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Friday, May 7, 2021

More on O-Control

Thursday provided an interesting opportunity to revisit the topic of chastity that I covered pretty extensively back in December. The one absent voice on the subject back then was Ana, and due to an early morning event that prompted me thinking of the issue, and the fact that she and I later got to spend quite a bit of time together driving to a seaside National Park and then biking the trail there, we finally had that discussion. 

That morning Rosa and I had both gotten up early and I noticed that as she was checking her phone she was kind of rubbing my leg with her foot. Not one to ignore a hint, I spun around and began kissing those gorgeous toes of hers. 

Now it’s been a while since my last O and I was thinking it would be nice to get some attention….even if it was just a bit of teasing, so I made some gestural hints and when those were ignored, a more direct attempt at taking her hand and directing it to the part of me that was longing for some stimulation. She just said that she had to start work soon but in the next breath asked that I give her an O. I playfully scolded her for saying she had no time to tease me but she felt there was enough time for me to treat her to an orgasm. She accused me of being difficult and seeing the playful dominance she was projecting, relented and obliged. When she was done, she said, “OK I have to work now.” And there I remained still frustrated.

Ah to be mischievously dismissed! Such a power trip for the lady in charge!

This highlighted the reality of living as I do. Having an O or even just getting attention is never a given, but the expectation to deliver one is. Such is a sub’s life! LOL.

Anyway this certainly got me thinking about my chastity lifestyle and it reminded me that I never got Ana’s take on it since she was ridiculously busy at the time. Thursday provided a perfect opportunity to discuss it…...and we did.

To be somewhat complete AND concise, here are the main takeaways from our talk:

-Ana began by making it clear that she herself would NEVER submit to such regulation. I told her that given her dominant personality that just made sense and I would never expect her to be controlled this way.

-But she very quickly followed up by adding that if we just look at our relative personalities and even our roles with each other, she feels such control is not a bad or even strange thing for me or even other submissive types who genuinely benefit from such control.

-She added that as a dominant personality she can relate to being in control of something like this and feels such control is appealing and that she even can see how her decisions for something like this would be very similar to how she views being dominant in a behavioral/punishment situation.  Basically she was saying that while she would never be controlled this way, she’d certainly have no problem with HAVING such control, and that she would be good at it and be very discerning in her decision-making. (She sounded like her mother! LOL)

-I admitted that many motives and factors can influence such authority and that circumstances can make the decision process range from beneficial, to practical, to whimsical, and all the way to mischievous torment. (again, very much how Rosa sees it.) Ana completely agreed, saying that those would be the things she would consider when making such a decision for someone else, and admitted that while practical and loving regulation is sort of the default mode for this,( in order to ensure and maintain the trust of the submissive party) if the people involved were of a certain mindset, then even using tease and denial as pure playful torture was an equally valid choice. She readily admitted to enjoying my suffering at times when I confessed being in a particularly tormented state of frustration after being subjected to 'tease & denial'. Texts revealing such a state for me that coincided with times she herself felt she was suffering through some exam or project at school were particularly appealing for her.

-And lastly, we discussed MY motives for doing this and again she made it clear that despite any occasional doubts that I might have on having relinquished this personal form of gratification to the authority of another, it really is a good thing for me to have trusted others, and now her mother, to have final say in what I get or don’t get. 

One thing that I revealed in the process of having this discussion was that while I have given this authority to several others over the course of my lifetime, it was never as simple as thinking: ‘you’re the Top so you are definitely qualified to have this authority’. Instead my choices have been selective and rooted in a feeling that the person I was entrusting, WAS a talented decision-maker and not just nimble with a paddle. I realized that if someone was dominant but I found their powers of discernment lacking, I might play with them in some ways, but I would not hand over this power to them. Ana said that made sense and fell in line with what she was saying about having to be good at this and having a clear purpose and vision in being the administrator of someone else’s sexual activity. 

It was a good talk, and...........ironically........... much later, Rosa, after some persistent near-begging from me, treated me to a much-needed O. 


  1. the relationship of controller and controlled in this circumstance is very special.
    to me it is a living gift you offer to the other person.

    my wife was very happy when we talked about it.

    i get as much as i want when i want you wont deny me?


    and i can get what i want and you can get nothing and be happy?

    in the control circumstance yes.

    well you are weird wanting these things but ok im glad to do that for you

    sometimes denial is for whimsical fun. Sometimes she is just not in the mood, sort of as you described she got you didnt. Sometimes we extend it to challenging time lengths. the time from when England (birth country) were knocked out of soccer world cup to my birthday combined whimsy and extended times.

    from a submissive perspective it just feels right to make her feel good like that. i feel as good knowing my time will eventually come.

    1. As different as we might be in some areas, it sounds like we approach this quite similarly. Rosa really likes that for this period in her life, after being the female 'expected' to 'provide' on demand, that she doesn't have to do anything she isn't in the mood for. Thanks for sharing!

  2. This kind of thing is not in my mindset but it is interesting reading the thoughts and experiences of those that find this more appealing than I do


    1. I am like that with stuff too. It's one of the reasons I have kept my blog open to everything, even if I myself am not inclined to do them.

  3. Trust is the key element in an orgasm denial or domestic discipline relationship. I trust my wife completely to manage both my pleasure and pain, and I expect we'll succeed in exploring greater dimensions of both as time goes by.

    1. Trust is key. And for me, certain things require even more. It's why I just won't do certain things with certain people and yet, might do other things with them.

  4. The idea of chastity and tease and denial is something that I've found increasingly arousing recently.
    I'm still not sure about how I feel about being put in an actual chastity device, but the though of having my orgasms controlled and being denied release when I'm desperate to cum definitely appeals.

    1. Yeah, it is certainly something with a myriad of angles and emotions to explore.

      Devices are like any gadget, appealing to the sense of tech, but not really anything more than what we perceive it to be. If anyone wants to defeat a device out of spiteful determination, it's easy enough to do.

  5. Enlightening (and very efficient) summary of your discussion. and also, hurray for Rosa relenting and letting you have that O.

    1. Thank you. It was indeed a good talk.

      Having the O was helpful to restoring some balance for me as well. So was good. I'm hoping for another maybe this weekend.