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Friday, February 16, 2018

Playing for Stakes

( Warning: The following post describes a family dynamic wherein adult submission and spanking are openly practiced. If you do not approve of such openness, please skip this particular post. )

 After writing about being open with the more serious aspects of DD, I thought I’d follow-up with something a little more lighthearted but still in the same vein: and that is how spanking .....even in a DD household...... need not always be 100% serious. When you live openly as a person who gets spanked regularly, that activity can easily work its way into other arenas. Granted, if one’s spanking situation is a well-guarded secret, this won’t happen, but Rosa and I are not secretive. I have written before how our lifestyle has been assimilated into our household, and because even Rosa and I don’t always treat spanking itself seriously, those around us have also seen how varied its practice can be......including being used as a 'penalty' for a video game.

One of the things I noticed with all of Rosa's kids when they were younger, was a sort of bemused glee at the prospect of me 'getting it' from their Mom, and I think this is a very natural reaction for a kid. If you are a kid who knows that you never need to worry about being spanked by your Mom, but that your Mom’s boyfriend does, you can’t help but enjoy little opportunities to see him get it. Think of all the cartoons and scenes in movies going back to the earliest days of film, where the sight of a grown character getting their butt traumatized was a source of humor. Now here you are in a situation where a real life adult in your own home routinely suffers the same fate. As long as the situation holds no hint of abuse, how can a kid not find that amusing? 

And even though there was an obvious serious aspect to the DD part that they were well aware of, Rosa and I didn’t pretend that there couldn’t be a lighter side to having a D/s dynamic within a relationship. So once Rosa established her authority in a serious way, she had no problem doing it playfully as well. Innocent traditions like “Birthday Spanks” took on a whole new meaning and significance as an opportunity to have some fun with power…..while not being mean about it.  All ‘fairness’ in the Birthday boy or girl getting their whacks on their day is turned all around and one person who also happens to be an adult, ends up as the only one whose butt gets whacked. Now as a kid you are seeing an older person not just subject to deserved punishments for bad behavior but somewhat powerless to avoid getting spanked even on their mother’s whim. What’s not to like?  It’s pretty satisfying seeing a guilty person in a serious situation where tempers were lost, things were said, and feelings were hurt get spanked for it, but how cool is it to have one-sided spanking penalties for things that aren’t serious…..especially when you know…...serious or not…...those spankings are still going to sting plenty? 

And being kids and seeing all this, they naturally wanted to 'get in on the fun' to a safe degree. Rosa and I both picked up on this interest and would occasionally let them have some 'sport' at my expense in the form of being able to declare me their personal proxy for Birthday Spanks. No matter whose birthday it was, if spanks were to be given, only I would get them. So here you are again, as the ‘kid’ and instead of having to endure your own birthday whacks, someone else was taking them for you. If more whacks meant more ‘good luck’ for the birthday person and those whacks were going to someone else, well, ‘give me all the luck you can!’

Another outcome of being the only one in the house who can get spanked for just about anything was to have ‘play spankings’ used as game penalties. We called it: "playing for stakes" and it involved a very one-sided set of penalties for various failures or conditions within a specific game. 

Rosa was a very willing part of all this. She herself does not like to play games….especially video games…..but she does like to spank, and she also loves to show off her authority by doling out spankings when needed, so by being the official “spanker” for the stakes involved, she was able to be a part of her kids’ games without actually having to play them. 

A 'stakes' game had to be approved beforehand by Rosa (which she was happy to do) and then my opponent would set the 'stakes' beforehand, and then we'd play.......with them keeping a tally of my penalties. At the end of the game, they'd give the tally to Rosa with a big grin and she'd play into it and tell them that she would now  'take care of it'. It was all in fun, and never mean…...and everyone knew it and took it as a joke.  Although as an adult playing against these kids…….. who seemed like they were born with game controllers in their hands…….., the outcome for these games was hardly ever in question. Basically, if I got an invitation to a 'stakes' game from one of them and Rosa approved it, there was little doubt in anyone's mind of how things were going to end up.  It just became a way for them to bond with me over a video game with the added bonus of knowing that in the end I was going to get spanked and the only thing in question was how high the tally would be.  To be fair, we sometimes had ‘penalties’ for the kids if I somehow managed to win…..but these were like “get Ken a beer when he asks for one” kinds of things. And to be honest? I got a lot more spanks than I ever got beer!

The spankings themselves could be delivered one of two ways: either I’d be on all fours right in the same room where we played …...with my play-partner in attendance and me in these light cotton PJs that provided total coverage but offered little cushioning for my hinder, OR I’d be taken to our bedroom and be given a good, private, OTK paddling on my bare bottom.  The ‘winner’ had the option to choose which they preferred and either be an eyewitness to the spanking over PJs, or be able to listen in on the other.

As I recall, initially the kids’ choices usually resulted in the public clothed paddlings, but once the novelty of seeing me get it wore off a bit, and the kids realized that a bare-bottomed paddling was definitely more of a painful and embarrassing penalty for me, that choice became the more popular one.  (Ana mentioned in a post a while back how initially she thought that whenever her Mom took me to the room for a spanking, that I would ‘get it’ over PJs. When she learned that I got it over her Mom’s lap with my pants down, it added a new level of intensity. I think this was the same for them. I know if I was given the choice of seeing a friend get spanked over their clothes or knowing they would get it in private on their bare hinder, I’d choose the latter.) The subsequent sounds of smacks and ouches from the next room (our bedroom is next to our TV room) then provided entertaining proof of the prowess of whoever  the gaming ‘winner’ happened to be. And in that regard, and to different degrees, every single one of my grinning step-kids had at one time or another, managed to send me off to their mother with a hefty, penalty-laden scorecard.

All three kids had their own favorite game they would choose. Even the oldest, who was the least interested in the actual DD lifestyle, would enjoy playing me for 'stakes' in Soul Caliber. (It got to a point where after a while I would only agree to play him at all if he gave me a point handicap….and even then I’d still end up with a very sore behind.) Ana liked Let's Dance (which she could usually win easily), and instead of playing against me, Osito would team up with me for Resident Evil 5.

 Depending on the game, they might come up with a set penalty if they beat me in total score, or if it was a team player game, I would be penalized if I ended up botching a score by 'dying' while my partner was still 'healthy'.

As you can see from this Resident Evil fan art, the inclination to punish 'characters' for annoying game play with a spanking is not unheard of.

Out of all of my ‘steps’, “Osito” (Ana’s younger brother) probably played more “Stakes”games than either of his siblings. Our main game was Resident Evil 5, which we could play together as a team. But as a player who was not nearly as good as my teammate, it would very often be me who got us killed. All it took was some clumsy misstep, a slow or incorrect response to a screen prompt, or just poor marksmanship and “you are dead” inevitably flashed onto the screen.

A familiar screen that for me should have had "and you are going to get spanked for it!" added underneath.

 Now unlike life, where death is pretty permanent, video ‘deaths’ require only a reset for ‘life’ to continue……..and so it was with us, AFTER Osito recorded the event on my penalty scorecard, because as one would expect, getting your teammate killed is definitely a spankable offense for someone who gets spanked. Even I could not argue that evidenced in this more personally-inspired cartoon depicting those times: 

As you might expect, since I drew this......the situation depicted while pretty darned accurate.

Over time though he was also getting pretty creative as to what other parts of the game constituted grounds for a spanking. Eventually something like a character uttering some annoying catchphrase would be jotted down for a few extra whacks. And even if I played well enough to minimize our deaths, I had no control over these random utterances….and over the course of a game, they’d add up. But as someone who also found these particular phrases annoying, I could appreciate Osito wanting to have some kind of recourse for enduring them, and since only my half of the team got spanked, it naturally made sense that my butt would have to pay the price.

Here's a bit of fan art depicting the evil and formidable Wesker spanking Chris. One of Osito's later additions was adding a set number of spanks whenever Wesker would yell out this annoying, "Chriiiiiis!" And so besides killing me often enough, Wesker was able to get me spanked just by opening his mouth! I'm not usually a huge fan of M/m spanking, but in this case, I can sort of relate to Chris' predicament .....if not his enthusiasm for added severity, because whenever we'd hit a scene where Wesker appeared, I sort of knew my butt was in trouble!

At one point,  our “spanking stakes” adventures hit a sort of high point. Osito would ask to play often and with ever-expanding, one-sided consequences. And yes, I’d go along…...and so would Rosa. She never amended a total, and though never actually displeased with me, never went easy on the penalty. If a good, thorough spanking was the agreed-upon consequence, she could be relied upon to deliver it as such. Even I sometimes volunteered a few suggested ‘extras’ to keep things fresh and risky (for me). And then? As with all things, it just sort of faded out of fashion, which with kids getting to a certain age, makes perfect sense. 

Fan art of Sheva Alomar from Resident Evil getting spanked. When playing as a team you only have the option of being Chris Redfield or Sheva. Osito and I would switch characters, so it wasn't unusual for me to BE Sheva. And in light of our circumstances, this cartoon is even more funny, since MY performance as Sheva often ended similarly.

So what was my surprise when I recently mentioned something about our old “playing for stakes” routine to Osito and he responded that he had just seen an online version of resident Evil 5 being played as a drinking game and thought how easily those rules could translate to spanking?  Now there’s a coincidence!  Add to this one hasty criticism, an admission of how ironic getting a discipline slip would be after the weekend that I had, some guy-to-guy bravado banter, and…….well……………… after some discussion, it looked like “playing for stakes” would make a return.

When Osito began to mention all the options he was considering, (he actually sounded very enthusiastic about the possibilities) I actually found myself stalling and back-pedalling a bit. I mentioned that maybe we’d need limits and caps on certain things. Then I told him to let me think more about all this and once I was alone I realized that if “I” got to negotiate the terms, I’d definitely ask for all sorts of limits and minimize certain things I know he likes. I knew that I had to somehow take myself out of the decision process. And because there was a half-serious ‘offence’ tangled up in this, I had an idea: what if we co-wrote a Discipline Slip for the offence wherein my “punishment” would be an irretractable agreement to play whatever game he wanted, with whatever stakes he came up with, for as long as he wished? I presented that idea to him and he signed off on my offer and agreed to make up the list of rules. When Rosa came home I showed her the slip, and told her what it was all about and what her involvement would be if she agreed. (All Discipline Slips require Rosa’s approval). And, as one would expect, she agreed without hesitation or fuss.

However, after a few days went by without any further developments, I just asked him if he was still interested or if it was just a passing notion. He admitted that since he’s so absorbed in either going to work or his music, (he actually composes arrangements and original instrumental pieces) that he’s not sure when we’d ever have time to play. So I guess it was just an idea that appealed to him in the moment and then faded in the harsh light of day to day living. Whatever the reason, it seems I’m safe for the time being…...unless he changes his mind again. (And despite my willingness to 'play', I am not really super eager for it either, so I have no intention of trying to persuade him!)


  1. my wife and i frequently ponder how or if our disciplinary relationship should be known to her daughter (my step daughter). she shows some dominant traits and would make a great flr some day.

    she sees me cook clean clear up supper while her and mom watch tv. sometimes my wife will hand me my apron and tell me to do the dishes as they are about to watch a show.

    thats as far as it goes today. for now its a great tease that i get disciplined by her

    1. I would say it all depends on:
      1: your step-daughter's personality
      2: her interest level
      & 3: her maturity/trust level

      If all of those are positive then it's just a matter of adjusting whatever aspects of your DD you want to reveal to her age and comfort level.

      My Ana has always had an interest from her teens and now that she's an adult in college and ridiculously responsible and mature, she has earned her Mother's trust and support in essentially being another junior-level authority figure in our home. And one that I accept and recognize as well. What used to be a limited and regulated 'experiment' or 'trial' of her Mother having given her some authority has grown as she has grown and proven herself over and over.

      And now, while we definitely have a lighthearted side to her role in the home, it is pretty much understood by her, her Mother, and me, that if she decided something needed to be seriously addressed, there'd be little opposition to her decision. But I would have to say that I am not alone in recognizing Ana as one of life's truly exceptional people. I am not so sure this arrangement would work for just anyone.

      All the best!

  2. You are lucky to have stepchildren and can understand D's and accept it for what it is. Yes at first it's fun knowing "daddy" gets spanked but I don't can be fun for them. You have something very special and I'm sure all of you enjoy it. Sad to say something like that would never work in our home so for some time my spankings were given in private out of hearing range and now with an empty nest we are to take spanking to other places in the home and still keep it from the kids (who are all adults now). I'm happy it works for you.

    1. Thank you, archedone, and I would be the first to agree with you. There are so many factors that come into play and the blend of different personalities in different environments produce a myriad of situations. Mine just happened to work very well, but I KNOW other people for whom such openness would not be good at all.

      One of my 'life surprises' however, has been the receptivity to our lifestyle from a couple of people I did NOT expect support from, namely my late Mother and my adult, married, biological daughter. And yet both reacted very positively when informed of the lifestyle Rosa and I live. (You just never know.)

  3. I really admire your healthy and open way of dealing with discipline and spanking fun times.

    I don't feel that it has a negative impact on the family dynamic either.

    Thank you for sharing more of your life with your readers.

    1. Thank you, Merry, that's how we see it. And anyone reading this can see that when the kids were 'into it' (playing for stakes) we did it, and when they outgrew it, no one forced them to continue.

  4. I was glad of your disclaimer. I feel... very conflicted about this. I think that with the right "kid", once they are more mature, some conversation about these lifestyles may be appropriate, depending upon their interest.

    I'm not sure how I feel about it being openly practiced, for the sole reason that the relationship is between those two people. Just as arguments aren't meant for the little ears, in my opinion, neither should the typically more private aspects of D/s or DD. I'm not sure what SHOULD be shown to the kids though, I think that's where I'm conflicted.

    Like some of my family knows of my true relationship with my Sir. But I would never wear my collar around them, nor would he discipline me in front of them; it's not for them to see?

    1. I can understand your concerns. They are valid and can be even more "valid" for some situations than for others. For us, this just happened to work.....but as I've explained in all of the past posts dealing with this, I think our particular situation was more conducive than others.

      I don't know how far back you have ever ventured with some of the past posts here, but if you look at the "Inside a DD Family" series in particular, you can read what what two of the three kids mentioned have to say about having grown up in an open DD household. It might surprise you.

      However, this post was much less about the 'real aspect' of our DD being made your example of being genuinely disciplined in front of family....and was really about playing around with the notion of spankings as play-penalties......something kids have been dong since the days of 'Birthday Spanks', playing S.P.U.D. or "Hot Beans" on the playground back in the mid-sixties. Even now you see all sorts of spanking dares among teens. They even had a through-the-legs "spanking machine" gauntlet on SPONGEBOB! It's just not that volatile a subject anymore. DD might be, because there's so much more to it.....but plain old spanking? It's the era of 50 Shades after all! LOL

      All the best!

  5. I appreciate your response.

    I think the key thing that is sticking in my brain here is the play aspect or play penalties aspect. It'd be easier for my brain to accept were the adults not involved in D/s or spanking or discipline in general. I cannot equate "birthday punches, or birthday spanks" as something as innocent as it is, when attached to adults in an adult relationship where such things typically hold a different meaning. I think that is where my disconnect lies.

    1. I get it. I'm just not sure I agree. Is my meaning your meaning? Is it their meaning? Whose meaning is anyone's but their own? I also think this comes down to how we as adults view childhood as it relates to "innocence". I recall quite clearly what MY thoughts were back then and remember very well how UN-innocent childhood is....or was for me. What I see often though is a deep desire in many adults to think otherwise. And I get that. The "innocence" of kids is as comforting a notion as the existence of a benevolent deity watching over us. It appeals. It comforts. It reassures us that we are not just animals. But how realistic is that? If a kid feels like their superior gaming skills got an adult spanked, and they LIKE that.......are they some kind of "victim" if the adults DOING the spanking are getting a separate meaning from it?

      I think that everything along these lines exist on a scale or spectrum: an adult curses in front of a child, an adult curses AT a child, an adult teases their child with something laden with innuendo but without intent, an adult intentionally tries to seduce their child, an adult forcible abuses their child. Where's the line? And is one person's line the same as another's? There definitely should be one, but who draws it, and what is the delineation based upon? It's a valid issue I admit, but a complicated one.

      I get the feeling that because Rosa might "enjoy" giving me one of those "penalty spankings" private....that having a video game with a kid prompt that for you that somehow lacks innocence. Maybe. But what has the kid "suffered" as a result? They are not involved in anything they don't want to be involved in. They are happy with the results from their own perspective. So? Where is the victimization? And at the end of the day, you need never do what we did. But at the end of that same day we see no harm in what we did and neither do the kids who once willingly played along.

      And leaving out 'kids'.....what if Rosa and I went to a restaurant with a spanking bet between us that the waiter/waitress says the word "merlot" and they do....and I get spanked later as a result, and Rosa and I both enjoy it....has the waiter/waitress been somehow "victimized"?

      A lot to think about, wouldn't you say? And isn't thinking wonderful?

      All the best!----KDP

    2. Thank you for being willing to engage with me. This is typically not my experience when I have a different viewpoint than others. It has given me a lot to think about.

      I definitely get that most kids aren't as innocent as we would like to believe. I think about the ages as which I would have certain thoughts, or started doing certain things, and I know this to be true.

      I definitely get that everyone's meaning can be different. For me, I think it comes down to my meaning. For me, knowing that the action would not be innocent would create in me a consent issue. Whether my kid was down for that kind of fun, I don't think they really can consent to such. Even if they don't fully know what's going on... it would create inner turmoil for me.

      It's very different from how I perceive adult friends consenting to helping with a punishment, and how many spanks (though I don't think I could do that personally).

      I think I am just personally hung up on such things; it's my personality. For example, there are those that know of my true relationship, and even those that approve of it... but I won't wear my collar around those people; they haven't consented to be subject to my relationship.

      As far as the line goes, there are lines drawn by many. Big societal lines like no to incest, or to bodily harm. Other smaller lines I think drawn by the individual parents. I know lots of people disagree on parenting methods, but their kids usually turn out okay.

      I am not a parent, so I'm not sure exactly how I would feel. But I vacillate between wanting to show my children a healthy relationship example, but also not wanting to show them too much, because there are certain things not meant for anyone, child or no.

      I'm not saying that you personally shouldn't engage in such games with your kids. I just don't think I could do it, and I think therein lies my thoughts.

      For the last bit, I think the difference if you went to that restaurant, the waiter has no idea that you're going to be spanked if they say a word. In the other example, the kids do, they have some control, they're playing an active part. Which may be okay, and they're adults now and everything's cool. I just couldn't do it.

      Thanks for giving me a lot of food for thought.

    3. That was refreshingly clear and sincere. I totally understand your viewpoint better now. I do think a lot does come down to one's personality......and Rosa and I are both pretty open. But we are well aware that everyone draws their lines in different places ......which is as it should be.

      I think there is also a big difference in how we view this lifestyle and how others who also live it, do. Most of the people I know who are in the lifestyle, are much more like you in that they view certain public expressions of the lifestyle as an imposition on the vanilla world. We however, do not. The vanilla world has no problem with their "PDAs" and their 'locker room talk'......and as long as it's all about conventional sex and the conversation is not in an inappropriate place (like work) everyone grins along or even adds their own tales. Since we do not express ourselves through conventional sex, we just see what we do as 'our' expression of ourselves.....which we see as no better or no worse than what these other vanilla folks do openly. So if we share OUR tales, how are we doing anything different than these boasting vanillas?

      Another thing to consider is the sexual aspect of spanking. Some folks I know seem to find a sexual element to almost any spanking. Rosa and I have seen that some spankings are very sexual, some are merely sex-y, and others are just cute fun. If someone genuinely believes that all spankings are sexual, then sharing spanking is indeed problematic. I personally find them to be very different depending on a multitude of factors. I guess a good question is whether DD is, in and of itself, sexual? Better it ever? sometimes? often? or always sexual? Depending on how each person answers THAT question, a lot of what they feel is appropriate or inappropriate starts to fall into place.

      As for the video game thing? I see your point and respect it. In my past life I also kept everything a secret from my kids (mainly because my ex was the opposite of Rosa).....only to find out later that my kids figured things out on their own. Both have told me they would have preferred to have just been told rather than us treating it the way we did. Go figure! LOL

      Great discussion, Lea. Thanks for the civil, intelligent exchange. It has always been my goal for "Collected Submissions" to be a place for exactly these types of conversations. Please continue to be an active participant......regardless of whether you agree or disagree!

      All the best!

  6. I think some vanillas should not be so open about their sexcapades in a lot of public situations (I typically don't wanna hear that shit!), but I definitely get your point. People are cool with what they're into, but the second someone else opens their mouth if they think it's abnormal, they get uppity!

    1. True. And to be perfectly honest, as open as we are, there are PLENTY of people we are not "out" to. We are fairly reasonable people and try to always "know our audience" before revealing anything.

  7. Aw this made me remember old times! It feels like so long ago! Staying up all night and doing steaks became a tradition for a while! I got so many treats... oh wait I still do! ;)
    I definitely think it has been beneficial being open as a family not only for the notion of exploration of one self but also to feel accepted

    1. The games may have changed but the penalties and treats keep coming.

      And thanks for letting our readers know how it felt from the perspective of one of the kids playing for stakes.