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Thursday, June 8, 2017


Part 4: So, you went out, looked for clues, and found a female candidate you like who also seems to like you. You think she could fall into a Femdom role, but so far you have mostly discussed vanilla topics with only an occasional joke or playful innuendo about D/s or spanking. And while you have gone out together a few times, essentially you've both been on your best behavior, just trying to make a good impression........but the gorilla in the room is still sitting there scratching. What's next? Well at some point, to get anywhere close to where you want to be, you are going to have to be honest.

more classic Kliban.

Now everyone is different, but in my case, I have used a similar approach each time I have 'come out' to a woman......and though it was nerve-wracking every time, for some reason, each confession led to experimentation rather than tearful rejection. I don't know if it's because over the course of those initial dates, I successfully 'vetted' these ladies for possessing the inclination, or if it was my approach, or a combination of both, but the success rate, by the time I got to this stage has been 100%.

That does not mean that some candidates did not make it to this round. In that regard, there were enough clues in those first dates to convince me it was pointless to go further. And if my 'confession' at this point, would have led to confused rejection................I was always prepared that it would mark the end of the matter how much I liked them otherwise. I was not going to 'settle' on this point, because for me, it was just too important.  

So, what did I say? Well, my natural nervousness actually helped. When these ladies saw my genuine expression as I cautiously told them that I had something important to tell them, they seemed intrigued by what secret could be so powerful so as to affect me so profoundly. They were by this time already caring, and now they were curious.

I started out slowly and euphemistically, hinting at the 'dark side' in me. Then as they reassured me, I went into more detail. It pays to have put serious thought into who you are, why you may be this way, and what it means in how you wish to live. If you can't explain it clearly, work on it until you can. It makes a difference.

In the case of the women I am discussing, not one of the people I've had kinky relationships with, who came from my vanilla circles, had any previous experience. I was their 'kinky first'. And this is where it helped that they were naturally curious, adventurous, and relatively free of traditional conditioning. In fact, all came across as somewhat resentful of past unfairness or mistreatment stemming from a society traditionally controlled by men. When I expressed my desire to let them 'be the boss', they seemed like they had been waiting all of their lives for just such a chance. And THAT I believe, is what made all the difference! Somehow, by accident, luck, or some hidden ability to detect this trait......I had managed to stumble upon women who inwardly harbored some resentment towards traditional male dominance.

In each case, once I had come clean as to who I was deep down, their reaction was along the lines of, "I'm fine with what you are telling me, but how does it translate to what we do? I've never done this before, so what does it mean for me and what do you need from me?"  And in Part 5 we will discuss just how to answer that VERY important question.

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