However, for a while now, I have found myself feeling less and less connected with fellow DD-ers, and too often their anecdotes and views on DD have brought out feelings of bewildered irritation in me rather than a sense of connection. Sometimes this has resulted in me not participating to the degree I used to, and sometimes even prompted me to write rebuttals from a more cynical perspective. The truly odd part of that was that I wasn't even aware of why I was feeling so irritated at the time. Now I think I do.
After a lot of self-analysis, I now understand what has happened: my interest in DD has simply waned in light of other needs. When Rosa and I were a younger, fresh couple, we spent a lot of time fooling around and experimenting, with DD being a big part of an even bigger chunk of interaction, but now, ten years or so later, with me on the cusp of turning 60, we have settled into a pattern of less frequent interaction as most couples do. And I think that when the time and mood is right for us, I find myself reluctant to spend it as a punished miscreant. Instead, given everything I do and all the effort I make on a daily basis, I want to feel appreciated and treated, treated to "play", fun, love, and even praise. And while I still think chastity is the best policy for me, and remain committed to the 'rules', I find that a nice sanctioned 'o' every now and then is something I look forward to more than being held "accountable" for behavior. In other words, my need for 'reward' and 'fun' has overtaken my past need for 'correction'.
Smiles instead of frowns.....but a bottom just as red!
The surprising thing about this though, is that I'm not looking for any big changes. I'm not going to negotiate an end to our DD arrangement. I will still adhere to our "House Rules" and still willingly accept punishment for the more obvious and flagrant violations (though this is so infrequent I doubt there will be many occurrences and my guess is that the ones that DO occur will be 'lighter' in seriousness.....more like 'excuses to punish' linked to actual misdeeds, but minor ones) . So, given this long preamble, you might be wondering: "well what IS changing?" And the answer is, "not much." It's more of a shift of emphasis than a change in overall lifestyle.
I see my ideal type of interaction with Rosa being more BDSM-ish: Pampering with some twist, teasing and foot worship, spankings for display of dominance rather than for behavior, experimentation with other ways to inflict sexy pain, and O's for both of us. (OK maybe more for her than me, but that's just part of the 'game') LOL
Posts here will continue to look not that much different than they ever have with a blend of topics and anecdotal revelations of personal adventures of various types. I'm still the kinky me I have always been. What will change will be my involvement elsewhere online. I am probably going to have to scale back my DD interactions since I will be more like a BDSM outsider than a DD INsider. This will also prevent exchanges "going South" due to my inability to relate to what is being discussed. So no one should take this the wrong way. And because I have come to feel connected with many folks out there, I do want to maintain those relationships to the degree I can.....I'm just going to have to figure out what that level is.