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Friday, April 9, 2021

Banana

 Did you ever wake up and wonder:

"What shall I do with my banana today?"

Well, if 'Collected Submissions' is good for anything (which is a damned good question that I would hope doesn't prompt too many sarcastic recommendations LOL) it's to offer ideas.....possibilities...... and things, well.....things you might not have considered before. But let's start simply. Naturally the first inclination (I would hope) is to eat it.

Is there a more suggestive  fruit besides the banana?

But while eating is natural, and healthy, how much banana can you take before it's just the same old thing?  Can't you just picture her thinking: "geez, how many times do I find myself in THIS situation?"

But the banana is anything if not versatile. Its shape is evocative of so many things.

Who can forget the classic "banana phone"?

The thing is though, what person not old enough to remember Ernie & Bert, would even know that phones once did resemble bananas?

They do still resemble guns though, and the "banana gun" is still pulled on the unsuspecting to this day.

And some people take that "banana gun" idea to very creative conclusions!

But phones and guns are not the only things bananas tend to remind people of. There is another choice that has been around for a long time.

Is that a banana in your pants, or are you just glad to see me?

Bananas simply DO look like penises. Though sometimes a little creative enhancement really drives the point home.

Eat it......it's good for you!

The connection to penises is almost too obvious, but some guys take that to an extreme......

.......resulting in a style of penis colloquially referred to as a "banana cock". (I'm not sure if this is as equally good to eat as the previous image, but you ladies can give it a try and report back.)

The banana shape does not just apply to men though. Certain ladies can be endowed with "banana breasts (or boobs)".

If you like slender, upturned breasts, just do a search! You'll find all sorts of "banana-boob" variations.

But today's post was not supposed to be so much about having or not having attributes resembling bananas, but what to do with your fruity variety. And since we were just talking about breasts, why not consider slipping your banana there?

This looks like a fun way to encourage more fresh fruit consumption.

The problem with sticking a banana between two jiggly jubblies is that you still need your hands to kind of keep it there. Surely there must be other places to keep your banana that are a bit more hands-free? 

Look Ma, no hands!

As with most things, some people are just insatiable. One banana just isn't enough? Well, they DO come in bunches. (I can just hear Harry Belafonte singing for the tally-man to tally the bananas. "Daylight come and me wanna go home.")

There does seem to be a difference in opinion on whether a banana should be unpeeled or peeled for insertion. What do you say?

Hmmmm, here's a combined treat.

Those who voted for peeled and are looking for something to do with the skin, you need only reference a zillion movie and cartoon pratfalls.



And if you thought the 'genital option' would exclude guys, guess again.

No one to "dock" with? Bananas are more reliable than elusive partners.

Unfortunately, "banana-docking" again necessitates a hands-on approach. Surely there must be a hands-free place to put a banana for guys AND gals?

Here's a spot that seems accommodating enough. Shall we try it?

Wow! Like it was meant to be! 

And this spot works just as well outdoors as at home. Nature's own unisex banana holder.
Now THAT really makes me want to have a banana! Only trouble is that darned peel.

Ah! Problem solved! And this kind young lady is even willing to serve it up on a plate. How considerate.

Though some prefer to skip the formality of dinnerware and just get right to it.

So when it comes to snug spots to stick a banana, we now know there are options......especially for ladies. But what about indecisive ladies? 

Well there's an easy solution. Just a bit of both. 

My this has certainly gotten kinky. Who would have thought bananas were so pervertible? 

Well foot fetishists for sure. Trampling fruit or other food is even a "thing" unto itself. (Don't believe me? Search. You'd be surprised.....or maybe you wouldn't. LOL)

You might be thinking "yuck", but I'd be on those toes quicker than a fruit fly! 


So, let's see. We've talked about, standard consumption, enhanced consumption, insertion, squishing, pretending they're guns, phones, breasts, and penises......surely we're done? Right? No. Bananas have a few more options:

You can mash 'em on your face,

......or use the skins for facials and teeth cleaning........I even saw something about using them for dry, cracked heels!

So, share that versatile and naughty banana with a friend!


And NOW we're done! THE END.

























































15 comments:

  1. This post was promoted to you by the Ecuadorian Banana farmers collective :)

    Prefectdt

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  2. And now I can't get that Harry Belafonte song out of my head! Also, I happen to love bananas... if I'm not dying of hunger I usually stick it in my mouth and ngaw on it with my teeth, while keeping my lips around the circumference. Yums.

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    Replies
    1. Well, when I hear that song, I can't help but picture the Beetlejuice dinner party. (I love when the shrimp cocktail grabs their faces.)

      I am picturing you eating as you describe. Hmmm-hmmm.

      Well, hopefully if you love bananas as much as you say, this article has given you more ideas. (Frankly, being the resident fashion and beauty mavin, I thought you'd offer some tidbit on that banana facial. LOL)

      Delete
    2. resident fashion and beauty mavin? you flatter me. I'm not a huge fan of the 'banana peel for your face' movement simply because 1) latex allergies can be quite nasty and 2) all the stuff it's supposed to contain have been proven to be beneficial when ingested, not applied topically. Eg, you can't boost skin collagen by slapping on MORE collagen on the surface of your skin.

      SO if there's a banana anywhere, into my mouth it'll go. The peel will be promptly discarded into the bin.

      (Also, I'm not sure I want to try an unpeeled banana in any of my holes as I HAVE reacted badly to latex condoms in the past... and a peeled banana, well, my clean-freakism can't handle the thought of all that squishy squashy mash in my nether region.)

      Delete
    3. I never made the latex connection, but you are correct.

      As to the topical/ingested point? Absolutely. That ALWAYS has cracked me up. But people will buy into anything.

      And I was just teasing about the insertion prospect. I'm sure anyone with that inclination would have indulged it without needing this post to raise the possibility. LOL

      And for the record....I really do like bananas and have one nearly every day.

      Delete
    4. ah, i know you were teasing. my slightly ASD brain just had to explain myself tho. :)

      I love banana oat crumble. I sometimes pick up overly ripe ones from the store to do an oat crumble bake.

      Delete
  3. up next cucumbers?

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    Replies
    1. Is that a request? LOL

      (Thinking of Animal House now. "Mine is bigger.")LOL

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    2. cucumbers, aubergine, celery?

      Delete
  4. Bananas should only be inserted in the vagina with a condom over it, or the woman will get a NASTY infection.

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    Replies
    1. Oh! and the ONLY way to eat a banana is frozen chocolate covered with nuts!

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    2. I did recall hearing something like that about foods in general. Butts are way mare tolerant than vaginas. But people seem to do what they do regardless.

      Your dessert idea sounds interesting, but not something I'd enjoy......or have be healthy for me. But everyone should do their bananas as they wish.

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    3. Think amusement parks or county fairs.

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    4. Amusement parks and county fairs, eh? Oh not for us, Rosa and I avoid them and not just now due to Covid. Neither of us are crowd-type people. A noisy throng is a path to instant anxiety for us both. As for banana combinations, I have always enjoyed having an in-season peach in one hand and a banana in the other, and alternate bites. The combination is evocative of eating a mango.

      Delete