Our DD household circa 2011. While rendered as 'piggies' the gestures and expressions are as accurate as if I took a photo! (Check out Ana with her arms folded and you'll see why I call her "My Little Monster".)
Okay, so I have known this lifestyle for some time and even though I have not personally incorporated it in my own relationship, I have experienced it really close. My brothers and I found out early on when we first came to the country. (I think I was about fourteen.) As far as I remember, I did not feel shocked but more confused. We were more confused on what exactly such a lifestyle actually meant rather than being offended in any way. I think it also helped that we liked (KDP) and we had a pretty good opinion of him, so we knew it could not be something horrible. I think that’s why it made for a good transition, and that’s a very important criteria when bringing up subjects like this to kids. If they trust you, then things will move more smoothly.
I personally think that letting the kids know is a personal choice. I live in a very open household but not everyone is like that and it is totally understandable. But if someone does decide to announce it, then I think it just opens their family up to another choice of lifestyle from the million choices they already have or might consider. I didn't feel obligated to follow the path or to like it. My brothers do not particularly like it for themselves but they still accept it and are aware of it so it has not really shifted the direction of our lives. I think it is just the fact that we know about it, and now so does a great majority of society due to evolving as people and seeing it in social media more than it was seen before. Sometimes the only misconception is that there are more, and sometimes deeper options than are represented in social media.
I also think being aware of the lifestyle could be a benefit in that a kid can feel that is okay to be different and to explore not only this lifestyle but other things. So I guess if I was in this situation as a parent, I would be open about it even though it might be a little embarrassing. Yet I wouldn't be embarrassed as much as the person being spanked, but hey, that would be another story.
I have a close relationship with this lifestyle. I have participated before and I am still an influence now. It is a personal choice and I am okay with that. I can say that I have tried an active role and even though I love the feeling of being powerful, direct action is not in my veins, well….. at least not for now anyway. I have felt like I inherited my dominant personality from my mother. My mother has always been open, especially to me. She has given me limitless power when it comes to this, and at one point this was also a bonding activity. We are so alike that we clash a lot, but this became an activity we both could laugh about, bond over, and where we put our similarities together. I personally enjoyed it and I think that it was a blast. I think because my mother and stepfather both discussed it and told us together and it was not kept as a big dark secret, that it came out as a positive thing. It was a very open conversation and we got a lot of information, maybe too much at the time, but it was something to think about and it was a cool subject. I also felt a little cool myself, because I felt like I knew something “adult” that none of my friends did. So we took it as something beneficial rather than being petrified for life and that we needed counseling for or something like that.
Also I believe it will always be something embarrassing for the submissive person, because as the submissive you are putting yourself out there no matter what. But since it is family, I think that at first is always harder than anything. Then it kind of dies down and the only embarrassment remaining is that little feeling only the submissive person feels, because everyone else has moved on with their own things……. unless of course they tease you here and there ( but I think that’s just attention being given.)
Also, I did not once feel less about, or lose respect for, either party. I think that even if I did not agree, I would have not lost respect because whatever you may do personally doesn’t change your character. I think a person still is a person even if they like their own things. You still respect me, care for me, love me, and just for the mere fact that you are revealing something you have been into forever while remaining a good person at the same time, does not mean that all of a sudden I get to shut you out and think you are the worst person ever. Not everyone thinks the same way, and it is always a risk exposing stuff like this. That is why I get the being afraid or the insecurity some people worry about, but I think we got the best situation and it worked out perfectly.
Who would have thought that expressing such a unique lifestyle to three kids, new to the country and who grew up in a religious strict household, and who just got to reunite with their mother, would be okay with it? Also it helps with being open in the house, since I feel like if one of us three were to be in this lifestyle, or if we were Gay, or Bi, or something different than the “norm”, then coming out would not be as scary as one thinks because we have learned from early on that it is okay to be different as long as you are happy and you aren’t stealing or hurting, or killing anyone. ( Except hurting the guilty party’s butt, but that is different. It is acceptable.)
Overall, it created a great bond with me and my mom at a time when we needed it, and she guided me not only in her lifestyle but how to handle power and be strong in general. I can take action and I can be my own person when I want to. It also taught me about responsibility. She trusted me to make my own decisions and to use this power and authority how I wanted, and to give punishments as freely as I thought were called for. But with as much freedom as she gave me, she knew I was responsible enough to take it on. I learned a lot from her methods and even though we do not agree all the time, we are both the same.
But it’s not just my Mom, knowing about this lifestyle has led to half and half bonding with both dominant and submissive partners. I also have a bond with my submissive stepfather, and we communicate a lot, and we discuss a lot. So I know the other end too, so when making decisions I try to see both perspectives and take it from there. So in conclusion, I think being open about it is not the worst thing ever, but to avoid major problems when wanting to be open, just choose your audience well… maybe taking a risk would not be as bad as everyone thinks.
Well, there you have it. I followed up this essay with some questions to flesh out certain points and that exchange will be featured in my next post.