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Tuesday, February 16, 2021

Covid, consent, & consequence


Not much consent in this situation, but that doesn't mean Mom is wrong. Is there a compromise between an authority figure deciding a punishment is in order and someone (particularly a usually receptive adult) who is resistant? Let's find out.

Readers here might think that due to recent posts, that not a lot of spanking or DD was going on between Rosa and me. But that is not the case. There has been quite a bit, and today I would like to tell you all about it. But first let’s lay out a kind of theme for it all: consent.  A while back I wrote the following excerpts on morningstar’s blog: 

“I would venture to say that for me at least, the pre-spanking mindset is actually more important than aftercare.....though that too can be important.”  

“And while I agree that even a planned or upcoming play session is going to be off to a disastrous start if there's some issue floating around. But here at least, it's very easy to admit the mood is off and postpone without any fuss or bad feelings. Rosa and I are pretty reasonable people.”

“Where things can get sticky, and have in the past, are those "real" spankings…………………….I am admittedly the oddball in that a lot of ( DD-ers) believe that if it's real, you go along with it no matter how you feel at the time. That just won't work for me. The resentment would kill the love between us. So what we do is a different approach. If the "real thing" is a somewhat minor "no-brainer" with no complications, even if I'm not 'in the mood', I accept the spanking without much fuss. (think a "make the bed" rule where not for any good reason I don't do it. If confronted I have no real reason to object to a trip across Rosa's lap.)”

“But some serious issues are complicated and loaded with emotions on both sides. The current issue here is precisely one of these. We will not just proceed with something serious if I am resistant. BUT even my resistance is not by itself sufficient for the issue to drop. So what happens? Well Rosa summed it up perfectly a day ago when during a serious talk about something I did that was very serious but very colored by mitigations of many kinds, she felt she needed to address it with an eventual punishment. So rather than just declare it, she just "put it out there" and gave me time to wrap my head around it. Initially I was very defensive but discussions with my daughter and Son-in-Law and also with my Monster, Ana, AND with my own softening on not just seeing my side but opening up to Rosa's, I came around to the conclusion that Rosa was indeed right to want to address it. And I knew that when she did it was not going to be fun. Rosa told me that she knew this would happen. She said "I know you're not a jerk, but I also know you well enough now to know that sometimes you just need some time to process everything." Amazing stuff! Rosa knows that while on paper she has the authority to eliminate this step, but she also knows two things. Doing so endangers the relationship but waiting a bit for acceptance provides her with the retribution and justice she is seeking, only with me now a willing penitent. She prefers that. A serious punishment spanking from her is going to hurt plenty. It is not going to be fun. But if I go into it feeling she is right rather than feeling this is unfair, she feels....as do I.....the punishment becomes a very effective process. So.....be tough and rigid and achieve little, or be reasonable but firm, wait a bit for acceptance.....and have an opportunity for extremely productive punishment.”

There is actually a real story to go along with this declaration of principle, and that is the subject of today’s post.

After my Covid recovery was well underway and Rosa and I were both feeling better, I was “in a mood” and asked for a ‘just because’ spanking. Rosa agreed quickly and after I was across her lap I found out why. It seems that Rosa had been suppressing a desire to punish me for certain aspects of my behavior during my illness. But being a sticky subject, she had been waiting for the right time to bring it up. Hearing me ask for a spanking, convinced her that this was indeed that time………..not for the punishment itself, but just to bring up her thoughts on the matter. 

Before giving me a short play spanking (which hurt like hell since I was so out of practice) she told me what about the behavior she found unacceptable. Now, at the time I was very defensive and felt like I was not really thinking clearly when I acted as I did, but Rosa held firm to two things: one was that this wasn’t going to happen right away since she wanted me “on board”, and second that her desire to do this was fairly adamant. 

I had to really think on this, but as I mentioned in my excerpts above, a lot of discussion with others brought me around to seeing her point. A point shared by those closest to me.  While my daughter and SIL are aware of our lifestyle our discussion never ventured into Rosa’s desire to punish me, but just dealt with the ‘general scariness’ of my behavior, and in that regard they sided fully with Rosa.

Later I engaged in a text discussion with my Monster, Ana, where the punishment aspect WAS clearly brought up. By this time I was already wavering and seeing much more of Rosa’s point, but Ana helped me fully embrace it. Ana felt that her mother was quite right about my behavior but also saw enough of my side to concede that my feelings should also be allowed to be aired fully beforehand. BUT once aired, I should then accept the very clear consequences. 

I even asked Ana if this had nothing to do with Rosa and was just her decision, what she herself thought, and her firm response was that she too thought serious punishment was called for. That admission led to some discussion where I asked her if she truly felt that way would she object to me telling Rosa about our conversation and her opinion and would she also want to contribute to it? She readily consented and suggested an additional “400 from her” could be added to whatever her mother decided.

A short time later, I asked Rosa if we could talk about what was becoming known as “the Covid Punishment” and she agreed. We talked for a long time and covered a lot of issues. And it was in that discussion where Rosa made her comment about knowing that if she put this idea out there for me to be able to digest, that ultimately I would see her side and agree to the consequences.  I felt so close to her in that moment! She really understood me and the efficacy of a punishment when both parties were resolved to it as an appropriate measure.

The next day Rosa said we were going to get started BUT she did not want to end with Ana’s add-on, but begin with it so she could conclude with her own. And so I got a hard ( specifically asked for ) 400-swat spanking that had me sore for days.

SpongeBob can relate to how I felt and the condition of my posterior after "Ana's 400".

I was very worried when Rosa told me that hers would total 1000 spanks divided into three installments since sequential spankings are a living hell. Luckily for me circumstances intervened and I got several days of respite before Rosa started in with her punishment. The first spanking totaled 400 spanks with the next two comprising 300 each.  All of her first 400 were hard. All were serious. This was clearly no joke and no play session.  

I didn't get a shot of the end result of Rosa's first 400, but this gives you an idea of what it was like.

The following two were supposed to follow shortly over the course of the next two days, but circumstances thwarted this plan. As a result, it took a while for each installment to take place, but they eventually did, with the last one happening this past Saturday. 

Not a great shot, but this was me after Rosa's middle 300.

Interestingly, on Sunday, now feeling fresh and forgiven, Rosa and I engaged in a day of intimacy. Rosa suggested I wear pink frillies in honor of the day and later had such a powerful O she got a butt cramp from it! (we laughed so much over that....after it subsided since it wasn't that funny at the time.....that she told me I could tell you all about it.) 

Not Rosa this time, but just a pair of soles to illustrate the view I had for a good part of Sunday. Though, LOL, it was not the ONLY view!

She even spanked me again......for fun......though it hurt more than usual because of the spanking soreness from Saturday.

Valentine frillies. Who needs a Hallmark card?

The pink from that Valentine spanking on top of the last punishment spanking. That's me in the kitchen about to make my Honey breakfast. In my last post I said we don't go too far out for Valentine's and the daily making of coffee for my Rosa is proof of the daily attention she gets. I even made her an original cocktail of my own design. She had THREE!

And yes, I finally got that O for myself! And it kind of resembled this:

I might be embarrassed to admit to how little time and effort it took Rosa and her vibrating massager to cause this explosion, (I actually saw colors) but considering how long it had been since my last O, I am not going to blush one bit. LOL. I doubt anyone else would have lasted much longer.

So in the last couple of weeks I have gotten around 1750 smacks on my  bottom…...a bottom pretty tenderized as a result!  Rosa has been unusually aggressive sexually too. No complaint on that! LOL (And recently Nickki texted me that we should schedule something between us sometime soon. ) I suppose it's a good example that just because something is not being written about doesn't mean it's not happening. LOL

 

20 comments:

  1. I am curious - if you can - would you be a little more specific about your 'bad' behaviour during your bout with covid that brought about this punishment.

    IF you don't wish to discuss it - I do understand!

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    1. Well it's more complicated than personal and the post was already a bit long, but it basically came down to a kind of stubbornness on my part to disregard things Rosa was telling me that in all honesty were potentially lifesaving. My initial defense was that I wasn't thinking clearly BUT I also admitted that when I wasn't thinking clearly I also KNEW I wasn't thinking clearly and still didn't listen to her important advice on self-care and even going to the emergency room. I had a weird idea in my head of certain things I had to do before going in and refused to go before they were done, once done, I asked her to take me, but the things were absurd and unnecessary in comparison to the threat to my health that she more clearly recognized. Her point was just that she ended up very stressed, worried, scared, etc. all while knowing what I was doing was ridiculous. She called the people I mentioned who worried as well.

      So that's pretty much it. The lesson for the future was "when sick and not thinking clearly, just follow the advice of the person who IS thinking clearly".

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    2. ok now I feel I can offer a more educated?? LOL response.

      I happen to be very stubborn when I am sick/hurt AND I HATE doctors like major panic attacks just thinking about calling one for god's sakes.. BUT even when I have been so sick I wasn't thinking properly when I was told I was going to the doctor's/emergency I must admit I didn't complain I was that sick.

      Now I have a question for you - IF Rosa was sick and obviously not thinking clearly and not getting better wouldn't you want her to go to the emerg?? wouldn't you stress if she refused?? To hell with Dom sub crap - this is a matter of LOVE which trumps everything else in my opinion.

      So yeah you deserved a damn good paddling -- BUT I am glad she waited this long and let you have time to wrap your head around it. A punishment is absolutely no good if nothing is learned from it.

      Last question --
      Did you learn something?

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    3. Well I certainly learned from a lot of sources that I shouldn't expect any sympathy on this one. LOL

      I guess I will try to be more open in the future, but the plain fact is I don't know what would happen. I have the intellectual capacity to see the logic in lots of things and trust that. When I think something is right it's hard for me to trust someone else's advice. And there is more to the story that would turn this into a book LOL But the short addendum is that besides this punishment, my or "our" Covid scare prompted some action that we had been procrastinating on. Stuff like financial information. (Several of the conditional "things" I felt I had to do before going in was paying some important bills and I was waiting on a check to clear. Once paid I sat on the edge of the bed and said "OK, take me to the hospital". I really thought I had to do this because I didn't think I was going to be coming home. But in retrospect it was silly. The bills at worst would be a little late and maybe not even late. And she was capable of handling them if she had to. My stubborn attitude was more in my head than a reality.)

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  2. I just love happy (pink) endings!

    I know that it has taken Shilo a while to process and understand why a disciplinary spanking was necessary in the past.

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  3. It seems so ungrateful of you not to believe in God, when he kept intervening on your behalf with all those longer than planned gaps between your spanking sessions! LoL

    Seriously, isn't it funny how often we get into arguments with our spouses in which at first we are full of righteous indignation and sure of the rightness of our own cause, and then after a few hours or days we either come completely around to her position or at least become much, much less confident of our own rightness? It has happened to me so many times over the years.

    I am one of those DD-ers who do like the idea of the relationship as a whole feeling less consensual even if in reality it plainly has at least "big picture" consent. And, I do understand what you mean about how being aligned on the reasons for a punishment make it seem more just and right. And, yet . . . I've also had it happen a few times where I felt like maybe a punishment was not fully justified, or was just a lot harder than had really been earned and, while I felt resentment in the moment, over time there was something very much a turn-on about her using her power in the way she wanted whether I liked it or not.

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    1. Well just like the capricious god he must be, yes, he does seem to intervene on my behalf on things like this, and then consistently fucks me on finances, relatives dying, and other stuff. He behaves so RANDOMLY, why.....it's almost like chance. LOL

      Agree on your second paragraph. And sometimes my shift is not always a recognition of error on my part, but a recognition of how adversely my behavior, even if not really wrong, hurt or affected her. In this case though it seems from too many others that I was just being a foolish and reckless ass. LOL

      I know the last paragraph characterizes our differences in this nicely. However, while I think my consent position has been the source of consternation in the past, I am hoping that examples like this show how it can work without undermining the authority figure, as is often cited as a potential downside.

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    2. I've never had the problem some do with the "undermining the authority figure" issue, unless it is just chronic in a way that makes the whole thing a game. There was a guy who used to post on my blog several years ago (I can't remember his "name" at this point) who simply enraged some of the female commenters. He constantly whined at his wife to spank and cane him more often and more severely, then as soon as she would do so, he would wimp out. I was actually surprised at just how pissed some of the female commenters got at him, but it really was a pattern in which he was pretty critical of the wife not meeting his needs, then he'd go running away whenever she tried.

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    3. Well THAT would be counterproductive.

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  4. Glad to know you finally got that O!

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    1. Thanks. Even Rosa joked that it was obvious I needed it but understood why I felt funny about asking sooner.

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  5. That was quite the enduring series of spankings KD , Rosa must have really enjoyed yourself .....and that elusive O for you must have felt spectacular!
    The cute pink undies while you serve Rosa are a nice touch....

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    1. She was actually very serious and businesslike initially, but by the last 300, she seemed to be less stern. It didn't change her spanking though! LOL

      And yes, the O was Top 5!

      We have a small collection of panties. I have what I think is an atypical feeling about them. I am not turned on by crossdressing per se, and I definitely don't look feminine. (I'd be the ugliest woman on earth. LOL) But I like that she enjoys me in them and wear them like a kinky costume.

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    2. Of course we have no idea how much our ladies are enjoying giving a spanking as all we can see is the floor and not her face !
      Her voice may be stern but I'm sure there are lots of smirks and smiles as she spanks away !
      A well spanked bottom in pink undies has got to make her smile ....

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    3. Very true! What a logical conclusion!

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  6. Can I ask you something one sub to another? And please forgive me if you've answered this before. For you personally what is the benefit of a punishment? It's a sincere question not a question of not understanding punishments. I'm punished so I understand them. Lol.

    I know we've have discussed a few things in a round about way on others blogs concerning consent and this particular punishment. I was just curious if you could expand on the benefit of maybe at least this punishment. Will it be a deterrent? Is it a resuming of the balance of power? Is it so Rosa can expell her emotions over this and you feel there is nothing negative left between you? All or none of the above? Lol

    Willie

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    1. These are3 precisely the kinds of questions/interactions I am looking for, Willie, so absolutely.

      I would say I have a range of feelings about different punishments and they encompass some aspect or combination of the aspects you state: deterrent, establishing/reaffirming roles, release of emotion anger for her-guilt for me, the restoration of the "blank slate", and perhaps some others I am forgetting. For me the deterrent aspect is the weakest since I am pretty diligent, so slacker behavior, or overindulgence and other 'bad habits' are not the things I usually get punished for. Instead it's the things that I probably would not think about in the moment....outbursts, impetuous reactions, impatience. These are things in me that will probably never go away completely so punishment gives Rosa a way to address it so she feels vindicated.

      I would say THIS one is more about that and me realizing the terrible spot my stubbornness put her in. But at the time, I thought I was being responsible, not stubborn. And after it was all over, it achieved that result. We were reconnected and had a lovely day on Sunday.

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    2. Well then it makes perfect sense ( not that you're seeking approval) to me that you had your head wrapped around it before hand then. It's not like you can often beat a realization into someone- though it has been done on occasions here. Mind you that really has been more about removing my defences so I can see clearly what I was too fearful to see prior.

      I'm not a deterrent type sub who's spanked either. My poor choices are primarily emotionally based, so that being said I don't THINK about the consequences in the moment as all rational thinking has left me by that point. Lol.

      Thanks for answering

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    3. No problem, it was a good question. And it seems may have different 'parts' but a similar approach to DD. ;-)

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