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Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Spanked hard

That's what happened to me last evening! Three separate installments. All hard. Yet, I feel so much better today! (Well, OK maybe my butt doesn't feel so good, but emotionally I feel a lot more grounded and calm.)

Spanking #1 was for being snippy and nasty instead of explaining myself respectfully and nicely. Rosa was genuinely unhappy with me on this one and spanked super hard right from the first swat with our nastiest paddle. The only saving grace was that due to the force being used, she did go more slowly so I could process the pain without having a coronary.

We then took a break and she relaxed with a pedicure from me. To be honest, at the time I was feeling a bit unresolved, despite the severity of the punishment, but I kept it to myself and just obediently cared for her toes.

Interestingly, a short while after, Rosa told me she was going to do her exercises for a bit and then added that she was seriously considering a second spanking after she was done. I asked her why and she admitted that she really didn't have a solid reason, but just wanted to. Knowing she likes having a reason, I offered up the fact that I had confessed a broken rule to her that she never chose to punish me for. That worked for her.

So, Spanking#2 was a short but also very hard punishment for intentionally breaking our rule about me making our bed each day. She admitted she wasn't even as remotely upset over this infraction as she was with the disrespect she addressed earlier.....but my butt still got a good work-out again with the nasty paddle.

You would think after all that I would be grateful for an end to it all, but an interesting thing happened. The previous spankings seemed to lead me to a place of emotional contentment.................but not quite deliver me there. I felt punished but not resolved, not reconnected. It was a strong feeling of just needing a bit more to get to a better place. So, because Rosa and I have always based our DD on mutual resolution (she fully understands how the guilty party also needs to feel that 'clean slate' feeling) I simply told her where I was emotionally.

So, Spanking#3 was a bit different. Rosa suggested I fetch her our lighter but still quite effective paddle rather than the nasty, heavy one. Using the lighter one, she employed a different tactic: instead of a moderate amount of super-hard wallops delivered slowly, she spanked with more rapid, stingy swats..........for a really long time. (Much longer than I had expected! ) 

The result was that the amount of time being spanked eroded all of that pent-up resistance I was carrying around. It was the difference between breaking a small rock with a quick, heavy blow and wearing down an entire mountain with years of rain.
I was able to give in to it all: my guilt, her hurt feelings, my submission, her authority, all of it.

The result of these three sessions was a roasted bottom that felt swollen and hot......but man did it completely change my mood! I immediately thanked my honey and snuggled in against her side as we relaxed before going to sleep.

Sometimes we deserve a spanking. Sometimes we just need one. Yesterday, for me it was both.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

The REALITY of DD

On Dan's Forum this week, they are discussing how our DD lives have differed from our initial fantasies or expectations. I decided to post my response here as well, since what I've experienced remains a very strong realization:

For me the biggest difference between my expectations and my reality is the way Rosa has taken to all this. (I have written this before, but it is the main thing that has been both exciting and scary about how DD has worked out for us). Even as I suggested DD, rules, punishment ideas, etc. at the beginning, something in me that craved it all to be real, still saw DD as some sort of 'game' albeit one with rules and real consequences. Rosa sees aspects of our DD as a sort of game as well.......but underneath it all, her belief is that our agreement means that she is "the boss" for real. 

I sort of see my obedience as my way of willingly following the rules of the game, or honoring the promises I made. She sees my obedience as a given. If asked, she would look at you with a sort of "what don't you get?" expression as she confirmed her belief in her authority. That is the thing I still can't get used to even as I admire her for her confidence and unabashed belief in her right to rule and punish. I suppose my expectation is still that she would see my submission as a much bigger deal than she does. Instead of this huge concession of rights, or this big "gift of submission", she truly sees our roles with a 'no-brainer' recognition of each of us being exactly where we are meant to be. So I guess when she has a serious discussion with me over some expectation or behavior, or when she plainly informs me that something I did or didn't do has just earned me a spanking, I am still surprised...........even though it is sort of what I was hoping for in my 'fantasy'.

Saturday, April 9, 2016

Satisfaction

Years ago I drew up this cartoon based on the observations I made concerning life balance between Tops and bottoms:

While I still find this disparity to ring true often (even for myself) I have seen that being both busy with projects that satisfy me and having a relationship where my D/s needs are met often............has resulted in me being far less "preoccupied" with "all things D/s-ish". I am just more content, and as a result more balanced and less obsessed.