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Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Kinky militancy & kissing

As usual, an interesting conversation had been brewing over at Dan’s place a short while back. And it prompted some ‘gut reaction’ in  me. Not so much with precisely what was being discussed, but the issue in general of what it seems to be like for so many people who harbor unusual desires. 

I get it.  I came out early and it was the late 70’s. Things were different and TTWD was only beginning to be discussed as anything other than the sick thing it had been considered for so long prior. So when you grow up reading books on this thing you know you have in you, and you keep seeing the word “aberration”, it isn’t surprising to feel wary. But pretty quickly I came to a new view. This was who I was. And rather than being overly shamed by it, I grew a little more militant. 

An oldie of mine that illustrates just how far back my kinky militancy goes.

The old way of looking at it was this kind of bowing, scraping,  ‘hat in hand’ “oh I’m sorry I’m this awful way, but do you think you could see it in your heart to go along with at least some of it? Just as a favor for lil’ aberrant me?” And now I was like: “you like X. I like Y. I don’t expect you to switch, but my “Y” is as EQUALLY valid as your “X”. So you stick with your X-folks and I’ll keep looking for my Y-folks…..who do exist, although admittedly in lesser number.”

In the past I used to say that a kinkster who encountered someone who demeaned their interests as yucky and unnatural should say, “fine, but that’s how I feel about kissing, so no more kissing then either.” I did this still think that kissing WAS indeed an instinctive mating practice, but did you know that kissing is not some natural thing but that it’s societal and LEARNED? It goes way back in some cultures and is nonexistent in others….even current ones.  Yet vanillas don’t think their kissing is anything weird at all, despite how objectively disgusting it is. LOL Yeah it’s fun if you do it well, but so are lots of things.  So a very straight person from a non-kissing culture would regard an American vanilla as kind of disgusting. That’s pretty ironic. Yet a vanilla will expect kissing and call a masochist “sick”.  (Link to kissing article) My reaction to this is kind of a “well, then fuck you, your inclinations are merely more popular….NOT more healthy or natural”.


It’s kind of time now, at least, what like 4 decades later, to take this idea to the frontlines.  The professional view of things like homosexuality and sado-masochistic inclinations have softened over the years…...which makes you wonder just how valid those negative characterizations ever were.  So no more self-deprecation, ok? Top, bottom, cutter, little, all of you, just be you. And if a vanilla thinks less of you? Well, how important is such an opinion anyway? It would be like a Black person feeling inferior because some hooded racist, told them they were. Bullshit. 


11 comments:

  1. I think that this is all linked to the tribal instinct to bond by finding a mutual group to persecute. That's why so many people find it easy to be against things that do not affect them and should not really bother them

    Prefectdt

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    1. It could well be. It's easier to be an "us" when you can isolate a targeted "them".

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    2. Agreed--that's especially true today, since tribalism has been deliberately 'weaponized' for political purposes. If the 'Trumpicans' ever got rid of all the groups they're bigoted against, they'd turn on each other right away.

      I do enjoy kissing my wife, both her sweet lips and her well-rounded bumcheeks (although not her butthole), and after a sound spanking from her, the hand that wielded the paddle(s) or other implement(s)... --C.K.

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    3. The success of tribalism or nationalism is historically based on the scapegoating of an "other". Conveniently, human are superb at creating criteria for "other" qualification.

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  2. You have so much trouble expressing yourself LOL, I just say I am what I am and if you don't like it go away and leave me alone, I will do the same for you.

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    1. It looks like we are together on this one, Joe, but I wrote it not so much about myself but in reaction to people I see often NOW....in 2021....still feeling like what they want has to be somehow handled delicately and that while a negative reaction is not hoped for, it's somewhat expected, and a bit understood or condoned. I guess I feel bad for fellow kinksters who live like they need to almost apologize for who they are

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    2. You are so right. There are only 3 things I worry about in how someone lives, no one is being hurt or forced to do anything and No Children involved. I have found the more holier-than-thou they act the more they have to hide. BTW I think kissing is natural and good, even animals do it but to each his own, just my opinion.

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    3. I actually don't dislike kissing......just using it to make a point.

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  3. Kissing...

    I'm not overly fond of it, but some I tolerate better than others. Closed mouth? YES! open mouth with tongue? UHMMMM...not really unless it falls under certain specifications. I have a "date" in an hour (has been vaccinated and actually had COVID in October and I'm not looking forward to the "kiss" discussion.

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    1. I actually don't dislike kissing. I just use it to make a point. Good luck with your date.

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    2. Thank you ☻

      It went well. I kinda sorta ended it, but it was for the best.

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