I have maintained for a long time that spanking between adults can be many things, sometimes separately and neatly boxed, and sometimes a blend with fuzzy edges. The following post is a true account of a recent development that illustrates the powerful complexity and cathartic influence spanking can have within non-sexual and ostensibly play-centered parameters.
Background: Probably about 8 years ago, after Rosa and I went open in our household, besides the kids being aware of how we lived, and being influential in genuine punishment recommendations for things that directly affected them, Rosa and I also showed that a good paddling need not be only serious punishment, or something sexual, but just something mischievously playful…...like the spanking games my generation at least played as kids. Or spanking dares among friends, or even birthday whacks.
One offshoot of this….besides a period when we did do Birthday whacks somewhat faithfully for all birthdays…………….always with me as the proxy recipient, was a thing we called “playing for stakes”. Briefly, it was an agreed-upon set of penalties for me when playing video games with the three of them. We didn’t do it all of the time, and some seemed to like the angle more than others, but all three definitely partook at one time or another.
The oldest, preferred Mortal Kombat. If he lost (which was super rare) he would be obliged to bring me a beer during TV time. If I lost (which was much more likely) he would inform his Mom, Rosa, and she would take me to the room for a visibly private, but easily audible, penalty paddling. Ana, used to like “Let’s Dance”. And the youngest, Osito, played Resident Evil with me on co-op mode. Osito went the furthest with a litany of conditions and situations that would add to the tally. We actually had to keep a scorecard to keep track of it all. Most of the numbers weren’t high in and of themselves, but when added together at the end, I usually was in for a pretty hot hinder! Eventually as they got older, the novelty wore off, and “playing for stakes” fell by the wayside. It is the way of things.
A fairly accurate depiction of what used to be a fairly common occurrence when "playing for stakes" with my stepson, Osito.
This past year has been a challenging one with Osito. While being an extremely gifted and talented musician, he has little desire for much else. School became a problem. Work became a problem. Future plans for his post-high school life became a problem. And I did what I had always done as a parent. I stood firm, advised and warned, and with Rosa’s assistance established some pretty drastic ultimatums. It eventually worked and things are now improving. But it was rough at times and I had to be very hard on him at times as well.
Recently I happened to see Osito watching some YouTube guys playing a Resident Evil 5 walk-through and at one point he said to me, “you know watching this kind of makes me want to play again.” I responded that I would be willing and that was how we left it. After that comment though I began to think more deeply on it and had an idea.
So a few days ago I took “Bunny”. (Bunny is a stuffed rabbit that has become a sort of extra family member. She even has her own Instagram account! Bunny ends up everywhere, doing all sorts of things and ending up as texts, or posts or whatever. Bunny is also the family’s messenger for things people want to say that they don’t want to say themselves. Weird? Yes. But it’s fun and it works beautifully. Bunny has the freedom to be whatever her current 'handler' wants her to be….and no one can get mad at her because a: she’s too darned cute, and b: well………..she IS a fucking stuffed animal. LOL) I set up the following shot, sent it to my stepson and left it out for Osito to see in person when he got home from work. He was amused and interested.
This is the actual photo that started it all!
So we talked about things in a definite blend of playful euphemism and serious directness. I explained that I thought he and I had gone through a pretty rough patch and that I had no regrets over how tough I had been. I mentioned how I raised my own son during a rough period and how close we are now. And then I told him that I was very proud of how he has gone about changing the stuff that needed to be changed. But despite my assertion that I did what I had to do, I also acknowledged that I was sure it wasn’t always easy for him to be on the receiving end of my authority. So…………...I told him that since he wanted to revisit Resident Evil with me, how would he feel about REALLY revisiting it…..like the old days…..with stakes. Only now that he was older, perhaps he’d like to dish out the penalties personally (I had naturally cleared this with Rosa. And even Ana ….who is very close to Osito…. texted it was “good. Good bonding time, >thumbs up emoji<”.
I did not know how he would respond to the idea of actually doing the penalties, since his mother had always done it previously, but I told him the reason I was offering that possibility was so that if there was anything he was harboring, this could be a mutually-acceptable outlet. Surprisingly, he didn’t need convincing.
The rest of the day was spent with us hunting down replacement PS3 controllers and talking in the car about how this would go. He seemed very interested in how the penalties would work, but despite his past desire to make them complicated, this time he seemed to want to keep them interesting but easier to calculate. He suggested a system by which at each section’s end, when the game rated the players’ performance with letter grades, that my grades would have an amount attached to them and we would simply tally the 5 grades for a total. If you are a Resident Evil 5 fan we came up with this: S (the highest score) = 20, A = 30, B =50, C = 60, and the very unlikely but possible D =75. If I played perfectly, the least I could get away with was 100 smacks with our long-handled wooden spoon.
Now, for the record, let me state clearly: we are both legal adults, and we are both straight males. (Osito has a girlfriend and I have my Rosa.) Neither of us are ‘bi’. So this was definitely more of a ‘guy thing’ than anything prurient. And even though we are both guys, I would still wear something that would keep my privates covered and only my cheeks exposed.
But before we started there was something I made sure to make very clear: In life there are always situations where you have to obey someone else...whether it’s a parent or teacher, or boss. However, those roles can shift depending on the situation so that a person’s expertise in a particular area might result in them reversing a hierarchy. ( A worker might run a choir on the side, and perhaps one day their boss might join the choir. At work the boss is the boss, but during choir practice the worker/choir director is in charge and the daytime boss is just one more singer who needs to follow the director’s lead.) So I told Osito that, yes, he still needs to make sure he is doing what we have laid out for him as his parents, but during this game, HE, by virtue of being better at the game and with my consent, is the lead partner. He can decide what weapons I have to use, what penalties I might have to suffer, and most especially HE alone gets to decide the pace, rhythm, and severity of the paddling I get at the end. I told him at that point, despite my usual role in the house with him, my only options are to bend over, stay in position as best as I can, and take whatever he decides to dish out…...maybe not silently LOL, but definitely without complaint or objection.
And then…...we played the first round. I had thought I would be rustier than I was and I actually played pretty well. I was pretty accurate, and didn’t die even once. As we played and discussed the game, I mentioned how well I was doing, and then just as I said it, I sort of laughed to myself. Osito asked what did I find funny, and I said, “I just realized that even though I’m doing much better than I thought, even if I play perfectly, I am still going to get a decent paddling no matter what.” And that’s exactly what happened. My score was pretty good with two S’s, two A’s and just one B, but even that performance added up to 150 smacks.
Without much fuss, we went to a spot where I could flop over some pillows and present a good target, and I lowered my shorts so I was wearing only a thong type underwear, bent over and waited. To his credit, Osito was very considerate. He started a bit gently and said that he didn’t want to have me end up like I did with Nickki’s last punishment…..which I had to laugh and agree with. And then just said, look I’m going to experiment with ten or so that won’t count to get the hang of this and then we’ll start counting. I gave him some feedback telling him when he was in the right range and then said that he could start there but to feel free to ramp things up as he continued. And that’s what he did. It wasn’t a mild spanking, nor a severe one, and the last 50 or so were crisp enough to make me ouch and grunt, but the worst part for me was that he deliberately wanted to deliver the penalty in one-cheek installments of 25! I hate that! But what could I say? This was Osito doing exactly what I told him was his prerogative to do, namely paddle in the style he wanted. So I squirmed and winced through these 25 swat flurries that landed on the same spot over and over. Man that hurt!. And then? It was over.
Not age accurate, nor was I naked.....just bare-cheeked....but the sentiment is there.
The following day we were set to play the next section and I asked if he thought he wanted to restrict my arsenal more to make things more challenging and he agreed saying he was thinking the same thing. However, despite all that, I still played better than even I expected and ended up with a slightly lower score rather than a higher one: 140. However, with all of our discussion, and with some added feedback on the day before, Osito was more relaxed and prepared to ramp things up even more to his liking than mine. Doing the math he said that today he would do 20 swat salvos instead of 25 with the last 20 split 10 and 10. And this time the swats were going to be noticeably harder. There was no doubt he intended to make this sting. I struggled through all of it and was more vocal than usual, though I never once complained or tried to stop him…..just as I had promised. I just let him roast my butt. Afterwards I was pretty red and even this morning I’m definitely feeling it down there. LOL
Again, the age and certainly the position are far from accurate, but this definitely illustrates that uncontrollable wriggling, accompanied by the inevitable grunts and ouches that as the older party I wanted to avoid but couldn't. I feel like once this starts happening all stoic dignity is lost. And that is sort of what happened. If Osito wanted to feel like the tables were truly turned, my reactions certainly provided convincing proof. There is simply no way for me, no matter what my experience level may be, to have my youngest stepson reduce me to this state and not feel humbled. Even if it never happened again (which it will) there is no way to ignore that this is what his spanks resulted in.
The thing is we were supposed to play again today but he told me there was a change of plans and we would have to postpone the next section for another time. I joked back that I was actually grateful for the delay since he had done such a number on me that a hard spanking today would be horrible. He smiled a big grin and said that he had started to feel like he was going too easy at first and so he decided that he needed to crank things up a few notches before he finished. I assured him he succeeded and he snickered.
But despite my intentions for this bonding adventure, and my expectations for how it would play out, I ended up being surprised yesterday by an unexpected reaction of my own. I went into this thinking the playing of the game would be our bonding time, his authority would be a life lesson on how roles can shift but that one needs to respect the authority figure in each situation, and that the penalty phase would be a sort of comeuppance twist for me….just like in the old days, and a possible outlet for any buried resentment for him. And while all of that I think did happen to some degree, I found myself feeling also bonded by the shared duality of the penalty phase. I dd not expect that.
One of my personal issues with him within this past year has been a kind of deep resentment over his behavior. It made it very difficult to interact even at times when there wasn’t a storm brewing. There was just too much going on. In the recent past, there were several times when I truly wanted to strangle that kid…..or at least give him a good pop, but naturally I never did. Now instead of engaging in some sort of sanctioned activity, like perhaps a volleyball game or something physical where I could ‘beat his ass’ and purge that pent-up anger, here I was LITERALLY having my ass beaten instead...and beaten hard! One would think that being spanked hard by someone one resents would make that feeling worse, and yet it seemed to have the opposite effect. So while I was gripping the sheets and struggling to endure the consecutive cheek-smacks, I found that because, especially that second day, he had me truly struggling to comply and genuinely ouching like a punished schoolboy, instead of a negative reaction, I felt both humbled and respectful. Later on I found myself even acting more gently with Osito. I felt more calm with him. I was more solicitous.
One theory is that enduring the pain itself is a physical release, just like venting energy outward. Another possibility is that because I am a long time practitioner of this lifestyle, that my wiring is such that the mere act of sharing this activity with someone, even male, even someone I have had struggles with, is enough to forge a kind of connection. In my case perhaps the sharing of the two sides of the coin is more important than which side I am on. I am very open to hearing other speculations. I find it bewildering and unexpected…..but it is very, very real.
And we are far from finished. Despite the break today I am 'committed' to a minimum of two more chapter sections, after which we might stop the stakes, amend them and continue, or continue without changes. While I don't know what Osito will want to do after the next two sections, I do know from talking to him that he is definitely expecting to play and then paddle me for these two upcoming ones. Regardless of his past reluctance to do the paddling himself, he definitely doesn't seem to mind this time.