Once I sort of returned to the land of the 'feeling', I also became more conscious of how.....despite my stubborn resistance to being punished for real.......that if I am honest with myself, I can't escape the inexorable need for discipline. My resistance also affected Rosa, since she is very determined and serious about living her life as the benevolent authority figure to an obedient partner. Put simply: we are a DD couple, and while circumstances, influences, and moods can cut into that, nothing can change it for very long.
In the middle of last week Rosa and I had an unfortunate exchange that left us both pretty upset. In all honesty blame can be laid on circumstances that short-circuited our patience with each other. However, I was the one who sort of went on a tirade as a result, though at the time I felt completely justified. This past Friday, with the help of a few drinks, I sort of let my inhibitions and resistance down enough to realize that despite the circumstances, by definition of our roles and my pledge to always talk to Rosa respectfully, I had definitely crossed a line. And so, now feeling less defensive, I confessed this to Rosa.......who immediately agreed and seemed happy to see me own up to my actions.
On Saturday we talked for a very long time and I asked my Honey for one concession: for me to feel right about things I just needed for her to admit to her own, albeit lesser, contribution to things going sour. And Rosa did, explaining at length the hitherto unknown circumstances that were affecting her at the time. I had no idea that she had just gone through a pretty upsetting experience prior to my outburst. It put everything in a much clearer perspective.
What followed was a discussion about our roles and promises, followed by what you'd expect from a DD couple: I ended up over her lap with a bar of soap in my mouth as she taught me a lesson about the unacceptability of cruel outbursts with our hardest punishment paddle. The spanking was not terribly long but very forceful. It was very obvious that Rosa wasn't playing around and that she was determined to roast my butt honestly.
While over her lap, I couldn't even yelp due the bar of soap, but ended up whimpering a bit. Still, at one point a strange feeling (that I later described to her) came over me making me feel like I was finally 'where I belonged'. Instead of the resistance to physical punishment I had felt previously, now I felt that some missing and crucial puzzle piece had been found and put back into place to complete the total picture properly.
After the spanking, I rinsed out my mouth and returned to nuzzle at my Honey's feet as we talked some more. I told her about my feelings and desire to genuinely BE an obedient husband and partner. She seemed pleased. I also asked her if we were back to a clean slate and she admitted that we were not quite there yet. I wasn't completely surprised to hear this and so I felt no internal resistance to returning to her lap after a few more minutes of discussion.
The second spanking went longer and was just as hard as the first. This time she lectured me about my tendency to become very hyper and almost "OCD" about little unimportant details and how this made her crazy. It was not a new topic. In fact this issue is laid out in the first few of our printed and signed copy of House Rules dating back to the beginning of our DD arrangement. I couldn't honestly refute her assessment. It IS a personal fault I have struggled with all of my life. And it's probably something I will never be able to permanently fix......but a good spanking can help me keep it in check and also give Rosa an outlet for her emotions when it does happen.
I was thinking about how such an outcome might look unfair to some.....given that there was some degree of culpability resting with each party, and I asked Ana what she thought about that...........especially since she and I share a similar disparity (only in her case involving Discipline Slips instead of her directly punishing me). She replied that it really comes down to what each party agrees to. Because we freely made such an agreement it follows that the actual consequences might change drastically for each person. But she added that just because the consequences are 'different' or not equal, there is still a line of not taking advantage of abusing the disparity. The end result may look uneven but it isn't because each concession for amends are consistent with whatever factors were agreed to. So for Ana, as well Rosa, and I'm sure every responsible 'authority figure' in every DD couple (unless they're on the Spencer Plan), there doesn't seem to be a lot of angst over believing a sincere apology to be sufficient for themselves while expecting that for their subordinate partners the conflict resolution is going to require not just an apology but the additional aspect of a good, air-clearing spanking to go along with it.
Anyway, after the second spanking, I donned my pouch panties and chaps and wore them for most of the day. I did sort of get off a bit easy though, because by the time we were done, we were the only ones home. Usually the idea of the chaps is a sort of 'added punishment' akin to 'corner time'........but without the corner. LOL. The idea being that whoever's around can easily see that I am in a state of 'disgrace'. Saturday, I was really only on display for Rosa, but even that has an effect since the chaps ....along with the residual sting......are a constant reminder of what transpired earlier.
After my spanking Rosa asked me to fetch her another cup of coffee and I hastily snapped this little "selfie" in the kitchen in anticipation of using some photo back-up for today's post. Admittedly not of the best quality, but once again, you can see how the post-spanking swelling produces extremely pronounced folds to my gluteal creases between cheek and thigh. You can also see the central 'white patches' that indicate the severity of the punishment. This was a butt that stung for a good long time.
There was one more thing that I am still processing and pondering. While we are pretty out to most in our circle, we are still not 'out' to everyone or anyone indiscriminately, though Rosa is far less concerned about some things than I am. On Saturday, I was so engrossed in our discussion and naturally my punishment afterwards that I did not think about something that I noticed only hours later when I went to our bedroom to stretch out my back for a bit on our bed. As I was laying there I looked over and saw that the right bedroom window was open. Our house is a ground level ranch and our bedroom is in the front of the property. In all honesty, anyone walking by that morning would have had no problem hearing that heavy lucite paddle in action.....though it would be quite possible that they would not have known what the sound actually was. I don't think anyone was out there, but the thought has made me blush a bit.