For some reason a couple of the comments over on Dan's blog this week had me reminiscing about my early days in the "lifestyle". Back then it was S&M. Now it's..... well, now you need a scorecard.
I still recall that my first affirmation that I was not somehow alone in all this was during a trip to NYC with a high school buddy in the mid 70s, when I first espied this book in one of those Port Authority newsstand stores:
Before I saw this, my only written handlings of this topic included medical books that defined me as an aberration.
At the time there was NO WAY I was going to buy this in front of my male friend. In fact it wasn't until years later that I actually tracked this book down and bought it....though my copy has a purple cover. Though really badly written, the book was at the very least reassuring. But just seeing the cover told me that the topic was obviously not as "taboo" as it used to be if books were being written on it.
But it wasn't until I was in college that I got my hands on a porn magazine in our frat house that featured a story entitled: "Mr. Miles' Well-Disciplined Women". I don't recall the magazine and I have tried tracking this down with no success. While no masterpiece, it was the first time I read a current story where the erotic emphasis centered on discipline and pain rather than stiff cylindrical parts sliding in and out of fleshy slick cavities. At the time, it was a rare treat for someone like me.
That story gave me the confidence to pursue my interests. Sure, they might be a bit different.....but if people like me could be worthy of being the target audience for a published porn story.....then there must be more than a handful of us out there. I hunted and found more information. It was out there, but you REALLY had to look. It was with this newfound knowledge that I 'came out' to the girl I was dating at the time.
I was very nervous and embarrassed, but determined. To my surprise, while predictably startled by my confession, she did not run screaming into the street. Instead, she said she'd give it a try......after all, it was my butt that was going to get whacked, not hers, so what the heck? She used a yellow, plastic hairbrush, and despite having self-spanked countless times growing up, this felt entirely different! It really hurt! Because I was not the one swinging the brush, I could not regulate the force and speed like I was accustomed to, so the first thing I did was complain that she was doing it wrong. But rather than accept that, she pointed out that I had asked to be spanked, and that was exactly what she was doing. Spanking was smacking a bottom with the intention to punish and that if it was unpleasant and stung, she was obviously not doing it wrong. It was a breakthrough moment for me. We were both 19.
By then I was already somewhat versed in the S&M printed 'techniques' for 'warm-ups' in safe, sane, & consensual spanking.....and this person was refusing to play by those rules. And it bothered me at first. And then......her philosophy began to make more sense than the ones espoused in the S&M guides. Over time I came to see how the real excitement and efficacy in getting spanked was the conflicting duality of wanting or needing it and the reality of getting it. I always felt a little unusual when discussing spanking with other enthusiasts as I got older and perennially hearing about warm-ups, warm-ups, warm-ups. Whenever I'd admit to not getting them, I was regarded as being treated unfairly. But now that DD has become more open and accepted, no one balks upon hearing that I don't get warm-ups. In fact, even my friends& family-in-the-know accept me getting spanked hard and punitively like a naughty kid rather than a paying client visiting a BDSM Domme as logical. "Warm-up? I'll warm you up alright!"
(The modern acceptance of spanking really hit home when a few months ago Rosa and I were talking very candidly about our lifestyle to my biological daughter and her husband. I was being very cautious when she asked, "so what.... you're talking about spanking?" And when I said 'yes', she asked with a look of confusion, "is that really kinky anymore?")
Soon "D/s" replaced "S&M" as the call letters of the day.......(only to be replaced by "BDSM" years after that.)
During that time I experimented with various aspects of control. Orgasm control was one: no unauthorized O's for me...that was the rule. By the late 1990's with the advent of Frank & Doris Miller's CB2000, I got further into chastity with 'forced assistance'. Now if temptation was too great or my Top wanted to "make sure" of compliance, a little padlock did the trick. It was not utterly new, but the 90's and early 2000's were when the typical plastic male chastity device practice really took off. It was unusual then, and even now.....but not unheard of. Now? There's a booming market!
I remember when I first told some friends about not being allowed to masturbate without permission and even having devices to ensure compliance, their reaction was a bit mixed.....a little amused, a little intrigued, and even a little sympathetic. NOW anyone I tell only seems to exhibit the first two reactions.
I even lived through the practice of shaving one's pubic hair going from something only kinky people did (and usually tried to hide from doctors or friends in the locker room) to something that is now considered the hygienic and even 'polite' thing to regularly do. I was shocked when Ana told me that shaving was a routine thing now. So much for being a rebel!
The classic modern teen selfie: bald as a baby!
Even the "selfie" is funny to me......considering my first kinky private photos were done on a Polaroid instant camera!
Looking back over just 40 years of living this lifestyle, I am amazed at what is open, out there, and even easily accessible compared with what things were like when I started out. There are so many more things I could go into. But like the cartoon I opened with.......for those much older than me, I'm sure it was even worse!