In a little more than a few short days from now, my Honey, Rosa, will be home once more. I have certainly missed her but more importantly the time apart gave me some time to really think through some things. As a result of feeling more open to seeing a wider perspective on issues that have been a factor here in recent months, I have come up with quite a few proposals for my love.
A lot of times a sub wishes for more attention, and I am no exception. I also feel that living a DD lifestyle is tricky because we are responsible adults, and even if our personalities are suited to either being held accountable, or holding someone accountable, these tend to fluctuate in intensity with the rigors of life. Rosa and I are no different, and even though this blog affords ample proof of a lifestyle committed to serious DD and also playful D/s, there always seems to be an ebb and flow to it.
My proposals are not entirely self-serving, nor are they wholly altruistic. I am offering a plethora of possibilities that hopefully benefit us both in ways well-suited to our natural roles. Quite predictably, to any sub who has ever wished for an adjustment or enhancement to their relationship, is a desire for a greater level of accountability. One proposal to keep this in a low-key forefront, is the adoption of a quick, maybe minute or so ritual, just before bedtime: I would like to be able to kiss my Honey's feet once she is settled in to remind her of our roles and give a chance to consider the day from that perspective. Did things go well? Did I behave? Did I annoy her? Does she wish to address it, either now, or another time?
The idea here is to just have her take a moment to think like a Top. She is not obligated to do anything, say anything. My kisses are something she likes, and all they are doing is saying: "I'm here trying to please. How did I do?"
Naturally the point behind this is to encourage accountability.....if not in that precise moment, then eventually, BUT the afforded moment to consider my performance and behavior gives her the opportunity to address things rather than let them fester.
My next proposal is one I am quite sure she will jump on. One issue we have is the feeling like she would like certain things done around the house and my defensiveness over feeling like I'm already doing a lot. The fact is both are true and I've somehow been too stubborn, or too myopic, to see the simple solution: one day a week my 'work' will simply be housework rather than projects outside or in my workshop. For me this is not taking on anything extra. I would be 'working' each day anyway. It just means that if there's no rush to finish that patio or construction project, it can spill over to the next week but that just like Mondays mean babysitting in PA, another day will mean housework instead of construction. I don't get any more burden than I fairly have, but her priorities are more respected.
Another proposal goes hand-in-hand with that: Rosa loves her pedicures but often asks at the strangest times. For a while now I have let this annoy me, leading to me making excuses, getting snippy, or even just outright refusing or suggesting a postponement of "I'll do them tomorrow". I thought long and hard about this and realized how shitty this is. I like feet. I LOVE Rosa's feet. Grooming them is not arduous. It requires little effort and not even a lot of time. It makes her insanely happy. And, the end result is a happy spouse with beautiful feet that I get to enjoy when kissing them. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I GIVE HER A HARD TIME OVER THIS? But I have. My proposal is a commitment to doing them when asked, no excuses. My incentive, is that I am going to assure her that I consent to being punished for even an eyeroll if she catches me in an impatient mood.
The next one is complicated. We already have the agreement in place that when called to help her with her English, my 'reward' is a minute or so of self-teasing. When in a good mood this is wonderful. When in a bad mood, I don't do it. I think this is a bad trend. I think that to ensure a greater level of compliance, I should have to do the tease regardless of mood or what I may be in the middle of. And the flipside of this is that I think that we could both benefit from the resulting mindset of me being teased often, but given O's even less frequently than I am now. This one is going to require some mutual discussion, but Rosa has never been squeamish about denial.
The others are of a more kinky/perk/personal nature involving little things we used to do that we've let go dormant. I am hoping that the big suggestions lead to a mutual mindset that makes these little things desirable once again.