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Thursday, January 9, 2020

Persistent fantasies

Lately I feel like I'm just waiting ....and strangely be summoned. 

In the midst of a panoply of contradictory moods, I find myself alternating between a sense of spank-boredom to one of giddy interest, and then back again. But during the peaks of that interest, I found my mind gravitating towards a two-part blend of specific conditions that define my inkling: an embracing of one's role coupled with non-retractable consent. And by the second condition, I mean an inability to back out HONORABLY. Anyone who knows me understands that my belief is that consent can always be withdrawn. However, if a spanking situation is discussed and agreed to, backing out merely from ‘cold feet’ ...while  legally permissible….seems cowardly, whereas withdrawing consent because of a fundamental issue, or a practical concern can still be as honorable as it is legal.

"Nickki's Paddle" and contract over its use is one such arrangement. I'm sure if we were to have a major falling-out, the contract would end with it, but while we all remain friends, she is pretty free to call me at just about any time the mood strikes for a spanking. And since I made the offer via a note and 'contract' in an envelope I had handed her in person,, all she had to do was agree and sign.....which she did almost immediately. 

Consequently, I was thinking about spanking situations in all of their potential forms, from our beloved “DD” to basic BDSM.  In serious DD relationships this inability to back out can take the form of what many call ‘prior consent’. 
While as adults we can always resist or refuse, the DD arrangements we have usually carry with them some degree of  'prior consent' in order to preserve the disciplinarian's authority. And while some points may be sticky, or others too emotionally-loaded, for the most part, even with us here, most offenses are straightforward enough to result in a painful pairing of determined authority figure and compliant miscreant.

For playful situations it can be as simple as the notion that one simply doesn’t welsh on a bet or dare. If you wanted ‘in,’ you’re in. As such I am conjuring scenarios in my twisted little kinky brain where there is not necessarily some misbehavior to address but rather an agreement to honor. One that was made with parties who are as certain of the appropriateness of their roles as I am of mine…..which constitutes the second half of the equation.

I've shown this before, but it perfectly illustrates the moment at which one 'takes the plunge' and puts themselves out there. In my case this is usually accomplished by me writing something beforehand and then, after warning the recipient that an irrevocable offer is coming their way, either hand over an envelope, or hit 'send' on a message.

 I recently re-read a couple of stories from the LSF (link....but you must join to read the stories. It's free though) that I had saved to a favorites list a long while back and coincidentally each was rooted in one of the two aspects I have been obsessing over. Oddly both are F/f and both center around young ladies ‘coming of age’ and exploring the curiosities of spanking as something purely punitive and more than purely punitive. In fact, one story is entitled “Pure” due to this very issue. In “Pure” (by John Benson ) two girls decide that they want their punishments at home to take the form of the spankings they’ve never experienced but somehow feel they want to. The main theme of the story is the one girl’s conflicted concern over how much of her desire to be spanked is nobly driven by her genuine wish for accountability and better personal achievement and how much of it is due to the more prurient feelings (which she calls “squirmy”) such punishment provokes. However, within this theme is a key plot point involving  the simultaneous mailing of ‘request letters’ to their respective parents in a way that affords neither the ability to backtrack.

While the dress styles in this sassy illustration are a bit old-timey, the plaintive offering of hairbrush is open to interpretation. Is this merely a scared but obedient daughter bringing her angry mother the hairbrush requested, or is it more akin to the story "Pure" where the daughter is offering a life-altering bargain to a skeptical mother? 

The other “Mandy’s Paddle” ( by Fulgur) is very similar in feel but here the plot centers more around the importance of who is in what role more than just indulging the desire for a unique experience. How many of us may have experimented early on in the roles opposite to where we are now? Our initial draw was the mere notion of “Spanking”. The word alone became almost magical to see or speak. But it was only after being in one role or the other that we came to understand that, while a baseball player might flow from pitcher to batter, it didn’t always work that way with this.

I find that besides my own personal feelings on this, whenever I look at a spanking photo or read a spanking story, my mind always sizes up the pair involved searching for clues in their dialog, or the expressions caught by a camera as to why each is where they are. In fact if I sense an ambivalence in the roles as presented or acted out by the models, I lose interest. This is not to say I don’t respect switching. I do. I used to switch myself, and under the right conditions could probably do so again. But here I am speaking to something more intrinsic to an individual than merely what the studio is paying a model to do for that shoot. It’s probably why I prefer amateur photos of real couples who have already worked out their roles based on who belongs where rather than what serves the need of a studio.

I suppose this could be a studio shot, but it feels real. And while there is a very clear power imbalance on display, both parties seem quite content and comfortable in their respective roles.

Think of it this way: take two people who are ‘into’ the notion or practice of spanking, sit them at a table together, and toss a paddle out in front of them. Then watch for their facial reactions. Which one looks at the paddle immediately thinking, “yeah, that should handle well and work nicely” and which is thinking, “ooooh, that looks like it’s going to sting.” That’s what I look for....that "look", and being a part of this myself, I understand the sometimes inexplicable conditions that result in a person being on one side or the other, but still am fascinated when I see this fundamental dichotomy unfold in front of me.
There is nothing to suggest a dynamic here other than expression: no one-sided clothing, no gripped implement, not even a positioning to suggest hierarchy.....and yet? Tell me in your opinion what would happen next if a paddle suddenly became available?

Still, I can’t help but look at all the things that separate or unite a pair and then interpret these aspects as integral to their personalities and roles. And I believe this is why I enjoy reversal themes so much. Having grown up in a more stereotypical generation, I have an inner conditioning as to what the dividing lines should be. ( The authority figure should be: male, older, larger, more confident, smarter, and perhaps already in a formal position of sanctioned authority. The victim is anything opposite.) Yet the most deliciously fun aspects of writing “An Age Thing” (link) was turning as much of that on its ear as I could believably manage. In it, other than being female, the woman seeking a spanking embodies every attribute normally associated with the person in authority, and the two women who end up spanking her embody the traits normally associated with the people usually getting spanked. The key factor ends up not being any of the usual stereotypical attributes but rather an inner acceptance and desire to be in a particular role.
A shot of what could easily be an illustration for my story, "An Age Thing".

Sometimes I enjoy when a story…...which obviously is able to convey more detail and nuance than a still photo, does assign roles a bit arbitrarily. Our own friend who visits regularly,  Crimson Kid’s “A Matched Pair” is one of my favorites in this genre. In this semi-modern fairytale, two childhood friends end up as a sanctioned disciplinary pair with their roles determined.... not by any personal attribute or inner choice, but merely by the chance coincidence of which one’s features most resemble the person they are to be proxy to. I think I might enjoy the story less if this happenstance MIS-matched the pair, but from the little tidbits we see, it seems serendipitous. (I suppose it’s a 50/50 chance it would work out and in this case, does)

Speaking of perfectly matched pairs: In this old 2004 shot from '' we see the pairing of Sarah & Kailee. Now while that studio  had plenty of switching going on, and while Kailee suffered her fair share of spankings, I have never seen Sarah in a dominant role. As such, when I see this pairing, and see the unspoken understanding between these two models of probably the same age, it transcends mere studio-driven dynamics. Whenever these two worked together, there was only one outcome and both Sarah and Kailee, despite paychecks, knew what it would be.

So earlier I mentioned that my mind is already concocting scenarios that not only satisfy this dual criteria I’ve been discussing but are also somewhat grounded in the potential for realization. This is not to say that I have discussed any of this, or done anything to bring it about, but the thought has crossed my mind…..more than once. But I believe this is more than enough for one post. Soon, perhaps even tomorrow, I will write about my imagined scenario.


  1. I don't consider what I "dream" about or even feel it could come true hurts no one. The woman holding the ear of the naked male with paddle in hand I have dreamed that, but not as a child, as a adult male and older girlfriend decided to address the problem. There in my mind nothing wrong, we all have hidden dreams. Jack

    1. That is very true, Jack. Most if not all psychologists instruct people to not feel guilty over fantasies insisting that they are a natural part of our human psyches.

    2. May I add, in today's world, for me and this is just me, I will keep it to myself. I may or may not find someone who understands, at least my fantasies cause no harm to anyone. Jack

    3. Sometimes that's not a bad idea. It's one thing to HAVE fantasies and another to share them. The first is almost always fine, the second requires knowing one's audience and the right time and place to share.

  2. I love LSF and actually have one story published there. Haven't visited for a while, so thanks for the reminder. I must check out "Pure",


    1. I just visited and read it and left a comment.

      Funny thing is that I have something of a love/hate relationship with the LSF. I like aspects of it, but there are a few things that have made me less inclined to participate beyond a minimum. But I do have quite a few stories there and they did put several in their e-books.

      Crimson Kid, who visits this blog, is an LSF stalwart.

  3. A long post, and it deserves a longer response than I have time for this morning. But, a few thoughts. First, "squirmy" -- love it!

    Second, "within this theme is a key plot point involving the simultaneous mailing of ‘request letters’ to their respective parents in a way that affords neither the ability to backtrack." I understand the emotional power of that "inability to backtrack" on a couple of different levels. First, that's definitely the way it felt right after I discovered DD and was agonizing over whether to bring it up to my wife. Unlike you, whatever kinks I'd had up to that point were pretty pedestrian and we were fairly vanilla. So, bringing something like DD to her had the potential to be a major course correction, and it did feel like something that, once out there, would be impossible to backtrack from. And, it kind of was. Second, I feel like that even now around certain instances of self-reporting bad behavior in situations where I really do not want the punishment that I know likely will follow. It's hard for some spankos to understand, but it is very possible to be into DD and yet really, really not want to be spanked. In fact, one could argue that's kind of what distinguishes DD from a spanking fetish. There are many times that I feel really guilty about some laps in personal behavior, and part of me really craves the accountability, yet I really do not want to initiate a process that I know is likely to culminate in a hard spanking. Yet, that prospect of not being able to backtrack is exactly the loss of personal control over my fate that makes the whole thing so perversely (in several connotations of that word) compulsive in the first place.

    1. It's funny how our minds work. I definitely can't relate to not being spanko of sorts, since I was one from my earliest recollection, but I do understand the reluctance for punishment based on a different criteria.....and for me that one is I must feel it's fair and justified.

      In what must seem very arbitrary to someone who feels as you do, I would happily accept a spanking session wherein I ended up twice or three times as sore just in the spirit of Toppy/subby fun & games, than the mildest smacking for something that was supposed to be serious but I felt was not right.

    2. No, it's not that it seems arbitrary to me. It's that I can't understand (emotionally or viscerally, not intellectually) who someone would want a hard spanking as play for fun. I can "want" a spanking, but it's always out of a desire to be held accountable or to be reined in. There isn't any part of me that sees a hard spanking as fun. Now, I can understand how a light spanking could be fun and erotic. As I've said, there was a very brief period where we did do play-acted spanking fantasies, and they were fun. But, they also were mild, conducted with flimsy leather adult novelty store paddles that are totally incapable of delivering more than a mild sting. Nothing in me understands how a truly hard spanking could be something people enjoy. I'm not condemning it at all -- I just don't get and am not wired that way at all.

      Conversely, I do understand how someone could on principle have a problem with any spanking they saw as unfair. Now, for me that would be a problem, because my goal is to surrender control, and refusing to take a spanking because I decide what is fair and what is not would be a very, very clear example of not surrendering and not giving up control. I see my controlling nature as a problem to be overcome, so getting wrapped around the axle about fairness would, for me, be proof that I am a very long way from overcoming that problem.

    3. In my case the explanation is simplicity itself: in certain controlled ways I am clearly a masochist. One doesn't need to be a masochist to enjoy a hard spanking.....but it sure helps. I'm sure the idea of enjoying intense pain must be utterly unrelatable to someone who is not a masochist. It just makes sense.

      Relating to, if not always agreeing with the OTHER aspects is much easier for a person with some degree of empathy, experience, and intellect to do.

    4. Agreed - while I have have a sometimes weirdly high tolerance for pain, it definitely is not something I enjoy at all. A few months ago, another blogger recommended a book called Sex With Shakespeare, written by a woman who has been a spanking fetishist since birth and also a Shakespeare scholar. Some of her book is, consistent with the title, about sex and sexual motivations in Shakespeare, but she uses that as a launching pad to explore her need for spanking. An interesting angle is she ended up with a partner who doesn't share her spanko need but was open and supporting enough to engage in it. I can't relate to her explanations of how for her spanking is more important than sex and really *is* her form of sex. But, her descriptions gave me more understanding of it.

  4. Crimson Kid (C.K.)January 15, 2020 at 1:21 AM

    Yes, I do participate on the Library of Spanking Fiction site, for me it basically replaced two other spanking-oriented sites, the soc.sexuality.spanking (SSS) newsgroup and the F/M Disciplinary Story Forum (if I'm recalling that site's title correctly), both of which have long since disappeared, that I'd actively participated on earlier. The LSF is an extensive source of spanking-based stories, and it has a discussion forum as well.

    In that Sassy Bottoms drawing, with the girl on her knees offering the stout hairbrush to the seated woman, I tend to think that the soon-to-be-spanked young lady is an inefficient and/or lazy maid about to be punished by the annoyed mistress of the house for slacking on her household duties. (It's a sweet touch that she's already sniffling even before her spanking has started, her being obviously aware of how much it's going to hurt.)

    "An Age Thing" is a terrific story, I greatly enjoyed its 'role reversal' of a middle-aged-woman being bare-bottom blistered by an early-twentyish female and later even her mid-teenage little sister--that would be so truly humbling, yet the older woman desired it and was even able to employ the situation in order to make her youthful spankers more responsible about cleanliness. That photograph certainly captures the story's spirit of 'older female embarrassingly spanked by younger girl,' I'd agree.

    My own story, "Matched Pair," was written for an SSS short story contest and therefore limited to 500 words, so I couldn't do much character development. Since the discipline was carried out in public to convince the common people that their bratty princess (actually her unacknowledged 'whipping girl') was being properly punished, the spankings were intentionally rather stereotypical with the feminine disciplinarian looking quite Amazonian and her victim appearing to be the smaller-sized, mischief-making princess.

    (While I didn't have enough length to explore the reaction of the populace, I'm guessing that they embraced their royal brat's misconduct, just so long as her bare derriere was thoroughly and publicly reddened for it quite frequently.)

    My wife understands that I occasionally desire a good sound bare-bottomed smacking from her, although she's personally baffled as to why I do. Fortunately, it's much easier to convince a 'vanilla' person to engage in spanking play if he/she is to be in the spanko-top role... --C.K.

    1. I think "Matched Pair" benefits from its brevity. It reads like a twisted fairytale and as such works better as is than if it was very long. And I would say there's nothing I'd want to know about the characters that I don't already get directly or indirectly from what's written. The only thing I'd want might be more juicy exchanges between the 'pair'. Perhaps a revelation at how each feels about being in the role they are assigned to pretty much based on accident of appearance. I could see a few different takes on that ......all with different appeal. But as is it's a solid favorite of mine.

      Thanks for the comment and compliments.

    2. OH, I meant to add...... as you and I have discussed before, the LSF is tricky for me. I appreciate it being there, and I appreciate how particularly Flopsy (not a big fan of Februs. He seems like a clone of someone I once worked with and had problems with.) treated me in the past. But.......

      1: I'm not a fan of most stories there. I roll my eyes every time someone praises the vast collection housed there. I feel like, yeah, OK. It's like saying I have the biggest warehouse of movie DVDs anywhere.....movies no one has heard of, movies with zero stars.... and a small collection of hits. But it's the biggest overall warehouse!

      2: I don't relate to the average readership. I have seen plenty of evidence that the overwhelming majority or readers.....and way too many authors....have no actual spanking experience to relate to. As such, patterns emerge for what makes a hit story....which some authors have down pat. So what I like isn't there often, and what I write only appeals to a select crowd.

      3: While I occasionally participate on the forum, it annoys me more than it intrigues me. But I have also noticed a lot of regulars from the past have gone too.

      4: I HATE the prevailing "All hail our glorious host & hostess----no matter what" attitude. I have enough of that here with the Trumpers. Best example is the "Challenges" fiasco. Sorry, but that came down to Februs getting huffy and taking his ball and going home in a sulk like a petulant brat. And yet, he is viewed as entitled to that attitude because people actually had a discussion on a discussion forum. Heaven forbid! Nothing in that exchange warranted the reaction it got. It was civil and good positive suggestions were made for improvement.

      So, truth be told, I still go to the LSF, but honestly? It's to check to see if I have any comments to respond to (which lately is not many) and see if there's any interesting topic on the forum, and frankly, to see if you are around and what you're commenting on. I think if you left, I'd have very little reason to go there at all.