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Monday, January 13, 2020
So.....it happened again. Once more, just as things seemed to be looking up and seeming promising on multiple fronts, every flicker just went out in one gust. For several days Rosa and I had one good experience after another all building towards a seemingly mutual desire to "get back to normal/ get back to having fun". We went places, joked with friends, opened up about a multitude of things, and just when it seemed like we were well on our way, she saw some little thing in the kitchen that triggered an anxiety attack......which triggered a moody withdrawal......which prompted me asking what happened.......to her telling me about these little things that upset her, things that were there the day before and the day before that and which at that time DIDN'T trigger her anxiety, little things in the midst of a solid chunk of major stuff that got done.
So we argued and I tried to explain how what she was doing was affecting me and the rest of us in the house. I explained that it's OK to have pet peeves that annoy us, but that the response needs to be PROPORTIONAL. In fact, she used an example of a reverse situation that I was actually able to use, gently, to show how what I was saying to her now, was very nearly exact to how she tries to point out when MY responses to things aren't proportional.
I think I got through, but the damage was done, and the evening shot dead.
On another note, I texted Nickki Friday with an invitation to visit the blog and left it at that. She said that she would do so soon, but it's Monday and I haven't seen a comment or gotten a text......so I'm considering that the "offer" is probably dead as well. Ana has also repeatedly promised to visit .....especially those posts that concerned her.....and that hasn't happened either.
So a lot of the positive momentum I felt a day ago has hit a dark wall. I have also visited Dan's blog and been struck by how many people don't seem to have the issues I have. Things seem to work out better for people who sometimes sound like they don't even accomplish what I do. (At the peak of my frustration in my argument with Rosa, I lost my temper and railed, "nothing seems like it's enough. I need to know, WHO ARE YOU BASING your disapproval on? WHO is this paragon of productivity and perfection that I should aspire to be like? I want to know who he is. I want to meet him!" )
Other DD couples seem to have way more things that lead to resolution and connection, but Rosa doesn't address the flaw in a teasing way and let it lead to a correction, instead she just completely withdraws as if the small flaw she found was as serious as me cheating on her or blowing the mortgage money on a horse race. I told her it's like walking through a minefield that doesn't end. Yeah, if careful you might make it past a bunch of mines with no problem, but if you go on long enough, odds are pretty good that you are going to step on one. And it doesn't matter much if you deftly navigated 20 mines......if you step on #21.