Merry Christmas ( or Chris-twyste), everyone!
( and may Santa and the 'gods of comedy' be generous to you all! )
Merry Christmas ( or Chris-twyste), everyone!
( and may Santa and the 'gods of comedy' be generous to you all! )
Recently I made mention of the gods I fear and subsequently the closest thing to a religion I follow. This admission must seem heretical coming from a professed atheist like me, and yet, what can I say? I am getting older and mortality looms like a glove compartment full of unpaid parking tickets. It is not uncommon for an older person to find or rediscover religion as their grey hairs whiten and drop to the ground along with their dreams. Besides, with all the recent emphasis on religious freedom giving people so much legal leeway to do whatever the fuck they want and just claim, “it’s my religion” as justification, I figured why not get in on that scam? It’s a good racket......simple, legal, and with a hint of incense-scented respectability. Still, I have no use for those traditional gods I have long denounced. No, I needed something different....something more………’me’.
I realized that I always felt a sort of inner gratitude whenever someone fed me a straight line, or some situation manifested out of nowhere with comic potential. Maybe there was a divine source to all this? A cosmic straight man feeding us set-ups. Now the idea of having a god of humor is not new. In the past there were several like Comus and Thalia. But I wanted something I could call my own, maybe partially borrowed here and there, but updated to fit my own prophetic vision. So, in the ballsy manner of Joseph Smith, or even St. Paul, you can trust me when I tell you that I have received divine guidance in the form of revelation visible only to me on a simple roll of toilet paper. As such, I am now a prophet of the gods, and preach their sacred words, laying out for us all the true path for those who wish to take their humor religiously.
My religion is called Humorism and it flows from the divine inspirations of a pantheon of pagan idols, the “gods of comedy”. Now the gods of comedy as I mentioned elsewhere are a numerous and mischievous lot, blending both major and minor gods................except that to these gods themselves, there are no such distinctions. So while you and I might feel that Rhyetwyste, the goddess of sharp irony is superior to Bazoolakazinkle, the god of silliness…... others will feel differently and thus enable each god to feel superior in any given situation.
Compare that tale to Christianity’s virgin birth story. In one you have a practical joke resulting in a few laughs and inspiring centuries of mankind’s ability to laugh at gas and excrement, and in the other you have a father sending his son on a mission so he can be killed and then brought back to life, thereby inspiring genocidal crusades, homophobia, and Christmas cards that shed glitter that then sticks to everything for weeks. A clear win for Humorism if you ask me.
The tale of the birth of Toot & Feekle is but one of many idyllic stories that show that humor was always being enhanced with new forms inspired by new gods. While some deities like Hedbang (the ancient god of slapstick and pratfalls) existed from the very beginning of human development, others like Cyttekahmm weren’t born until the 1940’s, making her mark on public television first in the UK before literally becoming a household name in the U.S. Even more recently, new gods are being introduced. Did you ever wonder why those pictures with captions you see online are called “memes”? You guessed it, Meme is the newest god in the humor pantheon! ( yeah? Just try and tell me “Meme” doesn’t sound like a god’s name and that there’s a better explanation!)
Actually, besides memes and sitcoms, several forms of humor have gotten their names from the gods themselves like Limerick & Parody. It's interesting how these vain types always seem to be of the less talented variety. Conversely, some gods like ( ) the god of the well-timed comic pause and expression, don’t even have a name, let alone try to impose it on their artform. Not only does ( ) have no name, but no one even knows what ( ) looks like, or whether ( ) is male or female or something else entirely. And yet some folks like John Krasinski and Jon Stewart, owe nearly their entire careers to the mysterious ( )’s benevolence.
But just as new gods are always entering our world, others can fade almost to obscurity, and then with rediscovery become popular again. Consider Zing, who inspires one-liners and other forms of quick wit. Once very popular, Zing sort of receded from the limelight for a while but now is back with new material. Yet lesser forms, like the awkward snicker-inducing faux pas, inspired by Zing’s cousin, Blert, can, with less effort, remain popular throughout….appealing to something so basic in human nature that it simply can’t be dampened. It has also been theorized by comic theologians that, like Prometheus giving mortals fire, Blert created and bestowed Tourette’s Syndrome upon individuals he felt were deserving of what he saw as his gift to humanity. Recipients however never felt particularly blessed.
Some gods however, will lose so much popularity that they simply go back into the ether leaving their inspired jokes to be told only by young children and the most desperate of comedians. Case in point, Kweerie, the goddess of riddles. When was the last time you heard a new and clever riddle, or heard a stand-up comic ask one? Other gods lose ground due to cultural movements in human society. For decades, Threemen, the god of the ethnic and religious joke, reigned supreme. His material infiltrated everything from the professional stage to the workplace cafeteria, and yet, with the introduction of PC culture, it is rumored that in the celestial plane, Threemen has been on a kind of divine life-support, barely making it through each day with a joke in his honor being told infrequently and only then with cautious secrecy. A cruel fate for a god who only wanted to make us laugh and succeeded for a long, long time.
Being a god is obviously not without risk. Further proof shows that humor gods can be as vicious as Mars or Kali, with dark tales of murder and usurped humor. Insults have been around for centuries, but think of how they have changed. From ancient flyting in verse (for more on flyting) to the scathing put-downs of wits like Dorothy Parker, to the roast-like digs of a Don Rickles…..all the way to dueling urban rappers competing for applause on stage, the only remaining consistency is the disparaging intent of the remark. Yet why are these styles so different? Well, because one god did not inspire them all. Instead, Yomamma killed Puck, who killed Quip, who killed Flyte, who probably killed some unknown ancient who started it all, each taking over the comic form from their predecessor and changing its style. Ugly business. (How ugly is it?.......)
In all, there are probably too many gods to even name. As revealed, sometimes new ones are born, dropping out of the sky ( or ass), others die, some go dormant only to be resurrected later, and others have seemingly been around forever. We've already covered a bunch, but there are so many more. Morbydde, the dark god of gallows and black humor resides in stark contrast with the 'sexual sisters' Hoompty, the raucous and bawdy bimbo of sexual jokes, and Smarmiwink, the subtle goddess of innuendo. There’s the enigmatic Fxz7ikle, god of nonsense and the absurd, Doh, a newer god who inspires the ‘fails’ we see on YouTube, Retch, the outrageous god of gross humor, and the ever-groan-inspiring Fungi (Fun guy), purveyor of the pun. Perhaps you know of others?
Truly it is a vast, colorful, and sometimes sordid assembly. Often without our awareness, these deities work in collaboration and other times alone to bring something important to us all. As human beings, where would we be without them? We need them just like they need us. And so, just like with any belief system or religion, isn’t that why we ( or in this case, I) invented them, creating them in our own image? Once conceived we then can keep their names and influence alive with our best efforts to make others laugh? What’s even better is that because there are so many of them, you can pick and choose the ones you prefer and avoid the others. My personal favorite of course is Rhyetwyste, but my fondness for the rest keeps them all somewhat content with my attentions to them. No one wants just one spice in their pantry. Life and humor are best served with variety.
So consider converting from whatever you believe to my religion. I can’t promise you a happy afterlife but I can say that with Humorism as your religion, you may have more fun in this one. And what the hell…..if it makes you feel better, I’ll do what the other religions do and promise you that afterlife anyway. Sure. Why not, right? I mean mine is just as likely to happen as theirs, and what are you going to do if it doesn't? Sue me? So now you should have everything you need to comfortably switch over, but if Humorism still seems too different, too alien and unfamiliar as a religious form, to make yourself more comfortable you could send me money. Let me hear an “amen” to that!
It's here! Get those glasses polished to crystal clear radiance.
First up, Moose Milk from Morningstar.....
The Ritual (Canadian Navy)
At least once in every port, the moose runs loose, so party time begins with a toast of Moosemilk, a Canadian Tradition - only in Canada you say!
So don your moose hat and shirt, toast your NATO friends and let them see what a friendly salty moose you are.........."The Moose is Loose"
Quick and Easy Moose Milk
12 fluid ounces heavy whipping cream
12 fluid ounces milk
4 fluid ounces vodka
4 fluid ounces dark rum
2 fluid ounces Irish cream liqueur (such as Baileys®)
2 fluid ounces coffee-flavored liqueur (such as Kahlua®)
2 cups vanilla ice cream
1 pinch ground nutmeg, or more to taste
1 pinch ground cinnamon, or more to taste
Directions: Blend cream, milk, vodka, rum, Irish cream liqueur, coffee-flavored liqueur, ice cream, nutmeg, and cinnamon together in a blender until smooth.
From Hortic/Prefectdt........Frog Spit: A beer cocktail.
1/2 pint lager
1/2 pint hard cider
one shot of Blue Curacao
From Tomy........Top Shelf Margarita
• 1/2 ounce Cointreau liqueur
• 1/2 ounce Grand Marnier or gran gala
• 2 1/2 ounces prepared sweet-and-sour mix
• 1 ounce lime juice
1 1/2 ounces tequila
and to go along with that Moose Milk, here's Tomy's special chocolate chip cookie idea. He recommends Ghiradelli Dark Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix......with a dash of CANNABIS!
Another non-liquid suggestion comes from Glen of Glenmoretales. He recommends Potted Herrings. Of which he says any online recipe will do. LINK
And the "straight-ups"
From Lurker 48: Laphroaig Single Malt Scotch. I have personal experience with this and concur. It is a gem. Another in the same family and of comparable quality is Lagavulin......(the 16 is nice).
From Dan: a good Armagnac...... think "cognac" with a different view from your window.
From Merry.....Candied Orange Peel.....to use in any creative way possible. I think it would be a great garnish for a Boulevardier. (edited to add that this recipe does indeed yield more than just fancy peel. You also get the benefit of infused sugar, and syrup that would indeed be perfect as a cocktail infusion. My recommendation on the infusion would be to add a bit to that same Boulevardier mentioned above. [Boulevardier is a Negroni variant: equal parts whiskey, Campari, and sweet vermouth.] I would think the orange sweetness would complement the bitterness of the Campari. As a result I might back off a bit on the vermouth but I would have to experiment to know for sure.)
For the recipe and some great accompanying pictures click Mistress Merry's Musings
From me, a classic cocktail, a spin on a classic, something for the ladies, a straight-up, and a beer:
The Bourbon Revival
I use a different ratio but the classic recipe is:
1/2 oz. creme de cassis
2 oz. bourbon
1 oz. lemon juice.
1/2 oz. simple syrup
dash of bitters
My ratio is 1 part creme de cassis, 1 part lemon juice, no syrup, and 3-4 parts bourbon......plus that dash of bitters.
My "Sub-bourbon" a twist on the Revival
1 part Luxardo maraschino liqueur
1 part lemon juice
3-4 parts bourbon
dash of bitters
garnish with lemon peel
Want something with less total alcohol content?
Ginger-Pear Bourbon Cocktail
using fresh ginger, grate a bit and add it to some honey and just enough water to make it into a syrup. Microwave it and let it steep. Then....
2 oz. bourbon
1 oz. of the steeped mixture strained into the glass
2 oz. pear nectar
top with a splash of ginger ale to give it some fizz and garnish it all with a pear slice.
(I made a 'nada' version of this using a bit more of the ginger/honey syrup and nectar......and eliminating the bourbon. )
Want to just pour from a bottle? .....Jefferson Reserve "Pritchard Hill" variety Bourbon. This is simply magical, smooth and delicious with flavors and notes perfect for the holidays and winter in general!
Want a "beer" that is perfect for a cold December evening and is oh so much more than a mere beer? Gulden Draak ( NOT Golden Dreck) Ale. This is one of many delicious, rich, and complex Trappiste-style ales. There are others if you can't find this one. Even the PA-produced "Merry Monks" will give you the Belgian flavor without the hunt. And Weyerbacher's "Quad" is another....but with more of a punch.
........is tomorrow! If you want in, send your recipe or offering soon!
It's pretty much "anything goes" this year, so don't hold back if you have something special you want to share.
Thought for the day: When exactly did being a "good American, ( person, whatever)" go from being willing to self-sacrifice on the behalf of others....even unto the point of death, to just being a selfish asshole defiantly doing whatever you want whenever you want regardless of how it impacts others?
It’s probably not surprising that something like this has such power. It also fluctuates fluidly between being a game of sorts, and something far more serious. I can see how the whim of deciding an o for someone else can be fun for a Top but being on the other end is a blend. Naturally I want to be in this position, so I do appreciate the control…and tease & denial games are indeed fun......but that doesn't mean such 24/7 control is always easy. Even upon asking, I don’t always get the answer I might want....so this is more than just enhanced sensation play. It is very real control. And while technically I am free to cheat, I am only really free in the sense of being unrestrained. Essentially, by agreement, by my nature, by mutual understanding and expectation, I am not.
I have discussed this with Rosa. She has had full control over me for over a decade and frankly does not in any way see me needing to be free in this area. She doesn’t control to be mean. She says ‘yes’ most of the time, trusting that if I feel strongly enough about the need to ask, then it’s probably something I should be allowed. But when she does say ‘no’, she has a good reason. So if she thinks there are times I should not have this privilege, how can she manage that if I don’t have to ask first? To her this just makes sense. She believes in herself and her wisdom in decisions concerning me. She loves me and sees her control being for my own good and the good of us as a couple. Therefore my total dependence on her permission to touch myself is as real to her as the expectation that I won’t have an affair, or squander our savings on gambling. Philosophically I may well be ‘free’ to do all of those things and unless locked, physically free as well, but practically speaking doing so would indicate serious problems between us. She expects me to trust her love, judgement, and authority enough to obey what she sees a simple formality: ”just ask first” and appreciate the ‘yes’es’ when they come and learn from whatever might have resulted in the occasional ‘no’.
She also sees her control as having not only personal but practical benefits. Her decision to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ can be based on her whim, reading of what is best for me, or on her very astute reading of which answer will result in the best frame of mind for her to get what she wants from me later. I tend to get a strong boost of energy after an O…..what we call “lumberjack mode”. ( “I had my O, I feel great! Let’s chop down a tree!”) But “lumberjack mode” also renders me a bit cool and distant, focused more on tasks than her. So if she needs something task-oriented to be done…..she’ll be inclined to give me an O, BUT, if what she wants later is a spate of extended pampering with me all submissive and compliant (“puppy mode”), then I’ll probably end up mercilessly teased until I’m reduced to a state of mush and then told to dress…...or maybe even lock up first. But if I’m in this mode, she WILL get my full attention…...even unto a point of occasional annoyance. So each state has it’s upside and its downside. She, as arbiter, uses her judgement to render me closest to what she is after. From my point of view this itself is extremely demonstrative of role and authority. I KNOW she is often deciding things based on this dual aspect of mine and so it can feel a little like being a toy whose owner is deciding what setting to switch it to for maximum enjoyment. My sexuality is being manipulated for optimal results depending on the situation at hand.
Over time I have wrestled with this aspect of myself as much as I have with spanking, since there are definitely similarities. And I have talked about this with not only the people involved, but other trusted people as well. We are not just open about DD, so most, though not all of the people who are aware of Rosa spanking me, are also aware that my sexuality is controlled by her. That too is powerful. I mentioned feeling like an alien at times, but with close people knowing, I am an alien whose identity is known as well. No one who knows has any more of a problem with this sexual control than they do with knowing I get spanked…...maybe even less. I’m sure they see me as essentially free to rebel if this became a huge issue, so if I remain compliant then….well….I’m getting what I must need.
Interestingly, I have repeatedly and consistently gotten the same feedback: while being subject to spankings as punishment and being under the control of another for sexual pleasure are not typical nor even appropriate for most others, those who know me seem to all find it to be a strong positive in my case. No one has ever tried to talk me out of this and suggest more sexual and behavioral autonomy. Instead I have been assured and reassured in times of doubt, that this is probably good for me. To accept it and embrace it. I have been told to my face, in all seriousness, by caring people that I am simply “better” when under a loved one’s authority.
In planning this essay, I actually talked about this topic with Rosa, Ana, Nickki, and even my own biological daughter who I will call “Michelle”. Rosa was very matter-of-fact just as I described in the previous portions of this essay. She sees our arrangement as a given and also understood when I described how her approval is part of my pleasure in the moment. Ana is very busy with finishing up her exams before coming home for Christmas but said she would not mind offering a viewpoint when things calm down. (I'll probably just do a short follow-up if and when she weighs in.)
Nickki said that as unusual as the practice might be, it does align perfectly with my personality, but was a little surprised that it was embraced by Rosa whom she has known for way longer than me. But after some discussion, she said she could see how Rosa would be comfortable with such power. Nickki at first also voiced some disapproval upon learning of the seeming inequity of the arrangement in terms of Rosa getting more orgasms than me, She felt that even with control, the equation should be more balanced. But when I put the inequity in terms of it relating to the perks and price of being a Top or bottom, she immediately saw how it then made sense. I suppose as a Top who understands the fairness of inequity in spanking, she saw that if one half of a loving relationship can be the sole recipient of a sore behind while their partner sits safely and comfortably in the seat of authority, then a Top getting the perk of more orgasms than their submissive partner makes just as much sense.
Michelle, who has had multiple revealing “lifestyle” conversations with both me and Rosa over the years......mostly about our DD arrangement, seemed to understand the chastity angle easily enough…..even though she is what I would call an open-minded and adventurous, but mostly vanilla, person herself. She related the practice to a kind of power-based foreplay. Her first question, which she asked in an almost perky bemusement and whose frankness caught me by surprise, was whether I had ever purposely ‘disobeyed’ the rule in order to prompt a punishment.
I referred to what I stated earlier, that when I was younger and less secure in the role that I had done so, not so much to invite punishment but as a kind of personal revenge on my then-wife at certain times when I was upset with her. But I admitted that while those petty acts seemed justified in the moment, once we had made up over whatever it was, I would feel guilty and confess the breach. Considering my daughter’s knowledge of my current feelings for my “ex”, I think she was a little surprised when I actually gave her mother credit for handling those times pretty admirably. I told her that since that rule was one of her mother’s favorites, she never failed to address a flagrant violation with a no-nonsense spanking severe enough to demonstrate that despite the ‘fun’ aspects of being a D/s couple, there were indeed serious aspects to our roles as well…...and this rule was one of them.
I also told her that these incidents were rare and became even rarer as I got older. Now, I admitted, with Rosa, I would never think to act that way, even when I’m tempted. Michelle also equated the whole process of asking as a kind of power-based foreplay…...which it certainly can feel like, but she asked more about my assertion that a pre-orgasmic “yes” from Rosa felt like part of the pay-off rather than just a prerequisite to achieve it. With more discussion, she finally understood it and even nodded in agreement that such conditioning didn’t seem that unusual even to her. (and if anyone is thinking: 'wow, this must be a weird topic to discuss with one's own daughter'......well, yeah, it is. But you have to know my daughter, she is a lot like Ana as I've said, and she is neither stupid, nor easily put off. She is after all, a LOT like me.......just not as kinky LOL)
And so that concludes this topic. I would be more than welcome to answer any questions anyone has.....particularly in terms of how something so unusual in comparison to the general population has become so normalized for me over time.
WARNING: The following is a serious piece about my personal experience with sexual control. It is an adult topic with adult themes and explicit photos.....some of yours truly, himself. If pictures of this nature offend you, or if you'd rather not see more of me than you might wish, you might want to tread cautiously....even though I do hope readers will see the pictures as relevant, moderately tasteful, and sometimes humorous.
I haven't done a lengthy, in-depth personal revelation in a while, but recently I have been reminiscing about the past. I just turned 61 and I started thinking about the long, crazy path my life has taken. Thoughts of how my life differs from most others was a recurring theme and at one point I began to ponder the seemingly simple, but different-for-me area of orgasms and masturbation. It occurred to me how long I have lived with this simple pleasure being regulated by someone other than myself. I have written before about the appeal of frustration, in a post of that same name....which I have made the feature post for easy reference (just check the margin [in web mode, not phone mode] and you can click it if interested.)......but this is more about the control aspect rather than the intricacies of denial’s physical and emotional effects.
The one thing that hit me right from the start is that I had a hard time remembering exactly when it was that such control became a regular part of my life. I recall being free and uncontrolled in my youth and I then recall being under somewhat constant control for most of my post-married life…..I just couldn’t pinpoint the beginning…..though I kind of figured it to be somewhere in the early 90’s. So, given my current age, and averaging things out, you could say that I have been under someone else's control in this area, with very brief lapses, for around three decades, or over half my life. That felt powerful to realize. In thirty-some odd years, I have not known what it was like to just feel horny, or titillated, and then just go off and masturbate. Jokes about masturbation don't resonate that strongly with me. And things like May 7th being celebrated as National Masturbation Day (a real thing) is like telling a Christian it's Yom Kippur. Other than realizing alternate side parking has been suspended, it doesn't really mean much.....and parking rules don't even change for May 7th. When it comes to free self-pleasuring......I am an alien from another planet.
Some of this control has been enforced with devices that, if not 100% foolproof, are admirable deterrents. But most of this has been a matter of mutual agreement with whomever I was being controlled by at the time. In all of those years there have certainly been missteps of different kinds. Naturally the worst were those which could be considered blatant disobedience. These were very rare and usually coincided with a time when I was angry at the person in control. These were orgasms for spite. Other unauthorized orgasms were the result of “accidents”......sanctioned self-teases that triggered an unintentional passing of that familiar “point of no return”. These ended in utterly unsatisfying ‘ruined orgasms’ that still left me feeling guilty. In each of these situations, the flagrant and the accidental, I nearly always confessed the breach and suffered the consequences.
If the orgasm was accidental I was usually forgiven without much fuss. At first this apparent leniency surprised me but after a while I learned by having different women react this same seemingly merciful way that their own sense of having someone be obedient to this rule and seeing them genuinely contrite over these rare mishaps to be enough of a power-kick to their egos that further punishment must have seemed like overkill. In the cases where I deliberately broke the rule, the consequences were understandably more punitive. A good, hard, un-fun spanking was always a given….with the promise of a worse one should the rule be defied again. An extended period of denial was another frequent add-on. I do recall one time during my first marriage that in addition to a spanking and period of denial, I also had to spend a lengthy time kneeling with heavily-weighted plastic clothespins attached to my penis. (That was pretty effective. Not only did it hurt a lot after a while, but my penis was sore for long enough afterwards to make even thinking of touching it unappealing.)
I once even had a preventive punishment based on my confession to one past Top that I had been flirting with the notion of a deliberate transgression, not out of weakness or defiance, but as a test of her commitment to the agreement. I wrote about this in my short story, “The Confession” (link to free story. This is also an E-book on Amazon) which had only some minor fictional flourishes added to an event that otherwise happened very much as written. In this case, the Top with whom I was very much in love, discussed this with me and then decided that a “this is what you’ll get if you ever do”-spanking was in order along with an added O-less month…….which she did not relent on despite enjoying frequent O’s herself.
I have never quite been able to explain why extended denial is a common goal among men who are into this, but very rare…...though not absent…..among submissive women. The one thing I did notice in my time as a Top was that women WILL enjoy having their pleasure controlled, with an orgasm being delayed for a time in the moment, but ultimately given. Any experiments with extended periods proved that, at least the women I knew, just got cranky rather than more pliable over time. Men however, like myself, DO become more pliable with extended denial. My untested conclusion is that there is something chemical going on that differs in the genders.
One other thing I noticed that I mentioned in my post on The Appeal of Frustration but is worth repeating, is that I have never…...and I mean NEVER, had a Top…...even a casual and playful one, decline the offer of being in control of my orgasms. And, to add to that, when this topic has come up among others, while there definitely were women who “just didn’t get it at all”, most not only were amused by the idea, but found it oddly appropriate for me.
Rosa herself initially was a bit baffled by the idea of orgasm control when I first brought it up. But she is a natural Top and her reaction was more about hearing something she never imagined and trying to understand it than being against it. In fact, once she felt she understood it, she adopted the practice pretty quickly. And then…...when she saw for herself what it resulted in for both me and her? Well that was it. There was no going back and eventually we ventured beyond just orgasm control to a rule about “ no touching/teasing” as well. So for about a decade now I have not only needed her permission to orgasm, but to even touch myself in a sexual way. I cannot say this has been easy.
Now when it comes to self-pleasuring…..whether that ends in orgasm or not…..there is a certain private element to it for most people. Masturbation among the greater population is one of those things we all kind of know goes on, but is not announced. It happens when the mood strikes and it happens in private. Having to ask for permission completely eliminates this near-universal aspect of personal freedom and privacy. And as natural as the urge may be, and as close a couple may be, having to take the time to type out a text asking for permission does make things harder. There are plenty of times when I would have wanted to ask and for whatever reason, just decided not to. A typical person’s masturbation habits and desires are theirs to decide and theirs to enjoy privately. Mine are neither. If I wish to enjoy touching myself, she has to agree, and for her to agree, I have to ask. If asking strikes me as too embarrassing that day, well then, my choice has already been made.
Besides private moments, naturally there are those times where Rosa and I are contemplating some adult time together, and having this understanding colors that as well. One of the first things I will determine is exactly what her thoughts are regarding what we do next. Does she want an O for herself, and does she intend for me to have one as well? Sometimes she will just say what she is thinking, ( "Give me an O!" is a frequent command....even if it is a playful and welcome one. But when she says it this way, I know there's nothing on the menu for me. LOL) and other times she will seek my input as to my own level of need. So, any adult time together could end up with all of the attention on her, some teasing for me, or an O for me as well. But being together for “sex” is no guarantee in and of it itself that I will end up having an orgasm. In fact, the odds are decidedly against it.
While the path to an orgasm for me in the past was pretty varied, due to a lot of physical factors that have affected me in the last few years, there is a kind of “usual way” that I now get nearly all of my orgasms. And that method has come to further enhance my feelings of submissive gratitude and has been often described here on this very blog. Regardless of what has transpired beforehand, if it then becomes time for “my turn”, I will procure a substantial electric massager we keep in our drawer as she redresses to some degree. I will remain naked. Rosa will then lay back against a pile of pillows, massager in hand, with my head at her feet and my groin within her reach. From there it is a simple matter of her applying the machine in any manner she chooses to stimulate me while I kiss her feet.
Usually when I kiss her feet at other times, I am positioned so that I approach her toes from above, but when I am positioned for an O, I end up aligned with the underside of her feet. My kisses are then directed to her soles and toes from below, all the while with her face and clothed body visible to me in the distance. This position is also powerful for me in that it seems to accentuate my subordinate station. She appears very aloof and regal, teasing me with a playfully detached nonchalance. It’s as if she is exerting minimal effort while I feel more and more overwhelmed. As the sensations build, I naturally feel more appreciative of the attention and lavish kisses fawningly.
As things build towards a climax, I feel undeserving and servile. I think of our disparate roles and the degree to which they separate us at times like this. She is elevated. I am groveling knowing that the only way I’ll get an orgasm is if she permits one. If she changes her mind, or gets bored, or just decides not to, I have no recourse, so I kiss and lick frenetically, soaking in her warmth and scent. I can’t think of a time when she ever just stopped me at this point to change her mind, but when a person has the power to do that, as the subordinate, it is only natural to realize that it could happen and that it is best to keep the person-with-the-power feeling loved and appreciated.
Even if an orgasm has been approved beforehand, one thing that is still an understood formality is that at the time I am receiving attention, I will notify her of my ‘status’. Typically I’ll just get to a point and pause in my kissing to say. “I’m getting close”. She will then either stop her stimulation and then resume in a series of teases, or just nod with a “Hmmm-hmm” acknowledgment. If she does this I know she is going to continue on until I ejaculate. But even then, when that explosive moment is imminent, I will say, (in an understandably desperate voice) “I’m going to go. Can I have an o, please?” and when she says yes…. I will relax and conclude.
I can’t think of a time when I haven’t sought this final, formal permission. It’s just understood between us that even with a prior understanding that I can have an O, the permission itself is important enough to warrant that in-the-moment confirmation. She has even denied or more accurately delayed final permission on rare occasions, asking that I hold out just a bit more and then she’ll say yes as my pleas and kisses get more desperate. I have come to feel over time that her final permission is as important to me as the physical sensation of the orgasm itself since I could not fully enjoy either without the other. It’s like having a two-stage orgasm where the first part is hearing her say ‘yes’ so I can relax and allow the second part, the orgasm itself, to happen. This is understandable because at the moment I am asking I am also fighting against the orgasm so as not to have it happen before permission is granted.