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Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Projects and DD

I fit the second section into the bottom window this morning!

As you know from a previous post, I've been working on this window project for the last few weeks and it is finally done. I am pretty pleased with the results......but I also know where the mistakes are. I enjoy glass work, but I do not consider myself a pro at it. Just Google to see what some people do! Some of it can make you cry.

The thing about a glass window though, is that the very charm of the light and color makes up for a lot of the imperfections......unless you are really looking for them.

DD can be like that.

I feel like my two "honeys," who have the power to decree a punishment, have been very lenient with me over some outbursts of attitude lately, because in the midst of it all, I have been doing several major projects that have benefited them both. Ana passed me again for last week and Rosa has not punished me for anything since we ended the 2016/2017 marathon over a month ago.

But I also know I have not exactly been an angel.......more like a very productive, but impatient and irritable contractor. And on one hand I appreciate their balance and apparent 'mercy'.....but I also wonder if maybe a different approach would be better? Maybe instead of good and bad cancelling each other out, maybe issuing both an award and a punishment would send me a better message? ( for example: Rosa: "Honey, that window looks great, I think you have a treat coming......but you also snapped at me last night, so we do have some 'attitude adjustment'to take care of first." )

Depending on how its handled, I think I would not resent the punishment......but I think that's what Rosa (and maybe Ana too) are concerned about. And it is a legitimate concern. My feelings get hurt easily when I feel I'm trying hard to please and get called out for an impatient response. And I know the effort I put forth in trying to make things nice for my loved ones is high. BUT....deep down, I AM a DD-oriented person and those occasional trips over a lap DO help keep me balanced. So I don't know what the answer is.

For now, I am just going to see what happens. 

15 comments:

  1. A reward and a punishment....hmmm.
    I think your could possibly be right that they don't want to hurt your feelings or minimize the good you do for them. What if when you do a good deed or finish a project, you are rewarded then. Like a kind thank you card, or a small jester of appreciation. That way, when your attitude pops up during a project, and your served a roasted rump,it will feel like a completely separate issue. Just an idea..

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    1. That's kind of what I was thinking too. But I am hesitant to bring it up and come across like I'm dictating terms. I also want these decisions to be theirs. The person decreeing a punishment has to believe one is called for in order for it all to have meaning. But I also feel like a lot falls on the sub to put these thoughts out there ......as sort of a green light at times.

      Ana and I spoke of an incident this past weekend just yesterday. I feel bad about it, but she seems more willing to accept my apology and move on. And while part of me is tempted to try to convince her to go further and issue a slip, I don't feel that is good for her confidence in terms of making her own decisions.

      It's kind of tricky when parties hold opposite feelings about the need for punishment.....in either direction. How rare is it that we are all on the same page?

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    2. Who says I have let it go? hmmm, I think the problem we usually encounter is the communication for most of the time. When we spoke of the incident, I was in school and I do not get much flexibility specially this week that I had exams but I still remember it because I was involved in the accident, I just have yet to make a slip!, but not worries I have alredy decided on the number! Texts just do not show my evil smile. Everyone don't call me 50% smart and 50% evil for nothing!
      -Ana

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    3. Fair enough. You really did sound like you just wanted to drop it though. Obviously I was wrong.

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  2. I totally agree with Goldielocks (who beat me to the punch). KD, you have really scratched the surface of something really big here and let me see if I can explain it a little bit (at least from my perspective). To me DD is the opposite of a bank account. In DD rewards (credits) and punishments (debits) must always be handled separately, whereas in a bank account the debits and credits automatically offset one another. Or perhaps all husband behavior and attitude issues should be governed by the "double entry accounting" concept - where the offset only occurs in the running balance and all 'debits' and 'credits' must be fully accounted for.

    Clearly in this case you should have been both rewarded and punished for your behavior with regards to the same project on the same day.

    And unfortunately, it is not really discipline unless it is Ana's independent decision to punish you. Perhaps you could acquaint her with the debit-credit analogy.

    Carl H

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    1. Thanks for the input, Carl. Ana is busy with exams but told me she would check out this post and its comments tomorrow. I did not tell her what was being discussed. It will be interesting to hear her opinion. As you've seen from her previous comments, she can be very playful and sarcastic, but deep down, she is very responsible about how she uses the authority she has.

      I'm not sure why Rosa has been as ambivalent about discipline as she has been.....but I think it's a delayed reaction to the stress we were under for so long. It seems like we both have a green light in front of us, but neither of us has touched the accelerator.

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    2. A princess is never late, everyone else just posted early! haha or Late is better than never! I finally got time to see them! As an update , my organic exam went well! hopefully! , So far we have tried to make it work, the rewards and punishment, these past week you've gotten rewards, but not punishment yet due again because I have not see much lately until recently so let's see what he has to say after his punishment has taken action!
      -Ana

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    3. "Princess"? You're my little 👹!

      As for the reward and penalty balance, I was talking more about your Mom lately since you really only do have the one incident..... but she has overlooked several......including a few things I did on purpose just to get her to react.

      And I can't blame you for being busy with college! I'm always proud of how well you are doing!

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  3. I'm all for giving rewards for good things and then turning around and giving discipline for "bad" behavior. I'm pretty sure that you know the difference. My question is why haven't they?

    It would be appropriate to bring this up to them, or maybe even show this to them. I wish you all the best in getting this solved.

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    1. Thanks, Merry. Rosa doesn't enjoy the whole "blog thing" so anything I share with her is done face-to-face or with direct texts. Ana does visit here as you know and she was going to stop by to read all this, but I don't think she has.

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    2. With school, it can get busy so it is hard sometimes to comment from my phone between classes , labs and exams! but hello! We do know the difference, I think it is just a matter of reviewing the week, and sometimes it is hard because I am away from Sunday morning to late late Thursday night , so I only get to see Fridays and Saturdays and even then I go out sometimes or I relax so these past two weeks, nothing really has happened I have felt that needed punishment except recently. Do not worry , there is a slip I am due for him! ;)
      - Ana

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    3. Again I think my mood has been more about your Mom since I did get to discuss our incident with you. I think Merry and I were advocating a reward AND punish policy instead of a reward OR punish one like you and I currently have. We can talk about it.

      As for that slip? No protests from me! I feel I totally deserve one for yelling at you the way I did. And I am sure your mother will agree.

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    4. @Ana: Trust me, I understand busy. I'm glad you haven't forgotten. Sometimes it helps to verbalize things:

      I haven't forgotten that incident where you didn't open the door for me. I'm not quite ready to address it yet because I've been sick, but know that a punishment is coming for that. I also noticed that you did my laundry without me asking, and you put it away. As a reward, you're getting a backrub.

      Sometimes men need to hear us telling them things.

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    5. @Merry the really do! now I know! haha
      -Ana

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  4. It's so nice to see two dominant females bond over control techniques. Heartwarming actually.

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