To see a full-size view of the images posted, just click on them.

RULES FOR POSTING COMMENTS: This blog is meant to be interactive. Please utilize the comment feature to respond to posts that prompt a reaction. You do not have to agree with me to post, but I do ask that your comment pertain to the post itself. I also ask that "anonymous" guests attach some sort of name to their comments so readers can tell everyone apart. (If you cannot follow these simple rules, your post may be DELETED or at the very least mocked for the entertainment of those who can respect my guidelines.)

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Still moody

(  I saw this drawing and thought that someone had done a portrait of my "Inner Child".)

I had intentionally held off on posting in the interest of not belaboring the points made in the prior post. But I just was sitting here feeling all antsy and wanting to write something for today. I'm thinking a post might be therapeutic. An outlet.

The more I think about everything the more I feel like I'm just meandering further off course. (An old D/s friend from the past used to refer to it in an equestrian allusion of an unsupervised horse going off the path and 'wandering into the weeds'. ) I am that horse. And I'm a good horse! Handle me correctly and I'll win races for you. But if neglected, off into those weeds I go. And I don't even like those weeds. I'd rather be on the track winning another race...............but I can't do that without a jockey. The control of the reins and those occasional strikes of the crop are necessary parts of the equation.

One of the recurring themes I've heard endlessly discussed among real-life DD couples of all gender roles is that of needing discipline and being emotionally unable to just come out and say so. And while I can usually muster the nerve to simply be blunt, there are those times I fall into the same situation as my fellow subs and just feel like "asking" would only make me angry, sad, resentful, and therefore be totally counterproductive. This is one of those times.

But I'm not going to ask! I've done enough things, both inadvertently and even (yes) INTENTIONALLY, to prompt a reaction, but no 'clue' has worked......and I'm done. Now I'm just going to brood, and pout, and sulk until everyone becomes sick of my face!

Dan has talked about the need for leaders to lead many times and I've always supported him on this. It is not always easy to submit and obey, but you know what? It's even harder when you don't feel like it matters. I was a manager for many years AND a parent.....and I know you can't just lean back on your authority as a crutch and assume everyone is going to happily do what you want just because you are the boss. All of management is about motivation, using many means, but mostly perks and penalties. DD is exactly the same. Right now I'm feeling pretty 'perk-less' and 'penalty-less'. As a result, I feel like doing..................nothing. 

I went feverishly from project to project lately and I'm burnt out. And for the last two days I've done very little. Tomorrow, I am going to start fresh and take care of some things......because they need to be done. But I'm not going to be happy about it.....or perky, or upbeat. 






27 comments:

  1. Hey. I feel for you. Totally wish I had some words of wisdom, but we both know I don't on this one. Been there, done that, as they say. It's not that you "can't" ask for it. It's "why should you," and "if you do, then is this even DD at all?" I totally get it. I never want to get a disciplinary spanking, so I don't get the desire for that in itself. But, I very much understand the desire to have someone take the situation in hand and impose the discipline. When everyone knows you deserve it and yet it doesn't happen ...

    Anyway, hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Dan. Yes, this is one of those recurring themes for almost all DD couples. I also know that as alike as we are the desire or need to be physically punished is a little different, but it must be a chemical thing. (Aren't all things?)

      The irony is that Rosa and I, and aside from that one incident, Ana and I too, are all doing fine and getting along pretty well. Rosa has been very absorbed in a revitalized exercise program she is doing.....and I'm very proud of her progress. I just want her to get a little tough with me!

      And I'm sure it will happen eventually......but boy am I in a pissy mood in the meantime.

      Delete
  2. Hey KD. You have all my empathy on this one. It is so frustrating. And it hurts,too. Like Dan, I too, wish I had tangible advice. I do know that your situation doesn't last forever. It will get better and eventually the leaders figure out they messed up and try to make it right. It seems like no matter how long a couple have been practicing DD,there is still some kind of learning curve.
    I hope this situation is taken in hand soon for you and you can start to feel more like your old sub self again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the words of support, Goldie! And I know you are right. This is just one of those times we all face. It sounds familiar to any couple who really live this way. Readers here might see some of the stories with Rosa and think "she's a natural. I'll bet this never happens to them." And it's just not true. It happens to almost all of us.

      Delete
  3. Shilo gets sulky and uncooperative when he knows he has a spanking due and I seem to ignore it.

    He finally expressed that he WANTS me to tell him he's getting a spanking. It's not his job to tell me to do mine. It's MY job to pay attention and get things done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, that's pretty much it in a nutshell. And while I'm keeping busy today, and being much more productive......I am just as 'sulky' as I predicted.

      Delete
    2. Merry nailed it: "It's not his job to tell me to do mine." Unfortunately, I think I may have lost a couple of long-term commenters on my blog for expressing a similar sentiment, but not much I can do about it. I do think that people who really want to be in this lifestyle, and not just playing DD "house", need to accept that leadership is all about responsibility. That means taking it seriously and fulfilling your chosen and agreed-upon role.

      Delete
    3. I have seen the "the leader can do no wrong" argument so many times, I can still taste the bile in my mouth. And this argument is RAMPANT in FLR discussions. Somehow male Tops don't seem to get the same leeway when they don't 'step up'.

      The interesting thing is that the people I have found to be the most credible and long term in DD all seem to admit to this issue happening now and again. Perhaps the people who are so offended by this realistic view find it threatening to their fantasy?

      Delete
    4. Agreed, and not to beat a thoroughly dead horse, but it's the "topping from the bottom" crap that leads to to this. Though, I express no opinion on whether male tops are treated more forgivingly. I don't know any of them personally, and the few I've engaged with on-line seem to be little tin-horn dictators who confuse being a leader with being a dick. They also seem to think that declaring themselves a Top means they just automatically get respect from anyone aiming at submission. Honestly just makes me want to beat their ass and see if they can stop me from doing it. If not, they're not a top. :-)

      I agree with you on the credibility and realism issue, though I wonder how much of it is being threatened versus being confused? I think a lot of women who take up the DD or FLR mantle do it with little or no background in it, and are often doing it because their husbands asked them to. They go read some books, usually very BDSM in orientation, and think they aren't "real" disciplinary wives if they aren't cuckholding their husbands, etc. And, they read that they can't listen to their husbands' needs or ask if they should do something differently, because that would be weakness or tolerating "topping from the bottom."

      I am, btw, having kind of the opposite problem. I had a week at work that force my inner Top to come out. And everything kind of worked better once that happened. I do still think that it is helpful for me for the dynamic to be F/m at home, but it's hard to get into that space while acting like a Top at work, and I think I need to face up to the fact that at work, for me being a Top works. It just needs to be a controlled Top.

      Delete
    5. @Dan: Topping from the bottom is a load of bull crap. Some Top got butthurt when his bottom told him about her needs a long time ago, and made up that stupid phrase.

      Seriously: There is nothing wrong with talking about what your needs and desires are concerning your relationship as long as you put aside a time to discuss things and don't do it in an accusational way. The Top has an obligation to hear you out. You may not get what you want, but being listened to and valued is important in a relationship

      Delete
    6. @Dan : I enjoyed your post so much I read it to Rosa who enjoyed it as well. I love when you go on a tear!👍

      Delete
    7. Much obliged. I'm more likely to go on an tear after a few glasses of wine. Though, it is those "few glasses" that keep getting me in trouble.

      Delete
    8. What's even funnier now is that when Rosa heard me chuckling aloud over your comment and asked me what was so funny, I said something like, "I love when Dan goes on a tear, and he is very funny when he does but he doesn't do it often. He usually tries to be very reasonable and balanced. But I know he likes his drinks and I'll bet tonight he's had a few."

      Delete
  4. I can only describe what is working for me regarding the need to "ask" or otherwise make my spanking need known.

    My wife and I had a discussion about this quite a while ago and she said that one of her requirements was that I step up and make it known that I feel a need for discipline.

    She fully understands that it is not aligned with my image of how a perfect DWC relationship should operate. And she has even made it easier, to some degree, by accepting something from me; a hint, on email.

    I always felt exactly as you guys do, that it "breaks the spell" if I have any role in initiating things. But nowadays, when I do let her know, I genuinely feel that I am honoring her directions about how she wants things to be. And she still has zero hesitation initiating a session anytime she wishes too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Tomy. We have a similar understanding that works well 75% of the time or more. This is just one of those 'other' times. But I eventually did talk about it with Rosa. We are good.

      Delete
    2. 75% that sounds excellent.

      I think that the most productive focus for a guy whose wife spanks him at all is to work on adjusting their own mindset to make her way, what ever that is, the right way.

      I know I resisted the "ask for it - or otherwise let her know" approach mightily. It was NOT how MY concept of a disciplinary wife was supposed to work (and it lacked the pizzazz of authoritarian control).

      I eventually realized that that resistance, no matter how I justified it, was still me having a tantrum cause she was not performing MY WAY, matching my fantasies.

      Of course there were still times when she got mad and disciplined me and those sessions unfolded like the script in my head about having no control.

      But after years of resisting asking for discipline it finally dawned on me that she was in fact quite firmly in charge and I could stew in my frustration until hell froze over before she would fundamentally take my orders and change her ways.

      Once I embraced that fact that that it was going to be her way or no way, I finally surrendered mentally and reinterpreted the times I have to ask as basically submitting to her way. Oh and she knows damned well that asking is is always embarrassing.

      So while I am still subject to unexpected discipline when she feels that way, I am getting to genuinely appreciate the benenfits doing it her way.

      Delete
    3. I am all for compromise, but if I compromise my way out of what I need, what's the point? When faced with a "her way or no way" ultimatum, my gut instinct is to seek out a different 'her'.

      Rosa and I are very compatible.....especially considering our differences of age, culture, and background. We were doing very well with our DD-FLR until some outside stressors threw us off track. Now that things have eased up (though not gone away completely) we are finding it hard to get back to where we were. It's almost like a PTS situation. But we are making progress.

      Yesterday she emphasized being a bit 'bossy' in reply to our conversation over my feelings, prompting a few very funny incidents.

      As for "asking"? I am a big advocate of that.....but like I said, there are those times, where "asking" just seems worse than not having.

      Good exchange, BTW! Thanks. I need intelligent and pertinent comments to offset the non seXquiturs I get.

      Delete
    4. You know my view on this. A relationship where only one party gets his/her needs met isn't really a compromise, is it? Or, it is often a bad one for at least one of the parties, thereby making the relationship less likely to last. Tomy has obviously worked it out, but I don't think the "Her way is always right" works for a lot of people, and instead may serve to cover up a lack of commitment (or just plain laziness) by the Dom (male or female). I'm not saying that is true in all cases and it's obviously not in Tomy's, but I do think it is a variation on "topping from the bottom that just isn't healthy for a lot of people."

      Delete
  5. I live for "funny incidents." Neither of us would be as happy as we are were it not for how often we laugh.

    And she likes me just the way I am. So I get to be goofy funny too and it all works.

    ReplyDelete

  6. You are a bright bulb and I was wondering what you might think of my theory of why we become Spankos. It's from my Blog. I didn't know where else to send it so I'm putting it here in your Blog

    http://tomyswife.blogspot.com/2017/03/thanks-for-spanks-mom.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the compliment. I left my comment on your blog. Thanks for seeking my input. I'm just sorry that the subject is a complicated one that seems to encompass different and even conflicting causes.

      Delete
    2. True. True. It's surely complicated. But so is a whole lot of life.

      Delete
    3. Appreciate your comment on my Blog.

      I read your "Background" blog entry - the one that describes the evolution of spanking as part of your familial relationship. I feel that it illustrates a unique, and well-adjusted, integration of our harmless little kink into a healthy lifestyle.

      It would be nice if that particular piece was more prominently available - maybe featured in some way - because it shows that self-acceptance and willingness to find a unique solution that fits one's own circumstances, can produce amazing results.

      Delete
    4. I'm glad you found the post relevant. I wrote it so visitors here who weren't already familiar with me from other blogs and sites could get a quick explanation of how we live here.

      As for making it easily available to readers? I do have it listed as the "Featured Post" in the margin of the start page. I'm not sure how more featured I can make it though?

      Delete
  7. Hmmmm Thought I replied to this yesterday.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I wondered if you could include a link to that particular post in your Profile description. It seems so defining and enlightened.

    ReplyDelete