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Friday, November 8, 2019

Succulents don't suck

Celebrate succulents in any way you feel is appropriate!

For the last two days (when I haven't been debating the virtues of Determinism ) I have been bringing in our collection of succulents from out in Rosa's "Peruvian Garden" in anticipation of some below freezing temperatures predicted for this evening.  It's an annual procedure that requires some re-potting, general maintenance, and a lot of carrying of pots from outside to in.

But it's done and here are a couple of shots of just two of several locations where our plants will spend the winter:

Rosa and I are both plant-lovers and one of the very first things we learned we had in common was an affinity for succulents. The thing is over the years we've learned (sometimes we think, too well) which varieties are incompatible with the rigors of being moved inside and out in NJ. and which thrive. Frankly, there are some beautiful specimens that are just doomed to do well outside but die over the winter indoors. We do try to accommodate our plants' needs but realistically we are just a regular residential home and not a greenhouse, so there are limits to what we might be able to do if we WERE a greenhouse.Consequently, we love those that thrive, do our best with those that can manage to 'hang on' for the indoor months, and avoid the ones that have repeatedly demonstrated their unwillingness to survive. (life's too short to stress over a plant that can easily be replaced with something just as enjoyable and far more adaptable.) 

But, for the varieties that don't attract insects and fungus when inside, succulents are also experts at reproduction. And over time, with a little care, one specimen can soon be several......and interior space is finite. So my job at this time of year is to make decisions over who goes where, who gets separated, who gets combined, who is up for grabs, and who is destined for the trash.

Without boring you all with too much taxonomy, the world of succulents is complex (link) and simply put: not everything with a needle is a "cactus". But there's so much more. (One common group of succulents you'll find at stores and consequently in homes are Euphorbias [one of my personal favorites]. Many 'look' like a 'cactus' with thick stems adorned with needly spikes, but if you nick one or break off a piece, it will drip a milky white liquid. Cacti 'bleed' clear fluids. So the next time you want to show off you can use this tidbit of botanical exactitude. LOL)

But today's post is not going to end with a botany lesson. As I sometimes do, I like to link a non-kinky subject with some adult take on it. Often I am surprised by how little I can find in an image search for some of my topics, and today when I ventured to search out some cactus-related imagery, I was shocked in the opposite direction! What I thought would be like finding a cactus needle in a haystack instead produced a plethora of cactus imagery from the lame, to the relatively tame.......all the way to some wild ass shit!

So without further fanfare, here is a little trip around the sexy, playful, and sometimes wincingly bizarre world of people and cacti:

There's always been some naughty amusement in the notion of a person sitting on a cactus. Here's Hilda about to receive the attention of one plant while paying too much attention to another.

In this vintage postcard we see another take on this theme.....only I believe while Hilda might be due for a startling prick, this young lady has encountered her fate much more forcefully.

And here's a version where the meeting of bottom and spines is not at all accidental. 

So prevalent is the notion of  "sitting on a cactus" that is has made its way into captioned clothing! And this is just one cute example. 
Search "Go sit on a cactus" and you'll find an amazing array of apparel.

You'll also find a bounty of these posed vacation shots with coy cuties  playing along with this seeming fascination with stuck bottoms. This is merely one of them.

But what about when getting stuck is neither pretend, NOR accidental? Surely no one would purposely sit on a cactus, right? WRONG!

It's hard to believe she's still smiling.

And sometimes "sitting" involves more than just butt-cheeks. This can't be fun, can it? This must be just one model who got paid plenty. Surely no one else would do anything like this. Again, wrong.....



And it's not just a thing for the ladies. There's a bunch of imagery where guys are getting their privates punctured.....though THIS ONE seemed the most ingenious to me.

So admittedly, my brief foray into the online world of cactus imagery provided enough surprises to keep me smiling, thinking, and even grimacing for quite a while.


  1. I am going to shut my eyes and try to pretend I never saw some of those!

    1. I don't blame you. Like I warned, they start out kind of cute, but some people really do have their thermostats set to a higher setting! ;-)

  2. Replies
    1. Yes indeed. The thing is, in working with spined succulents of all varieties, one thing I've learned the hard way, is the nastiness of getting stuck. It is very often not as simple as getting stuck with a pin or needle. the spines frequently also have irritants on them and some.......usually the most innocent looking ones......have spines that just will not come out. So to inflict this upon sensitive areas bound to later be confined in clothing just seems crazy!

    2. Also, the bare ass with spines in them looks photoshopped to me.

    3. ((((((Psssst.......just between you and me? I suspected that too after I posted it and looked at it again. In fact I would bet serious coin it’s photoshopped.))))))))

  3. Crimson Kid (C.K.)November 8, 2019 at 1:26 PM

    Ummmm, I found the first three (cartoon) images to be playfully amusing (I especially enjoyed the cowgirl's red panties caught on one of the bull's horns in the background of that second one), but the photographs become increasingly 'squicky' from my perspective.

    Well, "To each his/her own," I suppose... --C.K.

    1. I had to look up “squicky”.

      It definitely fits.

  4. I agree with others that these pictures go from fun to pretty edgy. We have never done anything with cacti, but we have used stinging nettles quite a bit as they are everywhere in eastern Europe.They are the most amazing thing, because they hurt intensely, then just kind of have an itchy burn (kind of a just-spanked feeling) for about 5-7 hours, but then afterwards, there are no signs or marks at all.


    1. I have heard about nettle play (urtification) and even did a cartoon about it. But I have never tried it. I appreciated your personal review of it. I like hearing about stuff from those with actual experience. Thanks!

  5. While I don't have any personal experience with cactus spines in delicate places, the fantasy is very exciting and I really enjoyed the edgy photos. Be careful what you wish for comes to mind as I found the last one to be of particular interest.
    Thanks for finding these and sharing.

    1. You're welcome, Bill. That last one is interesting.

  6. Hi all, I'm the guy in the edgy final photo. Glad you liked it, it's intense, but I love the rush of pain. I try to select cacti which won't irritate too much after.

    1. Welcome to the blog! Your image did rate highly so, thanks for sharing that with the online world. Please feel free to look around and contribute elsewhere. We cover all sorts of things here and there is a website as well!