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Tuesday, November 23, 2021

LOL & Tit for Tat


Prior to LOL Day I did some visiting of blogs I have not been to, and also did quite a bit of thinking. As bloggers we often lament the lack of participation we endure after putting so much work into our blogs. LOL Day even began as a way to encourage “lurkers” to contribute something, even just on this one day. 

After a while, I noticed LOL Day had a different  but beneficial result: it encouraged FELLOW bloggers to look around, find new places of interest, and spread the ‘love’ via mutual links and participation. This year’s LOL Day REALLY hammered that home as many more bloggers came by than lurkers fessing up. In some cases the lurkers were bloggers, but I consider that a separate issue. No matter the level of interaction, there is still a night-and-day difference between a blogger and lurker. But I notice that there is quite a disconnect even among fellow bloggers out there that baffles me.

There are a LOT of kinky blogs out there, but………...

-You’d be surprised at how many don’t even bother to include blog rolls or links to other sites and blogs as a feature on their blogs. Why not? It’s not hard to do. I don’t get this.

-You’d be surprised at how many bloggers don’t respond to or even acknowledge the comments they get. I don’t get this either, and from comments from other folks, I am certainly not the only person who finds this……...um…...rude?

-While money may make the ‘world go ‘round’, if it is the primary reason behind a blog, it results in an obvious emphasis on selling rather than interacting. The blogs I have seen that are selling goods or services as their primary goal rarely link any non-commercial blog…………. if any at all. I have nothing against a person’s entrepreneurship, but have learned long ago that regardless of the subject….whether it’s an exchange of goods, services….sexual or otherwise...but definitely with the sexual for sure, or even bets on games…...money DOES change things. A blogger blogging as advertising is at the end of the day…and in the cynical assessment of Wesley as the Dread Pirate Roberts......selling something.


-I am also very saddened by a trend I tried to poke fun at in my post Friday. I created a “Tit for Tat Fund” as a satirical way to highlight the rampant lack of reciprocation when it comes to participation. If someone comments on your blog, maybe not every day but not just once either. Perhaps once or twice a month, let’s say, and they have a blog, which you might very well even have linked, why would you never leave a comment for them? And by “never” I mean “never”, like not once in an entire year? For me at least, some of this changed Friday with a few very fine folks that I would be very pleased to have comment more freely and frequently. The question going forward of course is whether or not this happens.

This is a "Tit for Tat" model which shows how different the act of operating on a quid pro quo basis can be. I would like to think my main emphasis is the cooperative one, but I know that when I feel hurt or slighted the retaliatory aspect is very appealing. However, I am not one to hold a grudge and if someone tries to make amends, the forgiving aspect is easily triggered.

Anyway, I think I am going to state a few resolutions for me and Collected Submissions going forward. Some are reaffirmations of practices I have long tried to adhere to, and some are new:

-Getting a link on my blog will require one of two things: a reciprocal link, and/or participation at Collected Submissions. Meaning if someone links me but doesn’t participate, I will STILL politely link them in return, and if someone participates here but doesn’t have a blog list on their own site, they will still be linked by me. Naturally someone who does both is guaranteed a special place at Collected Submissions.

(Edited due to Fondles' qualifier that prompted me to be frank about my own.) EXCEPTIONS: I will delete a linked blog even if they link me, IF I read something there that I think is either dangerous, or promotes a view, not merely DIFFERENT from mine, but which I find truly abhorrent, OR.....IF SOMEONE REALLY PISSES ME OFF! I realize this is a subjective thing, but I have done it. However, I censor reluctantly, and to prove this point, I will add that while I HAVE done this, I only did each type of deletion once.)

-I may begin to withdraw my participation from places where the blog owner simply avoids any participation here at all. I am not so petty that this exchange needs to be a one-for-one tit for tat. No. I would be quite content to participate in a situation where even if I am commenting regularly, the owner at least manages a monthly comment on a topic that they find more to their taste. While I can understand not everything here being of interest to everyone, I DO raise an eyebrow to the notion that nothing here in the course of an entire month, given how diverse the topics are, could prompt some sort of response. ( I have not only visited, commented on, and added the links to a few new blogs, BUT inexplicably have not yet seen a single reciprocal comment here. These are in my mind now as "test cases" for this new resolution. For now, I am going to wait and see, but if this continues too long? Well, I can pretty much guarantee that MY participation at their places won't.)

-I try ......hard actually.....to live by my own standard, BUT, I am fallible, SO....if you have my blog linked and I somehow missed linking yours? TELL ME! If you comment here, and have a blog which I never visit? TELL ME! And if you left a comment here that went unrecognized, with no reply from me? TELL ME! (There are a few reasons this might happen, BUT 'intentionally ignoring a comment' I guarantee, is NEVER one of them.)

And now for all those who have been patient enough to read all this even though they themselves are not guilty of any of it.....a little eye candy reward:

A tit WITH a tat.....

.....and some tit for TASSLES.






31 comments:

  1. *Runs to the front row and applauds!*

    I have linked blogs, and told them that I've linked them, and yet for some reason they don't bother to either HAVE a blogroll or to add me to it. If it feels one sided, I just extract myself and give up interacting.

    On the flip side, there are some blogs I don't actually visit / read at, but because they've done me the kindness of linking to my blog, I in turn have put up their blogs on my roll too.

    The only exception to this is if I think that person's take on kink is unhealthy and/or could be very clearly defined as abuse. This is a bit of an eggshell-y topic, so I won't say more here. But when I decide NOT to link or to remove a blog from my roll, it usually happens only after a long discussion with BIKSS to make sure I'm not just applying my own prejudices to their relationship, and that it's not some kind of negative transfer from my past personal experiences, and there is NO WAY IN HELL that we could give it the benefit of doubt.

    *Looks around furtively... backs away and returns to her seat.*

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    1. Very good points and now I may have to go back and edit this post to include MY exceptions as well. I HAVE unlinked certain blogs for reasons outside of the parameters I posted. Perhaps I need to be clear as you have have been.

      I am wondering about "abuse" as it pertains to DD. In the past, perhaps given my "knight persona", I tended to want to protect women whose DD relationships made me wince. But now? Time and experience has led me to think that, while I'm sure there are some truly abusive relationships out there, that the little things that have triggered me in the past...or even now....are merely the result of a woman looking to portray her man in way that she finds exciting. (sub guys do this too! A Lot! And yet, because they are guys and people don't see them as being as vulnerable, they don't get as worried or troubled by it.)

      I can't tell you how many times I have read sub female accounts of the bodice-ripping dominance of their he-man men that have made me think: 'this jerk sounds like a real asshole'. I do think though that, given how many women complain that their guy 'isn't tough enough' that these guys might well be regular decent chaps who are playing their part as best as they can and their blogging partners are using their writing to enhance this even more.

      I do think women get off on their own writing as much as men do.

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    2. Oh, and for the record? And without trying to just sound flattering......I have NEVER gotten a bad vibe from your accounts....even some wild ones.....with BIKSS. He just seems like a guy with a mischievous dominant side, he 'lets out to play' once in a while...key word being "play". I think our darker sides are real and make us not only who we are, but can make us more interesting or attractive to the right 'others', but the crucial aspect is being in control of them and not letting them control us.

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    3. haha, you? saying something just to sound flattering? I think if you did that I would unlink you and announce that your blog had been hacked.

      But, thank you. He *does* have a darker side, when dark-wing-dom came out that one time. Which fucking freaked me the hell out and became the basis for many a deep conversation after that. It brought a lot of things to the surface and cleared up a ton of doubts on both our parts, but i've also told him in no uncertain terms that if i ever call him out and he doesn't stop the shit that happens when dark-wing comes out then i'm going to walk out, even if it IS my own house, until he gets his shit together. He was glad for my ability to um, have some balls, as it were.

      As for the women portraying their men in a manner they find exciting (or get them clicks or whatever), in the end whether it IS true or not, I still maintain my position of not linking to those blogs, because if it made you wince and it rubbed me the wrong way, then i shudder to think that I might be responsible for sending a newly minted sub to their blog where they might think *that* was the level of submission to aspire to. You know?

      And yes, i have felt that way about some sub guys too, and some of them rubs me the wrong way, which is why i don't link to too many (or any others!) on my blog. DOn't get me wrong, it's not just because they all upset me or whatever, but because it's not particularly my area of interest and therefore I don't go searching for them, and therefore from a purely numbers-game perspective, i end up not having that many available to me to choose from. I'm certain if i looked, I would be able to remedy that. But for now, the roll is what it is. And as long as we supply each other with tits and tats (that sounds wrong LOL) I am honoured to have you on it.

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    4. I get your point. I have a slightly more libertarian take on it....but not to a point of extreme difference. I think we have a similar sentiment .....just to different degrees.

      I have to look up those dark-wing posts!

      Delete
  2. I am still looking and not figuring out how to put a second column to post links to other sites on WordPress. I will try again after this comment, and hope someone will read and help me out.
    bottoms up
    Red

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    1. I have been trying to find some good instructional YouTube videos for you Red. But I am sorry, time has been so tight recently

      Prefectdt

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    2. Hi, Red, Sorry, I don't know anything about WordPress.

      Delete
  3. I have found out that the thing i need is a sidebar, so I have one, which automatically put in certain things about my blog, but still no idea how to add links with a heading (or without a heading) Damn...

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    1. Sorry. I only know how to do it with Blogger.

      Delete
  4. I try to visit all the blogs that I have on my blog roll. I feel guilty if I link a blog and then rarely go there. I have very limited screen time in a normal day

    Prefectdt

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    1. Depending on the reason the blog is linked, I don't harbor too much guilt for some blogs, but I do feel bad if I miss a comment....which happens sometimes for people who comment on older posts, and for some people (inexplicably like Hermione) who for some glitchy reason, don't trigger an email like most other comments do.

      As for screen time, a lot depends on the day, but being retired certainly affords me more time than I would have had back when I was working.

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    2. Maybe I'm wrong but it appears to me that most of the bloggers, and most of regular commenters (almost the same persons) are retired, or at least beyond the urge to work for food and roof ...I must admit that if it was not my case I could possibly be just that, a lurker waiting his favorite "shows" on the net, drinking bear or smocking behind the screen, just pretexting I'm too tired from a bad working day. Kind of laziness. Now, I'm saying "I love our Lifestyle",no more feeling alone with my beer, like a bear in a silent cavern.
      And I like that.
      Anyway, I never drink alcool, even beer. Not anymore !

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    3. Courandair: If that's the case, then I'm glad you haven't retired yet. ;-)

      Delete
  5. I'm not a blogger yet, but I deeply understand your point of view about that "linking" thing.
    Starting my own blog, here, in France and in Frenh, even if not before winter 2022, could be a (serious) personal challenge, and I'm already asking: "for what" ? and why ? You already know the answer.
    I could ask around about the relation between lifetime, keyboards and screens. By the way, I'm just a musician interacting most of the time with few people more or less (I would say less) like me. Finding peace and spreading love ...hem...I could use a good ass-kicking sometime, it can be healthy to start things, but I doubt I could stand a social spanking, or total absence of comments from those people I would like to hear. Bedtime here. Enjoy !

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    1. To take up bogging is pretty easy for those with the urge to write and share. The places that host are usually free, and their programs are very user-friendly. BUT, starting a blog is different than sticking with it.

      Staying with blogging despite all the disappointments and setbacks speaks of some deeper fulfillment that blogging touches. Otherwise I doubt those doing this as long as they have would still be doing it. Plenty give up.

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    2. I already understand what you says about these "deeper fulfillment that blogging touches", and the hard times involved in the act of sticking with it. Thank you for your support,as it sounds like one to me .
      just to be clear
      As a teenager with some screamin sciatic nerves (age: 58... LOL) retired by my own (strong!) will , I raise my coffee to the health of all the nice (yes,just the nice ones) people around here, including yours !
      (See you soon, I still have an "act 2" to write for an older post ...)

      Delete
  6. One thing I learned early on from the wonderful Bonnie is always reply to your comments. People went out of their way to drop a line to you, and they deserve acknowledgment. Assuming, of course, that their comments are reasonably respectful. Disagreements and differences of opinion are one thing; insults quite another.

    That said, I admit I suck at visiting other blogs and commenting. I do on a few, but I'm not as active as I used to be in the blogosphere. Then again, it's changed a lot, and maybe after 15-16 years of it, I'm a little burned out. But still, I keep going, because it keeps me in touch with kindred spirits.

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    1. I don't understand the mentality of those who don't acknowledge. But to be fair.....they are a minority.

      Not being AS active is still a far cry from being INactive. I have no complaints about you, my dear.

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  7. Hi KDPierre - So I’m visiting today and commenting on a post that feels rather appropriate for me to comment on. I am "one of those bloggers" - a blogger that does not include a blogroll! Yes, guilty as charged.

    You question why it isn’t done, since it is easy enough to do. Well I will share my thoughts.

    Sure it is easy enough to create a blogroll, but it is quite another to maintain it.

    I see so many blogrolls that have not been updated in literal years - neither adding “new” blogs nor deleting long dormant blogs. Yes, blogger maintains this to some degree - moving up the blogs with recent posts and pushing down the inactive ones, but what about the long quite blogs, why even keep them on there.

    Perhaps there is hope they will come back? But after literal years if you are still holding out hope that those bloggers will return, then why not create another blog roll just for those inactive blogs.

    A poorly maintained blogroll is worse than no blogroll in my opinion. That is my defense.


    Also genuinely curious, what is your hope in being added to a blogroll; is it as simple as more visitors? With the ultimate hope of more comments? I can understand that logic, but honestly am I missing any other possible reason(s)?

    As a blogger who has been around for quite a few years now, you might be surprised that I am on very few blogrolls. I was just added to some long running blogs within the past year. I’m not sure why. I’ve wondered about it often especially on the blogs where I comment often.

    I can only guess that it is possibly due to the fact that the blogroll app is often set up when the blog itself is initially set up and then forgotten about unfortunately.

    Best,
    Enzo

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    1. I am interested in replying to this in more detail , but it's Thanksgiving and I'm very bust right now, and yet I didn't want to leave this unacknowledged. Let me get back to you, OK?

      (I'll be willing to link you here since you've been participating, btw.)

      Delete
    2. I agree that maintaining blogrolls is spotty among bloggers. However, I do update mine and eventhough I keep certain inactive blogs listed, it's not out of laziness nor a false hope that they will resume. The blogs I keep are usually archiving images of their own or have content that I still think is of interest to someone willing to scroll back.

      But I would rather be on a list with dead links than on none at all because it DOES generate traffic. Blogger offers a feature where you can actually see where your visitors got your address. A good portion of my readers have found me through links elsewhere. So I seek links at places I think are interesting and feel might have audiences that would enjoy Collected Submissions.

      As for you, I will link you soon and hope you reciprocate. I have no issue with asking for a link or being asked. Maybe if you feel conspicuously left out somewhere, you can just straight out inquire? There's nothing wrong with addressing a concern head on.

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    3. KDPierre - I understand being busy with Thanksgiving. Not a problem, but I do appreciate the quick acknowledgement.
      - Enzo

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    4. KDPierre -

      Foremost, thanks for adding me to your blogroll.

      I do hope you realize I wasn’t directing my comments at you directly throughout. The one comment about blog rolls not being updated, was not directed at you (KDPierre) as an individual, but at the communal “you”.

      I now understand your reasons to want to be added to blogrolls reciprocally, but I’m still not convinced I should add one on my own blog. LOL.
      But if you have some additional compelling reasons to do so, I'm willing to listen.

      (By the way, Blogger is being glitchy again with allowing me to comment. Multiple attempts finally work.)

      Best,
      Enzo

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    5. I didn't take your criticisms personally, but since they could relate to some of my "dead" links, I felt it beneficial to address them.

      As for more reasons for having a blogroll?
      ---I think it's ......polite.
      --- Actions bespeak mindsets, and I feel that posting a blogroll indirectly says "blogging is not just about me. It's a community activity with a lot of interesting voices. Here are a few I recommend..." Think of it as a tangible extension of the sentiment behind LOL Day.
      ---Practically speaking, I use my own blogroll as an easy view of what my friends are doing and consequently a very easy way to click to their blogs when they post something new. In other words I find it as beneficial for me as it might be for others.
      ---Lastly....it fills up that awkward gap in the right margin. LOL

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    6. Oh and I am thinking I may need to send a complaint to Blogger support over these increasing and persistent issues.

      From my end I really don't know what else to do?

      Delete
  8. I don't visit blogs as much as I used to do (time is taken up a lot these days) but I do visit when I can and sometimes shouldn't because I am pushed for time, so I read, leave but intend to go back and leave a comment but don't.

    As Bonnie used to say (and still will) always reply to a comment someone has left you. That's something I always do.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. That sometimes happens to me, but I try to make the rounds at least periodically. I will say I am very glad to see you posting here. I've always liked your blog and used to wonder why you didn't comment here. I actually thought my subjects might have seemed inappropriate or offensive to you. Anyway, each day is a new day, right? ;-)

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  9. Not offensive or inappropriate for me, Sometimes I read and feel I have nothing to add:)

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. That seems to be a common feeling among those who have responded.

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