagery......and you get:



Well that's a practical math equation I can relate to, and one I'm sure those around me not subject to the same restrictions may even find amusing. My frustration has been hovering at peak levels for a while now, inducing all sorts of thoughts. One thing that I have pondered many times is whether the "selfie" and the Internet have changed how we now perceive "porn"?

Going back to the days when the only pornography one could view came from an industry reviled for its miserable treatment of women, the argument against pornography focused on the debasement, objectification, and exploitation of women....and rightly so. How many horror stories are out there about the things that went on and still go on in that business?

And women rebelled against it and took a stand. They educated men in how negative an impact pornography had on attitudes, relationships, and actual lives.  Looking at images of naked women became bad.....or if not bad, then at least something no one would brag about. And then the cell phone camera came about.

Suddenly any person could be an instant sex object........and they could do it on their own terms and for their own reasons. And rather than being victims of someone else's exploitation, people could celebrate their own sexuality. It was pretty empowering. 

I was thinking about that today as I viewed some amateur selfies. And given my situation, I found that there was something about viewing these self-created images that affected me more profoundly than the slickest photo of the most beautiful model, put out by the most technically-savvy studio. These were regular women of all ages, shapes, and situations who all chose to proudly, sexily, and even humorously use their own bodies to make their own statements. And perhaps, if I was free to use these images as fodder for gratification rather than frustration, I might feel like there was an understood, yet anonymous pact of mutual satisfaction between subject and viewer. But instead, I feel like the "sexy selfie" has turned the tables on us.....and maybe me, and other chaste/denied guys like me, even more so. Instead of being victims, these women are confident and in control. They know the allure that their bodies possess and they are having fun using that for their own motives rather than as way  to barely survive as others grow rich.

So I wonder: is there anything objectionable to viewing erotic images that are made and sent out by the 'models' themselves? As a locked male, these images certainly seem to have a more torturous effect on me as a viewer than for the subjects in the images!

Here is a sampling of some random selfies I came across that appealed to me for different reasons:

This woman just exudes confidence and strength. 

A little blurry......but adorable.

Proving that 'sexy' is not reserved merely for the young.

Although you can be young, and even silly, and still be a little temptress.

Here's a look that says, "who needs a fancy studio and some sleazy photographer with a beer belly and a ponytail when all I need is my cell phone, a bathroom mirror, and my own cute self?"

As I'm sure this agile vixen agrees.

And speaking of agility!

"Oh so you think only  skinny 18 year-olds making 'duck lips' do selfies?"

Well OK so maybe they aren't the only ones, but they do make up a lot of what you see. Now if someone just went the extra mile and made "duck lips" expressions with BOTH sets of lips!




Thursday, February 22, 2018

Warm Day

Yesterday the temperature hit the 70's here in NJ, and Rosa, in need of some Winter respite, took the day off from work. Rather than revisit old haunts, we decided to explore some new territory and embarked on a trek to NJ's Turkey Swamp State Park. We had a nice and fairly long hike on a trail before having lunch.

While at the park, I picked up brochures for neighboring attractions and since we still had some time suggested we try one called Deep Cut Gardens. I took this shot while there:



Naturally, being February, nothing was in bloom, nor were the ponds in operation, so we vowed to return in the Spring. One fun spot was their greenhouse which contained all sorts of tropicals and succulents. Rosa and I LOVE succulents and have a fairly nice collection of our own, but I saw one there that was not labeled that I MUST HAVE!

Today I will will be researching this plant to see what it is called and where I might get one. (edited to add: found it!  Epiphyllum anguliger (Fishbone Cactus)

The only downside of the entire day was that all this hiking and running around knocked me out and while we had planned on some private fun later on......while our spirits were willing, I just didn't have the energy. I always tend to beat myself up mentally when I miss such an opportunity, but I am trying to focus on the positives and just look forward to our next chance to play.

One other thing that happened as a result of the unseasonable weather yesterday was Rosa's mania to open windows to let the fresh air in. While we DO have screens, I couldn't help but think of this cartoon of mine and to end with a more lifestyle-oriented thought, I offer it here:








Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Finished Arbalest

It's done! (OK, well maybe it needs a little touch-up on one spot and two brass guide brads tapped in, but you wouldn't see them in a photo like this even if they were there, so.....) It's done! 

I fired it with the 'play' bolts and it works nicely.....as a toy/replica. But it was never my intention to make it functional in accordance with the power levels normally associated with a medieval crossbow............because we'd never be able to fire it in my backyard for the RenFaire. So here it is....ready for wall-hanging and the occasional "light play":

The white inserts are really just bits of sheet plastic tapped into the recesses with brass brads.....BUT I used a sharp Exacto blade to score them and then rubbed 'dirt' into the grooves so that when you look at them, they appear to be bone/ivory.


Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Caption Challenge Pt. 2

So, it seems a few of my intrepid readers, undaunted by the sarcasm of my post, went ahead and offered some captions that turned out to be pretty clever. Initially I was just going to offer captions written totally in the annoying style of what I routinely see on Tumblrs throughout the internet, but now I feel like I should get in on the fun and offer some of my own kind of captions as well. So what I did was use a cheap&cheesy captioning program to turn these iconic images into something quite different. 

Since I really wanted to have some fun mimicking the types of captions I always see,  I'm offering captions that hopefully have that desperate aroma of "I'm-so-obsessed-with-spanking-that-my-mind-sees-everything-as-a-vehicle-for-my-fantasies" with just a hint of "KDPierre"-flavored sarcasm. Below each image are the offerings from my creative readers. Enjoy!



Dan: "Victory! Victory! Pat said she would spank me to clear the air on that whole Watergate thing. Now it will all just be water under the bridge."

Merry: "No more spankings for me!"

DownunderDon: "tricky dicky, a man very much in need of a very good spanking"


Dan: "I look so uncomfortable sitting on this slab of stone, because four score and seven swats ago . . ."
Merry: "Get up on my lap already!"



Dan: "I sooooo should fucking spank him for moving us to Oklahoma."

Merry: "He is getting such a beating when he gets home!"


Dan: "I'm rethinking this whole non-violence things. What these Crackers need is wives with paddles."

Merry:  "I have a dream that ALL men are deserving of spankings!"



Dan:  "You know nuns make the best disciplinarians."

Merry: "Eat every bit of your dinner, or I shall spank you!"




Dan:  "We are not punished for our anger. We are punished by our anger." 

Merry: "See how I’m smiling? It’s because my ass is red."



Merry: ONE CHERUB TO THE OTHER: See what happened to Him? We better behave!

Monday, February 19, 2018

Back to abnormal

Well, it took a while. And it took a LOT of soul-baring communication along with genuine efforts on both of our parts, but.......my "strict Honey" seems to be officially back.

While posts here have shared quite a few experiences between Rosa and myself over the last few months that revolved around both fun spanking and real punishment, the fact is the 'real aspect' was not what it used to be. Going back a few years, Rosa would have the casual confidence to react to any significant misbehavior with an announcement to me, sometimes even with others around, that she had had enough and to please accompany her to our bedroom.

She would take me by the wrist and lead  me there as with blushing face, I tried to backpedal my way out of what was coming. Then she'd give me a serious, "I mean business" spanking and things would go back to normal. Then the "Big Stress" hit and for a couple of years we struggled with the 'read DD' aspect of our relationship. A little over a year go the stress diminished to a point where we definitely got closer to where we used to be......but never quite fully there. 

In fact, it seemed Rosa welcomed Ana's input, who while she also experienced the "Great Stress," seemed more willing to dole out Discipline Slips than her Mom was able to impose her own true punishments. Rosa seemed to appreciate being able to rely on these slips to give me the punishments I needed and deserved without having to make those actual decisions herself.

Recently Rosa and I talked a lot about getting back to the way things were and shared what obstacles needed to be dealt with. To our credit, we addressed these things and yesterday, Rosa got genuinely frustrated watching me repeatedly shake the water off of my hands onto her recently-cleaned floor as I was cooking. She even warned me  and I was so immersed in what I was doing, that I unconsciously kept doing it every time I rinsed my hands. Finally she had had enough.

At one point she told me to put on one of my panties and to get my butt in the kitchen and start cleaning the floor with a hand sponge. She wasn't kidding. Even when I whined about the hard tile floor on my knees, she replied saying, "this is part of your punishment. Just finish what you're doing." She lectured me as a cleaned and made me repeat her dictated promises to not do this anymore. (I HATE THAT)

Later, it was off to the room. The panties came off. The heavy punishment paddle came out, and over her lap I went. I don't know how many I got....it wasn't a long spanking, but every one was HARD! It did not take long for me to feel true regret for my carelessness. And then? It was all over. 


What a wave of admiration I felt towards my Honey then! (And I told her so!) She seemed pleased that she had finally broken past the barriers that had stifled her previously and when I asked if my "Strict Honey" was 'back', replied that she was indeed. Getting her annoyance out like she used to also put her in a very good mood and later in the evening we even 'played' a bit......even though I am still O-less (it's been just over a month now) and after her long torturously delicious teasing, am locked yet again.

So I'm a contrite but content, subby-boy this morning........locked in front and tender in the rear!

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Caption CHALLENGE Pt.1

Everyone here knows how much I hate seeing spanking captions on images utterly devoid of any spanking context. Here's one I found in like 30 seconds of looking:


Words fail me.

It occurred to me that the relentless, single-minded determination of a person with a spanking interest to be able to inject a spanking-related caption on the most innocent of images is almost admirable. Almost. It's like the tenacity of a tick. You don't really admire a tick, but you have to give them credit for never letting go. And it seems that given just about ANY subject, a spanko will find some way to make a "please spank me!"/"I'm gonna spank you!"-type comment to fit it.

And then I thought that there are so many of these images out there and so many people writing captions like this that perhaps what they need is a REAL CHALLENGE. I mean, how hard is it to have a picture of a seated young lady and turn her into a crazed disciplinarian? Or to show someone slightly bent over and not have them appear to want to be spanked? No, these are too easy. And these folks have had so much practice by now that it's time to crank things up a bit.

So, I hereby launch the "COMPULSIVE CAPTIONING CONTEST" for obsessed spankos! Below are some images that I have found just BEGGING for a good SPANKING CAPTION. So, if you are a lover of captions and feel ready to take your skills to the next level, feel free to embellish these offerings with your best thoughts:















After waiting to see what I get from my readers, I will post the results.....along with my own contributions. Good luck to all contestants......but given your past vehemence,as evidenced by what I see regularly on Tumblr and elsewhere, I doubt you'll have any trouble at all!