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Saturday, September 25, 2021

Bold steps

In a little more than a few short days from now, my Honey, Rosa, will be home once more. I have certainly missed her but more importantly the time apart gave me some time to really think through some things. As a result of feeling more open to seeing a wider perspective on issues that have been a factor here in recent months, I have come up with quite a few proposals for my love.

A lot of times a sub wishes for more attention, and I am no exception. I also feel that living a DD lifestyle is tricky because we are responsible adults, and even if our personalities are suited to either being held accountable, or holding someone accountable, these tend to fluctuate in intensity with the rigors of life. Rosa and I are no different, and even though this blog affords ample proof of a lifestyle committed to serious DD and also playful D/s, there always seems to be an ebb and flow to it.

My proposals are not entirely self-serving, nor are they wholly altruistic. I am offering a plethora of possibilities that hopefully benefit us both in ways well-suited to our natural roles. Quite predictably, to any sub who has ever wished for an adjustment or enhancement to their relationship, is a desire for a greater level of accountability. One proposal to keep this in a low-key forefront, is the adoption of a quick, maybe minute or so ritual, just before bedtime: I would like to be able to kiss my Honey's feet once she is settled in to remind her of our roles and give a chance to consider the day from that perspective. Did things go well? Did I behave? Did I annoy her? Does she wish to address it, either now, or another time?

The idea here is to just have her take a moment to think like a Top. She is not obligated to do anything, say anything. My kisses are something she likes, and all they are doing is saying: "I'm here trying to please. How did I do?"

Naturally the point behind this is to encourage accountability.....if not in that precise moment, then eventually, BUT the afforded moment to consider my performance and behavior gives her the opportunity to address things rather than let them fester.

What's the point of having a DD arrangement, if it's rarely used? Rosa wasn't always reluctant to spank me for misbehavior, only the erosion of moods through the stresses of life wore down her resolve. It's quite possible I didn't help with my attitude at times. Hopefully things will go back to their previous levels with some of these proposals? In discussing this with Nickki, she admitted that it is transparently obvious that I simply behave better, more attentively, and more respectfully if the punishment paddle is used without hesitation.

My next proposal is one I am quite sure she will jump on. One issue we have is the feeling like she would like certain things done around the house and my defensiveness over feeling like I'm already doing a lot. The fact is both are true and I've somehow been too stubborn, or too myopic, to see the simple solution: one day a week my 'work' will simply be housework rather than projects outside or in my workshop. For me this is not taking on anything extra. I would be 'working' each day anyway. It just means that if there's no rush to finish that patio or construction project, it can spill over to the next week but that just like Mondays mean babysitting in PA, another day will mean housework instead of construction. I don't get any more burden than I fairly have, but her priorities are more respected.

Who knows? Maybe housework can even have some edge attached? Win-win?

Another proposal goes hand-in-hand with that: Rosa loves her pedicures but often asks at the strangest times. For a while now I have let this annoy me, leading to me making excuses, getting snippy, or even just outright refusing or suggesting a postponement of "I'll do them tomorrow". I thought long and hard about this and realized how shitty this is. I like feet. I LOVE Rosa's feet. Grooming them is not arduous. It requires little effort and not even a lot of time. It makes her insanely happy. And, the end result is a happy spouse with beautiful feet that I get to enjoy when kissing them. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I GIVE HER A HARD TIME OVER THIS? But I have. My proposal is a commitment to doing them when asked, no excuses. My incentive, is that I am going to assure her that I consent to being punished for even an eyeroll if she catches me in an impatient mood. 

Still Life with Rosa's feet and paddle. If she agrees, feet will always be tended  to........cheerfully....or while sitting on a sore bottom. Either way they will be tended to.

The next one is complicated. We already have the agreement in place that when called to help her with her English, my 'reward' is a minute or so of self-teasing. When in a good mood this is wonderful. When in a bad mood, I don't do it. I think this is a bad trend. I think that to ensure a greater level of compliance, I should have to do the tease regardless of mood or what I may be in the middle of. And the flipside of this is that I think that we could both benefit from the resulting mindset of me being teased often, but given O's even less frequently than I am now. This one is going to require some mutual discussion, but Rosa has never been squeamish about denial.

Teases: treat or requirement? Both.

The others are of a more kinky/perk/personal nature involving little things we used to do that we've let go dormant. I am hoping that the big suggestions lead to a mutual mindset that makes these little things desirable once again. 

Will these ideas lead to unquestioned obedience across the board, 100% of the time? Probably not. But what good is aiming too low? Let this be the ideal and let Rosa and her paddle deal with the lapses.


  1. This all seems quite reasonable, and I think it is a good thing to come at it from a place of "How can I do better?" instead of "You're not paying enough attention to me!"

    The housework thing, I think picking a day is a reasonable approach. Honestly, while I appreciate everything my husband does outside, it's never going to MAKE ME HAPPY the way inside cleaning/chores do. Because while I *like* the exterior to look nice, I don't live out there. I live in my house, not in my yard/driveway/deck. Also, outdoor work is more fun. For both of us. And I don't need someone to lighten the burden of fun stuff. I need someone to offset the chore drudgery. I can't speak for Rosa, obviously, but that's my take on it for what it's worth.

    1. Thank you, sincerely. Your opinion meant more than you might think and echoed some of the reaction I've received from some other confidants that I've run this past.

      I was amused by this: "I can't speak for Rosa, obviously, but that's my take on it" because kind of did. LOL Your reply sounded like her VERBATIM when she and I have discussed this previously. The only problem then was that I was too defensive over how hard I was working on projects to appreciate that she felt more needed to be done. It took some time alone to actually hear what she was really saying: not ADDITIONAL work....just a different blend.

      And everyone.....including myself....who has heard about this, agrees with your first line as well.

      Hopefully this will appeal to her even if it means a stricter regime for me. I guess maybe having successfully eroded her past strictness finally proved to be not what I really need or want?

  2. I think sometimes we (purposely?) act in ways that counter what we "really need or want."

    Hopefully this renewed effort will counter the countering. *laugh*

    I wish you well with it!

    1. Thank you again, quite sincerely. I’ll know soon. She comes home tomorrow afternoon and I spent a good part of today super cleaning the house as kind of proof of my seriousness.