I am so sick of articles and interviews with these professionals wherein they pontificate on power and dominance and roles. Now within the D/s, DD, BDSM communities these are not just valid topics, they form the central core. But when two people come into a situation on equal footing and negotiate an agreement wherein the power elements end up drastically skewed, the psychological elements are fascinating. The very reason I blog is to share and compare experiences and thoughts on these factors. But a professional ‘scene’ has an inherently different dynamic.
For any of us who ever collected a paycheck in exchange for goods or services, it is not an alien concept to think of the person or entity cutting that check to be in a somewhat inherently ‘dominant’ position. Even huge corporations spend millions trying to seduce customers. Providers advertise, post references, and otherwise try to convince potential customers that they are the ones to come to. Pro Dommes do the same. And it makes sense. How else would you find them? Or find a good one? BUT…….as a paid service provider, they may be holding the whip…….but they are not in charge.
Asking a professional domme about D/s power exchange in an interview is like asking someone who produces and sells reproductions of famous paintings about what it’s like to create a masterpiece of Fine Art. A pro is there to provide needy subs with an outlet for their desires when that person is unable to find such a partner or arrangement in the real world. They may be handier with an implement, they may be experts with techniques through their constant practice…...and in these regards their opinions would indeed be valid. But unless they are talking about their own personal relationships, what can they offer about what it’s like to live a DD lifestyle? They are substitutes for the real thing…...not the real thing.
I don’t blame a pro for wanting to know what their client wants. Even a Top in a regular relationship is smart to know what their submissive partner wants out of the situation. But if your income is dependent on giving your client pretty much exactly what they want…...it’s kind of hypocritical to discuss how one maintains real behavioral control. A pro’s control is a scripted control…..even if the client insists on an unscripted experience…...they are still paying for that unscripted experience. And if the pro wants that guy to return for another session, she has to work to provide that imaginative adventure.
From some of the interviews I’ve read, a lot of these women have a very skewed view of D/s activities precisely because of their professional status. Others seem a bit deluded. (They remind me of that one particularly obnoxious clerk at the DMV who uses their bureaucratic position to intimidate their customers. Or that snooty waiter who tries to look superior by making their diners feel stupid.) And then there are the others. These are the ladies who.......well let’s just say that some may be very sexy…...but obviously didn’t graduate summa cum laude from an Ivy League university.
So if you are one of those “lifestyle journalists” who like to explore provocative topics: stop interviewing professionals. Go online. Find a real couple and interview them…...and to be really accurate, do that with another five couples and compare notes.
And if you are a Pro Domme? By all means keep doing what you’re doing…...but please refrain from speaking for me and thousands like me…….when you really haven’t the faintest idea about what D/s or DD is like when there’s no money involved.