( I saw this drawing and thought that someone had done a portrait of my "Inner Child".)
I had intentionally held off on posting in the interest of not belaboring the points made in the prior post. But I just was sitting here feeling all antsy and wanting to write something for today. I'm thinking a post might be therapeutic. An outlet.
The more I think about everything the more I feel like I'm just meandering further off course. (An old D/s friend from the past used to refer to it in an equestrian allusion of an unsupervised horse going off the path and 'wandering into the weeds'. ) I am that horse. And I'm a good horse! Handle me correctly and I'll win races for you. But if neglected, off into those weeds I go. And I don't even like those weeds. I'd rather be on the track winning another race...............but I can't do that without a jockey. The control of the reins and those occasional strikes of the crop are necessary parts of the equation.
One of the recurring themes I've heard endlessly discussed among real-life DD couples of all gender roles is that of needing discipline and being emotionally unable to just come out and say so. And while I can usually muster the nerve to simply be blunt, there are those times I fall into the same situation as my fellow subs and just feel like "asking" would only make me angry, sad, resentful, and therefore be totally counterproductive. This is one of those times.
But I'm not going to ask! I've done enough things, both inadvertently and even (yes) INTENTIONALLY, to prompt a reaction, but no 'clue' has worked......and I'm done. Now I'm just going to brood, and pout, and sulk until everyone becomes sick of my face!
Dan has talked about the need for leaders to lead many times and I've always supported him on this. It is not always easy to submit and obey, but you know what? It's even harder when you don't feel like it matters. I was a manager for many years AND a parent.....and I know you can't just lean back on your authority as a crutch and assume everyone is going to happily do what you want just because you are the boss. All of management is about motivation, using many means, but mostly perks and penalties. DD is exactly the same. Right now I'm feeling pretty 'perk-less' and 'penalty-less'. As a result, I feel like doing..................nothing.
I went feverishly from project to project lately and I'm burnt out. And for the last two days I've done very little. Tomorrow, I am going to start fresh and take care of some things......because they need to be done. But I'm not going to be happy about it.....or perky, or upbeat.