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Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Embarrassment

Yesterday Ana told me that she had not realized I had posted her "Edge Dare" photo and said that now knowing it was up, she would definitely leave a comment......which she did. And I have to say, this dare was a blush-inducer! So, being freshly embarrassed and with "Jackass July" nearing its end, I thought I'd talk a bit about embarrassment in general. 

Besides being something a bit different and out there, “Jackass July” has also prompted me to delve more deeply into what types of situations cause me to genuinely blush with a fluttering stomach versus those that just have a sort of superficial challenge to them. Now I could see how people might think that because I am so 'out there' with bold suggestions for stuff and because I seem fairly comfortable with stuff that others would find embarrassing, that I must be immune to ever being embarrassed. And to be honest? It IS hard to get me to blush. A lot of stuff just doesn't faze me the way it would for someone else. But, let me assure you, that I CAN and DO feel embarrassed with certain things in certain circumstances.

It has only occurred to me recently, however, due to some situations that triggered feelings of true embarrassment that I have not felt in a long time, that there must be some needed elements to produce a reaction.  I mentally re-traced the key events from my past that left a lasting impression on me and found that there were indeed specific patterns that I had not realized before.

The first is the easiest to explain and revolves around those times when I felt compelled for various reasons, to reveal my kinkier side to someone close, but whose reaction I could not predict. The first of these were times when I was involved with someone, and things were going well, and I knew that to be honest, I had to confess my true nature. These occurrences went back to my first serious girlfriend and ended with me revealing my nature to Rosa. But the last of these types of confessions were the two separate conversations I had with my Mother that I have written about before ( Unexpected Support). Early on there was also a conversation like this with a school friend with whom I was not involved but who was the selected candidate for a very unique spanking dare. That story is also told in more detail here: “Double Dare”.

And while I doubt I need to explain in any great detail why the aforementioned ‘confession’ scenarios would be embarrassing, it is interesting that the events described in “Double Dare” also touch directly upon the second type of embarrassing situation for me, and that is the one that warrants some explanation.

As I've explained to others, 'dress-up' regardless of what it is (feminine, sissy, animal, baby, etc.) doesn't bother me much. To me it's just Halloween on a different day. But there are a few other things that are very precise that get me. 

One instance of this happened when I was probably about 21 or 22 in my story "Double Dare". And despite having happened more than 30 years ago, it is still a strong memory. To be brief, I was in a situation of my own making where a school colleague from my Graduate school agreed to co-dominate me with my then girlfriend. I knew all along what was going to happen and was even looking forward to it. But when it was time for it actually happen, the two ladies just took over control and told me to strip right there in front of them. And they did it like, "let's move!" For someone who used to routinely moon people and do naked stuff with friends on occasion, I was shocked at how embarrassed I got. Obviously it wasn’t the mere nudity that got to me, it was not being the one to direct the conditions for it. 


Although in my case I was totally naked, I liked the retro feel of this shot.......and it isn't too far off from what actually happened.

A milder example of this was when I was on a camping trip with my then girlfriend and several other friends from college. It was morning and we could just hear a few people stirring in their tents. I had brought along this Vietnam-era hat like the one Colonel Kilgore wore in “Apocalypse Now” as a sort of gag prop. I got the idea that it might be funny to don the hat, sunglasses, and camping boots…...and nothing else…….and go about waking everyone up like a crazed Drill Sergeant. I already had a reputation for mooning dares and stuff like that, so it wasn’t a huge leap. 


I certainly did my share of college dares!


When I mentioned my idea to my girlfriend, instead of talking me out of it, she snickeringly agreed. So I hastily got myself ready and got to the flap of the tent when I realized just who was out there and how between a bit of nervousness and the chilly temperature, I was not exactly impressive down below and the girls in the group would easily notice that. No one was going to see me and think “oh wow, what a he-man!” So I froze thinking maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. But my girlfriend, who was already used to dominating me, wasn’t having it. She said, “go on! This was your idea, now get out there,” all with a half smile/half ‘too bad’ expression. So I went……...and I felt the wave of blush and flutter as I did.  To be honest, once out there I just drummed up a cocky persona and went with the situation. And for a long time my hat-wearing alter ego was given the name “Colonel Rooster”. I heard about that for years after! One close female friend did indeed tease me later about precisely what I had been concerned about with jokes about there “not being much to see” and it obviously “must have been a cold morning”. 


Robert Duvall as Colonel Kilgore. My hat was a bit different but you get the idea.


Given how most of my future encounters went, I rarely got to experience this feeling often. I was either in the presence of someone I was involved with, OR if I was among others, I was the one in control of the situation. Like streaking through a yard or going skinny-dipping. The only time this sort of exposure ever embarrassed me was on a couple of occasions where the decision to skinny-dip or the 'dare to bare' came from someone else and unexpectedly coincided with me also being locked up. Naturally there was a whole new aspect to getting naked when it meant clearly revealing to a friend or friends how my private parts were secured and controlled. 


I recall two separate occasions, one was a dare and the other just a suggestion for a group "skinny-dip" where I was locked for all to see. About a year ago it almost happened again, but weather and pool conditions prevented it.


One other time in later years, I went to a doctor for what I thought was going to be just a consultation only to find out I was going to undergo one of the most embarrassing exams ever: a urodynamics test (probes on and in my butt, a catheter in my penis, and my feet up in stirrups on an exam table)......not only with a female technician helping out......but with having some residual marks on my butt from a spanking the day before, which I could swear she noticed and smiled over. Again all unexpected and out of my control.


A urodynamics test. There are also patches and probes on your butt!


Now while these stories may all  look different on the surface, there is a consistent theme, and when I started thinking about the key moments that made me blush and stayed in my memory, I realized: they all revolved around being somehow exposed to someone I sort of knew but with whom I was not "involved", at a time when I was not being presented "at my best" (possibly more vulnerable?), and in a way that was partially or totally out of my control. It also added a lot if my exposure seemed more significant to me than to the other person, kind of like when a mother needs to perform some task on their kid that requires the baring of some modesty center and while the kid is mortified, the mother is just being practical. I guess it’s like a feeling of me of being casually regarded at a time when I would expect a bigger deal to be made.

So that was the essence of my recent self-evaluation. When measured against some of the things from Jackass July thus far, there are definitely ones which touched on these crucial elements more than others, but even if a particular dare was not the most embarrassing thing in the world to do, at the very least, they were all fun! And after I finish the month ....and the two "squid dares"......I might give a sort of personal review of which dares got to me the most.

8 comments:

  1. Unlike you, I am pretty easy to embarrass. So, I have not been nearly as daring as you with others. But, I do totally get how situations that wholly or partially outside your control would ramp up the embarrassment, or at least lead to a very amped up sense of vulnerability.

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    1. You don't strike me as someone easy to embarrass, but that goes to show how difficult it is to get a read on someone from solely online interactions.

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    2. I admit it isn't the most consistent aspect of my personality.

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  2. the pic of the girls running in what appears to be the library reminds me of one of my really embaressing humiliations from university. pre hazing crack down likely as this pic woukd have been.

    the dorm had a charity fund raiser where you were nominated by others in the dorm to be auctioned off. typically girls woukd bid on guys and vice versa. during the day you would carry her books buy her lunch open doors. innocent stuff. after hours however got raunchy where the sold off person played along. there were three of us in a common area of the girls dorm made to drag weights around that were tied to our balls, like a medival ball and chain idea, as we served drinks and snacks to the girls. my weight was a gallon milk jug filled with water. i has physced myself up that id be seen but there was over a dozen girls that night. lots of comments about manhood and prowess really got me blushing.

    these days that sort of thing wouod get you expelled

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    1. Where was this? Sounds interesting.

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    2. university in canada early 90's

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  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. Comment deleted for violation of both posting rules: essentially an anonymous non seXquitur.

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