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Friday, December 6, 2019

Elfin spirit

This little bastard is getting more action than ME!

It's been a while since I posted and a lot has happened.....but nothing worthy of a full post. Thanksgiving  came and went (both of them: Thursday & Saturday) neither were bad, I had a birthday ( 60th ) along with a birthday brunch and that was......nice, there have been good days and bad, ups and downs, hopeful starts and disappointing stalls to our sex life.....and through it all I have repeatedly observed how, for some reason, I have no "Christmas Spirit" this year. None. Zero. 

At first I attributed it to the fact that, despite the proliferation of all things Christmas being brandished in stores, I had not even had my Thanksgiving turkey. I figured that maybe after Thanksgiving I'd get in the mood. But......nope. I knew with a shorter-than-usual Christmas Season it would behoove me to put up the decorations apace.....but I had no enthusiasm for it. Instead I adopted the psychological notion of "fake it till you make it" and just dove in as I often do and put up the tree, outside decorations, inside decorations, and the elaborate "Dept. 56 Dickens Village" (which I finished yesterday). However at no point, even now, do I feel even a stirring.

As many of you know, I tend to disdain most things a majority of people enjoy, from almost anything 'pop culturish', to commercial trends, all the way to anything broadly insipid. So, while I do enjoy certain productions of "A Christmas Carol", movies like "A Christmas Story" or worse....."Elf" would probably incite me to burn down the Rockefeller Center Tree. 

At one point Rosa and I had to go to Walmart to get some replacement lights for some strands that would not light this year. While there we were forced to peruse a long aisle of possibilities while the absolute WORST Christmas music was being played incessantly over a small, music player nestled among their displayed trees.  I wanted to ask the employees if anyone had been taken out in a strait jacket after exposure to this audio-bombardment, and if not to just give it time since it's still early in the month.

Why does no one play Handel's Messiah (other than local choirs) ? That's a pretty decent chunk of music, is it not? In fact there is a lot of good music devoted to Christmas. So why do stores feel compelled to play twelve different versions of "Baby It's Cold Outside" instead of ....hell......even one friggin' version of "Silent Night"? And dammit....I'M A FUCKING ATHEIST!!!! Where are all those Bible-thumpers when it comes to music? These fuckers want to insist on saying "Merry Christmas" to Muslim and Jewish shoppers, but they can't lobby for some decent carols to be played over the music system?

But relatively recently there has been another schmaltzy, and even oddly creepy, addition to the growing lore and tradition of Christmas: ELF on a FUCKING SHELF! And the originator of this essentially manipulative child intimidation in elf-form has profited tremendously from this sick idea. I mean, why not just tell the kids, "look you little bastards, Dad and I have installed security cameras all throughout the house, so don't even THINK of misbehaving......or your Christmas morning will seem like a day in Siberia!" The only thing I can think of is that making up a story about a vigilant, squealer elf is CHEAPER!

Thankfully, and refreshingly, it turns out I'm not the only one who feels this way. So to conclude today's post, here are a few of my favorite images of the Elf on a Shelf ( though no one has done what I would.....slice open his bottom and mount him on a dildo sticking up from the mantelpiece!)


There is a certain nostalgia to the 'tied to the railroad tracks' notion.......

......but I like the idea that other toys actually take a hand in the elf's demise.

Get the plunger ready!


This one made me chuckle.

And despite the poor image quality, I really enjoyed this creative "Dexter" allusion.

But for sheer impact, it's hard to beat THIS one!

Hey! What do you know? I feel a tinge more Christmasy already!






16 comments:

  1. Your elves are my style of Christmas spirit!

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    1. >grin<

      Thanks, Lurker!

      Congrats on your "Spooner" too!

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  2. Well Happy Birthday KD the elf pics are great.

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    1. Thank you, Joe & thank you again! (Part of me would love to make some myself......but I refuse to buy one of these damned things! LOL)

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  3. HBD

    Those elf pics were exactly what I needed. You are definitely a weirdo (just like my best friend who is also an artist and could have written the same diatribe that you did).

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    1. Thanks, Tomy. Weirdo? Me? Where the heck would anyone get THAT idea? ;-)

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  4. I heartily agree regarding the movie Elf. I absolutely hate it. But, in general, Christmas is my favorite time of year. Yet, this year I am in the same place as you -- zero Christmas spirit, and no obvious signs of it on the horizon. Even my few scattered attempts at getting some spirit have been frustrated. We tried to put up the tree last night, but as soon as I had it assembled (we have a large fake tree), the stand I bought last year failed in dramatic fashion, and tonight we'll need to start all over again.

    I think the main impediment to me getting into the season is just time. I've been going non-stop and have seldom even been in my own house over the last month. It's hard to get into the spirit of one our most family and community oriented holidays when the people who see me most regularly these days are the bartenders in the airline lounge.

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    1. Too bad about the tree. Very frustrating.

      For us, neither Rosa nor I are big Christmas fans. Too many bad experiences for her and too many years in retail for me.

      Too bad about the time away from home for you, but there can actually be an upside to that if you can mentally swing it: you know the 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' angle. Maybe try looking at it all that way. Personally I have faith that you'll feel the spirit eventually.

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  5. Well, I admire your ability to still 'go through the motions' of holiday decorating and preparation, even when not feeling much of the "Christmas spirit"--if I don't have the emotion, I have trouble doing much of anything along those lines.

    However, I do greatly appreciate Christmas, although my decorating is usually limited to a tree, still the music in public, the store decorations, the trying to find good (yet economical) presents for family members, the sending of cards, the church service on Christmas Eve, all of that I find uplifting--even the parts motivated primarily by 'crass commercialism.'

    As for those "Elf" photos, while I wouldn't at all mind reenacting that first one with my darling wife, I'll leave the rest of them to someone else.

    I've been a sexagenarian for a while already, I'll just caution you that it's not necessarily so erotic as the term might suggest... --C.K.

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    1. Sorry, CK, somehow I missed your post. Love your last line....very funny.

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  6. i'm not a fan of the ELF thing myself. but these were pretty funny.

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    1. Hey there, dear. Yeah, it's a creepy notion....but it does provide material for the more twisted among us.

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