et tu, Jean?

A few days ago, Rosa and I spent a good part of the day with Nickki and Jean. I offered to help open their pool and my Rosa, who is very handy, helped them assemble a new set of patio furniture. We also went out to eat and did a relaxing bout of drinking and socializing.

At one point Nickki and Jean asked me about tearing down their current, weathered pool deck, and building a new one. It was an idea that had come up before. I assured them that I would gladly build their deck and insisted that I wanted no money for it. I gave them my reasons and they understood.

However, since Jean is a huge pool/deck/yard kind of person, Nickki teased aloud in front of Jean and Rosa that if I built the deck that Jean herself would give me a good “reward spanking”. The usually spank-resistant Jean played along and agreed, assuring me that if the deck turned out as she hoped, she would indeed be willing to personally reward me with a good bun-whacking. As a result of this exchange, I was plagued with several competing thoughts…..and some interesting musings.

Change a few details, and this could very well be me and Jean in some unlikely future or alternate reality. But......ya never know!

First, to be honest and clear…...despite the talk, the assurance, and all else…..I STRONGLY doubt such a thing would EVER happen……..even if the deck ends up a masterpiece of construction. Rosa agrees. ( I could see Jean instead saying something like, ‘well yeah, you do deserve a playful spanking reward, but I’ll leave that to Nickki’ and mean it sincerely.)

Second, it is encouraging that Jean, who was very confused by the whole ‘spank thing’ and seemed almost bothered by it initially, has come to a point where she can openly joke about it. If nothing else, it tells me that she isn’t going to prevent her wife from using a paddle on me, even if she herself lacks the inclination.

Third, all of that said, there is definitely a different vibe for me if Jean actually DID decide to do it, since she is very different from Nickki. As I’ve written before, Nickki comes across like a sister or aunt with spanking rights, and who enjoys having that power. She has made no denial of her desire to leave my bottom good and red. Jean, on the other hand, is a bit of a contradiction. Based on appearances, she seems like she would be the tough one, but underneath she is really a big softy, sentimental and prone to public outpourings of her feelings for her friends.

The most likely scenario if she did decide to give it a try, would be a few mild smacks, and if Rosa and Nickki tried to get her to hit harder, she would probably refuse. But I also have known people who have surprised me. I can’t help but have a little internal wonder about whether she could find the experience  more liberating than she imagined and consequently let her inner ‘bad girl’ loose? Or maybe she would just do it dutifully but still fervently? The difference between getting spanked by the mischievous sister who likes doing it and the sweet sister who doesn't really want to but will.....and will still do it in earnest, is.............well......intriguing in its appeal.

In a perfect world, it would be very interesting to end up struggling to accept the spanking Jean felt empowered to give. I think both Rosa and Nickki would consider it the perfect irony as well. And if she ended up liking the experience, I think visits to their house could end up doubly ‘dangerous’. And there would certainly be an edge to that. Getting spanked hard by someone almost reluctant to do it but committed to doing it properly anyway seems very......maternal. For now, though, I will just play with the notion in my head.....which is where it it is most likely to remain.

[ And 'no', even Nickki has not yet delivered her promised punishment. She is aware of it though, and I'm not sure why she hasn't made it happen. In fact, with all the 'spank talk' that Saturday, I was sure she was going to eventually summon me to bend over at some point. But, I was wrong. I'm really not sure what she's waiting for. ]

Fan Clubs

Recently I have been getting myself aggravated …...and consequently overreacting…...to comments on blogs. It has happened so regularly that I was forced to examine why. What was it exactly that led me to see things in comments that weren’t specifically stated, or to assume the worst about the author of the comment? It took a bit of reflection, but then it became clear: Fan Clubs.

I hate fan clubs more than I hate the sometimes dubious object of adoration. In a DD setting you can see it often. I can point to so many instances in so many diverse places that all ended up with one common thread: each situation, no matter how different, all prompted me to go into ‘attack mode’ at the slightest provocation.

What exactly do I mean by “fan club”?  It’s a phenomenon you can see everywhere…...especially in politics right now. A person gets a following by virtue of something elusive or inconsequential, whether it is a certain perceived charisma, or a projected sense of dominance. Look at Trump. His followers will not abandon him no matter what. Substance is unimportant. Criticism is futile.  And it is not that much different in DD.

I used to be a regular on two DD forums that had a disproportionate number of M/f members. The fan club then focused on the most boisterous male Tops. No matter what they said, no matter how boorish or even incorrect, they were still the heroes. Women, or sub men, with differing opinions were routinely turned upon by the adoring fans of the Alphas. It didn’t matter how lucid their points were. It didn’t matter if the male Top behaved abominably and broke one forum rule after another. The adoring female subs just elevated them higher on their pedestals.

More recently I have seen it in F/m settings where any believable female is automatically elevated to goddess status just like the guys on the M/f sites. And the worst part is that these people didn’t ask for this honor, and maybe didn’t even expect it. Many are good people with intelligent insights to offer. But what happens it that at some point that no longer matters. I know of several women who are bemused by their ‘fans’ and don’t take them too seriously, but still enjoy the attention. Even then, I have seen women begin to make teasing comments to the male readers in a "you better behave" sort of way. If confronted, it's always passed off as just joking, but I sometimes see it more as playing the "Top card" as a way to control people who have in no way consented  or agreed to be controlled. (I often think: 'OK, you may be the Top.......but you're not my Top.') I have even seen several instances where a Top 'guest' will scold the blog or forum's submissive host or hostess, believing their role gives them that privilege.

The other thing is, no matter how wonderful some of these folks can be, it is impossible to criticize or challenge them without inviting the ire of the whole ‘club’. And to be honest, not all of them ARE wonderful. Some objects of fandom are very full of themselves. There is  a reason the term “Top’s Disease” originated in the BDSM community. You give a person power and do nothing but worship them and it is very difficult for that person to not start believing their press.

Now for me personally.....and where I have been getting into trouble......is when a Top shows up, posts regularly, and a pattern emerges: the Top says something and a chorus of praise ensues from the worshiping subs. Another person says something, maybe even more clever or worthy…...crickets. Top speaks again…...more deafening praise. Over and over. As a result, the curmudgeon in me begins to resent the Top and I see fault or take issue with whatever the adored Top writes….even if it’s more of a perception rather than fact. It's like I want everyone to remember that a dominant BDSM/DD role does not automatically translate into "genius status". But it never works and I always end up looking like the jerk. And this has happened even when my issue with the Top was based on something genuine and not imagined. Validity makes no difference to the "fan club", only blind allegiance.

Having now realized that this is what has been happening, I am trying to come up with a plan to avoid getting sucked into useless arguments over both real and imagined issues. So far, just realizing the origins for this has already helped me be more objective. Hopefully I can keep this safe distance going forward.

Comparison

What people should be concerned about:

What people are actually concerned about:

I read an article recently that said that on the campaign trail, candidates are hearing from their constituents that they are  more concerned about health care than whether the president has or is abusing the powers of his office. So I am left with a disturbing question: "If a totalitarian czar took over this country.......but promised really good health care, would the 'average American' be just fine with that?" If so....FUCK YOU!

I love the hypocrisy of Trump's asslickers who will stand by complacently as every aspect of "checks & balances" are thwarted and made impotent......empowering the Executive Branch to a level intentionally made difficult by our monarch-hating Founding Fathers, who will then wave their flags on July 4th and Veterans Day extolling the sacrifice of those who died for the freedoms of our country singing a nasally country twang of "Proud to be an American". What shit! What fucked-up stupidity! How dare you?!  How dare you wave the flag and drag out the corpses of the honorable and noble dead, and yet not have the balls to criticize the most blatant threat to those hard-fought freedoms we have seen? FUCK YOU! 

But I also question the rest of the country.  Where are the protests? Where are the riots? The demonstrations? People react more for one person who gets beaten up by a cop than a would-be dictator trying to undermine the entire system of American government. And so to you also, I say, FUCK YOU!

And I'm not a Democrat, so 'no' I didn't like when Obama did it either. But what sort of precedent are we setting here now? If Trump is successful in empowering the Executive Branch with unlimited, unchecked power, and if the newly-loaded conservative courts support it all, should I be happy knowing that all we will need is an election where a Democrat gets in.........and now has the SAME LEVEL OF UNCHECKED POWER? Well 'NO" I'm not! I don't want a Democrat having unchecked power. Hell, I don't want any president to have unlimited unchecked power! And if you know your fucking history, neither did any of the folks who constructed our government.

I just spent a weekend in Washington DC, and while it's not as historically relevant as Philadelphia, the question still hangs in the air: "Is this what our Forefathers had in mind when drafting the Constitution? Could these men who risked being hanged as traitors, have ever envisioned that had a person like Trump come along that the Legislative Branch would have been just fine with it?" They envisioned the possibility of a Trump. They had seen what unchecked power could do in the hands of monarchs and tyrants and constructed a government to ensure that such a person could be easily removed. They knew "trumps" existed. What I think they never envisioned was a party so complicit in enabling such a person to retain power. How could they? Even with their own differences, they all could agree on keeping power limited. What better way than with, not two, but three co-equal branches? Could these men have ever guessed that even with this safeguard in place, one day......it just wouldn't matter?

Republicans who are complicit in this will go down in history as the gutless scum that they are. Democrats who bide their time thinking it will be soon their turn to exploit the same abuses will be equally guilty. So hey, "elected representatives", here's an idea: TRY DOING THE RIGHT THING for a change. You might find out that if you just look at what  is right and good for our country the answer transcends whether you think like an elephant or a donkey. And if you can't do the right thing despite being elected to do so? Then really, truly, and deeply......FUCK YOU! (And don't try to retaliate by saying "fuck you" back, because if this is what we've devolved to, we're all already fucked.)

Weekend in DC

We decided that we needed a break from our financially- frugal  lifestyle and get away for a bit. So on Friday we packed up and drove out to Washington DC for a weekend getaway. Now I have been to Washington many times and have seen an awful lot of the city, but my Rosa had never been there. So....it was time.

One of my favorite quotes by Lincoln is engraved on the wall in the exhibit on the level below his statue:

How perfectly logical.

We hit the major museums and although I was pretty familiar with them, they do seem to rotate their exhibits because I did not remember this piece and I just loved it:

A very cool combination weapon....a double barrel pistol grip cutlass! Positively badass.

We walked so much our legs are still sore......and this is from two folks who hike often! But we literally trudged on for miles on foot to see everything we could without relying on tour buses. 

Rosa's favorite things were the exhibits on Human Origins in the Natural History, and some of the heart-breaking things she saw at the American History Museum on past immigration and early settlement of the country.

And here we are by the Capitol Building. 

Socio-political Entropy

........and once it's out, may all those who thought it was fine be made to swallow it.

I'm done. My own outrage has done nothing but consume me rather than my targets. For my own sanity I need a different approach......and perhaps selfish hedonism is the way to go? 

I feel like I did when Disney acquired Marvel. Now, I just look back on the old days with warm nostalgia and ignore what's currently presented. It's the same with our country. Though never perfect, I can still look back on the good and the aspiring aspects knowing:

1: By the time global warming and species loss destroy human life, I'll probably be dead.

2: None of the progressive legislation being challenged will affect me personally if overturned. Nor will I likely be the target of a hate crime. Robbery maybe? But I won't have my church bombed since I don't go to any. And no one is going to try to deport me. (I'm an older, straight, white, atheist, male citizen with a 401K. Good luck everyone else.)

3: I can't change the world. I'll still vote as I think I should, but I can't convince anyone else to see things the way I do.

4: "Hey, I didn't break it!" ....so I have the dubious comfort of being somewhat guiltless, or at least as guiltless as someone who tried can be. 

5: A nightmare can't end until those in it wake up.

In the meantime, warm weather is coming. Liquor stores are still operational. I have good people around me. And so Summer can be wonderful in my own backyard, if I don't bother to look too far past it.

View from my window

It's been mixed weather here in NJ, and at one point it was a bit overcast and misty. I had been working on repainting our kitchen and making some tweaks to its decor when I decided to take a break. Looking out from my dining room window I saw the wisteria on my arbor/deck in full bloom. The overcast lighting also brought out the calming lavender color of the flowers. (If you walk under it the fragrance is almost overwhelming.) It was a little thing by most standards......but it really made me happy on a gloomy day.

I can't wait to stain the new small one that is located opposite of this one. I have already begun training vines for it.