As it turns out, Ana was deeply hurt by my treatment of her...which involved a lot of yelling and accusations...all because I was frazzled from preparing for the evening and I misinterpreted one of her texts. But as I am sometimes prone to do, rather than calm down and apologize, I stuck with my feeling that my interpretation of the text was valid, despite both Ana and even Rosa telling me I was overreacting. (Me? Overreact?)
Listening to Rosa in the days that followed and opening my mind up to the possibility that I might be wrong on this one, I sought out Ana's input and what she told me made me feel terrible. A couple of things sort of spoiled her Christmas....but this incident was definitely one of them. But we discussed it more and ended up being 'good'. But not without consequences.
Yes I know this image depicts a boy being spanked instead of an old guy like me, but the fact of the matter is when compared to any other image with some sort of F/m Christmas spanking theme, THIS one seemed to capture the essence of my situation far more accurately. Conceptually this is far more representative of my impending consequences for somehow spoiling Christmas than an image that merely gets the ages right.
Rosa has been working significant extra hours for the last few days with today being the last long day for her. As of tomorrow her schedule returns to normal. And Ana is off to Pittsburgh with her boyfriend to participate in more post-graduate explorations. Yesterday Ana and I spent a good part of the day together, cleaning and talking. More things were settled. And as a result, as she heads off now to make that long drive, there are three discipline slips on Rosa's dresser: one for the Christmas incident, and two for the 2018/2019 punishment/kick-off. But we'll cover the year-end tradition another time.
We also agreed that I would send Rosa an email now that the slip has been delivered. The email was initially my idea and covered the issues Ana and I discussed. But Ana also reviewed the email, requested some additions, and then approved its final draft. I will be sending it to Rosa later. Here's what it says:
Hey Honey I wanted to write this so that I could say what I wanted to while I had the nerve so that once sent there'd be no way to retract it. Ana and I discussed Christmas again and it's very clear she was very upset by it and she is going to do a slip. The slip which I have not yet seen, was partially the result of me finally seeing the other side of the whole text/Christmas morning issue and asking her bluntly what her thoughts were about it all. But I say 'partially' because as it turned out she had every intention of exacting a punishment for the incident without ever discussing it with me.... but planned on just quietly rolling it into the "2018/2019" slip she is going to do. She definitely wanted me to get a punishment for it but felt like I might be resistant to it if she made it out separately and she didn't want another confrontation. But bottom line she had already made up her mind that this particular issue deserved a spanking without any input from me. I told her that she was very perceptive about my resistance and that it just took me a longer than usual time to come to see my fault in the incident. It took hearing it from you, and from her, and then rolling it around in my own head to get there, but I now feel ready to admit that I overreacted. I also told Ana that I hate that she always seems to get the worst of my moods even when she is the most supportive of me and so I apologized for that too.It turn out that while I was getting angry at her, she was writing out that sweet card she gave me! Boy did I feel bad after hearing that!
In addition I really hurt her feelings and affected her Christmas. She also said she thought I would eventually come around and was disappointed that it took me so long to do so. The more we discussed it the worse I felt, so she and I talked it all through and I apologized to her for all of it and we are now good.....really good in fact.....except that now it comes down to what she feels are the appropriate consequences....which from talking to her I think are going to be significant. But I didn't think she should have to roll this into something else to hide it. So I asked her to go back to her first instinct and address this separately just like she had originally wanted. I even asked her if she felt that was more appropriate and she agreed, and I think from what you have said to me on this that you do too.
I also want to apologize for not trusting you both more when you tried to correct me right at the start. Not only was that wrong based on what happened but it was wrong of me to put either of you in a situation where you felt inhibited from acting based on fear of my reaction. How silly is it of me to profess how much I trust you two as reasonable and responsible authority figures if I fight what you tell me whenever I'm too stubborn to give in? I honestly don't like that about myself.
I promise to try to be better about this. I have never felt either of you ever punished me unfairly, though at times it took me a while to see it. So obviously I think I wasn't wrong to give each of you this authority over me. You both have proven yourselves worthy of it. And in talking I flat out asked Ana if she thought that my behavior was better when I was getting spanked more often and she admitted it was. She sincerely feels that I am a person who just functions and behaves better with more consistent and frequent discipline. Perceptive girl, huh?
So now I just need to accept the consequences for all of these things. Ana certainly believes this is one more lesson that needs to be learned over your lap......the hard way...... and I think you do too. So when you are ready I am prepared to be taught that lesson.......and I definitely don't expect it to be 'fun'. I still wish I could have seen my fault sooner but I guess I was too stubborn. Anyway you were both right and my feeling is that you will agree with your daughter that this needs to be one of those serious spankings. And in that regard I want to ask that you too consider adding whatever you feel is appropriate for me not listening to YOU sooner. I think you may already be thinking this but I wanted to say it anyway because you were affected by my stubbornness also. So naturally if you decide to add your 'voice' to this punishment, I won't argue.
(I also want to make a voluntary but serious request for whatever happens with the Christmas incident punishment. I would like to respectfully ask that from today on you keep me O-less for TWO full months. I know this might be very difficult but I think it's deserved. It.....in combination with whatever spankings I get, should also keep me pretty focused on behaving!
So there you have it. The reason I was brief earlier is that I felt the note details the specifics for everyone quite clearly and thoroughly.
As I write this, Ana has just left and I have now seen the slips. Here is what she wrote with me having changed their names to their blog identities:
So there you have it. 2000 spanks, which Ana naturally knows and intends to be a series of sequential smaller spankings. This is nothing new with her when she wants to deal with something seriously, since she knows not only what effect a spanking of 300 or so smacks can mean by itself, but what it means when delivered on the 4th or 5th day of a consecutive series.
Rosa has yet to weigh in on this, but based on a conversation she and I had on a hike after Christmas (which contributed to me considering that perhaps Ana was not at fault) I am pretty sure (as is Ana) that she will take this seriously and indeed add her own contribution to it. The only thing now is Rosa feeling rested enough from the last few days of extended working hours, which also included the weekend, giving her no day off, to have the mindset to deal with this. Once refreshed though, I think this is going to end up a significant punishment......and that's not even counting that we haven't yet broached the 2018/2019 ones!