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Sunday, February 5, 2017

Non sexquitur

Non sexquitur, no, it's not a typo. 

I hereby offer this term of my creation as a valid name for a comment or statement that follows a particular post and yet has little or nothing to do with the topic, but rather goes on to describe some personal anecdote overladen with lascivious embellishment. Basically it's a non sequitur with sex.

To some (Dan are you out there?) non sexquiturs are sources of hypertensive frustration. To others (me….most of the time though not always) they are often hilarious bids for attention.  I am often tempted to follow a non sexquitur with a rambling account of how paper is manufactured…just to see what response I get.

Another interesting thing about non sexquiturs is their similarity regardless of author. They have a distinct pattern of desperation that conjures up images of one-handed typists sharing potentially fictional adventures for their own benefit rather than thoughtfully….or humorously, contributing to a group discussion of a particular issue.

In a recent comment to me, my good Blogging-buddy, Dan, admitted to wishing he had the patience to just delete all the non sexquiturs from his blog. To me this would be such a waste of comic material. I prefer to let the non sexquiturs I get stand as monuments to perverted narcissism. 

If you are reading this and wondering if you are a perpetrator of non sexquiturs, there is a simple test. Just ask yourself:

Was my comment true?

Was my ‘comment’ really just a sexy anecdote that had nothing to do with the post I responded to?

Was I jerking off while writing my comment?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, you are guilty and if you are on Dan’s blog, you may wish to delete your comment and save Dan the trouble. However, if you are guilty of doing it here….please continue so I have something to poke fun at.

Our Cupid-of-the-Day today has a particularly round and girlish bottom, giving Mom a lot of area to smack. Also, there are no branches or roses being used.............just a maternal palm.


  1. Crap. I woke up to just such a comment. Almost certainly from Shawn, since it was his usual cut and paste "Her hairbrush will do its work and then I'll be up against the wall with my bottom stinging . . . blah, blah, blah." Determined to show my maturity, I just deleted it. That was before I saw your post, which suggests far, far, more amusing option! I plan to steal it right away!

    1. That's just too perfect a coincidence! Oh and steal away!

      (I hope you saw my reply to your initial comment that prompted this post? And to think Merry found my reply 'naughty".)

    2. I did indeed! For Merry to call someone naughty . . . ;-)

    3. Right? I would have thought she would appreciate the diversity described in my anecdote. Giants AND midgets? (And I even think one of the midgets was a Republican.) I guess you just can't please some people. ;-)

    4. What is this??!!! I spend a day away from the computer from you boys, and you talk about me???!! What fresh Hell is this???!!!

      Bonus points if you "get" the reference.

    5. As the reigning matriarch of our "table" it seems very fitting that you channel Dorothy Parker.

  2. Hmmm. I get called "naughty" WAY too often.
    I'd describe my experience at a party last (Saturday) night, but you might call it a non sexquitur.
    Meanwhile, Merry has been quite busy today, interviewing a possible play partner, then getting ready and going for an MRI while I stay home and watch The Game while surfing "naughty" sites on the 'net.

    1. Not watching the game here, but no stranger to naughty sites.

      But good for you in avoiding a non sexquitur! Though I can't say you have ever been guilty of one before.

    2. Non sexquitur about describes Saturday night.

      Shilo can't aim, and it's been way too long (and thick!) {Pun intended} for me. Mission aborted!

      How's that for a Non sexquitur?

  3. Mama Venus seems quite intent on her work, that's for sure!

    1. Nothing stings a butt more than an enthusiastic spanker.

  4. Crimson Kid (C.K.)February 9, 2017 at 9:44 AM

    This is one of my favorite Venus-spanks-Cupid drawings, probably the one I've seen most often. Cupid looks quite cherubic, especially with that rotund posterior (Venus certainly isn't lacking for a good target), while the Goddess of Love seems to be happily enjoying her maternal disciplinary duty.

    While this situation wouldn't exactly be a "non sexquitur," I did think of spanking-oriented stories which end up with a rather detailed sex scene (sometimes seemingly focused on it more than the spanking part itself) which has little to do with the story's plotline.

    I'd say this tends to occur mostly in M/F writing, wherein the dominant male completes his 'conquest' of the female by bedding her, that's after paddling her derriere to break down her resistance to his will.

    I don't mind sexual activity in a supposedly spanking-oriented account, just so long as it's a natural outgrowth of the story's plot development rather than merely added onto it, but a detailed description doesn't strike me as necessary--that can be saved for straightforward erotic writing.

    Sorry that I got a touch off-topic, since I presume the OP was basically about blog commentary, but it's not entirely unrelated, I'd say... --C.K.

    1. "Sorry that I got a touch off-topic, since I presume the OP was basically about blog commentary, but it's not entirely unrelated, I'd say."

      I agree on both counts: unrelated....but not entirely. So, you need not worry about me sending you to Merry (though, knowing you, you're probably disappointed).

      Your observation on elaborate sex scenes in spanking stories is pretty 'on-the-money'. I feel similarly....but they would not be "non sexquiturs" in my book, just the products of overactive glands. Non sexquiturs are usually personal anecdotes (fictional or actual), loaded with little provocative phrases designed to titillate, that follow a topic without actually addressing the topic:

      e.g. Post: Today we are going to discuss when communication breakdowns trigger larger issues in a DD situation.

      Non sexquitur response: "When my Mistress spanks me she always uses her mother's old hairbrush on my naked, squirming, jiggling bottom until I'm crying tears of submissive gratitude while curled up at her booted feet."

      THAT response gets you sent to Merry! ;-)