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Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Apples to Apples

Hmmmm, now what might those cards say if they were the "blank, fill-in-your-own-answer ones"?
'a punishment spanking from Rosa' ?
'consequences for bitchy behavior' ?
'sitting' ?

If it was my round and those were the cards presented, I'd have a hard time picking one. They would all be so accurate.

Over the weekend I ended up playing "Apples to Apples" with Rosa, her daughter, and her daughter's boyfriend. Now when I play this game I never compete to win with the fervor I do in other games. It's just too frustrating. But I can enjoy a drink while engaging in some familial fun if that's what everyone wants to do. However, I begin to lose it when the cards chosen follow NO pattern whatsoever. I even get annoyed when a card that is not even my own...... but is the OBVIOUS CHOICE, is ignored in favor of something seemingly unrelated.

If I voice this frustration, I am always met with the response that the dealer can choose whatever card they want for whatever reason and that there are no wrong choices. Well, perhaps not. But there are stupid ones. One of my less-than-charming character flaws is a very intense desire for descriptive accuracy. It can be helpful at times but it can lead to all sorts of issues if emphasized when unnecessary. 

When playing Apples to Apples for fun with is clearly unnecessary....but that didn't stop me from getting extremely bitchy this weekend and sort of ruining everyone else's good time. At one point I just got so annoyed that I began playing and picking cards without even looking at them to prove my point about the frustration of selecting something with care when the person judging is going to choose arbitrarily.  It proved my point, but also put a real kibosh on the fun.

Well, it all eventually caught up with me. On Sunday morning Rosa told me that she intended to punish me for my behavior during the game. Now here's where you folks that truly understand a DD relationship in the real world and how it plays out outside of fantasy will relate: I DID NOT WANT to be punished. And I did not think it fair. Instead I got very defensive and with very clear reasons, explained away my behavior. Obviously if players are free to upset me by choosing cards according to their own whim, why can't I? There are no rules on choosing, right? And no rules on choosing things in a way that upsets others?

Well, Rosa explained that she actually understood my point, but that the reason the game went that way was that the other two players were intentionally just trying to figure out which card was hers so they could pick it and boost her ego. (I was unaware of this although my step-daughter told me yesterday that this was exactly the case, and insisted that she told me this during the game.) Anyway, Rosa let it go and I thought the issue was dropped.

Yesterday morning Rosa called me from work to tell me a few things and one of them was that even though she let the incident slide initially, that she STILL felt it warranted a punishment and that I should expect one when she got home. Oddly, after talking to my adult step-daughter about it and in the clear light of a bit of time past, I saw how it was sort of fair. Even if I had a point, I hadn't been very nice. I mentioned to my step-daughter that her Mom intended to punish me and she admitted that she felt her Mom was absolutely right to do so and completely supported that decision. At this point I began to realize that I had truly tromped on a lot of the toes of those I care about. By the time Rosa got home, I was resolved in my guilt.

Rosa and I talked and then she gave me a pretty emphatic spanking..........with a bit extra tossed in on her daughter's behalf. When done she asked me about how I felt and I admitted she was right to punish me but that there was something still bothering me: I confessed that I didn't like that I resisted when Rosa first suggested the punishment. I told her I appreciated that she held off, but that I felt that it ran contrary to my desire that she act on her own when she wishes to, and that my refusal only served to confuse her. 

(I should interject here that we are both coming back into our DD after putting the more real aspects on hold during a very stressful period that is only partially resolved. She and I both wanted to continue the DD, but the stress just made it a bad idea. So even though we have brought it back.....there are still impediments to being back into full swing.)

Anyway, she admitted that my refusal did undermine her a bit but that was why she didn't eliminate the punishment, but only postponed it. I thanked her for that consideration but admitted that I felt guilty over acting so evasively and defensively and would now be willing to pay a price for that as well...........and TRULY clean the slate completely. She agreed and I went back over her lap for an additional spanking that ended up being a bit lengthier than I was thinking at the time of my confessing............but that's what makes a punishment a punishment. It's not like I should be the one to decide the amount even if it's due to something I volunteered, right?

Interestingly, the whole affair, as serious as it started out..........ended up making my Honey a bit horny and we concluded the session with me giving her a nice big "O". ( I can't be positive, and certainly wasn't going to spoil the mood by asking, but I do think it was my confession spanking that prompted Rosa's mood. She tends to react very passionately when there is something still lingering and rather than her having to bring it up......I surprise her by mentioning it instead. Especially when my admission not only coincides with something she had also been thinking, but when the consequences are so genuinely unpleasant. Perhaps that's why the add-on was no picnic or some indulgence of my whim.....but a complete, separate, additional spanking of about 100 smacks......given in a way she knows I hate: repeated swats on one cheek and then the same to the other, back and forth in sets of 10 and ending with 2 sets of 20 ( I counted ). Twenty crisp ones in a row really do hurt.)

At one point I texted my step-daughter, who by this time was back at her dorm, and told her that I was sorry for upsetting her as well, and that her Mom had added on some extra smacks on her behalf, and ultimately that her Mom's delivery of the punishment was indeed "emphatic". I also thanked her for talking to me Monday morning and giving me her honest opinion on the whole episode. Always gracious and always as authoritative as her mother, she accepted my apology and thanks with ease, but succinctly expressed her approval of her Mom's spanking zeal with a plain old "Good."

And looking back, I think it was. Yes I'm sore, but I am so proud of my Honey for not backing away from a punishment she wished to deliver. (And 'yes' I did tell her that to her face.)


  1. "Now here's where you folks that truly understand a DD relationship in the real world and how it plays out outside of fantasy will relate: I did NOT WANT to be punished."

    Totally get it. In fact, I get the whole scenario. There are often times that I am 100% convinced that I am right and she is wrong. Then, after things settle down a bit and she explains her perspective, I start seeing that no, I really was kind of a dick. I have also impressed on her that she needs to determine when a spanking happens and is the final arbiter of that but, as you say, it is easy to undermine them in the heat of the moment. I am trying harder and harder not to, but it is hard. Sometimes it is even harder in a non-spanking context. We had a disagreement on something over the weekend. She was made and texted me that if I didn't change my attitude immediately, I would be getting one. My first inclination was to ignore her entirely. But, I finally forced myself to send a "Yes, Ma'am" text, even though I was in absolutely no mood to submit to her.

    1. Thank you, Dan for both your corroboration and your personal example to support it. Sometimes I think this is so hard to get right that we all just need to appreciate the mutual desire FOR it all to work, and not whether is always does according to an ideal theory.

      I guess ultimately our partners are probably happy that they get to have the last word .......even if it's only eventually.

  2. Hope your arse is as hurt as much as you made the game

    1. Hi, there are so many "anonymous posters" that I ask each to just add a fake name to the body of their comment so we can tell them all apart. Thanks.

  3. The wife and I are very new to this (especially when a lot of people here have years of practice on us) but something like this came up between us a few months ago and it caused a riff for a day or so before we could hash it out.

    I feel like you have to be in the right state of mind to submit to her wishes/punishment. After the last instance, we decided that to come up with a code word that either one of us (but mostly me) could use to at least say "pause, I'm not in the right state of mind, give me a minute to gather myself or let's talk for a minute, and I'll agree to whatever punishment you have decided. I just need to get my head right."

    We haven't had to use it since we came up with the option. But I feel like it gives us an option that we've discussed ahead of time and agreed to that doesn't undermine her authority and allows us to go forward.

    It would be different if we were in a Dom/Sub or Master/Slave type relationship. We aren't. We are the typical married couple that shares all decisions and responsibilities. She just gets a different way of setting things straight if I disappoint her.

    Bryan in Houston

    1. Welcome, Bryan, and thank you for such a thought-out and realistic comment. I think your solution to this issue has merit and Rosa and I have had similar discussions even to the point of also considering some sort of coded response.

      You say your experience is limited, but it is still very much inline with how things go......even with years under your belts. I am not new to this and you could say we also do have a sort of Femdom dynamic permeating our FLR/DD relationship......and these things STILL happen.

      It's just part of the reality.

      (BTW, if you think you'd enjoy some DD "fiction" based very much on reality, please check out the F/M stories on my main website. The link is at the top right of this page.)