With this openly displayed on our kitchen wall, there's no secret as to how things get resolved when I misbehave!
The next section is a sort of interview with Ana as a follow-up to my thoughts on her initial essay. She responded to the written questions with responses e-mailed back to me. (Her answers are in orange.)
Me: -You mentioned having been confused at first about what your Mom and I were telling you about how we lived and resolved issues. Could you explain that confusion in more detail, and how you eventually understood things more clearly?
The confusion was that we did not know anything about what you guys were introducing us to. We grew up in a strict conservative household back in Peru so this was definitely way beyond anything we could even thought. We were confused about the meanings of the words too because we were still new to the country. C’mon, it is confusing for a person living here, what would you have expected from three religious foreign kids? We understood it a little bit more once it was explained, but even better as time went on because then we saw how things kinda started to work out. So seeing it first hand really took out the confusion.
-You mentioned that a more active role is 'not in your veins'...at least for now. But is that more about you, or your respect for your boyfriend's feelings? In other words, if your boyfriend wanted to be submissive to your disciplinary authority, would you then find the role....and the disciplinary duties it entails.... more appealing? Would you incorporate disciplinary spankings into your relationship if it was desired by him?
I do not see myself in a position that even if my boyfriend wanted to be submissive that I would take action. I think it just works out he is not, but his personality is close enough to submissive that I can still let off some power ......but just enough, and not to the full extent. I do believe it is a fun role and lifestyle but it does not apply to me, it is something I can talk about, personally connect with, and have actually experienced, but nothing more.
- One of the things we have discussed before that may be of interest to readers is how you initially assumed that the 'punishments' I was getting were just a few slaps over clothes or pjs. Can you tell us how you felt when you found out that your Mom's spankings were actually pretty serious ordeals done with a hard paddle on a bare bottom?
When I found out, it was just a simple shock. It was not what I expected because on TV it is always over pjs, so since that was the only “source” I connected with at the time, that’s what I assumed. Finding out was more like, "oh wow! So it is not just one single thing a person can do here, it has its own diversity." I was shocked, but then it did not terrify me or any of the sort. It was like "OH!....... okay cool."
-And on that note, you have sort of become the "Evil Princess of the Discipline Slip", routinely assigning very lengthy spankings as punishments......far more than anyone else. In fact, by way of example, one of your most recent slips was for 666 spanks. Since you know what a punishment spanking or even 300 serious smacks would mean for me, you must have known what more than doubling that would mean. How do you resolve that knowledge with being an otherwise pretty nice person who likes me?
I do not mix the two. I do like you very much and you are a father to me. I respect you and even though you are a big pain in the ass,* I do appreciate you and I am thankful you are with us because we are a family..... but that does not mean you do not mess up, and when you do, that is another matter. It is as if we were on a job. A job and family are two different things. So me giving you what I think you deserve does not take away from me liking you as person.
*Ana's style of teasing.
-You mentioned in two places how living openly does result in more embarrassment for the submissive 'parent'......but that it was only natural, AND most importantly that in your case, your respect for the submissive partner was never diminished. I think this is a HUGE issue for people who are 'on the fence' about coming out to the family.....especially if the proposed 'openness' meant that the submissive partner's punishments, particularly spankings, were openly discussed, or announced and the resulting spanking, even while conducted out of sight, could still be easily overheard. What would you tell a concerned submissive parent to help them past this obstacle? Or do you think a little embarrassment is a necessary part of the whole punitive package and more in the head of the submissive than a huge deal for those overhearing?
I think that before openly discussing it, to judge their audience. It is part of the process to feel embarrassed. There is no way out of that unless the person is just very proud of themselves, which for them.... kudos. But otherwise, knowing that the family or the people you are coming out to respect you on all levels, and you believe this, (getting spanked) will not change their view .....( except for a few teases which are inevitable ) and then it is a huge help. It is hard enough to put oneself out there, but to do it and have a negative aura is the worst and leads to not wanting to do it again.
-In this regard, do you think that the roles of dominant or submissive transcend age and even relationship? In other words, let's say in your case, as a daughter who identifies with her mother's dominance, do you think that the submissive parent need not be ashamed of expressing that since it is who they really are? Kind of like the way the dominant parent still appreciates and respects their submissive partner even though they have no problem using their authority to keep behavior in check, the child of that dominant parent would feel the same way.........respectful of the person, but accepting of their need for occasional punishment? It's how I sort of feel here: on one level I'm still the person you all come to for help or advice, or support.....or even to have fun, but since you all know me, you can also see the side of me that benefits from discipline. Kind of like: "KDP is a nice guy and very helpful, but boy he can be impatient and irritable at times! We love having him around, but fully understand why our Mom spanks him now and again. He totally needs it." What do you think and is that what you meant about 'bonding' with your Mom over this?
I actually do not openly talk about this with Mom. It does not come up often, so we just bond over both of us having this same power in our personality, so we have the same demands. That is the extent of the bonding so far. There have been times we have been like, "he should get it!"..... but not that many. The main bonding over this is more between you and me.
-I think some people might worry that while an overheard spanking might be embarrassing to the submissive parent, perhaps hearing such a thing going on would be disturbing and detrimental to the kids listening to it. Did you ever overhear a spanking and find yourself feeling upset by it? Did you ever worry that I was being abused in some way......especially once you knew how serious some of your Mom's spankings were? What were your thoughts when you heard a spanking going on? Did it change over time?
Honestly , it did not bother me and it is still does not bother me. There are times that I zone out, or do not even know or realize it's happening. I go about my day like if nothing was going on at those times. It does not disrupt my life, but when it is brought up in conversation in all seriousness, then I can say how I feel about it. But I have never thought you were being abused or anything, and the majority of the time you either deserve it or it's playful, so I do not have any worries. When they are serious, then my issue is with what you did, not the spanking. Besides...... to me, it all sounds the same. hahaha
-Naturally another huge obstacle for DD couples being open is the fear or concern over the 'sexual overtones'. Interestingly I talked to Ernesto about this and for someone who is not 'into it' he very lucidly explained that he is fully aware that a sexual element can be part of such a lifestyle, but that it is not automatic. He said he can easily separate spankings that are meant as adult foreplay from spankings that can be delivered for 'fun'......like as a bet or dare penalty, and also from those that are purely meant for punishment. What is your take on sexuality and an open DD policy?
I guess it is true because it is seen as more of a sexual pathway, but we are family so we have a line and limits, and know how not to cross it. We have established that even though we accept you guys choosing this lifestyle, that we do not for ourselves, and we do not want to feel uncomfortable................ so it just depends on the people and how they are able to separate the two. I think in this house, we are very good at it, and that is why there has been no trouble.
-Going back over the years, was there a particular event or issue that stands out in your memory as a particularly satisfying example of how domestic discipline practiced openly among family members worked (or works) in our home that would not have been as satisfying........ either without a domestic discipline policy................ or without it being practiced openly?
( Initially, Ana left this blank, so we talked about it. In reminiscing over some past issues, we hit on one that was memorable for us both that involved me teasing her and a friend she had over. It was meant in fun, but Ana felt very embarrassed and took it very badly, and I ended up getting a slip from her for it......for 999 spanks! (Plus a milkshake treat for both her and her friend.). At that time, a slip from Ana usually was in the 100 to 200 spank range. This was a big departure and one where she really flexed her authority......and Rosa supported her and the amount she chose without question. Naturally 999 smacks, spread over several sessions really made an impression on me and Ana admitted feeling pretty good about how that particular issue got resolved. )
-You mentioned that while this lifestyle is not for everyone, it certainly worked out well for all of us. What things in particular do you think are definite advantages to such a lifestyle.....naturally assuming everyone is content in their role?
I guess you get to let your inner feelings play out. You let them flow and feel in control or have the other person be in control of you. I think that is a major advantage because you get to live through your desire and give perks to your partner and experiment with different things without being judged. So it's like your fantasy is playing out in real life.
-And along these same lines, what particular advantages has it been to you personally?
I guess for me it has been the fact that I get to call the shots on certain stuff. And it has taught me to have a better sense of perspective, and judgement for the person and situation......as well as enhancing my confidence, because I feel more confident to call the shots or express my feelings or ask for treats or something more now than when I did when we started this.
So there you have it. I just want to thank Ana for the time and effort she put into this. The last installment will cover my stepson's view.