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Thursday, November 4, 2021

Clenching & Nickki

There are so many levels of submission involved in a spanking, with the willingness to accept one obviously the first and most important. And there are so many commands that trigger things deep within us as well, like being told to bare one’s self, or to get a particular instrument, get into or maintain a certain position, count the number, etc.  and while "stop clenching"  may not be #1 on people’s lists, for me it’s pretty high up there. 

Over the years I've clenched so much I think I could give Patrick's workout competition.

Why clenching? A spanked person clenches kind of without  thinking. It just goes along with the pain. It’s …...reflexive. Naturally a bunched-up cheek, especially a small one like mine, makes things harder for the spanker. I mean, what spanker doesn’t prefer a nice relaxed and waiting cheek? But once it’s been struck, what level of submission does it take to forcibly relax against one’s body’s instincts? 

Change the gender and add some stinging color and you have me when that paddle strikes hard.

If staying "unclenched" wasn't a thing, we'd never have "figging"! Figging, as many of you know, is the practice of inserting some peeled and shaped, fresh ginger root into the butthole of the person to be spanked. Once lodged, the properties of ginger have a way of burning in a way that feels less intense when relaxed. Tighten up and, for some reason, the ginger burns a bit more than it does when relaxed. So, spankers who insist on an unclenched bottom, sometimes have some root handy to encourage their victim to stay that way. Personally I have experienced this and must confess that it's not that much of a deterrent if the spanks are hard, but it IS admittedly a reminder if nothing else....and it does burn more when you clench.

Here's a guy with a 'ginger plug' awaiting whatever implement his disciplinarian has chosen to beat him with. 

But while artificial enhancements may help with not clenching, doing so on command alone has its own power. I have had this command issued to me by almost all of my spankers at one time or another, though Rosa seems the least bothered by it.
(I guess she figures it’s proof that what she’s doing hurts?) But when given this command, it really takes effort to obey, and AS I obey….oh boy! My mind chides me. “You hopeless submissive!” it scolds, “it’s not bad enough that you let yourself be spanked like a child, but now when told, you even struggle to give your tormentor a nice slack, and vulnerable target, to smack some more?” And I kind of blush because that’s exactly what I’m doing. My subby self is making a concentrated effort to present a better target: “Here, Ma’am. Is this better for you? “ WHACK!......flinch, and fight it. Let the burn flow. Don’t tighten up even though you want to. You have more coming, and she wants you relaxed. So you either stay relaxed or unclench as fast as you can so you’re vulnerable for the next…..and the next, and the next. 

The most intense spanking experience with regard to clenching must be having a disciplinarian SO adamant about it that they issue that classic threat: "no clenching! If you do, we will start over!" I've had this condition imposed on me in the past, with one particular spanking being quite memorable. It was a punishment and as such was quite crisp. Not clenching after the burning smacks took enormous concentration.

This old grainy shot makes me think the evil grin upon seeing that tensed reaction in her victim is going to be followed by, "oh too bad. It looks like we need to start over with 1."

A few weeks ago my spanking buddy Nickki scolded me to stop clenching and I must admit, I was doing so quite intensely. I have now admitted to her that being told to stop resonated quite strongly with me (and I’m sure that information will be filed away for future reference. LOL) I also got to very quickly ask Nickki about her overall view on clenching on the phone, wondering if from her point of view it was just about having an easier target to smack or whether there was more to it and she assured me there was. She said when she saw me clenching that day, even though it was only a play-penalty spanking, she saw it as my attempt to mitigate the sting by bunching up against the smacks. Her feeling was a kind of “Oh no you dont! You got this coming and need to feel the full effect. No cheating! “  

My butt from that evening's spanking. When you're spanked this hard I think a bit of clenching is understandable......even if I did stop doing so once scolded.

When she admitted this I felt a blush even though we were just on the phone and confessed that to her as well. She giggled. (I find myself wondering how all of these progressive steps in my willingness to keep tipping our scales further off balance must appear to her?) But she’s right. A spank does hurt more on a relaxed cheek. Instead of bouncing off the tightened arch of muscle, the paddle can slam the burn right on in. So I realize now what her expectation is for me: not just submitting myself to her for the spanking itself, but cooperating by presenting her with a relaxed behind so that her smacks can hurt as much as possible.......... and as much as she WANTS them to.  

Contrast the condition of that butt with the expression of the person who made it that way, and you get a good idea of what Nickki's confidence level is with regard to her role and mine.

I tend to like any sort of scold, command, or direction during a spanking that serves to remind me why I'm in this situation. I guess as someone who gravitates to punishment over fun, but appreciative of both, I find that commands that fly in the face of the safeword-oriented adjustments.......... geared towards enhancing the enjoyment for the sub............ to ones that instead enhance the Top’s disciplinary efficiency, resonate strongly with me. 

Nickki has an impressive way of using things like this to remind me exactly what is going on between us besides the mere obvious act of whacking or being whacked. In quiet moments when I think about this I feel a profound admiration for her, but that appreciation is tinged with embarrassment as I realize that her growth and confidence has come at the expense of my rapidly dwindling autonomy. You can’t take a scale and have it rise in one direction without the opposite side descending. Each time I feel proud of Nickki increasing her authority and dominance, I blush at my own plunging descent into my submission to her will. 

I think of this scale as a representation of what Nickki and I were like prior to our arrangement.

So, as I said before, it will be a humbling experience the next time I am over her lap and she demands I keep my bottom relaxed and vulnerable. It won’t be easy to do, and I’ll have to make an extra effort to override my instincts to lessen the pain, and instead embrace it. But.....WOW......even as I know what effort this will take, I also know I'll not only merely obey, but STRIVE to obey! This is Nickki after all. And no one chides me into scrambling obedience quite like her! Oh my.....that power imbalance scale just tipped a bit more and down I go!

I think this represents my current situation with Nickki quite nicely .........where SHE HERSELF is the scale, and she gets to elevate her side as much as she wants while lowering me at her whim. 



  1. I am reposting this comment from Nickki, who had her comment disappear but who emailed it to me:

    "Well, well, well. Thank you for those kind words. The beautiful lady is totally me. I am a Top and whacking bottoms is my game. "----Nickki

    1. You're welcome.

      If whacking butts is a game, then you are certainly a top-notch player and I am a contestant with no hope of ever beating you. Remember, we are "Rock/Paper/Scissors" with just "You=Paddle & Me=Butt" and paddle ALWAYS beats butt!

  2. I have found that clenching when receiving a hard caning (Rattan) actually makes the strokes more painful. Being from the UK, this helped me learn not to clench, early on, in my play life


    1. Hmmmmm. Interesting. I would not have thought that.

  3. I think that "self-talk" such as you describe in your how-you-talk-to-yourself portion of this post is something a lot of people experience. I'd guess it's a pretty big mental push -- in one direction or the other -- for most players, either into liking/wanting it more, or into "Nope, we're done" territory.

    P.S. I commented on Erasmus but I think it disappeared?

    1. I'm always gratified to hear a response that indicates a reader gets what I'm discussing....even if their experience is different or even if they disagree. In my posts, like yours, I don't just reveal the physical, or merely the narrative, but the thoughts that fuel it all. It is a baring of the mind, which seems less appealing to most than baring their butts.

      As for the dichotomy of resolutions to the conflict, I agree. It is definitely an aspect that could deepen a commitment to submission or throw up a wall of feeling it's one demand too far. For me it's obviously the former.

      My hard line is rationale. Whatever is happening or going to happen....I have to have my head wrapped around it in a positive way or my resentment soars. And yet, for others, blind obedience based on 'prior consent' seems to be as important to them as in-the-moment consent is for me.

      Not sure what's going on? I don't see your comment but we've had this happen before, and as you can see in the first comment here, Nickki herself had her comment die in somewhere in cyber-limboland. Too bad though. I'd be curious to know what you thought, not just about that costume, but my weird obsession with this fictional family tree?

  4. Hi KD,
    Very interesting post and I think Prefectdt is right about the effect of clenching –at least early in the spanking. This has come up in both of my DD relationships making me think female disciplinarians probably tend to notice it and discourage it. Both women have told me they see it as resistance and one (former girlfriend) pushed me to “raise your bum” to meet her brush as a way of stopping clenching and demonstrating acceptance of the spanking. My wife likes the raising too. Psychologically I think the mental effort to stop clenching and or raising your bum to the paddle does bring on submission and surrender faster. Maybe it’s an example of the old “fake it until you make it” adage but the physical act of staying un-clenched and raising my bum does make me feel more submissive and accepting of the discipline

    1. Hi Alan.

      Maybe for caning, but I find a good clench works for me during a paddling. So relaxing definitely is worse.

      Nickki was quite clear about it when we talked. Very blunt as is evident by what she told me. To her it's cheating.

      The raise thing is interesting because during play spankings, if I get into that 'zone', I'll do the raise thing and it seems to excite Rosa, and others as well.

      I agree with your general sentiment and especially your last sentence completely.

    2. It is my experience with a hard rattan caning, perhaps it is because so much force is coming down on such a small area of flesh


    3. "staying un-clenched and raising my bum" is my one way ticket to "subspace". I always try to stay like this everyday, rituals of love between us, her body massages, my morning spanking. no-clenching, my rule ! 3 or 4 times a month, it can be intense. I remember your story -not sure for the title- when SHE gives HIM (you) instruction about not clenching ... this detail, at time, touched me deeply. Unfortunatly (?) my love doesn't use a lucite paddle. I love your friend's smile, as she was saying "Hi Girls". Very good point : clenching is like cheating ! (And very good job too) !

    4. Prefectdt: I can see how that could be true.

    5. Courandair: I think the story might be "The Confession" and it was definitely based on a real event. Nice to know you can relate so passionately to the topic. Nickki is the real deal to be sure LOL!

  5. Hi KD

    I wonder if the clenching/non clenching aspect ( physical not mental) varies in intensity between the sexes and how we are built in that area.
    Clenching definitely hurts more in the long run for me physically. That being said, it helps maintain a form of control, which I am well aware is not the point in this situation. It temporarily gives me the illusion that it doesn't hurt.

    Back to your post, being told to unclench makes me battle within. I do but it takes me a second or two, much like getting back into position if I swing to one side or the other. I know I am required to but I have to fight my flight. B loves those moments, providing they don't take too long.

    I like the picture of the scales at the end. That pretty much sums up our daily life ( if Nikki were B lol) the balance of power lays with him to use with as he likes - ideally ;)


    1. Hi willie. Nice to see you here again!

      I can see what you're getting at and it's another cool way of explaining it. I particularly liked "It temporarily gives me the illusion that it doesn't hurt" Great stuff!!!

      And yeah, that last picture is pretty relatable for a lot of us I suppose.

      Thanks for commenting!

  6. Even though I'm on the receiving end of the brush or paddle in my household, I certainly have to agree with Nickki (who looks quite toppishly smug in the photo) about the spankee's responsibility in keeping his/her buttcheeks relaxed. While 'clenching' is a natural response, it's counterproductive to making the smacks sting more intensely, which is after all the point of a spanking. However to me providing a wider target area (I recall my wife once telling me, "I want to see flab," meaning to unclench) reduces the risk of serious bruising, since it gives the flesh of the bumcheeks more flexibility in reacting to swats, being able to bounce and ripple more.

    Of course, as others have alluded to, the ultimate submission to one's spanking disciplinarian strikes me (pun not intended) as pushing my bare behind upward and/or outward to give her an optimal target to work over with her swats, especially on the 'sit spots.'

    Looking at that drawing of the scales reminds me of an old story of yours titled "The Arrangement," in which a married couple agrees to a FLDD relationship within limits, yet once the 'scales start tipping' they don't necessarily stop after only mild movement in one direction... --C.K.

    1. Yeah that "embracing it" aspect seems to resonate with the subs checking in. And Tops too. I sometimes do the lifting thing but for a lot of different reasons. Perhaps that deserves a post of its own? I have some thoughts on it.

      Ah, "The Arrangement". I always liked that one. I'm glad you do too. And hey.....don't be a starnger! You've been away too long. Just look at all the posts you missed! LOL

    2. I've been somewhat distracted lately, plus 'blocked' in my writing with a half-dozen or more incomplete stories, so I haven't been checking out blogs much either.

      However, I finally was inspired to write a brief story in just one late night, so hopefully I'll get a bit more focused on spanking stuff--and tell my darling wife that she'll need to be exercising her right arm considerably more too.

      Hopefully, to quote "Fast Eddie" Felser or Frank Costanza, "I'm back"... --C.K.

    3. I have little to no desire to write more stories even as I have one that I think would be good and is all planned out. My frustration with the reception my work gets and 'doesn't get' at the LSF has resulted in some personal bitterness and frustration.

      I wish you luck in your attempt to rejuvenate your lifestyle and writing. For me, I'm focusing my writing here with essay-type ventures on a blend of topics rather than devote a lot of effort to something that will inevitable fall flat among an audience who wants something that others are far more willing to provide and that holds no interest to me. Hmmm, maybe another M/F story about a girl who gets caught smoking? LOL

  7. i have a different experience with clenching. One of my spankers has me bring ginger root and supervises as i peel and shape it, so that it doesn't easily stay in place. i then have to stand insert it, and place my hands on my head. Due to the shape i have to clench or it will slip out and each time it does, it adds 15 to the total strokes i will receive.

    Sometimes i feel the results of the clenching longer than the spanking itself.

    1. Welcome and thanks for that interesting twist on the practice. I am not sure I could manage holding something designed to slip out when I sometimes have trouble holding something designed to NOT slip out. LOL

      Also, I am not sure if you are the same anonymous who recently commented on the M/m post, but there I advised you of our two commenting rules: pertinence and a name of some kind included at the end. As you can see, with no name, I don't know if you are someone new, or the same person. Please add a name of some kind in the future or I will delete the comment no matter how interesting it is. Thanks.

  8. I'm greg and i added an entry to my log mentioning that i didn't have the forethought to add my name. Sometimes a spanker will have me read my log of things i have done wrong to deserve a spanking.

    I sure know what you mean about plugs, i have some well what i would call normal size ones, but it is a thinner one that i have with very little waist to it, that actually leaves me sorer than the larger ones because i have to put so much effort into keeping it in there. It was a female spanker that encouraged me to buy that one, she enjoyed my discomfort.

    1. Hi, greg. Sorry it took me a few days to respond. I've been busy and comments on older posts can kind of slip through the cracks too easily.

      You may feel free to use your past violation as fuel for whatever retribution you see fit. I myself am content with you just using your name from now on.

      For me plugs and "effort" work differently, I find if a plug won't stay in when I'm relaxed, striving to hold it, will actually do more to force it out. As a result, I tend to favor: 1 plugs with accentuated tear drop designs, and 2: plugs accompanied by thong-type harnesses.

      Looking forward to seeing more comments as the year goes on!