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Monday, March 18, 2019

Charmed DD lives

I saw this on another blogger's site and just loved it. It also works nicely for today's topic.

A question on Dan's blog rekindled a feeling brought about a couple of weeks ago as I was reading other blogs but not posting here. It is a nagging feeling that somehow Rosa and I are very different from most other couples.....and certainly not just DD couples. I broached the subject with her and we discussed it. Rosa, without prompting, said exactly what I was thinking: we definitely let stuff get to us more than most.

Reading other people's blogs has made me think (often): "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US?" One popular blogger is always posting about a seemingly endless string of spankings, sex, and vacations. His mood is always upbeat. But when you think about it, if his life is even slightly close to what he posts.....who wouldn't be?

Another popular blogger writes pieces about adventures most other people only dream about. And these do not occur infrequently but regularly. The nature of the adventures bespeak of two enabling factors that Rosa and I cannot relate to: seemingly sufficient money for a lot of perks and the freedom of not having kids to get in the way of some raunchy fun.

Other more moderate blogs still echo a sort of blissful existence where spanking and DD is the icing on a pretty big cake. The only current exceptions are two blogs where the folks there are going through some rough times.....and these blogs I can relate to better than the others.

Seeing two possible reasons for other's bliss, I asked Rosa whether she thought other people were somehow luckier than we were with daily circumstances, or whether they were better at not letting other things affect their personal life? She focused on the latter though I still think it's a combination of both. I admit we let things get to us and ruin our moods more than other people we know. We can even read a news story about Trump, or watch a documentary on Nigeria, and have that wipe out an entire evening of planned adult interaction where instead we just wrestle with anxiety. But when I see people going on a string of vacations when I am perpetually struggling to just make sure there's money left after paying all of our bills, I am inclined to think that our circumstances are different as well.

We also seem to be cursed with loved ones getting serious illnesses.....the impact of which can be draining. 

A couple of weeks back Red posted about how more frequent sex was good for one's health. Perhaps. But reading that article nearly gave me an aneurysm! I logged off in apoplexy railing about "WHO THE FUCK WOULD NOT WANT MORE SEX?" If someone is NOT having frequent sex I don't think it's because the idea did not occur or appeal to them. I think it is because factors unique to that person or couple are getting in the way. The same is true for DD. Maybe the doctor recommending more sex should come by and rather than point out the benefits, drive my one stepson to and from work and band practice?

I have two kids and three stepkids. On any given day, someone needs something that impacts us negatively.....either with mood-bashing timing or just draining of energy. And while not bad kids, all three have enough going on with entrance exams, jobs, personal issues, school stuff, and the unavoidable domestic issues of not doing something they should, or doing something they shouldn't or losing something or breaking something, or....well any parent here gets the idea. Or at least I would think so. But why does it seem like you all manage to have your moods remain unaltered by this inevitable stuff? Any one kid has the potential to ruin an adult evening. Multiply that by two or three and the odds of having fun versus going to bed stressed get multiplied as well.

And then there's us. I love my Rosa, but she's not perfect. There are things she does that drive me crazy. And there are things she does that even she knows make her difficult to live with at times. I asked the question at Dan's blog of how does a DD husband, after being stressed by some quirk of their spouse, suddenly melt into a compliant little subby-boy when challenged on a misbehavior that pales in comparison? One aspect of my personality that I have come to see as pretty different from other DD husbands is that I have a lot of self-discipline and a very strong work ethic. Our DD is more about my hyper-active nature (the same one that allows me to get as much done as I do) going out of control and negatively affecting those around me. It's not nearly as much about what I don't do as what I do to stressful excess. And when you know you are delivering a lot to the table, the pointing out of little faults.....while potentially cute in a fun DD/spank-rationale sort of way....can also make me very resentful.

So when I read people discuss their own DD and gush over being called out for infractions and loving it, I am tempted to wonder: "Do you all just live a charmed life? or are you all just experts at not letting anything bother you? OR....are you just writing fiction of what you think a DD life should be?" I am sure there are phonies out there and I am sure there are real couples out there.....but what I read often presents relationships that seem radically different from how my day-to-day life with Rosa goes. And I believe we have a good relationship and a pretty decent life! I look at a lot of what we have and do and feel grateful for it......right up until I read someone else's post or comment. And then I wonder: WHAT THE FUCK ARE ROSA AND I DOING WRONG? Maybe I should take Bill Murray's advice and stop comparing....but it's difficult when comparisons are everywhere.


  1. I suspect that we are all pretty hard-wired for a certain level of stress and anxiety and, while we can change, it’s a matter of degree. There have been times when my economic picture was pretty uncertain, and now I am in pretty good shape. Yet, I can’t say that my baseline stress and anxiety level has really changed all that much as I became more economically secure. I remind myself all the time that I really *am* as you suggest, incredibly lucky these days, but I just find that my mind thinks one thing while my gut goes on reacting exactly as it has always done. And, I’m hardly the only one. I have read studies that indicate that below some baseline level of income, making more money *does* increase happiness. But, once you exceed that threshold (the average is about $70k), relative feelings of well-being and happiness don’t change much with better pay.

    Now, there was a time back in high school and college when I had “issues” that have a remarkable amount in common with PTSD symptoms, and I definitely am a lot better now I was back in. But, once I got past that phase of my life, my baseline leve of anxiety and worry has just never changed all that much. Like you, the intensity of my reaction to everyday stressors runs pretty high, and that is true despite many years of meditation. In fact, upon learning that I do meditate, a good friend of mine at work asked in dismay, “This is the way you are AFTER meditation??”

    But, I don’t think my happiness depends much on comparing myself to others. I’ve just seen too many people who seemed to be living perfect lives or were in seemingly “perfect” marriages, then the truth came out, revealing them to be just as fucked up as all the rest of us. I do think those who are happiest do have some weird ability to just not care. Back in high school, I had a friend whose mother was a total MILF. One night I was hanging out at their house talking about college plans. She had had a few glasses of wine, and after hearing me talking about all the decisions I was trying to make, she said, “You stress too much. All you really need to be happy in life is a good bottle of wine and good sex every night.” Probably the wisest words I’ve ever heard, though a few decades later I am not really one bit closer to living her words.

    1. I agree with everything you wrote. I know Rosa and I are susceptible to worry and and letting externals unduly influence us even when they are not as devastating as they can be or have been. It's kind of our pattern.

      The money thing is complicated but I agree with your point. I used to be in a more comfortable bracket and while I was cautious, I didn't have the anxiety I have now. What's worse is that my current situation did not have to be this way but came about due to intentional, barely legal sabotage from my ex. (Without going into great detail, let's just say I made decisions based on what what agreed to only to have her stall on it .....intentionally, she and her lawyer even admitted as such......just to screw with me. And being both lawyers, MY lawyer said it was very unethical, and even threatened them to finally make it stop....but admitted to me that I could file charges against them but that because they knew just how far to go, it probably would not go anywhere and i would just owe my own lawyer more money for trying.) The stalling on an agreement that was already supposed to be a done deal ended up with me having to liquidate many of my saved assets just to live. Now, without those extra assets, my retirement income is not sufficient to live as comfortably as it would have been had none of this happened.

      But the daily tensions that arise from others around us and yet seem to affect us more than them are the biggest detractors from living more happily.

    2. I get the daily tension issue and wish I could unwind that aspect of myself in a more substantial way. Something that has helped a bit is reading a lot of Zen and Tantra philosophy and trying to focus on how random and meaningless everything really is. We get so wound up about so many things that are totally outside our control and that don't have any inherent meaning. Politics is a big problem for me in that respect. I get so wound up about so much of what I see going on politically, even though very little of it has any real impact on my life.

  2. enjoy what you have dont be envious of what others have or purport to have. easier said than done right?

    the kids thing is hard. yes they 100% get in the way of a kink lifestyle its fun to be teased that my step daughter will find out about me but my gosh no way not in reality.

    thankfully my wife is a nurse so sometimes has to stay late at work. that gives us perfect cover for when she has a date

    we have had a rule since the beginning that something sissy for me or a device to be used on me has to be accompanied by nice things for her and as we evolved her friends that know about me. if i cannot afford it i simply have to wait. her overtime sometimes contributes but most often i save my allowance

    for us its the things that can be done without anyone suspecting i cook. i clean i do laundry and iron she does not to us those are just as much keeping me in my place as anything else

    on the topic of rules and consequences for me vs her doing things that drive me nuts we talk i can tell her the things that bother me she will genuinely try to be better. sometimes she will wink and do the thing knowing she is torturing me. outside of that the consequences for me are part of the territory. my comeuppance may have to wait as life interferes as you point out.

    I'd say you are normal

    things are not orgys all the time

    1. Thanks, ss, though I don't think it's about your last point. It's more about the ability to avoid getting drawn down by life's pitfalls than thinking life is going to be one long party. I don't think a goal of endless fun is in any way realistic.....but it would be a worthy goal for Rosa and i both to learn better ways to not make things worse by focusing on the inevitable and unchangeable.

      I did smile at your acknowledgement of the issues with your wife being either corrected or used to tease. It shows a complex mutual understanding.....which are always intriguing to me.

  3. i feel you on this one. I read about all the kinky sex they're up to, and how much DD there is going on, and all the commands the subs are given and how often they are told to behave / listen up / watch (your) tone young lady... and i'm thinking, there is no kink in my life. maybe I'm the one who's a phony. But then, there is. It's just at a level that each of us can handle what with children (you), parents (me), work (some of us), bills (some others of us)... it's hard finding time to lead 'charmed DD lives' as you so quaintly put it.

    I think what we have, is what we have. and everyone has different versions of it. some more, some less, some intense, others not so.

    It is normal. I have learnt to accept it. (Altho at the beginning i wasn't quite so calm about it :))

    1. I am sure it's a reality we all deal with in some way.