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Wednesday, June 7, 2017


No, not:
("IT, the Terror from Beyond Space" was actually the inspiration for "Alien".) 

I'm talking about that quality you need to be attuned to if you are going to hunt for your kinky soul-mate out in the regular, vanilla world. In Part 2 we discussed looking online. Now in Part 3 we are going to get off those laptops and out into the real world. 

In order to find the hidden tigress in a herd of demure does, you need to be able to spot the stripes. Unfortunately I can't explain this fully except that you need to be perceptive and look for clues. The women I am talking about are not going to make it easy for you by parading around in leather bustiers, slapping crops on the bar top to get the bartender's attention. They are going to look like everyone else.

But it does help to look at a certain kind of woman......and I don't mean appearance.

In fact, I would recommend purging yourself of appearance prejudices. Your quarry is rare to begin with, arbitrary restrictions on your part aren't going to do anything more than narrow the field even more or worse.............allow a gem to go unnoticed.

And ironically, you don't need to just focus on bossy or aggressive/assertive women. Some of these ladies might just as likely be looking for an Alpha to tame them! No, sometimes a tigress is curled up inside a quiet woman waiting for the cage door to be unlocked. You DO however need to focus on people who are open-minded and adventurous to some degree. A staunch traditionalist, even if kinky will end up wanting to be the sub, and unless that's what you are looking for, you will be out of luck.

Instead look for:

-a little bit of a wild side and a healthy lack of hang-ups

-non-traditional views/ independent thinking



-an 'edge' or 'dark side'. (not crucial......but helpful)

It helps to have "kink-dar" ............a radar for kinky people. I have been lucky enough to be born with this to a degree. I can usually 'sense' some quality in a woman that lets me know she's a possibility. I can almost smell it on them. Maybe you can too? It's not fool-proof, but it helps. Develop your instincts and trust them............unless they consistently prove to be wrong.

Then cleverly toss out bait and see if you get any hits. Mention something mildly kinky in jest. Watch her face more than you listen to her response. Use humor. And don't expect to unravel all of her mysteries in one night. Initially, just try to establish a connection with someone who has possibility while remembering that possibility is not a guarantee. And you can help things along by also euphemistically hinting at having a hidden little 'edge' of your own. If she is intrigued by that, you have a good chance. But if she tends to shy away from anything edgy, you might want to look elsewhere.

And I am not just saying to look for women at bars and clubs! Rather keep your eyes open ANYWHERE there are single ladies around. I will add though, that if you are looking in a particular place and consistently coming up dry...............try a new place!

And if things are going well, don't blow it by trying to prove what a good slave you'd be, but rather impress her on what a great catch you'd be. 

(stay tuned for Part 4)


  1. I have absolutely no expertise in this area, having been with my current wife since college, and prior to that I didn't realize that I was kinky, let alone that I should be looking for it in someone else.

    But, I do think you are probably right in pointing out that looking for someone outwardly aggressive could be going in exactly the wrong direction. Something I've learned from some of the M/f "submissives" is many of them are just like me -- not truly submissive at all but looking for someone to tame them.

    1. The women I met at munches who were outwardly aggressive and declared themselves as Tops frequently came across as obnoxious. Too often they weren't as bright as they wished to appear but rather chose to use their "dominance" to win an argument even if they were wrong. WHAT A TURN-OFF! The best women identified themselves as switches, even if their switch could easily stay flipped in the "Top" position.

  2. In a group of women, I tend to be quiet, almost submissive in appearance. I rarely speak unless spoken to first. It's amusing to surprise men who think I'm a sub just because of how I act in groups.

    Separate me from the herd, and then talk to me. Just don't act submissive or use honorifics. Look me in the eye when talking. Discuss vanilla interests. You'll get my attention faster.

    1. I hope you don't mind me sharing a woman's perspective.

    2. Mind? On the Contrary (pun intended). I welcome your input, especially when it more or less corroborates my post.....but honestly? I'd welcome it even if it contradicted.

    3. Good! I think that,as a woman, I have a little more insight than many men, even if they are in a successful relationship.