All I can see when I look at this is a desperate lady who can't find their car keys having searched everywhere and is leaving no prospect unexplored.
I am better. Physically and mentally. BUT my experience has had significant influence over my past week. Feeling 'changed' was not a fleeting flight of fancy. I have taken action to do a combination of physical housekeeping and emotional housekeeping. Over the past few days I cleaned my work desk and addressed a stack of little repairs that have just sat there for too long. I did a lot. It felt good. It felt like checking one thing off a to-do list after another resulting in a rush of accomplishment and productivity.
I have been listening to a lot of news......but conversely have a very hard time watching ANY kind of TV. Nothing appeals to me and instead, the mere sound of television drives me to another room.
On a personal note? A couple of little things have reminded me that despite covid, mortality, and soul-searching......I am still a sexual being and a kinky being.
On one particular evening recently I approached my Rosa with a very simple request: "can I please spend a few minutes at you feet?" She did not refuse.
My Rosa's feet. I spend a LOT of time grooming them and they are amazingly healthy-looking No nail polish, no dirt, cuticles, rough skin, callous, nothing. Just smooth loveliness.
I did not get an O. I did not even ask for one. I just wanted to soak in Rosa's warmth and subtle scent. I felt connected to life again. Such a simple thing, yet so powerful for me. Her too.
And then, on a cute note, in a recent conversation with Nickki about covid, I interrupted her and sort of ran roughshod over something she was trying to tell me, and in the simplest, most confident and casual tone, she just threatened me with a spanking. Now with everything going on, I can't say it will lead to anything, but MAN was it exciting to just hear her reprimand. Again, it was just another reminder that I was alive.
Being alive doesn't suck. Getting things done feels good. Not worrying over this blog but still acknowledging it can be an outlet feels realistic and balanced. Jettisoning debris, clutter, unsatisfying efforts, feels positive. I truly am better while admittedly a bit changed. I am still searching for some things though. This new direction is not going to produce extreme results in a short time. This will be a process, but so far it has been a positive one..............and I haven't even had to reach up into my own ass to discover these things...........but who knows? Maybe a good anal probe could be a positive experience as well at some point? LOL