I had the opportunity to also talk to my youngest stepson ’Osito’ and asked him a few questions as well and got his permission to publish his answers. Several of the questions were similar to those I asked Ana. Osito is the youngest sibling and so he was probably around 9 when he moved in with me. He is a talented musician who can play an array of instruments and who writes his own music and does arrangements of existing work. Early on, Osito used to enjoy finding fun ways to get me spanked.....not as punishment, which even then he understood as a separate thing, but just a novel twist for 'play'. He said it was fun to be able to play a game he liked and have the bonus of me ending up spanked. I don't think there would be too many kids who wouldn't get a little mischievous kick of that.
Anyway, in getting back to the questions, I found in each case, his answers independently reflected similar feelings as those expressed by his sister…....which he was unaware of. The biggest surprise though was when I asked him if he thought that the serendipitous success of our open DD was rooted in me not being their biological father. I had always figured that maybe ‘mom spanking dad’ might weird a kid out more than ‘mom spanking her boyfriend’....but he clearly said that was not true for him. He said that it would not have mattered to him if this arrangement involved his actual parents, and that he still would have been OK with it.
Then I went a step further and asked if the F/m angle helped, and whether he would have had an issue with DD if it was me punishing his Mom rather than the other way around. I was sure he was going to agree but again he surprised me and said that it wouldn’t matter. The biggest issue is the kids knowing ‘why’ the discipline was going on…...in other words, that it was a consensual agreement and not imposed ‘abuse’. But once it was clear that each party was content in their role then whatever happened was acceptable.
I pursued that point a bit about our situation specifically and he said that from what he has seen, it is pretty obvious that DD, specifically with his Mom using real spankings at times for punishment was something that genuinely worked on me.
I then asked if he remembered how he felt when overhearing discipline. Since, at the time, we also ‘played’ with spanking in the form of game bets and penalties for me, I specifically limited this response to the times where it was clear the spanking was for punishment. Osito said that his honest reaction was a sort of amusement of ‘someone getting it’, no different than a sibling’s reaction when a brother or sister is punished. He said that he NEVER recalled a single time that the sounds of a spanking ever made him feel uncomfortable or troubled.
I then asked him if he recalled any particular instance where he was glad that we had a DD policy in effect and at first he said he couldn't think of a specific one. But when I reminded him of an incident that I recall as being pretty powerful, he instantly agreed with me. Way back when Osito was only about 10 or so and new to the country, this home, and me, we were all out roughhousing in our pool. And having always been one of those dads or uncles who loved to act like a big kid and duck, and trip and throw kids around a pool, I made the mistake of going too far and doing one of those playful “Coppertone tugs” on the back of his suit (something I used to do with close family and friends all of the time in the past) only to have him become really upset. Well, while Rosa knew I meant no harm, she also wanted him to feel protected and instantly informed me that I would be spanked for that and to apologize. She even asked Osito for his recommendation on an appropriate amount…...which he promptly gave. Osito admitted that hearing me get that spanking made him pretty happy we had a DD policy.
In conclusion, when asked about keeping DD a secret or living it openly, he said he thought that even though it’s not his thing, he preferred knowing what was going on and that knowing resulted in less confusion than had he just picked up little clues here and there.
And this concludes my exploration of open DD (and even other forms of playful openness) with kids in the house. I think in our case the main concerns that most people have, that:
1: it's too sexually oriented
2: it's too scary for them, they would find it abusive
3: they would lose respect for one or both parents
4: they won't understand it
or 5: they themselves would prefer not to know,
have not been the case for us........and might very well not be the case for any of you out there considering it.