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Monday, March 5, 2018

Feeling pissy

And not in a sexy, fun way like this picture......


No, I mean pissy as in: upset with a myriad of things and ready to pounce on anything in order to release some of my pent-up anger and frustration. You could say I feel like I'm just looking for a fight.

I had high hopes for this past weekend but it seems the Fates had other plans. They say you should always look for the silver lining in each storm cloud, but this weekend it felt like every tiny thread of silver that came my way had its own nor'easter attached. Very few things worked out well, and even those that did had some upsetting twists in their tails.

And it seems that some of the people closest to me all managed to upset me in some way. In addition, I am also feeling a bit frustrated again with blogging and some members of the blogging community....not all, but some.

One of the weird tendencies I have noticed in my life is that even when multiple things upset me from multiple sources, there always seems to be a theme to them. Perhaps it's just my apophenia acting up, but BOY some of this shit sure feels orchestrated. 

If this recent barrage had a theme, it would be the disparity between what I do for and expect from those around me and what they do for, and expect from me. It's not a new issue. It's a pattern that goes WAY back and is probably ingrained in who I am and the types of people I get close to. I often tell myself that I should just alter my own expectations and I'd be happier......but I think my way of looking at these things is integral to my personality and not just some bad habit to break.

Anyway, I'm not happy. And whoever you are and however you know me, online or RL, if you are reading this, evaluating your recent interactions with me, and thinking, "he can't be talking about me."  You're probably right! But if you're thinking, "hmmm, I wonder if because KDP did such-and-such for me and I never did what he asked from me in return, even though it would have only taken a couple of minutes, he means me?"  there's a good chance you're also right. 

{Edited to add: I've managed to confront two of the people who've upset me and gotten explanations and resolutions on both. So I'm making progress. There are still more to go but some I've decided to not confront, but at least I am a little better than I was.}

8 comments:

  1. you've got to get out more, KDP

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    1. Probably. Winter gets to me after a while. But to be fair, if you are a regular reader here, I can't imagine how you could look at the variety of projects and outings I do and think I'm somehow perennially idle. No, I think this weekend was an example of just flat-out being taken for granted by those around me.....maybe 'amplified' by "winter blues".

      Also, anonymous comments need to have a name....even a fake one.....in the body of the note, or risk deletion. Please leave a name next time so I know who I am talking to. Thanks. Also, please let me know who you are so I can visit your blog.

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  2. Hmmm.....
    apophenia... I had to look that one up. Thank you for the education

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    1. You're welcome. If there was ever an obscure term worthy of looking into it's "apophenia". It explains so much about how we as humans tend to not just elevate the significance of coincidence, but in the case of apophenia, actively force patterns into situations where they do not even exist.

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  3. ok, i admit, i had to look up apophenia too. it's interesting, and not something i had ever come across, neither the word itself nor the concept. I shall have to investigate further. and i hope you're feeling better by now... (seems that you have, based on more recent posts)

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    1. Apophenia explains so many things that people tend to ascribe to the mystical/metaphysical too. And while coincidences do occur, it's interesting to see how humans can read into things that essentially are not causal.

      And yes I am better, thanks.

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  4. I also had to look up apophenia. I think it's something that most people realize, but didn't know there was a word for.

    I definitely understand feeling upset over the disparity of what you do for others, vs what they do for you. I don't do things for others because I want them to do for me. I do because I love them, and when there isn't even the slightest bit of reciprocity, I feel devalued - in my mind it shows they don't care about me as I do them, which isn't always the case.

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    1. Sorry, Lea, I just realized I never responded to this.

      I think we share a similar take on this. Thanks for your opinion.

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