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Monday, June 18, 2018

Who we are

In past posts and comments on other blogs, I have recently admitted that my willingness to be punished for misdeeds had waned dramatically. I also confessed that my overall libido had sort of taken a vacation as well. Because I don't post as often as I used to, I didn't update you all on the welcome return of sexy thinking (and doing) a short while back. (probably about a week ago). Hurray! It's nice to know that oneself is not completely dead inside. LOL

Once I sort of returned to the land of the 'feeling', I also became more conscious of how.....despite my stubborn resistance to being punished for real.......that if I am honest with myself, I can't escape the inexorable need for discipline. My resistance also affected Rosa, since she is very determined and serious about living her life as the benevolent authority figure to an obedient partner.  Put simply: we are a DD couple, and while circumstances, influences, and moods can cut into that, nothing can change it for very long.

In the middle of last week Rosa and I had an unfortunate exchange that left us both pretty upset. In all honesty blame can be laid on circumstances that short-circuited our patience with each other. However, I was the one who sort of went on a tirade as a result, though at the time I felt completely justified. This past Friday, with the help of a few drinks, I sort of let my inhibitions and resistance down enough to realize that despite the circumstances, by definition of our roles and my pledge to always talk to Rosa respectfully, I had definitely crossed a line. And so, now feeling less defensive, I confessed this to Rosa.......who immediately agreed and seemed happy to see me own up to my actions.

On Saturday we talked for a very long time and I asked my Honey for one concession: for me to feel right about things I just needed for her to admit to her own, albeit lesser, contribution to things going sour. And Rosa did, explaining at length the hitherto unknown circumstances that were affecting her at the time. I had no idea that she had just gone through a pretty upsetting experience prior to my outburst. It put everything in a much clearer perspective.

What followed was a discussion about our roles and promises, followed by what you'd expect from a DD couple: I ended up over her lap with a bar of soap in my mouth as she taught me a lesson about the unacceptability of cruel outbursts with our hardest punishment paddle. The spanking was not terribly long but very forceful. It was very obvious that Rosa wasn't playing around and that she was determined to roast my butt honestly.

While over her lap, I couldn't even yelp due the bar of soap, but ended up whimpering a bit. Still, at one point a strange feeling (that I later described to her) came over me making me feel like I was finally 'where I belonged'. Instead of the resistance to physical punishment I had felt previously, now I felt that some missing and crucial puzzle piece had been found and put back into place to complete the total picture properly.



After the spanking, I rinsed out my mouth and returned to nuzzle at my Honey's feet as we talked some more. I told her about my feelings and desire to genuinely BE an obedient husband and partner. She seemed pleased. I also asked her if we were back to a clean slate and she admitted that we were not quite there yet. I wasn't completely surprised to hear this and so I felt no internal resistance to returning to her lap after a few more minutes of discussion.

The second spanking went longer and was just as hard as the first. This time she lectured me about my tendency to become very hyper and almost "OCD" about little unimportant details and how this made her crazy. It was not a new topic. In fact this issue is laid out in the first few of our printed and signed copy of House Rules dating back to the beginning of our DD arrangement. I couldn't honestly refute her assessment. It IS a personal fault I have struggled with all of my life. And it's probably something I will never be able to permanently fix......but a good spanking can help me keep it in check and also give Rosa an outlet for her emotions when it does happen.

I was thinking about how such an outcome might look unfair to some.....given that there was some degree of culpability resting with each party, and I asked Ana what she thought about that...........especially since she and I share a similar disparity (only in her case involving Discipline Slips instead of her directly punishing me). She replied that it really comes down to what each party agrees to.  Because we freely made such an agreement it follows that the actual consequences might change drastically for each person. But she added that just because the consequences are 'different' or not equal, there is still a line of not taking advantage of abusing the disparity. The end result may look uneven but it isn't because each concession for amends are consistent with whatever factors were agreed to. So for Ana, as well Rosa, and I'm sure every responsible 'authority figure'  in every DD couple (unless they're on the Spencer Plan), there doesn't seem to be a lot of angst over believing a sincere apology to be sufficient for themselves while expecting that for their subordinate partners the conflict resolution is going to require not just an apology but the additional aspect of a good, air-clearing spanking to go along with it.



Anyway, after the second spanking, I donned my pouch panties and chaps and wore them for most of the day. I did sort of get off a bit easy though, because by the time we were done, we were the only ones home. Usually the idea of the chaps is a sort of 'added punishment' akin to 'corner time'........but without the corner. LOL. The idea being that whoever's around can easily see that I am in a state of 'disgrace'. Saturday, I was really only on display for Rosa, but even that has an effect since the chaps ....along with the residual sting......are a constant reminder of what transpired earlier.

After my spanking Rosa asked me to fetch her another cup of coffee and I hastily snapped this little "selfie" in the kitchen in anticipation of using some photo back-up for today's post. Admittedly not of the best quality, but once again, you can see how the post-spanking swelling produces extremely pronounced folds to my gluteal creases between cheek and thigh. You can also see the central 'white patches' that indicate the severity of the punishment. This was a butt that stung for a good long time.

There was one more thing that I am still processing and pondering. While we are pretty out to most in our circle, we are still not 'out' to everyone or anyone indiscriminately, though Rosa is far less concerned about some things than I am. On Saturday, I was so engrossed in our discussion and naturally my punishment afterwards that I did not think about something that I noticed only hours later when I went to our bedroom to stretch out my back for a bit on our bed. As I was laying there I looked over and saw that the right bedroom window was open. Our house is a ground level ranch and our bedroom is in the front of the property. In all honesty, anyone walking by that morning would have had no problem hearing that heavy lucite paddle in action.....though it would be quite possible that they would not have known what the sound actually was. I don't think anyone was out there, but the thought has made me blush a bit.





15 comments:

  1. Been away for a while so have some catching up to do. Glad to hear you are getting better and Rosa is taking good care of you. ;<) Be well

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    1. Thanks, Joe. Always good to hear from you too!

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    2. He needs to be taken care of on daily basis! ;)
      -Ana

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    3. Well then it's a good thing I have you to help with monitoring me. I'm too much trouble for just one person to keep track of.;-)

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  2. I'm glad to hear you and Rosa are back in action. It's clear you weren't in a great place for a while.

    Your description of Rosa giving you an explanation for her own behavior reminded me of all those times pre-DD in which my wife and I would get into a fight, I would be convinced I was right, then some new piece of information would come out, or her perspective would become sufficiently clear, that I would finally see and accept that I really was the cause of most of the problem.

    It's true some may find it "unfair" that one party to an argument gets off with an apology while the other gets his ass blistered. Yet, for those of us in these relationships it seems right. I don't have a solid explanation for it, but I suspect part of it is that I recognize that in the absence of DD and its tendency to level the playing field, my personality would dominate. It simply takes stronger action to take me down a few pegs. Also, I have a need for accountability, boundaries and consequences that she doesn't.

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    1. Thanks, Dan. I guess it was just a passing thing.

      Also, it helps to hear that you have some similar issues. I guess people are people no matter what.

      As for you last paragraph. I can relate to a lot of it but the part of the 'inequality' that always impresses the hell out of me with our respective spouses and disciplinarians is how easily they often come to accept the 'inequality' as appropriate. We on the receiving end tend to wrestle with it and they just roll their eyes like, 'what are you agonizing about?! This is a no-brainer!' I love them for that!

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  3. Things here are still hit or miss (pun intended) but Shilo is aware that I'm not about to expend energy when he's being like that. Yes, our relationship started because of our common interest, but I'm just too tired to bother.

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    1. Sorry to hear that, but hopefully your situation will eventually pass like mine did. Hell! I don't even know what caused it in the first place!

      We're just humans stuck in bodies governed by chemicals.

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    2. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions, unexpected, and inexplicable things of life, and it happens but eventually it comes back to us :)
      -Ana

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  4. Hi KD,

    I'm so pleased to hear that t hings are back to normal and that the MIA libido has decided to return. It happens to us all from time to time.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

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    1. Thanks, Hermione. I appreciate that.

      Interestingly, things are now falling back into their old places pretty rapidly. It is kind of like unclogging a drainpipe and now the water is flowing nicely.

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  5. Crimson Kid (C.K.)June 19, 2018 at 9:58 PM

    Well, it's pretty obvious that your quasi-stepdaughter (Ana) is correct in stating that objective "fairness" may not work so well as having a 'tilted' relationship (in terms of disciplinary authority) for some personal pairings.

    Which is after all a key aspect of many of your stories--offhand I can think of "The Arrangement," "The Friend," "An Age Thing," "Crushed," "Pride," "Double Dare," "Schoolgirl's Spanking," "His and Hers" and "Proxy."

    There have been comments on some of those stories in the Library of Spanking Fiction, and on a few of mine as well, which have included mild condemnation of the "unfairness" involved in those 'tilted' relationships, along with suggestions of sequels in which "justice is served," which seem to be missing the point about those disciplinary authority relationships. (However, it does strike me that "unfairness" isn't considered nearly so much of an issue in M/F accounts as it is in F/F and especially F/M ones.)

    Of course, being in a D/s situation carries no guarantee of avoiding the typical problems involved in romantic/sexual relationships, such as a periodic lessening of interest, does it...?? --C.K.

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    1. As always, your analysis is thorough. And my how flattering it is that remember my stories so well! Thank you, my friend! Really.

      And yes we have gone around the table a few times on the 'unfairness' issue. LOL It is interesting to see the types of folks who demand fairness and those who are intrigued or amused by apparent unfairness, or who fully understand the fairness inherent in unfairness. You are so right about the pattern by dynamic too!

      Your last point is very true and another which seems to only be acknowledged by those with experience. Too many people who are not fortunate enough to be living a D/s-DD lifestyle to any degree tend to assume that everything would be rosy all the time if they were......and being human.....it's just not so.

      (I do wish to correct you on one minor point, though: Ana is truly my stepdaughter....nothing "quasi" about it. "Kwazy" maybe.....but not quasi. We even drop the 'step' sometimes for expedience. And I have often told her that she is actually my real daughter......but on a cosmic/metaphysical scale. Just recently we had a person at a ShopRite checkout, believing we were biologically related, tell us we looked alike. LOL )

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    2. Thank you CK and KP ;)
      Fairness is viewed different by everyone especially in the diversity of perspectives from society, it is only important that the fairness is agreeed between the two couples and those two are satisfied and content to be seen as fair.
      Yeah... who knew that two opposite looking people would get mentioned to be related haha but hey maybe our bond is that strong, it defies biology!
      -Ana :)

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    3. Thanks for the input. It is a perspective you have earned by experiencing first hand.

      And that bond thing is just 'kwazy' so we may as well just accept the intensity of it. LOL

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