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Thursday, January 14, 2021

Searching the depths


All I can see when I look at this is a desperate lady who can't find their car keys having searched everywhere and is leaving no prospect unexplored.

I am better. Physically and mentally. BUT my experience has had significant influence over my past week. Feeling 'changed' was not a fleeting flight of fancy. I have taken action to do a combination of physical housekeeping and emotional housekeeping. Over the past few days I cleaned my work desk and addressed a stack of little repairs that have just sat there for too long. I did a lot. It felt good. It felt like checking one thing off a to-do list after another resulting in a rush of accomplishment and productivity.

I have been listening to a lot of news......but conversely have a very hard time watching ANY kind of TV. Nothing appeals to me and instead, the mere sound of television drives me to another room. 

On a personal note? A couple of little things have reminded me that despite covid, mortality, and soul-searching......I am still a sexual being and a kinky being.

On one particular evening recently I approached my Rosa with a very simple request: "can I please spend a few minutes at you feet?" She did not refuse.

My Rosa's feet. I spend a LOT of time grooming them and they are amazingly healthy-looking No nail polish, no dirt, cuticles, rough skin, callous, nothing. Just smooth loveliness.

I did not get an O. I did not even ask for one. I just wanted to soak in Rosa's warmth and subtle scent. I felt connected to life again. Such a simple thing, yet so powerful for me. Her too.

And then, on a cute note, in a recent conversation with Nickki about covid, I interrupted her and sort of ran roughshod over something she was trying to tell me, and in the simplest, most confident and casual tone, she just threatened me with a spanking. Now with everything going on, I can't say it will lead to anything, but MAN was it exciting to just hear her reprimand. Again, it was just another reminder that I was alive.

Being alive doesn't suck. Getting things done feels good. Not worrying over this blog but still acknowledging it can be an outlet feels realistic and balanced. Jettisoning debris, clutter, unsatisfying efforts, feels positive. I truly am better while admittedly a bit changed. I am still searching for some things though. This new direction is not going to produce extreme results in a short time. This will be a process, but so far it has been a positive one..............and I haven't even had to reach up into my own ass to discover these things...........but who knows? Maybe a good anal probe could be a positive experience as well at some point? LOL


  1. Hi KD so glad you are feeling better. The sense of accomplishment when completing task is a great one. A good spanking helps me when stressed out like I was last night and asked T to spank me. Maybe take Nikki up on her offer, I have have been promised another one tonight but with a happy ending. Stay well

    1. Thanks for commenting, Joe. Yeah, there IS definitely a part of me that's "ready" for a spanking. It's been a while.....but for a weird series of circumstantial obstructions of all kinds but mood-oriented and with regard to timing and opportunity, Rosa herself has not taken me over her lap in too long a time. And that's kind of where my head is at.

      Naturally if Nickki texted Rosa for 'permission' and sent me instructions to meet her at her place for a spanking, I would definitely go. (I don't really have an honorable way out anyway especially since I have no real objection to her threat since I did exactly what she accused me of. LOL) But honestly?

      I REALLY want a spanking from my Rosa. Soon. I have hinted. I may have to hint some more. Good luck tonight. Hopefully you'll get some needed attention. Maybe if you do your luck will rub off on me over here? LOL

  2. Folks ask me why I keep my schedules and routines... why I clean and tidy so much -- I think it's because sorting things out help me sort out my mind - ya know? I always feel so much better after a good tidy :)

    I am envious of you sitting at Rosa's feet. When I was in a 'mood' feeling out of sorts - sometimes even if I wasn't - there was something very calming/peaceful sitting at Sir Steve's feet. Truthfully it's not something he particularly liked -- BUT he did get that it helped me center myself. BUT over the last couple of years the knees just refuse to bend properly anymore.. I do miss that simple act though.

    Glad to see you back posting (though truthfully - I'm not sure how you manage - all the comments you leave around blogland - grinning - and your own blog as well as LIFE )

    1. Thank you for your response.

      I too like to feel I accomplished things in order to feel balanced.

      And to go a little out of order, my recent spate of commenting was my feeling today that I had gotten so much done over the last week that it would not be bad to indulge that other side of me. Besides I really felt very hopeful that you and I could maybe help satisfy each other's desire for genuine communication on adult topics. Your mood seemed to mirror mine and I just felt: "why not give this a real try?"

      However, despite being retired, my days can very full of chores and projects. I don't think I could, nor should post like I did today, every day. It would not be in line with the balance I am looking to achieve. This felt balanced because it countered several days where I was not posting much but doing a lot of little projects.

      I also find winter to be difficult since have an elaborate garden with ponds, but now everything is just in a chilly limbo.

      Lastly..........but perhaps most joyously.....feet. I can see how Sir Steve might not be as enamored of foot attention as my Rosa. He is a guy after all and even a toppy guy might be less than enthusiastic to have a sub spend time there. (I'll bet an offer of some oral attention would be more welcome. LOL) But that said, forget the knees! What we do is so much easier. Rosa will simply recline against her pillows on our bed, sometimes reading, sometimes scanning her cell phone. sometimes focused on teasing me......and all I do is lay in the opposite direction. I usually have a pillow under my head and I just stay like that. No stress on my knees. no stress on my back. Comfy, cozy and with my face right on her soles. I can kiss them, lick them, suck her toes......or just inhale her scent. It is easy, comfortable and heavenly, and very very bonding for each of us.

  3. OMG you just made my day!! LOL I was almost in state of panic today - so many comments to answer a house to clean and an 8 year old to home school !!! My resolve to answer comments was wavering.

    I totally misunderstood your comment about sitting at Rosa's feet... my favourite place to be (before) was kneeling at Sir Steve's feet with my head on his lap. It just felt safe there.
    As for lying on the bed (cheeky grin) that's a position I am often in on the weekends.

    1. I'm glad my comment boosted you. We all need a boost, right? Homeschooling definitely adds a layer of business that even with my penchant for projects, is not something I have to be concerned with. But when I see what other retired people do, I am always pleased with my own level of productivity. No soap operas and bon-bons around here! LOL

      I see your difference in posture as having a dynamic of its own. But to be honest, picturing a M/f dynamic makes the imagery of a subby lady with her head nestled in a Top's lap while curled on the floor almost iconic. I can't picture you doing what I do. It just doesn't fit the stereotype LOL. But imagine that relationship from an F/m angle, and factor in my powerful foot fetish coupled with Rosa's total LOVE of foot attention of all kinds and you can see how nuzzling toes and soles has an iconic imagery of its own.

      Basically, I can picture your pose and see the fit and I naturally can see myself and see how that fits. Two different expressions of connecting postures.

    2. absolutely :) a rose by any other name sort of thing

  4. Sounds like there is life in the old dog yet :)


  5. You do take wonderful care of Rosa's feet.

    I'm glad you wanted to spend time there with her😊

    1. Thank you! I see them as a kind of secondary 401k of sorts. LOL

      And on a personal note: got them for some extended smooching last night, accompanied by several start&stop teases, and then ending with a long overdue o. Did not suck.

  6. While the impetus for my mood wasn't as dramatic as yours, I've been experiencing some of the same things. It's funny that you mentioned cleaning and tidying -- I've had a similar thing going on lately, and that isn't all that typical. As you know, I love Christmas, and I almost never want to take down decorations until Anne makes me. Yet, I walked into the house a few days ago and was really bothered by all the decorations and Christmas clutter. I find myself really bothered by clutter in my office, which is *very* atypical for me (I tend to spread out to cover whatever horizontal space is available). I also have had the news on TV almost non-stop, and I've really struggled to get myself to watch anything else. I tried to start three or four books and just couldn't get interested. Though, I guess all this makes sense in the current environment. We just went through a fucking attempted insurrection. An organized attempt to overturn an election, and it's clear that many of the Capitol invaders had a very real intention to overthrow the government. I actually think your mood and mine are totally normal. The abnormal people are those who've just gone about their business as if nothing really happened.

    1. This comment made me consider the possibility of something psychological going on with either people in general or people "like us". I even discussed your comment and how closely it mirrored what I was feeling with Rosa. While you and I don't agree on everything, we do seem to have a lot of overlap. Factor in covid restrictions, isolation, thoughts on our current state of politics, etc, and I wonder if our similar reactions of purging baggage and changing routines is some sort of human response to similar stimuli?