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Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Inside a DD Family

As promised in the previous post, the following is an essay written by my Little Monster, Ana. The account was written by her at my request, but is (except for some minor editing) entirely her thoughts and words regarding actually growing up in a household that practiced FLR/DD openly. It is meant to offer information to couples who may have been debating the pros and cons of making their DD known to their kids.

Our DD household circa 2011. While rendered as 'piggies' the gestures and expressions are as accurate as if I took a photo! (Check out Ana with her arms folded and you'll see why I call her "My Little Monster".)

Ana's Story:

Okay, so I have known this lifestyle for some time and even though I have not personally incorporated it in my own relationship, I have experienced it really close. My brothers and I found out early on when we first came to the country. (I think I was about fourteen.) As far as I remember, I did not feel shocked but more confused. We were more confused on what exactly such a lifestyle actually meant rather than being offended in any way. I think it also helped that we liked (KDP) and we had a pretty good opinion of him, so we knew it could not be something horrible. I think that’s why it made for a good transition, and that’s a very important criteria when bringing up subjects like this to kids. If they trust you, then things will move more smoothly. 

I personally think that letting the kids know is a personal choice. I live in a very open household but not everyone is like that and it is totally understandable. But if someone does decide to announce it, then I think it just opens their family up to another choice of lifestyle from the million choices they already have or might consider. I didn't feel obligated to follow the path or to like it. My brothers do not particularly like it for themselves but they still accept it and are aware of it so it has not really shifted the direction of our lives. I think it is just the fact that we know about it, and now so does a great majority of society due to evolving as people and seeing it in social media more than it was seen before. Sometimes the only misconception is that there are more, and sometimes deeper options than are represented in social media. 

I also think being aware of the lifestyle could be a benefit in that a kid can feel that is okay to be different and to explore not only this lifestyle but other things. So I guess if I was in this situation as a parent, I would be open about it even though it might be a little embarrassing. Yet I wouldn't be embarrassed as much as the person being spanked, but hey, that would be another story. 

I have a close relationship with this lifestyle. I have participated before and I am still an influence now. It is a personal choice and I am okay with that. I can say that I have tried an active role and even though I love the feeling of being powerful, direct action is not in my veins, well….. at least not for now anyway. I have felt like I inherited my dominant personality from my mother. My mother has always been open, especially to me. She has given me limitless power when it comes to this, and at one point this was also a bonding activity. We are so alike that we clash a lot, but this became an activity we both could laugh about, bond over, and where we put our similarities together. I personally enjoyed it and I think that it was a blast. I think because my mother and stepfather both discussed it and told us together and it was not kept as a big dark secret, that it came out as a positive thing. It was a very open conversation and we got a lot of information, maybe too much at the time, but it was something to think about and it was a cool subject. I also felt a little cool myself, because I felt like I knew something “adult” that none of my friends did. So we took it as something beneficial rather than being petrified for life and that we needed counseling for or something like that. 

Also I believe it will always be something embarrassing for the submissive person, because as the submissive you are putting yourself out there no matter what. But since it is family, I think that at first is always harder than anything. Then it kind of dies down and the only embarrassment remaining is that little feeling only the submissive person feels, because everyone else has moved on with their own things……. unless of course they tease you here and there ( but I think that’s just attention being given.) 

Also, I did not once feel less about, or lose respect for, either party. I think that even if I did not agree, I would have not lost respect because whatever you may do personally doesn’t change your character. I think a person still is a person even if they like their own things. You still respect me, care for me, love me, and just for the mere fact that you are revealing something you have been into forever while remaining a good person at the same time, does not mean that all of a sudden I get to shut you out and think you are the worst person ever. Not everyone thinks the same way, and it is always a risk exposing stuff like this. That is why I get the being afraid or the insecurity some people worry about, but I think we got the best situation and it worked out perfectly. 

Who would have thought that expressing such a unique lifestyle to three kids, new to the country and who grew up in a religious strict household, and who just got to reunite with their mother, would be okay with it? Also it helps with being open in the house, since I feel like if one of us three were to be in this lifestyle, or if we were Gay, or Bi, or something different than the “norm”, then coming out would not be as scary as one thinks because we have learned from early on that it is okay to be different as long as you are happy and you aren’t stealing or hurting, or killing anyone. ( Except hurting the guilty party’s butt, but that is different. It is acceptable.) 

Overall, it created a great bond with me and my mom at a time when we needed it, and she guided me not only in her lifestyle but how to handle power and be strong in general. I can take action and I can be my own person when I want to. It also taught me about responsibility. She trusted me to make my own decisions and to use this power and authority how I wanted, and to give punishments as freely as I thought were called for. But with as much freedom as she gave me, she knew I was responsible enough to take it on. I learned a lot from her methods and even though we do not agree all the time, we are both the same. 

But it’s not just my Mom, knowing about this lifestyle has led to half and half bonding with both dominant and submissive partners. I also have a bond with my submissive stepfather, and we communicate a lot, and we discuss a lot. So I know the other end too, so when making decisions I try to see both perspectives and take it from there. So in conclusion, I think being open about it is not the worst thing ever, but to avoid major problems when wanting to be open, just choose your audience well… maybe taking a risk would not be as bad as everyone thinks.

Well, there you have it. I followed up this essay with some questions to flesh out certain points and that exchange will be featured in my next post.


  1. Dear Ana,
    I'm not sure on your age now, but I know you're a College student. I also know that you know I'm a Dominant woman so I wanted to respond directly to you.

    I'm so glad that you have some firsthand knowledge about Domestic Discipline and Dominant/submissive relationships. I want to tell you a little bit about my husband Shilo. Don't worry, it's nothing sexual or "disgusting," but I think it will open your eyes to something you probably never considered.

    When Shilo gets paddled, he doesn't get embarrassed.I/we even post the pictures and sometimes film it. I have a spanking bench in my living room, and when asked, I tell what it is used for, and who the recipient is. It still doesn't embarrass him. Some people even think getting spankings is enjoyable. (go figure!)

    The other thing I wanted to share is that hurting a person is easy, so what I avoid doing is causing harm. Especially permanent harm.

    Thank you for sharing your story. I think it will show others that talking about it doesn't cause permanent harm to children as long as you discuss it in a matter-of-fact way.

    1. Hello Merry!
      Thank you so much for sharing as well! I only know one perspective with Kdpierre, so it is interesting hearing different perspectives
      Specially yours! I certainly do not have any permanent harm that needs professional help from this haha! It probably minimizes harm from other sources due to being able to understand and respecting this topic.
      -Ana :)

  2. Anna's essay was deeply insightful and introspective. Kind of a WOW piece with respect to emotional maturity. Kudos to the whole family....

    I basically agree that openness and communication are the sine qua non for an "elite" relationship... a genuinely high quality relationship. But I have to say I am far less optimistic that "openness" will work out for the best in most cases. Why? I simply do not believe that the majority of people out there have anything approaching the level of emotional maturity or general open-mindedness that Anna displays.

    So I am in agreement with the "openness" approach only when the parties involved are "open minded".

    Again though, what a pleasure to peek into such a fine mind.

    1. Thank you, Tomy. While all of my stepkids are great, there is no question that Ana is just one of those exceptional people that come by every now and then. (But I've already built her pedestal so high I can't even see her anymore! LOL So I probably shouldn't add yet another level to it.)

      However, in the next installment you might see that even a kid who is 'not Ana' and 'not personally into DD as such' holds extremely similar views. So unless we are just very lucky here, or you've been unlucky in the people you have met, maybe there's more hope for insight and openness among our youth than one might first think? ;-)

      But thank you so much for weighing in. (I also have been going through your back posts on your blog and hope you change your mind about continuing to post. You really do have something good there......especially since it is based in reality and experience. Too rare!)

    2. Hello Tomy!
      Well first off thank you for your input and comments! I truly appreciate them! I agree with your situation fully. I believe this worked out because we were all open to the idea of being open so when this topic came out, we decided to embrace it rather than fighting it but not everyone thinks or sees it the same way. Great minds think alike ;)

  3. Regarding continuation of my Blog....thanks for the input. I'll probably just leave it there and drop in the occasional essay as the mood strikes me.

    I never had high expectations for it and I don't work on promoting participation. I figure if it has enough value it will organically grow. And the truth is a lot of people read it. But almost no one writes to it.
    And I am seriously O.K. with that. I am kind of flattered by all the readers.

    1. Well I hope you continue....even periodically.

      As for interaction? It is important to me.....which is why I love getting intelligent replies from my readers.....who, like you, then earn themselves a seat of honor at the 'round table'. ;-)

    2. The "Elite" round table? :)

    3. Whether Arthur's original, the one in the Algonquin, or there any other kind?

      (wise-ass! we might have to move your seat to the corner. ;-) )

  4. Thank you for directing me to this post/these posts, KD. Reading a somewhat lengthy, continual piece by your stepdaughter shows clearly a very mature thinking and a reasonable attitude towards the lifestyle and the suggestion part by which she participates in it, (and that was almost four years ago! so no doubt the perspective and maturity only increased since).

    Regarding my previous comment, I think it was the submissive in me sympathizing with the "main character" and putting myself in your shoes in anticipation of a "high-calorie recipe the ingredients" of which is to be determined by Ana later. I think it's somewhat a layman's argument one (or one imagining oneself in another person's shoes) can instinctively resort to in questioning if the final judgement is fully understood by the one dishing it, or suggesting it be dished.
    Some doms even bend over backward to avoid that specific sub's defense by means of testing every implement in their arsenal personally, so they can counter the argument with: "Yes, I know exactly how that feels, I've tested it on myself before, now bend over," so to speak. And to give an example, here's Michael Masterson making that argument:
    "Betty, who is our primary female spanker on the ‘women spanking men’ site, ... I get people sending me implements all the time, when we get new implements we will both bend over for each other and take a couple of smacks, I’ll be like: “oh, that’s new”; I don’t know what this feels like, and she will give me a couple swats, and I’ll be like: “okay, yeah, that sucks, or that doesn’t suck”.. I mean we have, probably, five hundred plus implements, and I tell the models and it’s true, I can literally take out our tub full of leather implements and I can put them in order form least to worse; we are talking fifty different things, I know which one is the worst and I know which one is most gentle, and I’m confident in being able to put that order together, because I know what they feel like, and I will take a smack here and there, just to know... if it’s brand new and I haven’t seen it- I get a wooden school paddle, and I know what that feels like, but if I get.... like there’s an internet guy- Niko- and he sent me this thing called like the sister.. sister strap... it’s like a giant loopy Johnny with this heavy, heavy cord, just a big loop of cord on this giant handle- no clue what that feels like, so I had to take a couple... Miss Kiki is over there frowning because she got punished with it recently– it’s the only time I really ever used it on a person, but yeah, and it sucks, it sucks bad ... I have never used it on camera because it sucks, it’s not ... model-worthy!".

    Again, many thanks for these wonderful insights and posts, and all the best for you and your family,

    1. No problem, Max. I'm glad you took the time to get "acquainted" with Ana. I think if you look around from January to about June of 2017, you'll see quite a few posts and comments from her that definitely round out her personality.

      Ana has never been on the receiving end but I don't think that negates her awareness of what her punishments mean. Essentially when she issues a very high (like over 1000) swat spanking, she knows this means sequential shorter ones. The idea for these is that by the third one, I am quite incapable of going into the next one with anything less than genuine apprehension. So THAT is the goal for her number more than the soreness factor or impressive-sounding total.

      Please continue to look around!