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Saturday, October 16, 2021

Back to school

We are now three installments into "The Hard Way" and it should be obvious by now that besides being a bit of a sick, self-indulgent exhibitionist, willing to pervert any Halloween decor, I also have quite a collection of props. I also like skeletons, and as you will eventually see, not just human ones. But what you WON'T see are these bony, plastic offerings, currently available in most Halloween shops:


And to fully explain why, I will provide a kind of pictorial, educational rant directed at not only the manufacturers of these items, but anyone out there who buys them, so..................
"Listen up! School is now in session."

"What creature is being represented in the first slide?"
"An octopus?"
"Yes, an octopus!"

"And what class of animals are octopi?"
" 'Second class', sir?"
"NO! >SMACK!< Cephalopods!"

"And do cephalopods have skeletons?"
"I.......I......I guess so...."
>SLAP<
"NO! They DON'T! That's why they are cephalopods and not vertebrates! So....octopi DON'T HAVE SKELETONS!"

"Now let's talk about the second creature being shown. In which of the nine major phyla would spiders fall under?"
"Um, phyla? Isn't that pastry dough?"
>SLAP!<

"That answer was so stupid, I had no choice but to prevent you from saying anything potentially dumber. Now, pay attention! Spiders are arthropods, which means their external bodies, the ones we see, ARE their skeletons. That's why we call it an exoskeleton!"
>SWIP!-SWIP!_SWIP!<

"Now why would someone make a spider with an internal skeleton when they already have a perfectly good external one? Kind of redundant, wouldn't you say? So....why do it?"
>SMACK!<
"Ummm, ohhhhh, um.......to make money, Ma'am?"
"Correct answer, but a terrible reason, so...."
>SMACK!!!!!!<

"And you three, why would you BUY such erroneous garbage?"
"OW! 'Cause it's Halloween, Ma'am?"
"There are all sorts of other skeletons out there.............. even if they did give them ears which are technically incorrect, but which do help identify the animal being represented, and therefore is somewhat forgivable......because it IS Halloween. Why not just content yourself with THOSE, and not advertise your ignorance with these ridiculous abominations?"
"OWIE-OW-OW.....We're sorry, Ma'am!" 

"Apology accepted. Now let me just make sure your remember today's lesson in the future."

End of an 'old school' lesson.


























11 comments:

  1. There is a humongous whale skeleton on the outer coast (as opposed to the coastal sound) of WA, next to which I once had my photo taken. Other than that -- and dinosaur bones -- I can't say I'm much into creature skeletons, exo or otherwise. And I'd prefer spiders to just NOT EXIST, so I don't care to think about their skeletons... But I know they don't have those kind of ears!

    As for your story -- I left you a comment yesterday but it disappeared again. Grrr...

    And I read C-5. I'd say he got what he deserved.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh well. That's what makes us us. I love all things creepy from spiders to bats. I keep snakes. Our house has skull-themed glassware available year 'round. We're just very Addams Family-like here.

      Too bad about the comment disappearing. This is a very annoying thing and I feel powerless to fix it.

      C-5 was written as a response to a "revenge theme" at the LSF. Needless to say, I took my entry to a different level than the "oh, you wronged me, Now I'm going to spank you to get even" trope.

      Delete
  2. I would buy those Halloween decorations.

    Send in the Nun :)

    Prefectdt

    ReplyDelete
  3. Replies
    1. Thanks!

      (And I love seeing you commenting again!. You have a LOT to catch up on!) ;-)

      Delete
    2. I do! But a warning: I might not even try.

      Too much family stuff STILL going on.

      Delete
    3. It's OK. But, for me, when stuff is weighing on me, I love to be distracted. But do what you're comfortable with.

      Delete
  4. Thanks for the lesson, I never thought about those specific animals NOT having skeletons and therefore being "wrong". But now that I've seen the light, I shall turn my nose up in disdain and lament the stupidity of such Halloween decor with an air of superiority! And enjoy doing so!

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    Replies
    1. Think of it as "branching out" from your newfound plant wisdom!

      Believe it or not, my daughter is actually more militant about these plastic atrocities than I am.

      Delete