Friday, July 30, 2021
Thursday, July 29, 2021
Recently I wrote about our day with Mr. Glass and how his personal revelation about his sexual orientation led to us explaining our DD lifestyle. A couple of people were curious about just how one goes about doing something like this. Since we have told nearly everyone we know or are related to, I think we have some experience and today I will share some tips.
1. Know thyself! First off, and most importantly, ask yourself if you yourself are good at judging people. If you aren't, then a lot of this advice will be moot since nearly all of it is based on reading people's reactions to subtleties. Granted, some people are hard to read, but some folks are pretty darned obvious 'open books'. If this is your first time, start with someone you know well. Also, what is your risk-to-reward level? If you are dying to tell someone about your lifestyle but doing so unsuccessfully can destroy your life or career, then perhaps wait for another time. Or are you fairly 'risk free'? Perhaps retired, or in a part of the country where such leaked information would result in a yawn rather than repercussion?
Also, keep in mind, if you are in a relationship that is kinky, coming out will affect not just you. What is your partner's risk factor? What is their interest level in coming out?
2. Know your audience. It's the First Rule of Comedy, and really so much more. If you've decided to come out to someone, have you determined satisfactorily that they are a receptive audience? Are they open-minded? Might they be be into things themselves, or if not, are they curious about what other people do? Also, assuming a change in your relationship.....like having some future disagreement or falling-out......what is their potential "threat level"? Can this person hurt you with this knowledge?
3. Test the Waters. Once you feel pretty confident about a person, don't assume it's still OK to just dive in headfirst. The trouble with diving is that you are fully committed and folks who've literally done so have sometimes been left as paraplegics or dead because the water was not what it appeared to be. Give yourself the chance to dip a toe, then perhaps just wade in the shallows for a bit. Maybe even wait for another time to go deeper.
We live in a much more open society now than we used to. Kinky stuff is everywhere. Use it. Maybe mention a game you saw in Spencer's Gifts....but don't say you own it. Ask about that recent spanking reference in some TV show. Make a joke with some "50 Shades" innuendo.
4. Read the Reaction. So? How is it going? Do they look repulsed, uncomfortable, straining to be tolerant, okay but not overly interested, curious but with reservation, actually interested, amused and into it, fascinated, or perhaps even a kindred spirit? These distinctions are important! Adjust your conversation to the reaction.
If you mentioned that game from Spencer's, and the person says, "I see that shit all the time. What the fuck is wrong with people?" THIS IS NOT YOUR PERSON! But, if they say, "I don't think I'd be very good at that game, but I have to give those people credit. They certainly take things to another level, even if it is a bit weird." perhaps they ARE. And if the person says, "eh, those games are lame. Better to come up with your own." Well, talk about a green light!
These steps give a pretty clear idea of what to be aware of, but how would such a conversation play out? Well, that can be as different as the people, the situation, the mood, and a host of other factors. Ideally, you toss out your 'test reference'....."hey, did you see that spanking scene in Big Bang Theory?" and they say, "Yeah that was hysterical. That stuff seems to be everywhere now, ever since "50 Shades". It's not our thing, but it sure does seem more popular than ever."
If I knew this person and trusted them, and knew their threat level was miniscule, I might say something like, "you are right about 'everywhere'. You could even say in this very room." Then WATCH! This is the biggie. Does the person wince, smile, or light up with curiosity? If you don't get the reaction you want, drop it. What you said could be dismissed as a joke, or lead to a detailed conversation....or anything in-between.
It's really that simple (or complicated if this is difficult for you) and nearly all of it is based on the other person's reaction. All you can do is present it all in the best possible way to entice that particular person. But even the finest lure, presented in the most skillful way, doesn't always land a fish.
Another technique is what I'll call "kinky erosion". Say it's a relative and someone who won't necessarily do you harm, but could be awkward since you are stuck with them for life. Again, if they satisfy the main criteria, you can let little things slip here and there over a long period of time. Maybe a spank joke one day, perhaps a 'better behave' warning to a spouse on another? You just acclimate the person to the notion that you and your partner might be one of those people. If they care about you and are supportive, after a while of dropping hints, one day, some perfect opportunity might arise, and when you DO 'come out' more directly, their reaction might not be shock, but "I kind of figured".
All I can say in conclusion is that for Rosa and me there are those who know and those who don't. The line that separates them is based on what I've written here. Rosa is as open as I am and yet besides one major hinting incident, that was pretty direct, she has not come out to her mother even though she loved that I came out to mine. It's not that I did it better. It's the difference between the two mothers. I wouldn't come out to her mother either. It's not that she's a bad person, she's a real sweetheart, but so much of a sweetheart that she'd NEVER understand DD.
(One day while visiting in Peru, we bought this novelty whip unique to the country. They are sold in lots of places as souvenirs. Her mother saw our purchases that day and saw the whip. She didn't think anything of it because as I said, these are routinely purchased by tourists, but Rosa decided to take it a step further and said, "I got that to use on KD when he misbehaves." Rather than wink or smile or encourage her daughter, my MIL said, "oh no, when you have a disagreement, you should settle it with kisses not hitting." Now who in their right mind would pursue a kinky confession after that?!)
However, at this point, more people know than don't.....to differing degrees. Nothing bad has ever happened to either of us. I'm retired and Rosa is still employed. But we are in NJ where such a revelation would be a non-issue for just about anyone anywhere, even if they hated us. For us the risk-to-reward has been in favor of coming out and because of that, our openness has certainly and emphatically enhanced our lives more than ever being a detriment.
Wednesday, July 28, 2021
And what would Summer be......at least for me......without warm, Summer morning toes? Here are a few shots from this weekend:
Tuesday, July 27, 2021
About a week ago we had a friend over who has been here several times and whose company we enjoy despite some differences here and there. For the sake of this piece I will simply refer to him as “Mr. Glass” due not to having brittle bones a la “Unbreakable”, but because he is an avid collector of Depression Glass and other collectible antiques.
Mr. Glass is my age and is similar in height and build. He works with Rosa, and it was there that they became friends and then progressed into an invited regular here. At one point in the evening Mr. Glass informed us in a serious tone that he had something personal to share that he felt was long overdue. He then proceeded to inform us that he was Gay.
Now, to be honest, this was not shocking news to either of us, but we also didn’t want to appear too nonchalant, so we acted just slightly more surprised than we actually were. Naturally we encouraged Mr. Glass to say everything on his mind, and the conversation was slow, determined, and candid. As the conversation went on, Mr. Glass revealed some personal tribulations he had long ago coming out to his mother. He was really baring his soul to us and so I decided that I would not let him feel too far afield and mentioned that mothers can really surprise you in BOTH directions, and said something about the time I had ‘come out’ to my mother and how she surprised me in the opposite way.
No sooner than I said it Mr. Glass looked at me quizzically and asked what I meant about ‘coming out’. With a look of "isn't it obvious?", I told him that I of course meant my kinky lifestyle..... which I just assumed he was by now well aware of by seeing some of the things we have out in the open in our house and based on how open Rosa is. I just figured she had probably said something at some point to him, since she has to others. But Mr. Glass assured me he was quite unaware of this fact.
Well, I then realized I had just ‘come out’ as well! I turned to Rosa and since I was about to make another round of drinks, let her explain to the degree she wished. Rosa did just that, since as I said, she is not shy about talking about our lifestyle to select people, and Mr. Glass was certainly not someone she was going to embarrassed to tell. I could hear her filling him in on the essentials as I mixed our concoctions and upon returning filled in some gaps and explained what I saw as the biggest difference between just being kinky and into roleplay or BDSM and taking that to the point of DD where real behavior is the focus. Mr. Glass was certainly intrigued and asked questions to fully understand our situation.
Rosa naturally had little reason to be hesitant in explaining her role, motivations, goals, and her overall belief in the benefits of our lifestyle. She explained how doling out a good spanking helped her release her frustrations with me and also how she used spanking as a management tool for domestic harmony across the board.
She even got into her background explaining how her culture's attitudes towards male and female interaction never fit her own personality, but with me she found the missing elements that had either been kept from her before or explained away as an aberration. All her life people were telling her what to do and how to behave while she had her own ideas of things and now she finally had someone willing to listen to her and the fit felt natural. Having just admitted to being homosexual, Mr. Glass quickly seized on that topic of not fitting in and said he thought that what Rosa was saying....and now doing as a result.... made perfect sense.
And it was in that regard, one where domestic harmony was her main goal rather than just being bossy or cruel, that freed up her darker side to employ methods like spanking without guilt. She explained that spanking lets her deal with things personally and emphatically without any real risk of serious injury. It lets her blow off steam while teaching me a lesson therefore being mutually beneficial, direct, and even versatile. To illustrate this versatility, she brought up how she even used ‘preventive spankings’ to ensure the behavior she expected from me in social situations and even mentioned two specific instances where she spanked me before going out with others so that I had a tangible tingling reminder to behave burned right into my butt as I sat. Since Mr. Glass initially speculated that all of this was quirky sexplay, he found those examples quite illuminating...obviously bespeaking of something quite other than playing “teacher and the student who forgot their homework”.
When I spoke I explained that our lifestyle did not mean we were like a Mistress and slave (since that was a question he specifically asked) although Rosa certainly enjoyed added perks as a result of being the dominant partner. With behavior I explained that in a relationship fault can lie with either partner and that Rosa was not automatically the winner in every argument or that I had to defer to every whim she came up with, but that the biggest difference was that she could address her own faults with an apology whereas I could expect that any apology of mine could well be followed by a serious spanking. I said that a Mistress/slave relationship took its appeal from making the submissive party truly powerless. Though I did confess to the impact of being an adult substantially older than his spouse and being confronted when admittedly guilty of something and then having Rosa confidently lead me to our room for a trip over her lap. And since it's how this revelation came about, I told him now more specifically of my mother’s full awareness of this fact and her subsequent endorsement of Rosa’s role......pretty much telling me that this sounded fine to her and that I should trust Rosa and if my behavior meant getting a spanking then so be it.
And that was another point I made clear: while we did enjoy kink and play and even discussed the very rare instances of roleplay we did engage in for sexy fun, this aspect...the DD part, which is also not common even among BDSM/spank-folks...... was not truly sexual and he admitted he was gathering that. As such it was rare for me to feel sexy after a punishment and Rosa assured him this was absolutely true and that afterwards I always acted in a very deferential and obedient manner rather than some randy horndog now ready for sizzling hoompty. By the time we moved onto other topics, Mr. Glass knew just the extent of how we lived.
At the time I was glad we were sharing things and felt it might make Mr. Glass feel less solitary or strange in his own confession and in that vein I believe that happened. But after a few days I began to realize what I admitted to. I’m sure Rosa will interact with her friend with either a similar air or perhaps with a touch of pride at having been revealed to be a dominant force and woman with authority and the confidence to act on it. But I am wondering what our next get together will be like for me? My social self is very out there and dynamic. I also come across as being quite on top of things and also a kind of force to be reckoned with in my own right…...only now Mr. Glass will always know just HOW I am sometimes reckoned with! Given how things went, the logical part of me thinks this will not be any big deal. I think I would have gotten that vibe that night if Mr. Glass seemed disdainful rather than intrigued, but one never knows.
One thing is certainly true: after that night I can’t imagine Mr. Glass having any illusions over how things are handled in our home and more specifically, how his work buddy and good friend handles ME.
Thursday, July 22, 2021
Mechanized anal pummeling is not the only new twist introduced here recently. You may recall that Rosa works from home now most days. You may also recall a little teasing adventure I described back in May........with hourly teases. Well we have a new rule. Actually it's more of an understanding. But first some background.
When Rosa is home, she will occasionally utilize our disparate roles and put my submission to ergonomic use. In other words, when she's home working, she will have me bring her coffee, water, tea, etc. I will also provide lunch on most days, although we aren't rigid in anything we do, and so she is not above preparing her own stuff if she is so inclined, or if she knows I am buried deep in a project.
Another thing she does to make good use of me is not terribly kinky at all, but very practical. Several times a day she will use my writing, spelling, and proofreading talents to check her notes and emails. Rosa is very smart, but she never took a formal English course and her knowledge of our language came from picking it up as she went along. As such she never wants her messages to appear unprofessional and while she has no need of me for content, she is realistic enough to use me for things like grammar or clarity. It makes sense and I want her to do well (and she has!) but....................sometimes............maybe MORE than sometimes....................she picks the absolute worst time to text me for help!
Now kinky dynamics aside, readers here know that though retired, I am usually very busy here doing all sorts of projects and maintenance. We have an elaborate garden, two ponds, and all sorts of things that need to be done. I also do most of the cooking and shopping. AND on Mondays I drive an hour and a half each way to babysit my grandson. So, I'm not exactly lounging around all day sipping martinis while listening to Chopin. There have been just too many times where her genuine need for assistance results in annoyance. And for the sub half of a D/s relationship, that is not exactly a recipe for harmony.
And so..............with a simple decree...........all that has changed!
NOW, the understanding is that whenever Rosa requires my actual presence for assistance, after helping and before returning to whatever I was doing, I am to self-tease with our vibrating massager for a couple of minutes! And let me tell you, that simple twist has changed everything! I find myself now feeling like a tease would be nice and HOPING she'll need me. What a change, and how effortlessly achieved!
I post this as an example to the real couples out there of how a little imagination can drastically change a situation. And I do believe we kinky people are the easiest to manipulate positively through little games and twists.
Wednesday, July 21, 2021
On Sunday morning, Rosa seemed determined to have an early morning O, but was having difficulty finding the right "delivery mechanism". This happens occasionally especially when her desire is intense. It's as if she puts too much pressure on herself. I have noticed that when this occurs it's not something to worry about and more of an opportunity to have extended fun rather than a quickie, and told her so. That seemed to help and after some rather innovative and varied attempts she was ready for our 'tried-and-true' method and sure enough, my Honey was eventually able to enjoy a rather intense release.
After she had recovered we discussed potential ideas for how MY day might go, and decided it was perhaps time to try the pegging machine that I made over a year ago.
Monday, July 19, 2021
Here we are again at "busy Monday". I can't really do justice to anything that has been going on in the time I have today, but later this week.......perhaps as early as tomorrow...... I will get into some interesting topics.
One, which has been hinted at before, is the "pegging machine" adventure which had been on hold for the right time and finally took place on Sunday.
Wednesday, July 14, 2021
Tuesday, July 13, 2021
In looking over the past posts for this blog…...something I do periodically…..I realized that due to the timing of when Rosa and I got Covid, there was never any initiation of the year-end tradition* of inviting Ana, Nickki, and Marta to either directly deal with any open behavior issues of mine, or issue a number to Rosa to act on the behalf of the person making the request. (duh.......how could I forget something so important?)
I asked her if she would want to participate then, annnnnd of course she wanted to weigh in. (duh.....like Ana would pass up an opportunity to have my buns toasted?)
But I will go into more detail on Ana and her input in another post.
The next person I contacted was Nickki via text…...though this has not yet been fully resolved due to some personal issues Nickki is dealing with involving houseguests and stress. So, no “duh” on this one…...at least not yet. Although if there's any question that once things are resolved that Nickki would be reluctant to address my behavior with her paddle.....well duh to THAT!
And then there is Marta. I never know where Marta is going to be on stuff like this but I actually had the opportunity to discuss this with her on a phone call a while back that initially was about getting together on that particular evening. Did Marta want “in” as well? (duh)....of course she did! In fact, she was the first to respond (minutes later) with a number that Rosa and her subsequently teased me about that evening! She also wants a picture of the end result. (duh)
Despite the frequent 'duhs', only in retrospect have I been able to clearly perceive the “duh”-factor that was definitely there all along. I sometimes feel like my interest is an imposition to others who don't personally LIVE the lifestyle. Neither Ana nor Marta, nor even Nickki actually do discipline spanking in their personal lives. However, I think Marta and Nickki would if their circumstances were a little different and I believe Nickki even tried it a bit experimentally. Ana loves control and authority and she would likely be able to do this if she chose to, but it's just not her thing on that level.....although she seems very comfortable having such authority over me. And yet, despite my occasional concerns, it seems that my worries are unfounded. Each lady seems more than happy to participate in this tradition. That willingness always surprises me.
That same day I not only sent Marta a texted red “love” heart to show I appreciated her involvement, but I let her know that due to her lightning quick acceptance of the punishment tradition and minutes later issuance of a number, I was going to symbolically acknowledge her authority by making a pitcher of whatever cocktail she chose for that evening. (She and I joked about the red heart potentially matching the end result of her numerous spanks and she formally chose her namesake drink: “Marta’s Melons”..... a cocktail of rum, melon liqueur, sour mix, and pineapple juice )
Unfortunately, timing and circumstance postponed the execution of Marta's punishment for quite a while. Marta herself, without any prompting, asked at least twice if we had done it yet and we had to explain that we hadn't. Well, all that changed Sunday, and Rosa gave me the FULL AMOUNT** in one ...........well I am loathe to say 'sitting' since sitting was the last thing on my mind afterwards, so let's just go with...........session. As per Marta's instructions, the spanking was crisp and lengthy, but not severe. Certainly not as severe as the recent requested spanking for my overindulgence (see this month's "Self Discipline" post for more details on that one).
Here are a couple more post-spanking shots:
Monday, July 12, 2021
Saturday, July 10, 2021
There are all sorts of images of spankers out there. Any 'search' can yield a cornucopia of dominant ladies wielding implements, from Pro-Dommes to Pro-Disciplinarians, to Pro Models, to amateur disciplinarians, to regular people with a kinky streak. Blogs like Red's now defunct "Consensual Spanking" or Prefectd's "SpankedHortic II" offer, or did offer, regular samples of these ladies.....and men as well.
The more slick options feature polished stereotypes, with attractive ladies squeezed into chic fetishwear. Even the non-leather "disciplinarians" tend to appear in sharp business attire, often contrasting some conservative skirt with a plunging neckline, though a few do take the "professional look" to more modest levels. Lacking any special immunity, I admit these curvy vixens have their appeal. So when I stumbled across the following image in the search for something else, I was surprised by the powerful appeal it had. And unlike those "innocent" pictures that get twisted with captions to look kinky, the subject is clearly holding a paddle.
Thursday, July 8, 2021
This post will explore the question of just how many directions one thing can lead my brain to. In the case of "The Bells of St. Mary's", the freshest connection right now is the sore-for-days spanking I just described in my last post.
But how can one ignore the classic Leo McCarey movie, the sequel to "Going My Way"?