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Thursday, August 31, 2017

Getting jizzy with it

I was cleaning out my photo files and came across this shot that I took a while back at a catering place that I have actually been to twice....once for a wedding and once for a graduation:

This is the actual chandelier in the lobby as you enter the Ria-Mar in South River, NJ!

Now this is not a sex club......or a sperm donor clinic......but this thing still welcomes every visitor for every special event hosted there. Now the first time I walked in I saw it and guffawed out loud. Then after pointing it out to Rosa, I later made it a point to tell the people we were sitting with that if they were heading to the rest rooms they should "go out to the main lobby, look at the chandelier, and come back and tell me what you saw".

Being good sports, and knowing I would not ask this without reason, several folks did just that. All came back with the same grinning report: "holy shit, they're fucking sperm!" And they are right. This is not an interpretation or seeing something that isn't there. This is a massive collection of blue and yellow tear-dropped bulby-things with wiggly tails all heading towards the center light. In other words, it's a huge, illuminated model of sperm trying to fertilize an egg.

Now who puts a massive sperm chandelier in a lobby of an otherwise nice place that caters weddings, christenings, graduations, etc.? The thing that got me though was that every single one of the people who went out to look at this light, all came back with the same conclusion (although to be fair, there really is no other conclusion) and yet all of these same people walked right under, next to, and away from this giant zygote without noticing it. I'm not sure what amazed me more: the chandelier itself.....the fact that the owners CHOSE this monstrosity for their lobby..........or that no one noticed what it depicted without being asked to look at it directly.


  1. Replies
    1. If the place feels this strongly about sperm, you also have to wonder what's in that sauce flavoring their salmon.

    2. I personally dislike white or cream sauces.

  2. Jesus Christ! If this place has had the same ownership for a long time, I can only assume it's some kind of private joke. Perhaps their child or children were born via artificial insemination. Either that, or they're the most clueless people you ever met. NO ONE could see this and come to any other conclusion. Stevie Wonder could see the obvious reference...

    1. Yep, that's pretty much it. I went online to search for anything about the chandelier and found nothing.

  3. It's looks like the work of Dale Chiluly, (not sure if I spelled that correct).
    It's not that uncommon. I think I saw similar in Las Vegas at the Bellagio.
    You wouldn't believe what it costs.

    1. Thanks, Hands. I checked out Chihuly and you are 100% correct. This looks exactly like some of his other pieces.

      As an artist myself, I tend to be pretty open to 'artistic expression' in public....but I have always said "know your audience" as well. It would be like taking the most extreme examples of Mapplethorpe's photos and putting them in a Grammar School hallway and defending the decision because it's 'art'. In this case.....artistic reputation aside....I'm not sure I want a glob of sperm greeting me on the way into a fancy event.

      (Maybe on the way out? But not before a few drinks.)