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Sunday, October 27, 2019

Dark Sunday

Not a great day over here for a number of reasons.....but as such perfect for another creepy image:


Rosa had to work  an evening shift today (a bit unusual but not unheard of) so we spent the morning being lazy and watched (or I should say RE-watched) "Shadow of the Vampire" (Click for more on this movie). If you have never seen it, I do recommend it. But if you have never seen the silent classic "Nosferatu" that first!

And after that the day went downhill. (Rosa has been experiencing increasingly frequent bouts of severe anxiety just prior to whatever party we have planned. It happened just before the RenFaire, and it's happening again now. Unfortunately anxiety is a tricky thing to deal with......especially when the person being affected by it is not one to seek therapy for it. I have tried all sorts of things to alleviate it, but nothing seems to have a lasting effect. The result for me is that rather than having a partner to help me with everything, I have to do everything myself and also cope with the added stress of her anxiety. I wouldn't even mind the solo work if she could just relax and enjoy the party as another guest if not hostess.  Fun fun fun.)

The weather has also been dreary. And now I'm just sitting all alone with my you guys get a post I hadn't planned on. LOL


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. Deleted the first because I couldn't make it even one sentence without multiple typos.

      Does her aversion to therapy include prescription drugs? Some of us are just wired for high anxiety. While I don't think anti-anxiety drugs and the answer to everything, I do think they can help some people where there is some kind of chemical imbalance at issue.

    2. Her feeling on drugs fluctuates. the last time she had a major, pre-party meltdown I reminded her that Nickki had given her a couple of Xanax and i suggested she try one. She did.....and felt better. But today when I suggested the same thing (I even said she should go out during the day and just come back for the party) she seemed like it wasn't the answer she was looking for. It's very frustrating.

    3. I'm sure that is frustrating. I lose patience really quickly in situations like that, where someone has a problem, you suggest changes, but they shoot down the things that might help. Emotional issues are obviously harder to tackle, but it's like when my wife says she wants to lose weight, but shoots down every suggestion for changing our diets. Not sure how you can change an output while keeping all the inputs exactly the same . . .

    4. >>>>>> I lose patience really quickly in situations like that, where someone has a problem, you suggest changes, but they shoot down the things that might help. <<<<<<

      Now there's a commonality!!! And when after I jump through hoops to accommodate and try to offer solutions to no avail and lose my patience.....that is turned on me as proof of how I don't understand.

      And it's stuff like this that kills any desire to submit to a DD lifestyle at times. How do you acquiesce to punishment for a misdemeanor when you are otherwise surrounded by emotionally-draining wildfires?

      And the way you write at times I know you have a real relationship that isn't all daisies and sunshine. Real life isn't like that.

      (Now THERE'S a topic I'd love to see your "everything can be solved with DD because my wife is so perfect and always knows best" contributors respond to! Not only have these guys managed to attain the Holy DD-Grail, but they also found flawless spouses who always have the answer one way or another. None have their own desire to submit incongruously blended with wives with substantial flaws of their own who don't want to be punished for them. How does THAT twisted trail get navigated in real life DD?

      You want reality in DD? Here's a factual tidbit: Just prior to announcing her reluctance to deal with the upcoming Halloween party, Rosa said......and I semi-quote: "well the morning has been very nice so far but we should start our day. And I want to do a spanking with you before I have to go to work, but before that I want to talk about how I'm feeling about the party." And of course she then went on to describe her impending meltdown and subsequent desire to possibly just not attend......leaving me to deal with it all myself and have the added pleasure of having to explain to each guest who asks about "where's Rosa?". And this was the third time she mentioned this after twice being talked out of such a drastic strategy. So you can imagine how well the DD plans went afterwards. But I suppose I'm the only one this happens to.

      And from all of the people I know, I KNOW that none have ALL of their shit together 100% of the time. So I'm fascinated at the incredible odds that all of the DD contributors I read all seem to have found the rare women who are seemingly perfect.)

    5. Sorry to hear Halloween is losing its magic for you this year. As I think I've said before, even though I love Halloween, my track record of being there for it sucks. And, as luck would have it, that is true this year too.

      Regarding DD wives and their foibles, and how that leads to different outcomes for them versus us, to me it all comes down to what's the goal and who did the goal setting? And, you know I have zero respect for the boot-lickers who drop by the blog from time to time. That whole "my wife is a goddess and I'm lucky that she allows me to worship at her feet" things rubs me SO the wrong way.

      My wife doesn't get disciplined and I do. And, I do sometimes (but not often) get punished for things that she gets away with. But, it's because I've asked for discipline and she hasn't, and because I need humbling while she needs empowering just to get us both to a state of balance. In our case, I was the one who instigated the DD relationship, and my goals were to address my own needs for discipline and to equalize power structure. So, how that plays out is . . .

      Relative flaws: As for flawless spouses, my wife isn't one. She definitely does things that hack me off. She is comfortable with clutter to the point that she's almost a hoarder. She wants to lose weight but thinks that will happen with an Irish diet of meat, a starch, and another starch masquerading as a vegetable. But, a key difference is, I've asked her to take care of my foibles using DD. She has no interest in being on the receiving end. So, no Spencer Spanking Plan for us.

    6. Part 2:

      Decision-making: I don't think my wife has superior decision-making ability. To the extent IQ is relevant, I suspect mine is higher. Though, I don't really know. I'm definitely more structured in my thinking and way more into things like riffing with you on quantum physics and whether free will exists. On the other hand, she's very strong in math, while I suck at it. But, regardless of relative decision-making skills, the whole "my wife is a goddess and so superior in thinking to me that I just have to trust her" just doesn't come into play, because I think we would *always* talk through any big decisions. The only instances I can think of where I got vetoed were a handful (though admittedly big) decisions regarding things like which school district we would live in, which school the kids would go to, etc. She did make some of those decisions but, honestly, she probably was right.

      Temperament: While the quality of our judgment may be similar, my wife clearly beats me in temperament. Oliver Wendell Holmes said of Roosevelt, "He may not have a first-class mind, but he has a first-class temperament." While I may be the "bigger thinker," I also am way more prone to emotional highs and lows, temper issues, risky and binge behavior. She is way more balanced in her temperament than I. So, again, she doesn't need DD to stay between the lines, while I do.

      Self-improvement through humbling: Two of my biggest faults are arrogance and domineering attitude. I *need* to work on those for my own good. My wife doesn't. So, while she has never "punished me for a misdemeanor while I'm surrounded by emotional wildfires," I wish she would sometimes. First, I've asked her to be more "strict" on "small things," because if she pays attention to those things, maybe it will rub off on bigger ones. Sort of the "broken glass" theory of policing. But, moreover, it is just part of sanding down my very rough temperamental edges by requiring me to suck it up when she gives an order even though I absolutely hate doing that. Second, my emotional wildfires exist, but the source is almost always work, and in my more humble moments I recognizes that I am the arsonist behind some of those wildfires. Same with decision-making. I don't think she is a better decision-maker, but it helps bring me down a peg if she is enabled to veto me, but I also know she would never abuse that privilege.

      So, I don't face the same issues you are facing, and I'm OK with me getting punished for things my wife gets away with, because I'm the one who asked for this, I'm the one with the bigger issues to deal with, and if she does address "small things" it's at my request.

    7. It's not the inequality of whether we both get punished that affects the DD for me. It's the trust aspect. I need to feel like the person "in charge" deserves to be there and with certain things, I feel that way with Rosa (or I wouldn't be doing this). But when stuff like this happens I lose some of that needed trust because I start to feel like I'm being expected to submit to someone who is at times erratic.

      All of the things you mention are not big issues for me, but they are there to a degree. And when Rosa has her shit together and calls me out on something where I don't, it is humbling, and it does touch on all of the flashpoints. But when the person 'in charge' is behaving unreasonably and needs to be talked down from a ledge of their own making.....repeatedly...all while draining my energy which I'm directing towards good things, punishment from a person like that seems absurd.

      When someone is losing it over something, even temporarily, you try to bring them back to normality. You certainly don't hand a person in the throes of irrationality a knife....or in this case, a paddle.

    8. Now, for once there is something you and I agree on, other than Jamie's boobs. :-) I've always said that one thing that distinguishes BDSM and DD is you could do the former with some total stranger who you don't even know, let alone respect. I don't think DD works like that. If you don't trust or respect the person who is enforcing their will, whether temporarily or in the bigger picture, then it isn't going to work and, yeah, there is going to be a lot of resentment. Also, when someone advocates for "any time, any reason," I think the caveat that has to be in there if they are really talking about DD is "any reason as long as it is connected to some behavior or to my feelings about some behavior." If it's "You didn't do anything and I just feel like spanking you because I feel like spanking you," then I don't know what the hell that is but it has absolutely nothing to do with discipline, or correction or punishment. I'd call it simply sadism, but that has connotations I don't want to get into thanks to that tool who used to come to my blog and berate any woman who confessed to liking giving DD spankings.

  2. my wife finds that harshly disciplining me is a great stress and anxiety reliever

    not some of my favourite times to be submissive.

    1. And you don't find that breeds resentment in you?

    2. So is there some benefit to you in being "harshly disciplined" if you haven't done anything to deserve it, other than the feeling that you're helping out your wife psychologically?

      Or is that much enough for you, acting as a sacrifice for her benefit?

      I'm not submissive in a general sense, so I'm interested in your reaction to undergoing severe, punitive spousal spankings that you haven't earned... --C.K.

    3. its part of the am i submissive if i have previously agreed to something debate that we sometimes have.

      if she really really needs the outlet then i am happy to help out.

      no resentment when it it is part of the fun / role that we play out.

      Dan's site is for punishment to correct things and has referred to what we do as funishment.

      a wink from my wife that she knows she is being unfair or cruel and i know its part of the role i love her for playing out with me.

      heck if the punishment is for something trivial or even made up its better and just because fits here. i dont want to have really done something that was genuinely upsetting.

    4. Oddly enough that perfectly reflects my own view and experience. (If you want to be playfully "unfair" , and even be brutal about it....go for it! But if you want to be genuinely unreasonable.....I withdraw my consent even to a milder punishment.)