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Sunday, January 22, 2017

What is 'real'?

Rosa and I are now several days into the "2016/2017" Committee Spankings. I have decided to wait on Ana's Installment until we are at least halfway through it. As of today we are only on day 4 of a 12 and 1/2 day run (and today's have not even happened yet due to some morning errands). The daily spankings are taking a toll on my butt and I can't say I've been any too eager to present myself for more...........which brings me to a separate but related topic for this post: what makes a spanking "real"?


Admittedly, this is a cute little cartoon and it echoes a sentiment that I have heard too many times. I do find it interesting that the creator of this chose to illustrate a desire for a spanking's reality by using a cliche "dominatrix". (because we DD folk all use fetish gear to emphasize the reality of what we are doing, right?)

Even if we overlook the Dominatrix, what can be said about the veracity of such a claim in general? Only tears prove a spanking is real? Really? I think I and my currently tender butt might have some objection to that. I tend not to cry much.............except during certain movies..........but does that mean I am not being genuinely affected by my punishments? I don't think so.

To me a 'real' spanking is any spanking given for a real instance of misbehavior or one given to emphasize a power dynamic in a way that the submissive is not "enjoying" in a playful or sexual way. But that's only my opinion. One could easily counter that if the spanking is not imagined, it is real........and they'd have a point. My definition is based not on an objective reality of an action taking place, but on intent. As a DD person I view certain spankings as being given the same way they might have been used by a parent or teacher "in the old days". For me, these are "real" whether they produce tears or not.

What I am currently going through seems quite real to me and I think that as the days wear on, I will be fearing my daily morning and evening installments more and more. (And Rosa hasn't even threatened to wear a leather bustier!)

17 comments:

  1. I think you're right that "reality" is linked to motive. If a spanking is being given for disciplinary purposes, it probably isn't "real" if it consists of some love taps with a flimsy leather paddle from the local adult novelty store. Conversely,if the party wanted an erotic "funishment" spanking and ended up with a bruised and blistered behind, then that was equally unreal in terms of not matching the motive and expectations. As for tears, I have ended up with a very bruised bottom on many occasions, but I have never cried from an adult spanking. I do, though, see the poster as motivational in the sense that I think a lot of men who want DD spankings do want them to produce tears and that kind of cathartic release, even if it may not work that way that often in real life. And I totally agree that the kind of "real" spanking I would like my wife to shoot for are similar to what would have been delivered by a teacher or parent. Not in terms of severity, since they have to be a lot *more* severe now, but the same in terms of intent, demeanor, and bringing about that level of "healthy fear" we had of a parent or teacher's authority.

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    1. Well said, my friend. I had a feeling when I posted this that you would weigh in on the subject given your interest in the 'tears' issue.

      The poster might be motivational in a way but if the intent was to encourage a disciplinary wife to think in terms of punishment versus fantasy-fulfillment they probably should have dressed their spanker in jeans and a sweater top. ;-)

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    2. Yes, tears definitely are a bit of an obsession for me. I came pretty close a week ago, but still not quite. And it is interesting that what brought me close was, in fact, severity and not some increased emotional openness to it, contrary to a lot of the advice I get. She got a new paddle that is just freaking excruciating. And, I don't really know why. It is not that different from some of our other paddles, other than three really large holes down the middle. It was a custom-made job, and the wood just seems incredibly hard. Feels like I am being hit with a baseball bat!

      Agree totally on what "motivates." When I see a drawing with a "real wife" in street clothes or a regular dress, that is soooooo much more "motivating" to me than the leather and chains stuff.

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    3. It doesn't surprise me that an extreme level of pain within a certain context could produce tears in even the most stoic of individuals. It simply is a matter of being worn down far enough to let go I suppose.

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  2. For me, a "not real" spanking is one where the intent is more sexual. A lighter spanking to titillate, only going harder as the sub's response requires it.

    A "real" spanking is where the sub can identify with "being punished" (be it real life or roleplay), however that may come about.

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    1. Your definitions are quite close to mine and differ only in the one area I would expect them to: roleplay. But even then, I do concede the "realness" of a spanking that arouses a catharsis even if its origin is concocted. The response is real enough and probably does tie into some non-concocted issue buried deep within the person experiencing the release.

      (I have been following your latest adventure, but I'm waiting for the conclusion before I toss in a comment. And the apparent damage from that hellacious paddle looks impressive. Although............(and this is just teasing) I realize I'm a lot older than you, but I FINALLY post some shots of my butt.....and after all my snarky remarks about YOUR posterior, you didn't even comment. >pout< )

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  3. Some people never cry. It doesn't mean that the spanking isn't "real". It just means that the recipient isn't crying. What makes it "real" in my opinion is how each participant feels. Was it light and playful, or was it hard and painful? What are the intentions of the top or bottom? I personally feel that even my funishment spankings are real because of the effort I put into them. I almost never give light and playful smacks on Shilo's bottom because I want him to feel them, and I expect them to be painful for him because I'm a Sadist. My theory is if I put effort into it, then it's real. How Shilo feels isn't relevant to its reality on my part.

    Does this mean that I give more real spankings than Shilo receives? Probably, but I have other ways of punishing him if I feel he deserves it. He's really obedient and cooperative, so it's been a long time since I actually punished him. I think it was about 2 years ago.

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    1. They say "perception is reality" and your definition falls completely in line with that statement. Thank you for an excellent bit of thought-provoking honesty.

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    2. I also wanted to mention that Shilo quit smoking over 2 years ago, and unlike many of the people we "know" online, he doesn't drink alcohol or have any other issues that men his age (60) usually have. Because we talk about things before they turn into problems, I rarely worry about it. After all, isn't punishment ideally given so that the person being punished will stop the behavior? I think I'd be furious if he was continually exhibiting the same bad behavior over and over again week after week, and month after month.

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    3. Your question echoes the are-old debate on whether the purpose of incarceration is rehabilitation or punishment (or simply the removal from society).

      Ideally, as you said, changing the behavior is the goal, but it doesn't always happen ...........in any setting. People do tend to repeat bad behaviors despite the consequences. In our relationship, I have changed some behaviors, modified others, and am still somewhat continually guilty of a tiny few. Rosa, however, has said many times that being able to punish me for these lapses is very therapeutic for her. I guess it's like, "well if I can't completely stop you from doing this, I can definitely make you pay when you do."

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    4. "well if I can't completely stop you from doing this, I can definitely make you pay when you do."

      There's nothing wrong with that. My real concern is that my disciplinary actions aren't having an effect. I do understand the lapse in judgement. I just don't want to feel like my hard work is in vain. Besides, I'd rather have fun.

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  4. We have had the great fortune to speak with quite a few DWC couples. The desire to shed tears is almost always part of it. And for many who cannot get there it is a source of deep frustration.

    That doesn't mean men who do not cry are not experiencing a complete and fulfilling disciplinary experience. It just means that those who wish to have that kind of release sometimes have a hard time with it.

    What might get someone there is of course an individual matter. But I will say that for many, the emotional impact of a real scolding, the understanding that they have hurt or disappointed their loved one, does go a very long way.

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    1. That certainly is true for me, but at most it produced a 'misty' or 'eye-welling' sensation just shy of teardrops.

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  5. Go deeper within, Grasshopper.

    Said light-heartedly; but when an individual does the kind of work that expands awareness of their inner selves,it sensitizes all aspects of their lives.

    This also goes for people who already have a "spiritual practice" going. Something fresh, when added in can produce amazing results.

    But what do I know? :)

    You know what I'm talking about.

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    1. I have tried to focus on my guilt to mentally prepare for the spankings............but you have no idea! As soon as Rosa begins now, I'm ready to jump to the ceiling and hang on like a cartoon cat!

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  6. You certainly attack life like a true artist; identifying your boundary limits and charging bravely beyond them.

    You notice I didn't say "fearlessly". Bravery is not exactly fearlessness.

    You are inspiring, even though I have no intention of ever experimenting with your latest "performance art".

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