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Monday, August 31, 2020

Mecha-Trump




Trump is an android manufactured by the Russians.

Don’t roll your eyes at me…...it makes perfect sense. So hear me out, because it explains a lot. Think of the way a lot of people accuse Trump of being Putin’s puppet. Well, what better, more reliable puppet than a  truly artificial one? Putin can have it programmed to do his bidding without worry of betrayal and can even use it as an intelligence gathering device for top secret information. And it explains why Trump has a sort of strongman view of how government works. His understanding of the U.S. Constitution is exactly like the way a Russian would imagine it to be when writing his programs. 


Here is a side-by-side comparison of  the Trump type 3 (the model currently in the White House) and the Trump type 2......an earlier Russian attempt. (Don't even try to picture the Type 1!)

The Russians aren't totally incapable of improving on a model as can be seen by these very early prototypes based on the traditional Russian nested egg design. These were part of an experimental program designed to be inserted into the rectums of Trumplicans and then mobilized when the time was right. They would then drop out and separate to form an army of Russian-controlled Trump-mini-droids. The program was scrapped when the Russians realized that the asses of the average Trumplican were WAY too tight for initial insertion however and that the potential hosts would take way too long to anally train to accommodate the droids.

Being a robot also explains why Trump has no empathy. How can he if he’s not even human? It explains why he can live the way he does, and be in the apparent shape he’s in, and not drop dead from a stroke or heart attack like anyone else would if they did the same. He also can fearlessly walk about a Covid-19-infested world without wearing a mask while disdaining any weak, pitiful human who does, and never personally be infected with the disease. 

The Trump type 3 is clearly more comfortable around his own kind than he is around people.


It even explains why he looks the way he does. I mean seriously, does his hair look real? Does that orange skin tone seem even remotely natural? No….but it’s the best the Russians can do right now.  Think about it. If he is a RUSSIAN droid, how well can he possibly be built? This is the country that brought you Chernobyl, remember? So that's why he’s already malfunctioning. His speech program is obviously degrading,


........ the motor control is starting to go....... and even the synthetic epidermal layer is beginning to sag.



But that's why the Russians already have a new model ready for activation:


The "Trumpinator", a battle-version currently being held in a Russian airplane hangar in the event of a loss on Election Day.

A secret film of the Trumpinator on a test run in Russia,

Now despite these arguments and images you can say I have no real proof and these are just my own ravings coupled with images gleaned from the internet, but  since when, after 2015, does anyone need something as useless and superfluous as factual evidence anymore? Get with the program……...the same program obviously running our current president.


11 comments:

  1. And, given how badly Siri and other speech programs garble dictation, it would kind of explain Trump's syntax. BTW, regarding the slippery ramp thing, there were times when he was walking into his acceptance speech at the RNC that he was shuffling and then clutching the rail walking up the stairs like he was trying not to fall. I bet we find out at some point that his mysterious trip the hospital a few months ago was a stroke.

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    1. It does. No stroke....... compromised hydraulics.

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  2. Big OMG! This is so good, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

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  3. Mr?BillSails don't cry yet........wait until Harris becomes president
    archedone

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    1. This notion reminds me of why there are so many different kinds of horror movie monsters.

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  4. I have the best product that bears Trump's face, a toilet brush, I also have toilet paper with his face on it. This is a first for a sitting President. Jack

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    1. My only concern over such a brush is that it wouldn't work but complain all the time instead. And Trump toilet paper seems like something that would irritate rather than cleanse. ;-)

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    2. Correct on both accounts. Jack

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