I am not in the best frame of mind this morning and as such am going to postpone the story of the "Smorgasbord Spanking" and instead, respond to the curiosity of a few of you who expressed interest in the sword collection I mentioned. Here are some shots of not just my swords, but the 'collection' as a whole.
All the pieces shown are either "battle ready" replicas or authentic antiques. None of these following pieces are "decorative". "Battle ready" means that the sword or weapon is made exactly to the standards of the originals, employing forged carbon steel, and could be used as they were intended without fear of breakage. Decorative pieces are cheaper, easier to maintain, but only good for hanging on a wall of for costumes. Decorative pieces would likely break if used as a real sword.
The Medieval/Renaissance stuff: