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Monday, March 6, 2017

Behaving

That's what I'm trying to do......though I don't always succeed. Ana gave me another passing grade this weekend and so I managed, yet again, to avoid getting one of these:

( This is one of our "Discipline Slips" you may remember me mentioning in past posts. It's a multi-page document I ordered from a school supply source online with a main white original and carbon copy pink and yellow slips attached.)

This is the same slip presented to Marta and Nickki for their 2016/2017 spanking recommendations. Ana is VERY familiar with them and has filled out many of these for me over the years. Once an offence has been listed and the recommended punishment added, she would sign her name and either give it to me to present to Rosa, or just personally place it on her Mom's dresser directly. Rosa would then 'sign off' as well and at some point, I would receive the punishment in the amount and severity decreed.

The interesting thing is that given this policy, these slips are not handed out frequently and actually are treated judiciously. (The one thing that is a bit ironic is that while the use of the slip is not overdone, when one IS used, the person submitting it [usually Ana] is never hesitant to list a pretty high number of spanks as punishment. So while getting a slip is almost rare, when I do get one, the spanking decreed is almost always SIGNIFICANT!) There were only a handful of times where these slips were used for more playful 'punishments' or 'penalties'.....but even those times were very mutually agreed to by all parties concerned, and every time Rosa supported and encouraged those involved to make their recommendations freely.

Anyway, another week has passed where I too have 'passed'. And while Ana has not yet decided to use a slip, I have found knowing that a weekly evaluation is coming to be a very real incentive to behave. It is also VERY HUMBLING to sit down on a Friday morning, or exchange thoughts through texts, with a family member who is exactly 1/3 my age but by virtue of maturity and natural dominance, has full authority to exercise her personal judgement in how she feels I've behaved. And while we always are able to discuss things, we both know she will have the final word since her mother will most likely side with her decisions.

Now, in all honesty, I have not been perfect by any means. I am VERY prone to impatience......but I also try to be very helpful to my family and even generous with things. I have also been very busy building things and doing projects that have made life here more pleasant. It seems that in viewing the weeks as whole periods of behavior has resulted in some of the good things I've done mitigating the few times I lost my temper or patience. However, I also think that Ana has been able to see more readily WHY I flip out at times. Being the one doing the review, she has become very fair in looking more at all sides before just jumping to the conclusion that it's all me and my impatience at fault......and I think it is her acknowledgement of that which has made me the most pleased with our new review policy.


14 comments:

  1. We are doing something a little similar in terms of more frequent evaluations, but it's driven more by me than at my wife's discretion, i.e. I send her a "form," instead of her sending one to me. In our case, I have an app on my phone that tracks a certain number of rules/goals/issues. Each evening before I leave work, I have to send take a screenshot from that app, showing whether I obeyed that rule/met that goal/avoided that bad behavior . . . If I didn't meet all the criteria, we will talk about why and she can then decide whether it merits a spanking. How much is totally within her discretion.

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    1. That sounds like a very intense program.....almost like a boot camp of self-reporting.

      I find for us things that have that demanding a structure work to establish expectations but usually lose steam after a few months.

      You seem very detail-oriented so this could be perfect for you! Good luck with it and keep us posted on the developments.

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  2. Well thank you, I know I am the bomb ;), I see your side because I can totally see how it can be frustrating at times but I also see how it can be controlled It can be controlled without hurting everyone's feelings or stressing everyone, and this arrangement has allowed us to also get each others' view on how we manage on daily day basis and usually we agree because we are so alike, although I am the cooler version. We see you working hard and making sure we are all okay and we are so grateful for everything, but do not think for once, I won't use the slip if you step on the line mister!
    -Ana

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    1. OK, Ms. "Cooler Version", you're only 'cooler' because your butt doesn't get 'heated up'!

      But seriously, I do appreciate how you are managing this so far. And I agree it has helped us see each other's P.O.V. more clearly. And I'm sure if you do use a slip at some point, it will be completely appropriate and deserved. (And I know you won't hesitate if the situation calls for it.)

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  3. So, a weekly conference or a daily self report? Either way OUCH!!!

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    1. Well, no 'ouch' for me yet.

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    2. I wasn't referring to the discipline, I meant the whole report thing.

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    3. The reviews are pretty 'ouchless' too. They are brief, casual, and reasonable. (and so far they have all been 'passes') A lot has to do with my desire to keep things in check and an equal part has to do with how Ana has handled them......they are just a short 'check-in' and if there are any side issues we discuss them.

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    4. No ouch for me!! ;)
      -Ana

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  4. Crimson Kid (C.K.)March 7, 2017 at 8:57 AM

    One claimed benefit of the "Spenser Spanking Plan," originally from the mid-1930s, is that it encourages the spouses involved to discuss what habits and behaviors they need to eliminate or avoid, and to work together (which sometimes involved someone being corporally corrected) to achieve those improvements.

    This situation with Ana is obviously one-way, but the "discipline slips" and the weekly review of behavior (and potential misbehavior) seem to function somewhat similarly in getting two people to communicate and cooperate in dealing with behavioral issues, in this case of the one who seemingly needs the exterior guidance and discipline.

    Some people might denounce the relationship as "unfair," especially since Ana's mother (Rosa) apparently will almost always accept her daughter's assessment on disciplinary issues, but it strikes me as merely being "unequal." Sometimes inequality is what works best in an interpersonal relationship (or one aspect of it anyway), as long as both parties involved freely accept their roles.

    The person with the punitive discretion has a considerable responsibility, on one hand she (in this case) must be fair-minded and self-disciplined in not abusing her authority, yet strong-willed and confident enough to assign a sound spanking when she determines that one has been earned. If she's not up to the task, then the program is likely to fail pretty quickly.

    From the perspective of the family's primary disciplinarian (Rosa), I'm guessing that having assistance in her role would take some of the pressure and responsibility off her--in return for her implicit trust in her daughter's judgment... --C.K.

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    1. That actually describes the situation perfectly. If Ana behaved differently with her authority, she might very likely not have the support from Rosa that she has. She would also not have my trust and cooperation.....since, let's face it.....I could reasonably refuse such an arrangement. But because of who we all are, and especially since Ana is so darned responsible and fair (despite her teasing and sarcasm).....it works, not perfectly, but pretty well.

      The other thing that I believe works to make the actual behavioral review work efficiently is that there is no benefit to Ana in abusing it. We have all resorted to mischievous and silly things here over the years if the desire to just "play" was someone's goal. We've had one-sided dares, bets, game penalties, silly no-win scenario 'traps', and even just playful 'just because' situations where Ana (and others) could "get me spanked". This option is always there, even now. So if she .....or anyone else just wanted to playfully 'mess with me', Rosa (and even I) would be good sports about it. This keeps 'real behavior issues' separate and more 'pure'. If someone wants me to get spanked, it's easy enough to do without lying about a false misbehavior that would only serve to backfire on the person 'bearing false witness'.

      So if Ana and I sit down on a Friday morning, it stays reasonable and real. And I don't think this is as much about taking any pressure off Rosa as much as it is Ana's and my way to avoid another "pile-up" of unresolved behavior issues like we had coming out of 2016.

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    2. The "pile up" of unresolved issues...I can relate to that.
      Your arrangement with Ana sort of reminds me of having a job where you have to do a self evaluation. But you have someone who can help you stay objective about yourself. It makes a lot of sense.

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    3. It's very much like that Goldie.

      (Nice to see you here! Please make us a regular stop. You are very welcome.)

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    4. It can be seen as unfair! But thank goodness we are both the way we are. We all trust each other's choices and opinions. I like seeing all perspectives before I make a decision so it works for everyone and there's a little teasing here and there ;)
      -Ana

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