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Friday, January 17, 2020

Urine for a treat

Yesterday we talked mostly about the basics regarding pee. Today we will conclude with more of the psychological and the 'fun' aspects.

Artsy shots always make everything look so easy! LOL

The first time I engaged in this activity was almost 20 years ago with someone I was quite smitten with….and no, it was not my ex-wife. At the time, we started by merely discussing my interest in doing it. She was adventurous and curious and so, the next thing I knew she was watching me as I held…..a bit nervously….a cup she had just filled for me. It was a big moment for us both. A first for us both. I remember it took a moment of determination to actually drink the offering I had just asked for. I was nervous. What if I hated it and gagged or made some face that made her feel bad?

But then I just did it and what I recall as equally as the unique taste and rush of submissive ecstasy was how she made one of those reverse sighs where you suck in air and how, as she leaned in a doorway watching me,  her body slunk with a slight fleeting weakening of her knees. She was about two yards away from me and yet her experience just watching me was intense enough to cause that reaction.

This image captures a little of what I experienced.....even if the mechanics are different.

Neither of the other two people I’ve done this with reacted quite that dramatically, but they DID react in their own ways. I think it’s hard to not indulge in that ‘first time’ moment without a palpable feeling of a power exchange that seems both dramatic and irreversible. (Once you drink someone’s pee, you can’t UN-drink it.) And that is something of the attraction. It is a very simple activity in the mechanics of it all. On the surface it is simplicity itself…..far less involved than spanking, or oral service, or just about anything other than getting off on commands alone, and yet it is extremely powerful in its symbolism. And that presents an overwhelming opportunity: a simple act with extreme psychological impact.

Be careful! Once you convince a Top to play pee games with you, you might end up drowning in it!

Another aspect is the sense of bonding, especially in a D/s power-imbalance sort of way. As the sub, you are literally taking in the essence of your Top, but not in any ennobling way. This is after all their pee you are drinking. It’s not like a vampire drinking blood. Yet, after you drink, it is something of your Top that is physically inside you. Regardless of whether one views it as a duty or a treat, there is no getting around that.

There is a duality to it. Because it’s pee, there’s a degradation to drinking it, but because it’s your TOP’S PEE, there’s an elevation to it as well. If you are deep in thrall, like Keats’ knight, the cup is a chalice and the liquid ambrosia. But, to the dominant delight of that Top, you both know it’s not….so it’s an obvious kick for you to treat it that way. And maybe that’s why the actual flavor is a benefit of sorts. If pee tasted like a fine oak-aged Chardonnay, what power would there be in consuming it?

Now that we’ve discussed the basics, and the psychology, let’s have some fun. Once you decide to go down this yellow (not quite brick) road, what are some interesting routes to explore? Well, since the WHAT has been established, obviously the next variable is choosing HOW. Are you going to drink from a container….or go right up to the fountain? 

I’ve done both and while in one’s head the direct method seems most intense….and it can be… is fraught with several drawbacks you might not anticipate. But since I have been there, let me clue you in. Having your Top pee into your mouth involves getting into a position where you can be beneath her (pesky gravity) and if you are tall and a bit older and stiff like me, that’s not so easy...unless you have plenty of space….and a bathtub is not roomy. You don’t want to be too far away and you want to be able to swallow without choking. There’s also flow to consider. Even if you get the mechanics right, once your Top starts you might not be able to keep up….unless you are a champion chugger. And if she has to stop flow, it can throw off her re-starting. We had a cue to communicate me needing a pause: if I was unable to keep up I’d tap her thigh, and it worked, but also took away some of the Toppy edge.

People also underestimate the things they come to rely upon for everyday activities. (Like most people don’t realize how much they depend on looking down when descending stairs…...until they are carrying something where they can’t see their feet.) You’d be surprised at how much the sound of pee hitting water or the ground tells you about how you’re doing. Without some audible feedback, knowing you’re going or how much is coming can be harder to know than you might think…..especially if a little nervous or in an awkward position… squatting over your boyfriend in a shower. So going into a quiet mouth takes some cooperation, flexibility, and some practice. Getting the aim right or the sensation of a mouth on your privates are all things the average woman might find confusing. For aim, funnels can help, but there is still the issue of flow. I was able to stop the flow for periods but had to be aware of how fast the funnel was filling so that it didn't spill over.

The funnel we used was twice this size.

Rosa and I got around some of this by using some help: a queening chair and a larger funnel, or a commercially available portable peeing device called the Go Girl and a short tube.

I have currently been having a devilish desire to take this little item on one of our hikes. Privacy might still be an issue though.

Even then flow was still a challenge, but I have to admit, the most memorable session that leaned heavily towards the humiliation end of the spectrum was when we used the chair and funnel together. It was very hard to be in that position, looking up through what is…..regardless of material and style….. essentially a toilet seat ring and feel in any way elevated.

When Rosa sat down on it and I got the funnel in place, I felt far less like a sub being given a treat from his Mistress and more like a human toilet…...which in that case I kind of was. I would not want to experience that feeling ALL of the time, but it was something memorable that I’m very glad we did a few times. And let me  just say, while I love seeing my Honey’s butt descend upon me, seeing her lower herself on the seat, slowly obscuring the light from above, knowing that instead of being offered a chance to kiss her bottom that I’d soon be struggling to quickly swallow her pee, was intense.

The view that says it all!

In the case of my other two Tops, a container was always used and after a while of trying and finding the direct method more trouble than it was worth, Rosa and I settled for the container method too. And that can be a lot of fun as well and opens up possibilities the direct method can’t provide.

The advantages, besides the ease a Top has in merely filling a container, include:the ability to regard the offered beverage visually, the ability to make easier eye contact when drinking, pace now becomes the whim of a Top’s will rather than the rate she comfortably pees at, and being in a container means your kink is now portable in addition to potable. You can take your kink out on the road!

......or track?

What you put it in also can add a spin or edge. Drink it from a fancy goblet and you’ve imbued the liquid with an air of finery. It’s no longer just pee, it’s a fine nectar distilled for you personally by your own, private goddess. But drink it from a beaker, and it becomes a specimen of unenhanced urine. Take it a step further and put it in a pet bowl? Well, it’s not something we’ve done, but it’s popular imagery around the internet. It’s kind of interesting to see how the same liquid takes on such different connotation based solely on what it’s swishing around in.

One particular ‘container’ I was handed was a bit different than all of the ones mentioned. The first Top who did this with me was always amused at taking our pee play out in public. One time we were in a Wendy’s in a local mall and midway through lunch, she excused herself to go to the bathroom…... taking her ice-filled but otherwise empty soda cup with her. When she got back with a big grin, she handed me a very full cup, looking so innocent with its no-spill cap and straw, and that little red-haired girl in braided pigtails on the side smiling at me. She then had me drink it through the rest of the meal and as we walked around the mall. And while the ice diluted the pee, it also chilled it to a very challenging and unpleasant degree, making it very bitter and enhancing the ammonia after-aroma. Like I mentioned before, for some reason the colder the pee the worse it tastes. She got a real kick out of seeming like such a normal couple strolling around in public while knowing what was actually going on.

Imagine this with a straw and ice-cold pee inside! Ironic that the cup is yellow.

Other things I have done were freezing a top’s pee in a novelty ice tray and then having a cube each day as a special little reminder of her. Another was using that same Top’s pee as a substitute for hot water in making my morning instant oatmeal. THAT was very interesting! Other times pee has been left for me to enjoy while doing an O-less session of self-teasing and even as the conclusion to an o-less tease. Leaving pee for me to consume later in their absence is something all three ladies have done because it’s an ideal way for them to be there when they weren’t there. And what a way to BE there!

So that concludes my exploration of kinky pee-play. For those who made it through the whole thing: congratulations! You've earned yourself a drink.......what ends up in your glass though is up to you and your dominant partner! LOL

Thursday, January 16, 2020

P is for Practical

I realize that BDSM ‘watersports’ specifically ‘pee-play’ has limited appeal. I suppose there are a few of us who do it, others who don’t mind thinking or hearing about it, but wouldn’t engage in it, and a majority who just say…..”YUCK!” And even within  the realm of pee-enthusiasts, there is also a line between the “golden shower” folks, and the more extreme “golden cocktail” folks, again with the latter being the activity of lesser appeal. So with all of that said, dear readers, this is your friendly disclaimer: THE FOLLOWING POST WILL DEAL PRETTY THOROUGHLY WITH THE SUBMISSIVE ACT OF DRINKING A DOMINANT’S PEE.  Proceed at your own discretion or interest.

I can be a pretty intense submissive. I will not only submit to spankings both playful and disciplinary, but like to explore many other things too. I’ve been pegged, plugged, and even fisted anally. I’ve experimented with urethral ‘sounds’. I’ve been bound, waxed, clipped, rubbed with ointments that burn, given enemas of various kinds, been exposed naked outdoors and to others, dressed in costumes, locked in chastity devices, worn spiked tubes on my penis and been teased, been teased and denied orgasm, experienced ruined orgasms, have been subjected to uncomfortable surfaces to sit on, made to feel cold, been tortured in various ways with ice, been shot in sensitive places with rubber bands and even airsoft pellets, and probably have done some other things I’ve forgotten.  And, yes, I have consumed other people’s pee.

Though not hers.

This is not to say that I have engaged in this activity with just anyone. I may be willing to be spanked by just about anyone I trust and who wants to do it, but I don’t seek just any Top’s pee. In fact, in my entire life’s experience as a sub male, I’ve only done it with three people……..and each were very special. And for me that’s the key. It’s a very intense bonding experience for me and consequently not something to be engaged in casually, although it can be engaged in with a sense of fun and mischief as well as deep devotion. There are lots of folks I’ve loved over the years, but like I said, only three who I have been willing to do this with for real. (There was someone online I ‘played with’ for a while who used to discuss doing this with me as well, but it never happened even though we did meet once in person and played briefly.) The interesting thing is, although my partners in this have been limited it was never a ‘one-time thing’ with any of them, but instead became a regular, though sometimes infrequent activity.

Unfortunate cropping, but what a look!

One of these select three is obviously Rosa. Anyone familiar with this blog must have read a post or two over the years where this topic was mentioned. I still can't believe the ease with which Rosa agreed to play this way. She obviously understood the power of it, but there was no hesitation in her at all. 

Rosa's morning pee in her 'special' glass. Note the amber tone. Later in the day her pee is much lighter as she's an avid water-drinker.

The other two are people I felt very, very close to. In all three cases this act served as much more than just an indulgence of a bizarre kink. And that’s what I would like to discuss in more depth: the ‘why’ of it. And for those who are curious but have never had the urge to try this, I will also talk about the physical and practical aspects (hence today's title). And that may well be the best place to start.

The pee basics:

The first reaction to pee-drinking (after “yuck!) is usually: “THAT CAN’T BE SAFE!” And there is some truth to that. But it’s a relative truth. Drinking the pee of some STD-ridden stranger with a UTI and addiction to meth is probably as safe as a ride down a slide of razors into a vat of dirty, broken glass. But then I don’t think kissing would be ‘safe’ either if the person you’re swapping spit with is carrying something nasty. You’ll also read medical advice that by drinking pee, you are unwisely re-ingesting that which the body chose to excrete. And well, yeah, you are. Urine is about 95% water plus tiny amounts of urea ( a non-toxic molecule of ammonia and carbon dioxide), chloride, sodium, potassium, creatinine and other dissolved ions, and inorganic and organic compounds. But it’s nothing poisonous and nothing in dangerous concentration. (For more on "conventional wisdom" check this LINK )

If they can have "pie charts" why not "pee charts"?

But 'conventional wisdom' aside, to be colloquial and anecdotal, let’s just say that while I have admittedly been as selective as a wine connoisseur at dinner in my pee choices, I have been doing this for decades and never once gotten sick. Never.  And to press that point, let me add that one time, as part of a challenge, I once agreed to drink a Top’s pee every time she ‘went’ for about a 24 hour period. In that time I calculated with a fair degree of accuracy that by the time the challenge ended, I had consumed a gallon and a pint of this lovely lady’s urine. And…….I was fine. Another time, I had a full glass of Rosa's pee every morning for a week......and again...STILL fine. One must be honest about safety if they are an admitted kinkster, because while a reasonable person would not want to risk serious injury, there could well be ‘medical advice’ warning that repeatedly getting hit is not good for your body either…...and that wouldn’t stop us spankos.

A Tale of Two Fountains

So, you might now be thinking:  OK, maybe it can be safe if done with the right person, but….what does it taste like? It can’t be good, can it?  And that is an interesting question, and not one with a simple answer. The fact is, pee, while chemically similar in humans, can be very different from person to person, and even different for the same person depending on diet, degree of hydration, and probably some other factors, though I can't say I've ever noticed a drastic flavor differential among those select three I've engaged with. Taste is somewhat relative too. I also don’t think there’s ever been an extensive study on this, so if you have no experience of your own, you’ll have to once again rely on mine, or accounts elsewhere.

Definitely funny, and not too far from the truth. I will say this chart only relates to color and hydration....NOT a comparison of flavor. 
No pee I've ever had ever had the broader appeal of a good beer.

I would say that average, midday pee from a healthy, clean person who stays reasonably hydrated tastes something like a light, salty/musky broth with a very slight bitterness and followed by what is not so much an aftertaste but rather more of an after-aroma of ammonia. But I’ve noticed that the ammonia-smell is minimal and fleeting and only occurs after some quantity is consumed. I’ve never noticed it after just a sip or two. However, from that basic description, there are other flavor variables, some physical, some psychological:

1: Like with most things we want but only get on occasion, despite whatever flavor drawbacks pee may objectively have (and let’s face it, if pee was universally and undeniably delicious, it would be consumed all of the time since it’s free and easy to get.) when I am clearly “in the mood” those first sips especially, seem…...wonderful and even tasty.

2: It’s definitely better warm.  And not only is it better warm, but it gets progressively less ‘tasty’ the colder it gets. If intentionally chilled to be downright cold….as challenge or whatever…’s almost horrible. Don’t ask me why, it just is. I have even resorted to reheating it in a microwave at those times when it’s gone cold from being left out for me to have later.

3: Concentration is THE most influential factor I have noticed. And if you actually want to experience the full impact of doing this, you might feel disappointed with super-hydrated pee. I know I do. It's practically clear and tasteless and hence a bit ....shall we say, 'pointless'? Morning pee definitely has the most intense flavor. I believe this is simply due to the fact that overnight one is not continually hydrating and therefore the morning pee is darker in color, and more concentrated. This is not to say the intensity makes it bad. In fact, to be honest, if I am just going to be ‘treated’ to just one glass, I prefer it to be one in the morning. [Though there IS a downside to morning pee: if you drink pee in the morning before eating, it WILL act as a laxative. I noticed this on my own a while back and then got curious and decided to research it….and….it’s true. It’s not just me on this one. So, if you want the benefits of a little morning ‘encouragement,’ go for it, but if you’d prefer to minimize or eliminate this side effect, just eat first. Again, not sure why, but it’s like magic. Drink pee on a full stomach: no effect, drink it on an empty stomach and anticipate a run to the bathroom a bit later.]

4: There’s a cut-off range between wanting more and dreading more, so quantity is definitely another factor. If in the mood, I may well look forward to another glassful after the first is gone, and I may even look forward to a third. But somewhere during that third and heaven-forbid  a fourth…..drinking becomes an obligation rather than a treat. Just as with any treat, too much of anything can diminish its appeal.

Namio Harukawa has created many pee-oriented images besides his signature face-sitting stuff.

And that last revelation leads us to where we might now delve into the psychological aspects, because if you take that fourth statement seriously, you can’t help but think, “OK, so even the guy who wants to drink pee, admits he hates it after a while, so why the hell is he doing it at all?” Well, there are a lot of reasons. And we will get into them tomorrow.

So, like this guy on the floor, you'll just have to wait. LOL

Wednesday, January 15, 2020


It's the dawn of a new winter's day and things seem to be warming.....inside the house at least.

A winter landscape by artist, Mortimer Smith.

NO! Not THAT Mortimer Smith!

Last night Rosa and I had another very long talk. It wasn't all rainbows and lollipops, but there was progress made I believe on both sides. Rosa is one of those people who in the middle of an argument, leads you think you're not getting anywhere, but then behaves differently the next day so as to convey that the more unpalatable messages were indeed heard. And that's what happened. Rosa has been texting me today in a more lighthearted way.....which is kind of what happens if all goes well.

To be honest, concessions were made on both sides, and I too have re-examined some feelings to see if perhaps I was also overreacting (me? overreact?) So.....we'll see. I am not the type to expect everything to go well, because life has taught me that it just doesn't happen. Nor do I have the emotional energy to try to live contentedly in gloom. It's too draining. So I'm taking a more hopeful but realistic view: cautious optimism.

I saw this and just had to post it because it was too perfect for more than one reason.

The image above is a great lead-in to the topic I was working on prior to the "Sunday Night Showdown & Shutdown". While it may not be everyone's cup of the upcoming days I will be discussing cups of pee, in all of their golden glory. Now, I'm not looking to convince anyone to take up the practice. It's either something you are attracted to, or it's not.....more likely not. But I do think some who might never wish to do it or understand why others do, may find the topic interesting academically. And for those who are into it? Well, be prepared to be showered with information and imagery! Like other topics dealt with here, readers may feel like they are drowning in too much information LOL....but hopefully with enough humor, irreverence, and titillation to hold everyone's attention like an overly-hydrated driver looking for a rest stop has to hold their water.

Monday, January 13, 2020

False hope happened again. Once more, just as things seemed to be looking up and seeming promising on multiple fronts, every flicker just went out in one gust. For several days Rosa and I had one good experience after another all building towards a seemingly  mutual desire to "get back to normal/ get back to having fun". We went places, joked with friends, opened up about a multitude of things, and just when it seemed like we were well on our way, she saw some little thing in the kitchen that triggered an anxiety attack......which triggered a moody withdrawal......which prompted me asking what her telling me about these little things that upset her, things that were there the day before and the day before that and which at that time DIDN'T trigger her anxiety, little things in the midst of a solid chunk of major stuff that got done. 

So we argued and I tried to explain how what she was doing was affecting me and the rest of us in the house. I explained that it's OK to have pet peeves that annoy us, but that the response needs to be PROPORTIONAL. In fact, she used an example of a reverse situation that I was actually able to use, gently, to show how what I was saying to her now, was very nearly exact to how she tries to point out when MY responses to things aren't proportional.

I think I got through, but the damage was done, and the evening shot dead.

On another note, I texted Nickki Friday with an invitation to visit the blog and left it at that. She said that she would do so soon, but it's Monday and I haven't seen a comment or gotten a I'm considering that the "offer" is probably dead as well. Ana has also repeatedly promised to visit .....especially those posts that concerned her.....and that hasn't happened either.

So a lot of the positive momentum I felt a day ago has hit a dark wall.  I have also visited Dan's blog and been struck by how many people don't seem to have the issues I have. Things seem to work out better for people who sometimes sound like they don't even accomplish what I do. (At the peak of my frustration in my argument with Rosa, I lost my temper and railed, "nothing seems like it's enough. I need to know, WHO ARE YOU BASING your disapproval on? WHO is this paragon of productivity and perfection that I should aspire to be like? I want to know who he is. I want to meet him!" )

Other DD couples seem to have way more things that lead to resolution and connection, but Rosa doesn't address the flaw in a teasing way and let it lead to a correction, instead she just completely withdraws as if the small flaw she found was as serious as me cheating on her or blowing the mortgage money on a horse race. I told her it's like walking through a minefield that doesn't end. Yeah, if careful you might make it past a bunch of mines with no problem, but if you go on long enough, odds are pretty good that you are going to step on one. And it doesn't matter much if you deftly navigated 20 mines......if you step on #21.

Friday, January 10, 2020

A naughty idea (and offer)

So in my last post I ended by saying that  my mind has already concocted a scenario that not only satisfies the dual criteria I’ve been discussing but is also somewhat grounded in the potential for realization. However, while I have yet said or done anything to bring this scenario to light, the thought has crossed my mind…..more than once. So given that I coincidentally spoke with Nickki yesterday about a lot of things, (including her own recent desire to get back on track with me and a particular punishment that is still owed)............... what I might do is post this idea and then drop a subtle hint for her to consider stopping by the  blog for a current look-around…...and leave it at that. If she does, she’ll see what I’m about to post, and if not…..well then, it’s an opportunity missed. This will be like my "dropping the letter in a mailbox" part of the equation. Once I post and text backing out, and the rest is in her court.

So, to all my readers: here’s a little scenario to enjoy.........
.......... and Nickki, if YOU are reading this consider it an offer of sorts. LOL I’ve not told Rosa anything about the blog post, so if you like the idea, it will be up to you to bring it to life. Knowing Rosa as we both do, I doubt it would be difficult, so just as we spoke about “green lights” in our conversation, consider this a flashing one! What you do about it is your decision. For all I know you may hate the idea....but the offer stands.

The More-Than-You-Bargained-For Birthday Spanking

Since I’ve just had one of those “even decade’ birthdays (60! I'm getting old....or am old, depending on one's view) and since I do have a  certain, select couple of friends who are not completely averse to whacking my butt every now and then, I feel like it would be an interesting 'dare/challenge/offer' to suggest that I would be willing to ‘put myself out there’ for a situation in which I might be subjected to a series of “birthday spanks” from Rosa, Nickki, and Jean… sequence.  

I could not find any shots that really captured the four of us but this gives an idea. You have to love that he's in an apron!

One of the things I think would be ‘fun’ would be to not merely honor the “one whack for every year….plus one for good measure” rule for each participant, BUT add the twist of permitting anyone who wants to engage in this game to NOT be limited to only one turn! Meaning each spanking from whoever wants to do one would indeed be 61 smacks, but nothing would prevent anyone from having more than one turn. In fact the number of turns they took would be totally up to them. So while the upside for me would obviously be getting birthday whacks from my dearest ladies, the 'be careful what you wish for part' would be that instead of a nice, manageable total of 183 spanks for the day, I would be subject to however many rounds and spanks the ladies want to give and my bottom could handle.....essentially the difference between ending up with a pink stingy bottom or a sore, red, and throbbing bottom.........sitting on a tingly bottom or not being able to sit at all!

I know, I know, this is a lovely young lady and not an aging old man like me.....but I loved the way her expression conveys what I'm talking about.

I could envision a situation where the first round would formally start things off but that there might be a nice snack-break in-between. Perhaps with me even serving the ladies who just spanked me with snacks and drinks of whatever nature desired. And then after a bit, another round would be announced.

 Depending on how long the night went on, I could presumably be called up for several rounds, culminating in a ‘round for the road’ before leaving. I could also imagine a round where the ladies might want to experiment a bit and perhaps do team-ups with a rotating pair until all combinations have been explored. There wouldn’t be any restrictions on inventiveness. It would be an “anything goes” situation where I would be honor-bound to submit to whatever devilish twist is desired.

The thing is, while the ‘repeated rounds’ ordeal is somewhat key to MY notion of challenge and fun, I can see how that also may also be the least likely condition to be met, since I think  the enthusiasm for repeated rounds could wane in the relaxation of us all  just hanging out. But since I could easily muster the bravado for the initial round and even look forward to it, I would only feel challenged if the rounds continued past the point that I was still eager for them. Like if I was sitting there hoping to be called again, it might be disappointing if it didn’t happen, but if after a bit I felt like “OK that’s enough for me” and I still kept getting called over….now THAT would be perfect! 

Again, perhaps not a perfect capture of the group I'm imagining, but I love how this shot shows the glee of the three ladies even as it's painfully obvious that it's no mild pat-pat this guy is receiving. Even without seeing his face, given the color he's sporting back there, I doubt he's smiling.

Out of the three imagined participants, I imagine Nickki the most likely to want to have extra turns. And under the agreement, nothing would prevent her from having more turns than someone else, should Jean or even Rosa feel satisfied and just want to kick back. There would be no requirement that the rounds be even among the ladies. Besides, just  being called for more in front of witnesses would be so deliciously submissive..........

I imagine Nickki being quite happy to show off n front of both Jean and my Rosa.

...........especially  if I was already plenty sore…..(as long as there was none of that abrading LOL) The catch of having to comply for as long as someone wanted would be such a power trip for that person and such a challenge of obedience for me, though I would be kind of stuck with no honorable way out with two other witnesses to remind me of whose idea this was in the first place.

This shot of Jean in action is great for so many reason: 1. her expression, 2. the way my feet are raised indicating how I was reacting to her swats, but mostly because...3. as stated above this shot only exists because while Jean was spanking me, a witness....Nickki.... was there to watch, coach, and take this shot!

And as with any imagined scenario, there is a situation that I keep repeating in my head and it definitely involves Nickki since she is the best at being so confidently bossy about having me comply with her orders and that would be to have her not just call me for another round but do so in her “you better be quick and get yourself in the proper position” tone of warning, “Don’t make me wait for your ass!” ( I swear, she makes me blush whenever she acts that way.) 

That look! I told Nickki on the phone the other day that she "scares me" a bit. Not in a bad way, but in the way a kid who loves his mother is still afraid of her when she tells him, particularly if she's obviously pissed, she's going to give him a good spanking. It's a fear born of respect for her determination. (Currently there is still the owed spanking for my comments at Ana's graduation a few months back. It's what she herself brought up in our talk on the phone. And as much as we consider ourselves close friends, as much as we love and respect each other, as much as we love to play and flirt, and joke, and share ideas for projects. In other words, as seemingly equal and close as we may be in so many ways, I have no doubt that when the times comes to deal with that issue, Nickki will confidently shift from 'buddy' to genuine disciplinarian and deal with me quite seriously. She's already warned me that she feels very strongly about my behavior and will not be dissuaded from giving it to me but GOOD..... and I know she's not kidding.)

And I think being bossed around like that in a ‘fun’ situation would also provide everyone with plenty of material to tease me with. “You better listen, she sounds serious.” “It sounds like you’re going to end up with a well-roasted butt tonight!” etc. 

Another apron!  (Mine is black)

But the real kicker behind this little idea is that three of my favorite, strong women would have unlimited, playful power to pretty much be as “mean’ as they wanted, and I, of course would have no choice but to make sure I obeyed each of them without hesitation and pamper the hell out of them by acting as their servant. I can’t see this as anything but a win-win all around……………..even if I’m the only one who’ll end up sore-bottomed as a result.

This was me the day both Jean and Nickki 'paid me' for one of my handyman jobs. 
(Black apron in view!)

And THAT my friends, is what has been swirling around in my devilish little brain for a while now!

Thursday, January 9, 2020

Persistent fantasies

Lately I feel like I'm just waiting ....and strangely be summoned. 

In the midst of a panoply of contradictory moods, I find myself alternating between a sense of spank-boredom to one of giddy interest, and then back again. But during the peaks of that interest, I found my mind gravitating towards a two-part blend of specific conditions that define my inkling: an embracing of one's role coupled with non-retractable consent. And by the second condition, I mean an inability to back out HONORABLY. Anyone who knows me understands that my belief is that consent can always be withdrawn. However, if a spanking situation is discussed and agreed to, backing out merely from ‘cold feet’ ...while  legally permissible….seems cowardly, whereas withdrawing consent because of a fundamental issue, or a practical concern can still be as honorable as it is legal.

"Nickki's Paddle" and contract over its use is one such arrangement. I'm sure if we were to have a major falling-out, the contract would end with it, but while we all remain friends, she is pretty free to call me at just about any time the mood strikes for a spanking. And since I made the offer via a note and 'contract' in an envelope I had handed her in person,, all she had to do was agree and sign.....which she did almost immediately. 

Consequently, I was thinking about spanking situations in all of their potential forms, from our beloved “DD” to basic BDSM.  In serious DD relationships this inability to back out can take the form of what many call ‘prior consent’. 
While as adults we can always resist or refuse, the DD arrangements we have usually carry with them some degree of  'prior consent' in order to preserve the disciplinarian's authority. And while some points may be sticky, or others too emotionally-loaded, for the most part, even with us here, most offenses are straightforward enough to result in a painful pairing of determined authority figure and compliant miscreant.

For playful situations it can be as simple as the notion that one simply doesn’t welsh on a bet or dare. If you wanted ‘in,’ you’re in. As such I am conjuring scenarios in my twisted little kinky brain where there is not necessarily some misbehavior to address but rather an agreement to honor. One that was made with parties who are as certain of the appropriateness of their roles as I am of mine…..which constitutes the second half of the equation.

I've shown this before, but it perfectly illustrates the moment at which one 'takes the plunge' and puts themselves out there. In my case this is usually accomplished by me writing something beforehand and then, after warning the recipient that an irrevocable offer is coming their way, either hand over an envelope, or hit 'send' on a message.

 I recently re-read a couple of stories from the LSF (link....but you must join to read the stories. It's free though) that I had saved to a favorites list a long while back and coincidentally each was rooted in one of the two aspects I have been obsessing over. Oddly both are F/f and both center around young ladies ‘coming of age’ and exploring the curiosities of spanking as something purely punitive and more than purely punitive. In fact, one story is entitled “Pure” due to this very issue. In “Pure” (by John Benson ) two girls decide that they want their punishments at home to take the form of the spankings they’ve never experienced but somehow feel they want to. The main theme of the story is the one girl’s conflicted concern over how much of her desire to be spanked is nobly driven by her genuine wish for accountability and better personal achievement and how much of it is due to the more prurient feelings (which she calls “squirmy”) such punishment provokes. However, within this theme is a key plot point involving  the simultaneous mailing of ‘request letters’ to their respective parents in a way that affords neither the ability to backtrack.

While the dress styles in this sassy illustration are a bit old-timey, the plaintive offering of hairbrush is open to interpretation. Is this merely a scared but obedient daughter bringing her angry mother the hairbrush requested, or is it more akin to the story "Pure" where the daughter is offering a life-altering bargain to a skeptical mother? 

The other “Mandy’s Paddle” ( by Fulgur) is very similar in feel but here the plot centers more around the importance of who is in what role more than just indulging the desire for a unique experience. How many of us may have experimented early on in the roles opposite to where we are now? Our initial draw was the mere notion of “Spanking”. The word alone became almost magical to see or speak. But it was only after being in one role or the other that we came to understand that, while a baseball player might flow from pitcher to batter, it didn’t always work that way with this.

I find that besides my own personal feelings on this, whenever I look at a spanking photo or read a spanking story, my mind always sizes up the pair involved searching for clues in their dialog, or the expressions caught by a camera as to why each is where they are. In fact if I sense an ambivalence in the roles as presented or acted out by the models, I lose interest. This is not to say I don’t respect switching. I do. I used to switch myself, and under the right conditions could probably do so again. But here I am speaking to something more intrinsic to an individual than merely what the studio is paying a model to do for that shoot. It’s probably why I prefer amateur photos of real couples who have already worked out their roles based on who belongs where rather than what serves the need of a studio.

I suppose this could be a studio shot, but it feels real. And while there is a very clear power imbalance on display, both parties seem quite content and comfortable in their respective roles.

Think of it this way: take two people who are ‘into’ the notion or practice of spanking, sit them at a table together, and toss a paddle out in front of them. Then watch for their facial reactions. Which one looks at the paddle immediately thinking, “yeah, that should handle well and work nicely” and which is thinking, “ooooh, that looks like it’s going to sting.” That’s what I look for....that "look", and being a part of this myself, I understand the sometimes inexplicable conditions that result in a person being on one side or the other, but still am fascinated when I see this fundamental dichotomy unfold in front of me.
There is nothing to suggest a dynamic here other than expression: no one-sided clothing, no gripped implement, not even a positioning to suggest hierarchy.....and yet? Tell me in your opinion what would happen next if a paddle suddenly became available?

Still, I can’t help but look at all the things that separate or unite a pair and then interpret these aspects as integral to their personalities and roles. And I believe this is why I enjoy reversal themes so much. Having grown up in a more stereotypical generation, I have an inner conditioning as to what the dividing lines should be. ( The authority figure should be: male, older, larger, more confident, smarter, and perhaps already in a formal position of sanctioned authority. The victim is anything opposite.) Yet the most deliciously fun aspects of writing “An Age Thing” (link) was turning as much of that on its ear as I could believably manage. In it, other than being female, the woman seeking a spanking embodies every attribute normally associated with the person in authority, and the two women who end up spanking her embody the traits normally associated with the people usually getting spanked. The key factor ends up not being any of the usual stereotypical attributes but rather an inner acceptance and desire to be in a particular role.
A shot of what could easily be an illustration for my story, "An Age Thing".

Sometimes I enjoy when a story…...which obviously is able to convey more detail and nuance than a still photo, does assign roles a bit arbitrarily. Our own friend who visits regularly,  Crimson Kid’s “A Matched Pair” is one of my favorites in this genre. In this semi-modern fairytale, two childhood friends end up as a sanctioned disciplinary pair with their roles determined.... not by any personal attribute or inner choice, but merely by the chance coincidence of which one’s features most resemble the person they are to be proxy to. I think I might enjoy the story less if this happenstance MIS-matched the pair, but from the little tidbits we see, it seems serendipitous. (I suppose it’s a 50/50 chance it would work out and in this case, does)

Speaking of perfectly matched pairs: In this old 2004 shot from '' we see the pairing of Sarah & Kailee. Now while that studio  had plenty of switching going on, and while Kailee suffered her fair share of spankings, I have never seen Sarah in a dominant role. As such, when I see this pairing, and see the unspoken understanding between these two models of probably the same age, it transcends mere studio-driven dynamics. Whenever these two worked together, there was only one outcome and both Sarah and Kailee, despite paychecks, knew what it would be.

So earlier I mentioned that my mind is already concocting scenarios that not only satisfy this dual criteria I’ve been discussing but are also somewhat grounded in the potential for realization. This is not to say that I have discussed any of this, or done anything to bring it about, but the thought has crossed my mind…..more than once. But I believe this is more than enough for one post. Soon, perhaps even tomorrow, I will write about my imagined scenario.

Monday, January 6, 2020

More than one epiphany

Today is the Feast of the Epiphany, and traditionally the day that some folks use as the signal to finally take down the Christmas decorations. I, however, had already packed away more than half of our stuff last Friday. Today I'm just finishing off the Dickens Village and cleaning up.

Time to finally lose the Christmas look and get back to basics.

But the formal Catholic feast is just one of the epiphanies around here, because I had a DD epiphany.... again. This time it came about in the most unlikely of situations. Rather than during a debate with Dan and his crowd or even a heart-to-heart with Rosa, this time it took place in a rather unexpected conversation with my monster, Ana before she went back to Dental School. We were discussing the year-end punishment tradition, and despite my hesitation towards continuing it as usual, Ana told me that she would like to participate again and I found it very hard to deny her wish. (But that was not the epiphany).

That came about as we were seriously discussing the various issues that Ana felt she would be addressing this year. Most were pretty straightforward and I had little argument against them, but recently Ana, Rosa, and I had a very strained exchange….it really wasn’t a true argument per se…..but it left all three of us with different degrees of sadness and confusion. When Ana brought this up I was a bit surprised since she was not entirely without fault. However, she said that of ALL the things that happened over this past year, for her this one was by far the most hurtful to her and the one she feels most desirous to address.

Now, usually a situation like this would go south very quickly, but the mood between us was so warm and sincere I found myself more inclined to listen to what she had to say rather than argue. And while I did state that I found this issue to be one of unequally shared fault, and therefore potentially something that I could resent being punished for, she said that she fully admits her own faults in the exchange. However, she also felt genuinely and profoundly hurt, and so, with a bit of back-and-forth, we kind of came to a very clear realization:

1: All three people involved had contributed to the hurt that resulted.

2: Neither Rosa nor Ana have any need or desire to be physically punished for the mistakes they freely admit they may make, nor do I have any desire to see them punished, yet all three of us recognize that such accountability and consequence are beneficial to me in the long run.

3: The “year end” punishment is all about each participant resolving issues with ME  they felt were genuinely hurtful or improper, with the goal that the punishment they then decree wipes their bad feelings away. ….not the other way around. My feelings can also be addressed and validated, but with discussion, admission, and reconciliation.

So, to Ana’s point, she and I DID have our discussion and she did admit her involvement and possible flaws in how she handled certain aspects, and she did regret how she made me feel, and we DID reconcile with each other. But in asking her to participate in the year end punishment, she feels I am empowering her to now have her turn via a different route. In her case, she feels like we have also had our discussion, my admission of my fault, and even a reconciliation…..but in this case,  there’s one more condition to be met: punishment. I asked her bluntly if me getting spanked at her behest would actually make her feel better about her hurt feelings and she said ‘yes’. (She actually replied with a look and tone like I had asked her the most obvious question in the world…...which made me laugh.)

A shot of the slip Ana left before heading out on the third. The substantial number pretty clearly (again) proves that her desire to continue the "year end" tradition was based in a solid determination to address some things. (And yes, Rosa has seen the slip.....which was left on our dresser.)

And then the strangest thing happened as a result. I saw her point. And then I began to inwardly apply that same realization to other things that have popped up in the past, like the punishment Nickki wants to give me for something that bothered her, and the punishments Rosa had wanted to give for things that bothered her.....things I struggled with but were very genuine and profound to the people to whom I offered the ability to exact retribution. All three women were looking at this in very simple terms: while the issues could well be as complex as I might want to see them, for them the issue simply came down to them feeling hurt as a result of something I did and me giving  them  the power to address these feelings with punishment. It made sense and even seemed…….logical. And whereas I have recently been wrestling with ‘fairness and resentment’ I am thinking that maybe all I really need is the acknowledgement that Ana gave me, for me to be able to then say “OK, as long as you’re not saying I’m completely at fault, I suppose given my nature and desire to be held accountable, that it does follow that you should be able to address your portion of hurt differently than I can.” It doesn’t make it a miscarriage of justice, just an inequality in consequence, but that inequality is something I have always embraced and know is right for me.

Ana's talk was like a shocking revelation to my naive "inner child".

I was surprised at how much of my current DD angst dissipated as I thought about this. And the timing could not have been better, because a mere day later Rosa and I had a very productive heart-to-heart over the current sad state of our DD arrangement and what to do about it going forward. Now, clearer in my head over some of my past stumbling blocks, I found it easier to 'hear' what Rosa was saying and concede her points.

So, it looks like, at Rosa's prompting, 2020 will be a 'back to basics' year for us and one where trust, obedience, and consistency are mutual pledge-points. She has said that she will expect certain key behaviors from me and that if I adhere to her guidelines, I will find myself on the happy receiving end of her rewards, but that if I don't, she will no longer hesitate to address the things that bother her with punishment.

Only time will tell if it comes to pass as laid out and agreed to.