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Thursday, December 7, 2017

Spanking & Humor

Besides writing, drawing, and living kinkily, I also love a good joke. Over the years I've collected many that I use on occasion. And considering my proclivities, you'd think I would also have a bunch of "spanking jokes" included in that collection. But it isn't so. I have ONE, and ONLY one.*

The sad truth is that there aren't any funny jokes out there with spankings in them and as someone who spent years drawing humorous spanking cartoons, I think I know why. Humor has to be relatable (another correctly spelled word that Spellcheck seems to have missed).  And the fact is, only a fellow spanko is going to get a joke that truly touches on the world of spanking. When I was doing spanking cartoons, I knew they would be appearing in a BDSM magazine. My target audience would hopefully relate to what the subject was and consequently appreciate the punchline. The scenario would have a ring of truth that would trigger a chuckle or grin. It was therefore much easier to write spanking humor for people who lived it than to write a spanking joke that everyone, both kinky and vanilla, would laugh at.

There are many theories over why we laugh at jokes. I cannot remember who proposed the following theory, but I personally think it is the most believable: humor is when some truth is revealed in a way that is unexpected or contrary to the way we normally hear it. This results in a form of relatable discomfort that triggers laughter. To me this makes sense. It is why I think I laugh at some things and not others.

The other reason most spanking jokes or captions are not funny is that too often the focus is on the spanking itself. That's not how humor works. Imagine if every ethnic joke ended with just some reference to the stereotype being teased? In every good ethnic stereotype joke, the stereotype is already assumed.......and the punchline is some clever twist on what people already expect.  ["Three ethnic stereotypes go into a bar and the Irishman ends up drinking the most."  Not funny, right? you already expect the Irishman is going to have some punchline related to drinking but the drinking itself is not a punchline. You want the twist. No twist = no humor.]

The same is true for spanking. Say that you have a simple image of someone bending over and you show that to a spanko. Well, if the person truly is a spanko the first thing they are going to think is that the target is bent for a spanking. So, to have the person say, "Oh, I'm all bent over. I wonder who is going to spank me?" is about as funny as if you had them say, "Oh, I have two legs. Maybe I will go for a walk?"  To be funny you have to find something else in the image. Something true, relatable, and unexpected. In this case maybe they are the only one in the picture, so you could have them say, "I feel like I've spent my whole life bent over among vanillas waiting for a sore bottom and all I ever end up with is a sore back." OK, maybe not a rip-roaring knee-slapper, but I just wrote that as I was typing as an example. The thing is, the humor is based on some uncomfortable and painful truth about having a kink in a predominantly vanilla world, rather than just focusing on being spanked.

Humor is best when it toys with and mocks our own human natures......and if we are kinky, the humor should make fun of what it's like to be kinky.

In mainstream media, because the world is essentially vanilla but likes to think of themselves as adventurous sophisticates, things like spanking are used for comic effect but rarely portrayed as anything other than a punchline. The fact that a person has the kink is humor enough for a vanilla to snicker at. But for us, it's like being Polish and listening to yet another joke about how dumb Pollacks are.

In conclusion, if you are reading this, please realize that the fate of kinky humor rests in your hands. If we don't write the jokes, no one else will. But let's challenge ourselves to be clever about it. We are our only hope.

* The following is the ONLY funny spanking joke I've ever heard. If YOU know of another PLEASE post it in the comment section!

One day Martha sees her neighbor Alice all distraught. 

"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.

"Oh, it's my son Bobby. I was just in his room and I went over to his computer and saw things on there that have just upset me so much. He's only 12 and I don't know what to do."

The older neighbor replies reassuringly, "there there, dear, at that age my boys did the same thing. It's quite natural for them to look at naked women and such."

"But that's not it. The pictures I saw were all of women in tight black leather wearing studded collars and carrying paddles and long whips!"

"Oh my!" the neighbor replies. "I'm afraid THAT is not something I ever had to deal with with my boys. I don't really know what to tell you." And after a thoughtful pause adds, " But I DEFINITELY don't think you should spank him."


  1. Replies
    1. Thanks, Dan. Sad to admit I didn't write it, but at least I recognized a goodie when I heard it. ;-)

      Any other thoughts on the post? You must see an awful lot of the stuff I'm talking about.

    2. Not much. While I consider myself a fairly smart people, I've come to accept that being generally intelligent doesn't mean you may not have intellectual deficits in certain areas. I am one of those guys who can recognize and laugh at a good joke, but I can't tell or even remember one to save my life. I have no idea why, but I just can't. But, I do get your analysis that the humor in a joke often lies in the irony -- the punchline has to be a little contrary to what the listener expects. In that vein, I don't know if you are TED Talks, but this one starts with what may be one of the funniest jokes I have ever heard. It's not spanking related, and the set up is totally vanilla, then it has a very naughty and totally unexpected punchline:

    3. Also, you are right that one way to make sure a spanking joke is NOT funny is to focus on the spanking element. I see this illustrated virtually every week on Hermione's "Complete the Caption" segment. Your efforts and Hermione's are often funny as hell. But, you can also always count on several others who make it all about the spanking, and it just isn't funny or witty or interesting.

    4. I've heard a variation of that joke ages ago with the protagonist being a Jewish tailor named Moishe.....who lived to regret sucking that one cock. And I do use it occasionally when I want a joke about the unfairness of reputations and notoriety.

      I liked Stanton's talk, though it could have withstood some editing ;-)

      Interesting that you mention the weekly caption segment on Hermione's blog. It was probably the main inspiration for this post.......which I saw as a 'helpful how-to' for prospective captioners. And thanks for the compliment. I do try .......and I do appreciate the occasional caption from others who make me chuckle. Invariably their offerings go beyond, "I'm going to spank you so hard!" matter what the image is. (Why do I always envision those contributors writing with one hand down their pants? or up their skirts?) ;-)

  2. That's right - the Mother should not spank him - she should get the really smoking hot high school cheerleader down the street to do it - in uniform.

    Carl H

  3. You asked for it!

    I knew my sexual fetishes had been getting more perverse, but it wasn't until I broke into a museum and spanked a statue that I realized I had hit rock bottom!

    1. OK, Merry, I have never heard that one before and I will admit it made me grin. Good job!

  4. Good one KD.I'm sure there must be more spanking jokes out there somewhere.

  5. OMG that first one is HYSTERICAL LOL...LOL...." make sure seems TOTALLY SPONTANEOUS"!!! Classic.

    1. Thanks, Darren, I'm glad you liked it. You know there are a lot more of these, plus stories and illustrations on the main website.

  6. For Christmas, I'm asking Santa for a sense of humor.

    1. I always thought that the cast of the Wizard of Oz should have asked that of the Wizard. They're all living in a land straight out of an LSD trip and yet, unless they were skipping down the Yellow Brick Road, they were all so freakin' serious!

    2. Crimson Kid (C.K.)May 16, 2018 at 9:47 PM

      Well, of the four sentient members of their party (not including Toto), for three of them the land of Oz was their home, so it presumably seemed as "normal" to them as drab, Depression-era Kansas did to Dorothy.

      Being on a journey to ask major favors from an extremely powerful yet mysterious and unpredictable entity, while being targeted by an equally powerful and vindictive enemy, that might prove to be somewhat stressful, I'm figuring.

      I did find it interesting that Dorothy was indirectly or directly involved in the deaths of both witches, merely being present when the first one was killed while later killing the second one inadvertently, yet when acclaimed as a 'liberator' she happily took credit for causing both deaths.

      She also had no problem with receiving stolen property from someone who had looted a recently deceased individual's corpse, did she? --C.K.

    3. This reminds me of the classic Jack-and-the-Beanstalk scene in "Blackboard Jungle". Well played.

  7. Another:
    A Dominant history professor and a submissive philosophy professor are sitting in a dungeon having a discussion. The Dominant asks; Have you read Marx?
    The submissive replies: Yes ma'am, but they should be gone by morning!

    1. Hmmmm. I think that submissive professor must have been tied to the rack........because that was a bit of a stretch. ;-)

      (Not bad. Leave it to you to find these! Thanks.)

  8. Bob, a young journalism graduate from Tennessee, had gone to work for the New York Times. His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story. An idea came to Bob and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home state of Arkansas. Deep in the woods, Bob came upon a farmer's house and decided this would be a good place to start. He introduced himself to the back country farmer and explained why he was there. The farmer (named Farmer Dick) agreed to answer his questions. Bob asked Farmer Dick what event in his life had made him the happiest? Farmer Dick replied, "One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep. We all formed a posse and found it. After we all had spanked it, we took it back to the farmer that lost it."
    "I can't print that," said Bob, the reporter. "Is there another event that made you really happy?"
    Farmer Dick thought for a minute and said, "Yep. One time the daughter of another local farmer got lost. She was a good-lookin' young girl. We all formed a posse and found her. After all of us had spanked her, we took her back to her daddy."
    Again Bob knew he couldn't print the story and decided to take a different tack. He asked Farmer Dick, "Is there any event in your life that has made you really sad?"
    Farmer Dick hung his head and replied, "Well, I got lost once."

    1. Hmmmm. I have a sneaking suspicion the original version of this did not employ spanking. ;-) And even if it did, I'll wager the punchline would be funnier if a fucking took the place of the spanking. What do you think?

    2. You might be right.... but I'm not sure

    3. Crimson Kid (C.K.)May 10, 2018 at 12:56 AM

      Yes, I'd agree that "spanking" probably wasn't in the original version of that joke, especially since I've heard humorous comments about guys having bestial sex with sheep.

      In fact, a long-ago colleague of mine used to say of the supposed olden days, "Back when men were men, and sheep were nervous..." --C.K.

    4. I've heard that line and it still amuses.

  9. Crimson Kid (C.K.)June 3, 2018 at 9:59 AM

    I've just remembered this quick joke, likely set in the 1950s or '60s:

    Little Susie has just returned her disappointing report card, signed by her mother, back to her third-grade teacher.

    SUSIE: "I have to warn you about something, Miss Sinclair."

    TEACHER: "What would that be, Susie?"

    SUSIE: "Well, my mother says that if my next report card isn't a lot better, she's going to spank someone good and hard, right on her bare bottom."


    1. That's a good one. I will add that to my list. Thanks.