Picking up from where we left off here is Nickki's next question:
Nickki: If you could get a spanking every three days for a year, do you think you would become immune to the satisfaction it brings?
KDP: Thirty years ago? No. Now? Probably. Hell, I probably would feel the same about fishing if it became that predictable and routine. In fact the only thing I would probably never tire of getting every three days for a year would be a sizable check. LOL
Nickki: What has been the most humiliating thing to happen to you in a dd relationship?
KDP: Another ‘ouch’. But here goes. I was briefly involved in a play relationship with someone who was fun to play with but who was not a romantic interest. You could say there were several aspects to our interactions and some were definitely dd, though not exclusively so. We were kind of just friends who engaged in some intense stuff together. One day she took me to a BDSM play party at a popular dungeon hosted by a trans couple where each had once been men and were now women. Intellectually I had no problem accepting these people as women even though they were both quite masculine in appearance. Both were as tall as me and even more ‘hard’ facially than me.
Because I was the newbie guest, my Top suggested beforehand that it would be fitting for me to provide some foot worship to the couple at the end of the party as a kind of submissive “thank you for having me in your home” and would I be OK with that? Again, intellectually it seemed appropriate and fair, and not at all unreasonable. I like feet and these were now technically women, so having never met these ladies, I agreed in advance. But when the time came and my Top offered me up to them I started and every cell in my body screamed “guy feet!!!!!!”. Their feet looked male, smelled male, and essentially WERE male….despite what surgery and hormones had done to the rest of them. I was noticeably repulsed by something I thought I could easily handle, never expecting this turn of events and how my body was reading the situation and causing me to react. I felt bad because I knew I was getting visibly freaked out in front of a group watching us and my mind was telling me I shouldn’t while my body was still screaming. “Guy-Guy-GUY”.
I could read in the face of one lady that she quickly sensed my discomfort and mercifully cut things short with her, but her partner was not as kind and insisted on the full treatment. It was horrible and this second, meaner lady then called upon someone else to take my place as a sort of “this is how you SHOULD do it” reprimand. It was horribly embarrassing and ruined the entire evening. I told my friend I would never go back and I never did.
Nickki: If you had a magic wand what would be your first wish?
KDP: Easy! Permanent, godlike powers. And I'm totally serious.
Nickki: What is the most needed item that homeless men and women need and why?
KDP: I have heard that it is socks but I can’t say I know this for a fact. I would think that the most needed thing for a homeless person would be a home.
Nickki: If you could be one of these who and why? Elon Musk or Mark Zuckerberg?
KDP: Without question, Musk. The areas in which he made his money are so much more important than having initiated a social media site that has caused more harm than good.
Nickki: What is the attraction to the Renaissance Era for you?
KDP: Initially it would have to have been the weaponry. However, over time, and after learning more about it, many aspects became fascinating. The music appealed to me immediately and almost viscerally. One thing I have always freely admitted however, is that despite my interest in the period, and despite hosting an annual RenFaire, I would never wish to actually live in that time.
Nickki: What are your aspirations for your blog?
KDP: My aspirations for my blog have never changed. They are and always have been to foster an environment where kinky people can discuss things with cleverness and depth. I used to cite the old Algonquin Round Table as my ideal. Picture Dorothy Parker with a paddle. LOL
Nickki: Do you hope to become popular on the BDSM webs?
KDP: Well I suppose one can always hope, and popularity wouldn’t suck…….especially if it resulted in some financial recognition of my writing or cartooning. But I harbor no realistic expectation that such a thing will ever happen. I would be more than content if the original aspiration was ever consistently achieved. And at times I feel we are close. Other times I feel like throwing in the towel.
Nickki: At what age did you begin drawing your sexually expressive characters? Do you feel sexually aroused from drawing the women with big boobs etc.?
KDP: Now this recollection is fairly precise. I distinctly remember drawing my first kinky picture when I was in eighth grade. I had this book of regular cartoons and in it was a cartoon of a young lady in panties and bra, slightly bent and holding up a dress on a hanger. I still remember the rhyming punchline. “Of all the mean feelings, there’s no feeling meaner than staining a dress that’s fresh from the cleaner.” I found the pose to be open to……...deviation, and used the cartoon as a kind of model to copy and alter. Soon that innocent young lady was being whipped and paddled, over and over in a series of drawings. At that time I definitely got off on drawing sexually kinky pictures and even using them as masturbation fodder. Getting off on my own drawings continued on and off throughout my life. However, being kinky, things like how red or welted their bottoms were drawn made more of a difference to me than breast size.(I distinctly recall ruining some decent drawings early on because of being turned on by adding more and more damage to the butts making the end result absurd. But this was because at that early age I was not experiencing BDSM except with myself in secret.)
Now? a lot depends on the drawing. And usually I am more interested now in a good illustration or funny punchline than any sexual gratification, since I feel fairly satisfied with my real life experiences and don't need to rely on writing or drawing as a substitute.
Nickki: Is there a difference of satisfaction being over a lap or the table strapped under you? What is your favorite position? Why?
KDP: Oh yes! VERY different. But I would not say it’s an issue of “satisfaction” but deeper things. As I’ve admitted before, whether it’s you, Rosa or anyone, going across a lap is simply more prone to feelings of connection. It’s evocative of maternal spankings and even if there’s a pillow between me and the person spanking as there often is to bring my bottom into a better position, I still feel that connection. Humbled, contrite, and yet quite convinced of being loved. Being over a lap would have to be my favorite position.
The bed-top rack is different. My appreciation of it is very specific: if I know a particular punishment is going to be difficult to take without involuntary wriggling, I like the reassurance of being strapped in so I can just take whatever is being given and just accept the pain without having to worry about “how I’m going to take it”. The rack gives me no choice BUT to take it. There’s a post on this blog that deals with this. ( January 27, 2020, Hot wings and butts ) And when I knew your intent the day you came over was to make my punishment significant, I suggested the rack to you as well ( June 10, 2020 Overdue but not underdone. Also the current "Featured Post" for quick access). The rack does a very good job of not just keeping me from running away but admirably immobilizing me from being able to make the slightest wriggle. It’s hard to explain how such a thing can be relaxing, especially because the punishments I’ve received while in that rack always ranked among the worst, but it is a fact nonetheless.
Nickki: Does giving up your ‘man butt’ ever feel like you're giving up your manhood? Why or why not?
KDP: For me the notions of “manliness” are not as significant as those of personal pride. Gender stereotypes have never worked for me and it wasn’t long before I learned to discard them as something more important to others than to me. So while for me the issue is real enough, it is not solely rooted in masculinity…...though that aspect is not entirely absent….but more in seeing myself as a responsible and competent adult, who then permits others to have authority over him.
It’s hard to describe the internal struggle and self-questioning that goes along with submitting to another adult for actual real life behaviors or misbehaviors. While it can feel appropriate, it still challenges the notion of what society defines as being a male or just an adult, being an equal, and having the ability to refuse to accept punitive consequences not imposed by a court, but by a fellow friend. Society respects the individual who makes a mistake, and accepts the consequences. (Get caught speeding, pay the fine, accept the points and hopefully learn to not speed again.) But, other than people who live and understand this lifestyle, what is the public's view of someone like me who doesn’t just enjoy a playful swat as part of a game, but who genuinely accepts the authority of a fellow adult to decide to punish them for misbehaviors that other adults are often just as guilty of? I would be seen as possibly immature, maybe even weak ……….or worse.
And yet? I have people in my life who don’t see it that way. People who love me and who I trust have repeatedly reassured me that I am at my best when held accountable for my actions in the real world. While a big part of my ability to submit to the authority of select others is based in my honest desire for such accountability, another huge part is the attitudes and beliefs of those very people like you who are entrusted with authority over me. You seeing your own roles as natural, logical, and just “making sense” in a very sincere and straightforward way, impacts me tremendously. It validates my innate inner desire for accountability and silences the doubts that might come from worrying about what the “vanilla others” of the world would think.
Even my own mother thought that this lifestyle was perfect for me and Rosa. She didn’t say I was (or we were) weird, or I was unmanly because of it. Instead she said I should expel the occasional doubts I confessed I felt at times, and embrace my submissive role fully. Astounding advice coming from a mother to her own adult son….especially since she clearly understood that fully embracing my role as she advised meant getting hard, bare-bottomed spankings from Rosa. Certainly not something conducive to any air of macho, male pride. She understood these weren’t sexy play spankings and stated outright that for a policy like this to work the spankings would HAVE to be serious and painful. Imagine how it felt for me to hear my own mother basically say that if caught in a misbehavior, or accused of being inconsiderate or impatient or whatever, to not argue when confronted, not resist, and not even feel doubt over why I am accepting these seemingly unusual consequences…..but just take what’s coming to me as what is deserved. Long answer, I know…...but THIS is a huge thing for me.
Nickki: If the dd is not a sexual fantasy fulfilled, what would be a sexual fantasy for you?
KDP: Well first off, dd as a concept or lifestyle certainly can be a kind of ‘sexual fantasy’ even when the actual mechanics of a more behavior-oriented arrangement of accountability and punishment, can play out in the real world without a sexual component. We are complex beings. That said, something unquestionably sexual would have to be worship. (specifically for me foot and butt worship). Luckily for me this ‘fantasy’ is something I don’t just need to hope for. I get to live it.
As for a sexual fantasy not yet achieved? Well, despite the work being complete, and a certain degree of acceptance from Rosa, my fantasy of being subjected to being mechanically ‘pegged’ with the converted jigsaw tool and dildo attachment via Rosa using a remote to turn it on and off has not yet happened.
Nickki: Have any of your dd experiences ever crossed the line into swapping experience or are you appalled by that?
KDP: I wouldn’t use “appalled” but sexual swapping has no appeal for either of us. That said, involving others in other more playful ways and not focusing on sexual swapping as much as cooperating or being together is certainly appealing. As you as someone who gets to ‘play’ with me well knows.
Nickki: The blog is your baby and your aspiration is for it to reach more people. How large of a dd population do you believe there is? Why? And why does it seem people, even like myself, see BDSM as bondage and S&M without any real understanding of how discipline can be a part of it? And lastly, what are your motivations to reach more people?
KDP: My friend Dan has a blog devoted even more exclusively to DD than mine, where I have done pieces on all sorts of kink. In having participated there and other places, over the years I have come to believe that those whose emphasis is actual punishment for misbehavior is a small subset indeed. Even smaller when you further specify that the DD dynamic is female-dominated. It seems there are way more male-dominated DD relationships. But even taken as a whole, we are a minority within a minority.
Why? I think it’s the “reality” of it. I think a lot of kinky people have an easier time accepting any sort activity….even very painful ones, to be more acceptable when they are done for either mutual play, or mutual sexual gratification. Once those people are satisfied that whatever is going to happen is “safe, sane, and consensual”, there’s pretty wide acceptance. But a lot of BDSM people see DD as “too much”. Some bristle at the notion that a spanking is not a fun sensual activity between two play partners who can use safe words, agree on limits, and pretty much enact a dance of dominance and submission within a limited and confined period, but a real punishment for one adult from another. And in the case of DD, NOT limited to a fleeting mood, but a 24/7 lifestyle. To them it reeks of bullying or abuse…..which is weird to me because some of these same people have less of a problem with a Master/slave arrangement than they do with a “Domestic discipline” one.
I don’t think there is a way to reach more people for me that I am willing to engage in. One popular recommendation that has been floated many times in the incorporation of using something like Twitter as either an enhancement to a blog, or even a replacement for blogs in general. I have NO desire to have a Twitter account. When I see the stats for my blog, I see numbers of visits that seem very sizable. The issue for me is translating those silent visitors into interactive participants in discussion. And for me that is a bigger challenge than just increasing viewership. In fact, if my viewership somehow managed to double or triple, while participation remained the same, I would feel like I achieved nothing.
And that concludes the interview between Nickki and me. Naturally any questions about my answers are welcome as comments. I would like to thank Nickki for taking the time to write up these fine questions and for discussing some of them over the phone when needed.