I suppose it's time for an update of sorts. Prior to Christmas I was already feeling more and more ambivalent about blogging. I had put a considerable amount of effort into several different projects ranging from what I felt was a deeply personal and revelatory exploration of my lifelong experience with chastity, to what I had hoped would be a fun exchange of all sorts of recipes both boozy and otherwise, to a very labor-intensive attempt at a satire regarding religion. All attracted a modicum of attention, but none prompted the sorts of interactions I have seen even the most non-topic/topics get elsewhere. It seems like I have nothing to say that means much to anyone. People say to avoid politics and yet a brief rant prompted more reaction than the projects I listed. I am simply at a loss for what anyone wants.
And then, just as I tried to rally behind the holidays and our usual extensive efforts to eat and entertain well, Covid infiltrated our home despite our best efforts to keep it out. My symptoms hit on Christmas Day, Rosa followed. I found out my son had it. My best friend had it. My stepson got it. Thankfully just about everyone got it pretty mildly. I did not.
I got every classic symptom and managed to keep in a limbo of survival.......until I lost 10 pounds, and any confidence that I was going to live. My oxygen went down and because I was convinced this was going to be it for me, I made sure to take care of all the new bills before asking that Rosa take me to the hospital. Once there things improved. Oxygen, remdesivir, steroids, antibiotics, plus a lot more was pumped into me and and in just three days I had regained my ability to function. I was released. I am still tired.
But this was like the last nail in a sort of personal coffin of dissatisfaction. And during it all the political world burst into flames as well. I cried. My feelings for people are not good right now. I could watch a sniper take out the people I've heard interviewed and cheer as each head exploded in a spray of bone, brain, and blood. I would not want it to end until every last one was laying on the ground to be bulldozed away into some mass grave for insurrectionists.
As a result I doubt I will be updating much.
I have things I want to do that may matter more than anything I do here.
I have no interest in discussions right now. I just don't care. People have worn me down as much as Covid has. I am weary, disgusted, frustrated, and frankly.....angry. I tried. Tried hard. It's absurd to get so little in return and keep doing it.
I need a change.