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Wednesday, April 5, 2017

The Appeal of Frustration

(Kami Tora again captures the expressions that make the cartoons so relevant.....but what's with those massive penises????)

As many of you already know, I need permission from Rosa just to pleasantly touch myself, let alone have an orgasm on my own. And depending on her mood (and mine) she can be generous or let be go on frustrated for long periods. Up until recently she had been pretty generous, giving me an "o" of some kind almost every week. But recently I have been denied for several weeks and have been given instructions to "tease" pretty regularly. As a result I am a bit more frustrated than usual.

Tease and denial 'play' seems to be appealing to couples with a power dynamic in place and that got me to thinking: Why?

As a guy, I have to admit even I enjoy the sweet torture of it all in a weird way. Yes, it is difficult at times and yes there are those times that you just want to be able to explode in orgasm......but being controlled this way has an appeal of its own, and the resulting frustration is the price of admission......even when the frustration is more than I would want.

But why is 'tease and denial' seemingly so appealing to women? And not just the woman in control.......those 'people in the know' in our lives who learn of the whole 'chastity thing' seem to vicariously enjoy my predicament as well. ( I was asking some kinky questions to one person in our circle and at one point asked: "If you could lock up someone you knew, who would it be and for how long?"  They replied that it would be ME for a YEAR! And this was someone who likes me! ) Marta has learned quite a bit about the practice and even saw me in one of my CB's. Nickki & Jean came VERY close to seeing me locked up that day Jean asked to go skinny-dipping. Another couple from my distant past saw me locked up a few times and never felt sorry for my situation.

Anyone who has found out about Rosa's 'key-in-a-locket' never decried the practice as cruel.....but all snicker in collusion. And I wonder if the genders were reversed, if that would still be true? It seems like this is one area of D/s that is a bit more gender-oriented with men being the favorite targets of denied orgasms. So what's up with the appeal for ladies? Is it the power alone? Or is it more complicated? And how does it translate to outside the immediate dynamic? (In other words, while one could see the appeal to the woman directly IN the relationship, why do women outside the relationship ALSO seem to enjoy it even when it doesn't directly affect them?)

It's interesting stuff and I'd love to hear from my Round Tablers on this one......and anyone else looking for a seat at the table!


  1. Tease and Denial is a very intimate thing for me. I don't do it as often as I used to. Life has gotten in the way for us. The honest truth is that I want to be desired. If I can get into his head (whoever he may be) and his desire is ONLY for me, then I'm doing it right.

    Having a man or men who desire me sexually gives me power. I don't want to demand sex. I want him to ask me for it. I'm still a woman, and being pursued is an ego boost for me. Yes, look at those young women, but channel that desire for me.

    On the other hand, I enjoy being teased as well. Take me to the point just before an orgasm, but back down a little, and do it again and again. Make me beg. Then take me over for multiple orgasms and enjoy watching me pass out. That's the masochist in me.

    Mmmm... Now I am pleasantly frustrated!

    1. Wow, so you enjoy the best of both worlds!

      I see your point about the denial creating a sexual fervor but it can also just be a sort of 'playful torture' for me as well. It really depends on the situation.

      I do appreciate the insight into your thinking on it. I was thinking it might be more about power and yet you gravitate more towards creating desire. Interesting.

    2. That desire is power. In the situation with Shilo, tease and denial can go on for several days to a week or two.

      With me, it can be several hours on a Saturday, or whatever day he chooses.

      Men are easier to figure out. There are a limited number of reactions to a tease. Learning how a woman will react is dependent on many more things. What worked last week might not have the same effect the next time. This is one time when I hope Shilo sees this and takes action.

    3. I hope he sees it too! good luck!

      I like that your teasing goes on for hours. I think Rosa and I are so hyper we tend to do everything in a hurry. But since I'm usually kept so frustrated to begin with, a short series of intense teases can be very effective without eating up a lot of 'clock time'. However, the directed 'self-teases' I am often directed to do at home can go on for longer depending on the 'direction' I get.

  2. I cannot say exactly what the appeal is for my wife Irene. She and I have evolved our sex play into a few extraordinarily powerful female dominant routines, but she doesn't analyze her side of it much.

    Irene also love it when I lick her pussy and always wants to be fucked immediately after - so "tease and denial" can be a bit limited.

    But often as a prelude to love making, she will tie me down to the bed - firmly but not uncomfortably - then blind fold and gag me with a pair of worn and fragrant panties. She will then whip my bottom soundly, then leave me while she gets a snack, takes shower or whatever. Sometimes she will return to the bedroom several times to whip my bottom, only to leave again.

    But eventually, she will be ready to be licked - usually in the "reverse cowgirl cunnilingus" position.

    We had planned a rendezvous this evening, but she remembered she is going out. But she did promise to spank me anyway.



    1. I know what you mean by one desire thwarting another. Sometimes Rosa will be in an ambivalent mood when I suggest something fun, but she will go along and then get so turned on that she immediately wants her "O". And then when she has it, she wants to sleep and that ends the 'game' I suggested.

      I like the beat, leave, repeat cycle she employs.....though I wonder if I'd resent being left alone like that. I know some people really get off on that (like 'corner time') and I just get bored and aggravated by it. Fortunately Rosa is not really into that, so I don't have to worry about it. Mentally though, it sounds cool on reading your story was very appealing.....until I imagined it happening to me. Funny how we can all be so different.

      Thanks for the interesting comment!

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    1. While I found the original post to be quite amusing, and would have welcomed another equally entertaining, THIS one was just a repeat of the first! How redundant. However, your persistence has given me an idea for a post. So thanks for the idea.